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07-11-2008, 05:42 AM | #1 |
Rose Garden
I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 28,913
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ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
Attitude shift - harnessing the power of Attention
Reason: what you focus on, you get more of Discipline skill - assertiveness Value respect TODAY'S ASSIGNMENTS read the chart on p 77. Choose drop 2 beliefs from column A, pick 2 from Column B you are going to adopt read p 96 "there's no time like the present" (skills to practice) and DO IT -- consider adding it to your cheat sheet Where are you at? Did you do the reading for the week? Comments? Thoughts?
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~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ” |
07-11-2008, 05:51 AM | #2 |
Rose Garden
I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 28,913
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
I FINALLY did the reading
I thought carefully and I actually think I have come really far. WHat's left of my "passive agressive" behavior is more "wishywashy" than anything. Example -- last night during bedtime reading. The kids are supposed to be lying down while I read and relaxing. Alyssa was arranging all her stuffed animals, plaing with them (standing, sitting) I stopped and said "Alyssa. . . (I did wait for her attention ) What are you supposed to be doing right now? . . .. I was really asking and waiting. . .. then I realized what I was doing -- giving an indirect command, not assertive . . . and I said "lie down and relax your body." she looked at me startled and responded "I am arranging my stuffed animals and getting the bed ready to crawl in" I said "finish quickly and hop in the bed, pull up the sheet and relax" She did. I do this often - ask my kids what they were supposed to do In a very kind way because I'd like them to remember but I still want to stop today's goals (to be added to the goals from the beginning of the week 1. stop asking my kids "what are you supposed to be doing right now?" or "what did I ask you to do" - give directives 2. utilize assertivenes with my dh - I tend to be not assertive in this relationship 3. slow down and use nonverbal communication with my verbal commhnication AFTER I have the child's attention 4. Add p 96 to my cheat sheets and DO IT 5. p 77 (drop 2 beliefs from column A, pick up 2 from Column B)
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~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ” |
07-11-2008, 06:04 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
*Dream*Believe*Achieve*
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Over the pond
Posts: 7,993
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
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A type 1, ENFJ, hooping, crunchy mama! Mummy to ds1 '05 + ds2 '08 |
07-11-2008, 06:39 AM | #4 |
Rose Garden
I am so blessed!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: somewhere between sane and crazy
Posts: 26,922
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
Awesome, Jodi!
My morning is going along okay. We played outside and I spent some fun, quality time with the kids. Then Patrick totally, utterly melted. Anyway, no need for details, but we made it thru just fine. Even when I had one crying kid and one very angry kid on my lap, I was able to breathe deep and stay calm, working on each child's issues. I think Patrick might be reacting to a decrease in nursing, but that's definately for another thread.
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Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17 |
07-11-2008, 07:12 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
previously mlrowley
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW WA
Posts: 17,949
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
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Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save
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07-11-2008, 07:15 AM | #6 |
Rose Garden
*Dream*Believe*Achieve*
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Over the pond
Posts: 7,993
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
more choices here and focussing on what i want. i cant believe i can enjoy my child and hes complying.
dh is loving that nap time isnt a fight because we choose how we go up to bed. today it was spud driving or me whooshing him in a rocket (lol always the rocket!) and when we got up to bed, we reversed into bed like a car parking in a car park! Worked a treat!!!
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A type 1, ENFJ, hooping, crunchy mama! Mummy to ds1 '05 + ds2 '08 |
07-11-2008, 10:14 AM | #7 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,333
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
I did this week's reading, and am making headway on finishing the book. This is a big accomplishment for me, because I am really good at starting books, but not so good at finishing them.
I had one small success this morning. What might have turned into an argument with my 11-year-old this morning, didn't. We have my 15-year-old cousin staying with us, and she is sleeping on the sofa bed in our living room. The kids were up and making more noise than I would have liked, so I said softly, "Shhhhh, C is still sleeping" and my daughter (who was already frustrated with me) walked off and said "you shhhh." Instead of getting angry, I followed her and got her attention. I said, "Saying 'you shhhh' is not respectful. If you are frustrated with me, you need to use words to tell me." She apologized right away and explained her frustration. In my head, I was thinking......that happened too easily, what's the catch? LOL. After the fact, though, I realized that "shhhhhh" isn't really usable, assertive instruction. I should have said something like, "C is still sleeping. Please use your quiet voices so she won't wake up before she's ready." |
07-11-2008, 02:37 PM | #8 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: The rainy side of Washington.
