ETLDTD - week 3, day 1 - July 14,2008

[tempus vernum]

Week three

Attitude shift - Harnessing the Power of Free will
Reason; the only person you can make change is yourself
Discipline skill: choices
Value: COmmitment

Read p 262 to 263 (the loving guidance program - week 3)
Review your goals. what do you need to work on?

How are you doing?

[tempus vernum]

Choices is one of the things I do better at but sometimes I find myself offering a negative choice so I want to work on that.

AFA the rest of my goals, I am feeling pretty good about some, and some need some work I am just so glad we are doing this.

[Living My Dream]

othre than today al is going well here

[The Tickle Momster]

subbing for today. I'll read today's stuff soon.

I started the foot washing ritual that someone posted in another forum. We do it at bedtime and it gives me 5 minutes alone with each kiddo before bed. It's been really good. It has also helped bedtime go a little smoother.

I caught myself saying "WHAT were you THINKING" this weekend. gotta work on that.

Goals: remembering the moment is as it is.

[Myrtle]

subbing

[The Tickle Momster]

wanted to add, I've been working on being specific with praise/appreciation/emotions etc.

I love what she says on 262: don't defer decision making to the kids just b/c YOU are unsure. I do this a lot and it gets ugly!

[MamaMansa]

We're doing OK. We had SUCH a long week last week, with company in the house. I'm so very tired. I have so much to do this week (the house is fairly trashed), and I tend to yell more when I'm really stressed out and/or tired. I've managed not to, but the internal struggle is still there.

I'm doing well on the reading, and even convinced DH to read the book when I'm done with it. It works well for me to keep on reading, and go back to re-read the assignments.

I've been doing a little better with the scripts, but still struggle. Enough practice will help this, I'm sure.

Congrats to everyone for making it this far!

[Amber]

subing

[MaiMama]

I do pretty well with choices, but I have also been known to offer negative ones. I'm trying to work on that. I also have to be careful not to defer to the kids because I am VERY indecisive.

This weekend, I had just finished reading the sections that said to pretend like I know / care. I still hemmed and hawed a bit (kind of waiting to see if he'd say what HE really wanted to do), but finally told Jimmy straight up that I wanted to go swimming. We did, and it was great. Other days, I might not have ever gotten to that point, so it was good.

I've been working on being more engaged with my kids and playful and fun. It helps.

Last night, bedtime was horrible, so I've got to try something different. I kept taking turs trying to get them down, and finally at 10:30 I just put them in the car. They were out within 5 minutes. That makes it hard to be motivated to do it the "right" way at home. I was frustrated, though, and zoned out in front of the TV some of that time, so I need to be really strict with myself, that if we have a n unsuccessful bedtime run (one of my biggest triggers ever), that I check dipes/potty, food/drink (for all of us), maybe read some more books, do whatever I need to do to calm down (except maybe not TV or computer) and try again. It's hard, though, because I rely on one watching TV while I'm trying to get the other down, so I know that that is stimulating, but it's the only way I can the the other one alone.


I still need to work on composure and remembering that no one can MAKE me angry. I don't say "You make me..." but I blame and offer excuses way too much.

Still not caught up on re-reading the chapters. (My girls are 4:30-5am wakers , the oldest goes to bed at 7, and I need to be in bed at 8:30 or else I don't manage well. Which also means that my online and reading time will have to wait for another season. )

And still working on week 1's assignment. I never knew how often I feel sorry for myself--it is all the time. (I.e., "Ugh. Four-thirty again! I just want to sleep. How am I going to make it through the day. I can't wait till they are older and I can sleep in" and it goes down from there.) I'm trying to instead accept the moment for as it is, not feel bad for wanting to sleep longer, but then deal with what actually is instead of dreaming of what I'd really like to have happened.

I had wanted to post this last week, but I think I've found a good balance for myself with regards to assertive commands. Actually, I'd like some input to make sure that I'm not just taking the easy way out. For things that dc have no choice in, I state it as a command. ("Time to brush teeth.") For things that they have a choice, although I want them to make the "right" one, I state as a "would" question. ("Would you pick that paper up for me? I'm holding dd2 and can't bend down.") And for things they have full choice in, I state it as a question. ("Would you like oatmeal or a bagel for breakfast.") WDYT?

So, my goals for this week:
1) Finish the reading
2) Focus on what I want and who I want to be
3) State my commands assertively
4) Be more accepting of other people's emotions (especially dh's...for some reason, I always want him to feel the *exact* same way that I feel and will keep talking and talking about an issue because I just can't accept that he'd feel differently about it )

[Amber]

My goals for the week:
- work on making sure I am offering Positive choices
- change my internal dialog from "I should..." to "I could..." then actually making a choice
- remind myself "I am the only person I can make change"

[KLin]

I have fallen behind in my reading I think. I do not have page numbers, I am on Chapter 6.

I am being more assertive, handling both my children in a better manner and Grandma better as well. I have kept my composure with her and her criticisms of my parenting and home educating and offered her bean dip upon occasion. Yesterday when she was overly negative, I answered that I was there to offer her positive feedback and love her. I was sorry she was unable to see me as someone here to help as she is "all alone, all the time" and I would be back to check on her in a while. She was better last night and this morning.

Tonight when I was putting my 6 yr old to bed and praising him for his school work and karate accomplishments we began to talk about how hard I work to feed the family. (Food issues) I told him it was hard for me to cook separate meals for DH and DS1 and GF for DS2 and vegetarian GF for myself. We were taking about how helpful he has been and time constraints. I asked if he thought the rest of the family could not eat meat one day a week and follow my diet, he said:
" I am six years old now and I can make my choices. And mom, sometimes the answer in 'no'. "

I started to laugh and hug him. He wanted to know why it was funny. I told him I was super proud of him for knowing that and telling me. Not the answer I wanted but a darn good one anyway.

[The Tickle Momster]

Kendra

[mummy2boys]

Am going to do the reading tonight.

My goals for this week

1) Give choices only where there is one and make them positive choices
2) Remind myself that I can't make the kids change...I can only work on myself

I am failing miserably. I am so tired and my body exhausted that I'm not coping at all with anyone whether it be the kids or DH. By about 3pm I have had it and am ready to quit everything, DH comes home at about 5 and wants to know what's for dinner and I feel the cranky that I have not had the energy to do anything all day. If I felt like I was getting a bit more help with the house and the kids then I may cope better... maybe it's just my headache talking and it's not all that bad but I have yelling and threatening to smack and just felt like I'm losing all control over everything.