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Old 07-10-2008, 04:41 AM   #1
tempus vernum
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Default ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Attitude shift - harnessing the power of Attention
Reason: what you focus on, you get more of
Discipline skill - assertiveness
Value respect

Did you do the reading for the week? Comments? Thoughts?
Read P 30 to 32 -- Power of Attention
Read p 73-96 -- Assertiveness

Practice the power of attention p 34 (also on cheat sheets)
Consider carefully the chart on p 85 -- what percentage of the time are you Passive? Agressive? Assertive?
Re-read the week 2 challenge.

This is exactly yesterday's challenge - we must constantly repeat ourselves to make this habit

Hope to hear everyone is doing well, maintaining their composure and using the power of attention to use assertiveness with their children
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Old 07-10-2008, 04:42 AM   #2
tempus vernum
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

I haven't managed to read anything yet this week

Today's goal is to do the reading and apply it to my life.

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Old 07-10-2008, 04:44 AM   #3
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

im on ch 5 nearly finished at the moment. struggling to get DS1 to stop chasing the dog. im sure the guidelines she expains work better on older children.
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Old 07-10-2008, 05:31 AM   #4
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

subbing... I started reading my book yesterday. hopefully i'm not too far behind to hop in.
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Old 07-10-2008, 07:29 AM   #5
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lula
im on ch 5 nearly finished at the moment. struggling to get DS1 to stop chasing the dog. im sure the guidelines she expains work better on older children.
Hmmm. . . well it's about helping him to choose to stop chasing the dog and TBH it's probably not going to happen until he grows out of it

It's about realizing that your ds chases the dog and stopping it while realizing that in the stopping it you are teaching him that's not okay here.

I honestly don't think the guidelines work better in older children but I do add lots of crystals ideas to hers (especially the 5 steps)
The guidelines are about learning to change ourselves so we can model to our children the appropriate behavior. I do remember feeling like it wasn't working though when my kids are young. Now I can see having a 2.5 yo, a 6.5 yo and an 8yo. It's is working - forming a basis for their future self control. And many behaviors you don't "discipline them out of" they "grow out of"

Hang in there - so many things are tough w/toddlers/preschoolers

I hope this isn't taken as a lecture but as an encouragement

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Old 07-10-2008, 07:35 AM   #6
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

thank-you for ur words jodi. not a lecture
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Old 07-10-2008, 07:44 AM   #7
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Subbing for today. I need to maintain my self control and remember that what I focus on I get more of.

My take-aways from this week's reading:

Match verbal & non-verbal cues
Be assertive w/o underlying fear
give usable info
Make contact -- eye or physial -- BEFORE talking/directing
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Old 07-10-2008, 08:01 AM   #8
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Wow! It's already day 4? Yikes. I got off to a slow start now that we are back home and DH is here. I'm about halfway through the readings.

I think what y'all talked about a day or two ago about reteaching is really important for me to keep in mind. I think it will be easier to have composure if I remember that reteaching is normal and not an indication of my failure to teach the first time or her failure to learn the first time. I think when things go wrong I do switch right to negative thinking about how she should know it by now, and I get mad at her, but if I dig deeper, it's because I think I failed by not getting it across the first time.

Do y'all struggle with finding the right balance of trying to work on this stuff without belittling yourself when it's not perfect? For today's goals, I'm going to keep in mind what she said that I have the right to make mistakes, and that I can receive feedback without assuming its an indication that I'm not good enough. That kind of thinking just derails me from making progress.

Although it makes me think of SNL: I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. Yet I need to remind myself of similar things. But I guess that's a different post. Except it's in chapter 2--you can't offer to others what you don't give yourself.

So today, I'm going to work on offering grace & positive attributions to myself and the kids.
I'm posting on my fridge: "What I focus on I get more of."
I'm going to work on my own cheat sheet to print off.
I'm going to focus on connecting with my children--at least 10 minutes of play together.
I'm going to pay attention to the amount of time I'm being passive, aggressive, and assertive. 50 20 30



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Old 07-10-2008, 10:04 AM   #9
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

We're trudging along. My goal for the day is to get some time to sit down and read.
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Old 07-10-2008, 10:11 AM   #10
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Ugh, total non-success (all on my part) after playgroup this morning. It was at my house, with 3 littles 1 and under, 3 three year olds, and my 7 year old. We had 1-1/2 hours between N's friend and his mommy coming over. House was a disaster. I asked N to go clean up the computer room while I did the living room. He said he was scared, yada yada, which is code for either I don't want to do this myself, or it's too big of a mess to handle myself. I went into the room and told him to start with either the gears or the tinker toys. More protesting. I finally told him to either get that room cleaned up or I was calling his friend's mommy to tell them not to come over. I even pretended to be looking up the phone number. The whole time I knew what I was doing, knew I could do it better, but didn't care. So, here's to a better afternoon.
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Old 07-10-2008, 10:18 AM   #11
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

havent had time to read but wanted to add (naking btw)

bath time tonight... SUCCESS!

"You have a choice, would you like to pull the plug out? or shall mummy do it?"

"mummy do it please"

You have another choice... do you want to whoosh out of the bath like a rocket, or be lifted out like a crane.

a rocket please

BATHTIME FINISHING WAS EASY!!!
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Old 07-10-2008, 10:19 AM   #12
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lula
havent had time to read but wanted to add (naking btw)

bath time tonight... SUCCESS!

"You have a choice, would you like to pull the plug out? or shall mummy do it?"

"mummy do it please"

You have another choice... do you want to whoosh out of the bath like a rocket, or be lifted out like a crane.

a rocket please

BATHTIME FINISHING WAS EASY!!!

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Old 07-10-2008, 10:21 AM   #13
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lula
You have another choice... do you want to whoosh out of the bath like a rocket, or be lifted out like a crane.
That is so great! What creative options. I'm going to file that away in my brain to use with my youngest DD.
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Old 07-10-2008, 10:34 AM   #14
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

glad im useful for smething. my imagination is waaaaaaaaay too big. if you ever need ideas do ask me
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Old 07-10-2008, 10:49 AM   #15
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Default Re: ETLDTD - week 2, day 4-- 7/10/8

Hello mamas. I slept last night after DH got home. I did not read lastnight. We are having a way better day today, including reacting to Grandma. Did not think that I would be using this book to help with my relationship with her. Seems like the older she gets them more I need to be the adult.

I am paying attention, accepting the way things are and offering choices. I am also being more assertive.
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