ETLDTD -- week 2, day 2 -- 7/8/8

[tempus vernum]

Attitude shift - harnessing the power of Attention
Reason: what you focus on, you get more of
Discipline skill - assertiveness
Value respect

Begin or do the reading for the week
Read P 30 to 32 -- Power of Attention
Read p 73-96 -- Assertiveness

Practice the power of attention p 34 (also on cheat sheets)
Consider carefully the chart on p 85 -- what percentage of the time are you Passive? Agressive? Assertive?

Review your goals and check in and share your struggles and triumphs

[Living My Dream]

i idd the chart...

40% 40% 20% - that was before the vchallenge.

now its 30% 20% 50%

im loving the assertive. ds1 seems to be responding well

[tempus vernum]

Goals for the week -
*consistently maintain my composure with my children
*read cheat sheets practicing the power of self control, 10 todos for positive discipline and other notes 1 time a day
*engage with my children - live in the moment
*spend 5 minutes with each child ALONE every day
*continue goodnight ritual at bedtime
*Continue parenting them face to face
*give positive intent to dh

I just redid my goals and am happy to say I changed some -- for the better - I have really improved a lot and am really pleased with the results.

The chart

70% assertive/30% passive- agressive. That was last week. Before this it was in reverse -- about 30% passive agressive/70% assertive.

Yesterday really turned around for us. After our "do over", we had a much more pleasant day. ALthough I was very passive agressive with Alyssa when she sprayed me with water from the pool in the eveniing.

I have hopes today will be an enjoyable assertive day. I won't be home today - it's Luke's hospital day which is really never a fun day and I usually end up by the end of the day. It's actually a ton worse since he came off chemo because both of us have PTSD from treatment so parenting assertively through that is . . .well. . . difficult. . . I tend to be passive because I have to talk to the doctor or nurse or phlebotomist or clinician, etc. And now that we only have to go to oncology once a month, it's considerably more difficult for us to face So my #1 goal for today is to set us up for success by putting appropriate expectations on both of us.

praying everyone's day is wonderful

[Radosny Matka]

Hope the dr. appointment goes well for you.

[The Tickle Momster]

I had a revelation this morning at 5:30. I realized one of my issues is that I want to teach it once and be done. I don't want to teach & reteach the same thing 1,000 times.

So, my goals for today:
1. accept that I will have to reteach ALL. DAY. LONG.
2. accept that the moment is as it is
3. Focus on what I want

We have a chiro appt this afternoon. My kids feel so at home there they go crazy! It's hard to relax & allow the doc to do his thing. Today I am bringing some stuff for the kids to do. Hopefully it won't be fought over and they will sit and do it, instead of running, yelling, playing with chairs, etc.

Jodi, I hope your day goes well.

Could you ladies pop over to this thread: http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...topic=181196.0 and maybe offer suggestions. I started posting it here but decided it was too much for this thread. Thanks!

[Living My Dream]

i like the idea of daily goals...

today
play with spud and engage and cherish my time with him

[TraceMama]

After an awful day yesterday, complete with a 5 minute yelling meltdown at Costco (ds, not me ), I'm hoping for a better day today.

Goals:

* spend 5 minutes with each child actively engaged with them
* maintain my composure all day long
* focus on what I want --- set dc up for success
* parent face to face
* assign positive intent to dc and dh

Okay, I think that's enough for right now. I'll be doing my reading throughout the day and referring to those cheat sheets. I'll check back in with my results for passive, agressive and assertive behavior.

SonshineMama, I'll be praying for you as you navigate your hospital visit.

[Myrtle]

Well, it takes me about two days to read each thread, so I'm a little behind. Trying to catch up.

[Amber]

So far today is going good. But then, we've only been up for 2hrs

Originally Posted by mlrowley

I had a revelation this morning at 5:30. I realized one of my issues is that I want to teach it once and be done. I don't want to teach & reteach the same thing 1,000 times.

Wow. I think I am having the same hang up. I keep expecting that my 4yo should "get it" by now. Hmmm. I think I am going to have to add this to my goals too

Goals:
*spend 5 min alone with each child
*accept that I am going to reteach, a lot
*live in the moment
*keep my composure

[MamaMansa]

subbing

[peacefulveganmom]

Michelle, I posted on your other thread. Hope it helps.

Focusing on what I want (for myself) is working well! I still find myself thinking stuff like: "Cooking dinner with both girls whining is so hard! Ugh, I'm getting angry. How can they hit that decibel! I don't want to get angry! Why do I just keep getting so angry at them...etc." But now I'm trying to interject: "Wait. I want to be a calm, collected mother who knows how to balance needs and not get upset at other people's upset." And it is working so much better than just stewing about how I don't want to get angry. I can actually feel myself calming down and standing straighter.

For my other goal, I've noticed (although I knew it before) that I'm passive. I say stuff like: "Why don't we get our shoes on?" or "We're going to get ready for naps. OK?" It has been so ingrained in my nature to not appear too confident or assertive. Sometimes it works well (I've been told that I make people not feel judged), but other times it makes me appear weak. I want to cut this out with my interactions with my kids. (Although dh and I do it all the time to each other. "Are you planning on leaving that food out?" Sometimes it is passive aggressive, sometimes it just feels like a nice way of telling the other person what to do.)

I also have a question for all of you: how do you feel about only showing our kids our calm side, never our angry side? I grew up with parents who never, ever disagreed. (They did that in privacy.) It took me a long time to get over the belief that couples will have disagreements. Hmmm. Perhaps Bailey means for us to show our children how we get from angry to calm, and to only respond to them when we are calm.

Michelle, also going to post on your thread.

SonshineMama, was praying for the appointment.

Mlrowley, thanks for the reminder that the teaching never ends.

[peacefulveganmom]

Originally Posted by Praise

Focusing on what I want (for myself) is working well! I still find myself thinking stuff like: "Cooking dinner with both girls whining is so hard! Ugh, I'm getting angry. How can they hit that decibel! I don't want to get angry! Why do I just keep getting so angry at them...etc." But now I'm trying to interject: "Wait. I want to be a calm, collected mother who knows how to balance needs and not get upset at other people's upset." And it is working so much better than just stewing about how I don't want to get angry. I can actually feel myself calming down and standing straighter.

That's awesome! I definately need to work on doing this more often.

[swimming with sharks]

Originally Posted by Praise

I also have a question for all of you: how do you feel about only showing our kids our calm side, never our angry side? I grew up with parents who never, ever disagreed. (They did that in privacy.) It took me a long time to get over the belief that couples will have disagreements.

I think that our kids need to see our real emotions. They need to see us upset and disagreeing...they also need to see us working through it (of course this needs to be appropriate material) and to see you work out a compromise/solution. You can tell them 'how' to do it, but they all are little sponges and will learn more of what they see you do. I can imagine that if you never saw your parents disagree that it would be quite shocking the first time your spouse disagreed with you.

[The Tickle Momster]

I agree that it would be quite shocking the first time your spouse disagreed with you. hunh?!

It is. I was in my 30s before I heard/saw my parents fight. It was really hard to witness.