Posts: 18,232
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
Normally I would not label today as a successful day. Cole has suffered from two unprovoked attacks from Kyle , and had two major meltdowns and one minor one. But today doesn't feel like a bad day Mainly because I have been successful in the way I have dealt with everything I was calm, reflected feelings (both Cole's and mine) and best of all, both boys are currently napping Unfortunately it is time to go wake Cole up so that he will actually fall asleep at a decent time tonight.
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Amber ISFJ Wife to my wonderful DH And keeper of the boys Big M (6/03) Forever ours Dec 2012 C (6/04), Little M (10/05) Forever ours Dec 2012 K (5/06) Missing our foster daughter Miss A |
07-11-2008, 05:18 PM | #9 |
Rose Garden
I am so blessed!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: somewhere between sane and crazy
Posts: 26,922
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
mamamansa
Took the kids to the pool this afternoon and had several successes. Last week in the lockeroom, the kids would not stay out of the lockers. I was going batty. Today, we walked into the lockeroom and I said, "boys, eyes on me. We are not going to play with the lockers today. Lockers are not toys. We are going to go over to this bench and leave the lockers alone." And they did! This wasn't to one of my kids...but at the kiddie pool, there was another child who kept splashing N. No parent came to stop him, and in looking around, I could see an obvious parent. N kept moving away from this boy, but didn't say much. I went over to the other boy and said, "hey honey, see that little boys face? It looks like this (and I made a scrunched face). That face is saying, I don't like getting splashed. Thank you." The other boy moved onto something else. In the big pool, I P and N were jumping n. P would get so upset with it was N's turn, and I was getting frustrated and him whining and pulling away. I said something like, stop fussing or we are leaving. Then I stopped, took a deep breath and realized that he wasn't trying to make me miserable, he was just excited and impatient - typical for a 3 year old. So I said instead, "it's so hard to wait our turn." It didn't stop the whining and impatience, but it changed my perception, and I could handle it without feeling frustrated.
__________________
Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17 |
07-11-2008, 07:45 PM | #10 |
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
Last night DH was trying to get DD to put a jumper on after her bath, he kept trying to get her to come to him to put the jumper on, I stepped in and said "You have a choice, Daddy put the jumper on you or you put it on yourself" I think she ended up letting DH help her (I don't remember because I was in the middle of cooking dinner, I said it to her more as an example to DH). Then later on DH was trying to get DD to put her pyjamas on and he kept asking her to come to him and then he suddenly said "You have a choice Daddy put on your pyjamas or you put them on yourself" and she pointed at DH so he got up and did it! He learnt something!!!!!
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07-11-2008, 08:17 PM | #11 |
Rose Garden
previously mlrowley
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW WA
Posts: 17,949
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
Sara & Louise & MamaMansa -- those are awesome examples!!! So encouraging.
I don't know if this is an ETLDTD success but it was a success for our house. DD1 & I were in the thick of a battle of wills. She has been using a voice that is either very disrespectful or mean with all of us. I've been trying to encourage her to try again and modeling tone for her. This morning she wouldn't stop and kept arguing wtih me. I finally told her she needed to work with me or go to her room until she could listen to me. She ran away & refused. At one point we were glaring across the house at each other. She started to smirk and I realized I could laugh and maybe move us forward, or keep trying to chase her. I laughed. She relaxed and came to me. We were able to talk and work out that we would both work on our tone. It was a good thing.
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Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save
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07-14-2008, 05:52 AM | #12 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,890
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Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
This weekend my hormones were out of whack (again) and we were crazy busy, and I was just stressed to the max. I kept trying to remind myself that the moment is as it is, and I don't know why, but it took a lot of pressure off and really saved the day a couple of times. Baby steps. Maybe not some of the big successes, but baby steps.
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Growing in grace with my dh (2000) and my precious children - dd (2004) and ds (2006) and dd2 (2008) and ds2 (2011) |
07-14-2008, 06:14 AM | #13 |
Rose Garden
I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 28,913
|
Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
__________________
~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ” |
07-14-2008, 06:22 AM | #14 |
Rose Garden
I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 28,913
|
Re: ETLDTD -week 2, day 5 -- 7/11/8
on all the successes It's so encouraging to read
__________________
~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ” |
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