ETLDTD (easy to love, difficult to discipline) - week one, day one 6/30/8

[tempus vernum]

Good morning I am so excited about this challenge I am praying it is life changing for all of us . I have tried to do it on several occassions by myself so I am very thankful for accountability . Speaking of accountability.. . .

Who is interested in an accountability partner? Please feel free to set them up yourselves (privately) or PM me and I will set people up as I get PM'd. An accountability person would be someone you can share private struggles if you don't want them shared online. I suggest that you try to PM at least once a week, more if you need it. The idea is that someone would know you are dropping out and urge you to get back to it and hopefully no one would fall through the cracks

Rather than jumping right into the challenge, I would like everyone to sit down with a pen and paper (or on the computer :P ) and set some goals. If you are comfortable posting them, please do that. I am thinking we should update these weekly so be sure to date them if you are keeping a notebook or just post here

Have you read the book? if you haven't, set a goal for yourself to read a section per week. If you have, consider still reading a section per week as we go through the book.

If you have read the book, what are your thoughts and feelings and hopes about all of this? I am hoping we will have lots of discussion as we go along

[tempus vernum]

My goals 6/30/8
*consistently maintain my composure with my children
*read cheat sheets practicing the power of self control, 10 todos for positive discipline and other notes 2 times a day
*engage with my children - live in the moment
*spend 5 minutes with each child ALONE every day
*add goodnight ritual to our bedtime routine
*stop parenting over my shoulder (i.e. telling them to do things and then moving on with whatever I am doing). Stop and parent them face to face -- this is a HUGE habit I have fallen into

I am planning on re-reading the book as we go along.

Hopes and feelings - I am hoping that I will enjoy my children more. I have been frustrated a lot lately and already a lot of that is improving already from reading this book (and being used to not drinking coffee ). I want to BECOME THE PERSON I WANT MY CHILDREN TO BE. I am also hoping dh will join me in this. I keep forgetting to ask him

If anyone wants my cheat sheets, please PM me

[Living My Dream]

for now, all i know is that i dont want to fear parent.
i want to know my children and teach them about their emotions and understand their behaviour.
i ant to be a better mum and be disciplined ,yself.

im happy to be someones partner and id like the cheat sheets please.

i am reading the book as we go along. ive reached 7 principles for self control.

[Mama Bird]

Yay! I need this so badly! Summer has been a bit difficult. We're so busy that discipline has been very lax.

I'd love an accountability partner! And don't be overly nice! I need motivation.

My goals:
1. To keep my temper and my composure with my kiddos. They deserve a Mommy who doesn't fly off the handle.

2. To post my notes, thoughts, etc. (where can I get a cheat sheet?) on the fridge or above the stove and keep one in the van and one by the nursing chair and read through them several times daily.

3. I want to get off my hiney and be a parent, and also play with them instead of directing play.

4. I want to be specific with my kids. Rather than "good job!" I want to get to "hey! Great job on _______. You did that really well."

5. Get into a bedtime routine with each kiddo. Incorporate baths, tooth brushing, praying, a book, etc.

6. Journal daily about this journey, either in an electronic format or a paper one.

I haven't read the whole book, but I'm working on it. I think it will require that I take Gone With the Wind back to the library.

[NayneeNoo]

Don't have the opportunity at this moment to type out my goals & feelings of what I have read so far, but will be coming back later. Basically my wordy way of saying "subbing".

[MaiMama]

This is exciting.

Goals:

That I stick with this program and don't get "too busy." I dropped out a year or two ago. I'm not sure why. Probably perfectionism & disappointment. Which means that while I have a lot of goals, I just need to keep pressing forward.

That I would have and keep up with an accountability partner as well. I need to be honest with someone, and I need someone to prod me along.

That I do as much of the reading of the book as I can. I've only read a few pages this time, but read a few chapters a year or two ago.

That I will post cheat sheets and applicable Bible verses around the house and review them at least twice a day.

That I will STOP certain bad parenting practices.

That I will focus on developing SELF CONTROL and stop trying to use fear and guilt when I am floundering.

To come up with a discipline plan for DD. DH would really like to see this, because right now it looks like I'm just permissive until I fly off the handle. (Okay, it looks that way because that's what it is.) I really need to figure out a strategy, and be calm when I implement it, so it doesn't look like I'm making stuff up as I go along. Does this make any sense?

That I will develop better routines throughout the day around the house. I thought that I didn't need to do ANYTHING around the house since we can afford a maid, but that's just. not. true. And the clutter drives me batty. Not a good recipe for decent parenting.

Part of said routine needs to be that I make sure I am attending to the children's needs for food, exercize, fun, learning, etc.

I want to connect with my kids and be on the same team.

if they need me when I"m on the computer, that I'll let it go, handle it appropriately, and not just shove them off my lap.

That I'll keep working on this even though I'm going out of town this weekend. That I'll do that with a good attitude as I'm going to be with in-laws and an unofficially adopted brother-in-law, his wife and kid, and that I'll let go of the idea that it's MY vacations and I have the right to sit on my bottom and let the grandparents parent.


that's a start.

[Living My Dream]

so are we ok to post questions on here for brainstorming?

I dont have the book but I'd love to read it and go along with ya'll and an accountability partner would be GREAT for me! I'll have to list my goals in the next couple days, Im about to jump on a plane to Boston in a couple hours!

[SouthPaw]

I just re-read the book! I am only setting a couple of goals right now and I'll add more if I don't feel overwhelmed with remembering stuff

* Give useful information
* Focus on what I want to happen
* Use "When you... I feel..." instead of labeling

[tempus vernum]

Originally Posted by Lula

so are we ok to post questions on here for brainstorming?

Definitely. I am hoping we'll have lots of questions, lots of dialogue

I have set everyone up so far that has asked for an accountability person either via PM or in this thread Let me know if you ahve any questions

Great goals

[ViolaMum]

I was sure I'd be done with the book by now, but I got a little sidetracked (I love cheesy mysteries. and I'm having an ADD summer!) But what little I've read so far has already made a positive impact on my parenting and I'm psyched to keep going. I would LOVE an accountability partner (and where do I get a cheat sheet?).

Goals:

To be in the moment with my kids, playing the games they enjoy, too, not just the ones I like.

To maintain my composure, even when I'm tired.

To anticipate more in order to give more positive instruction rather than so much "Don't touch that"

To not get frustrated with my Drama Queen, but to teach her how to deal with her Big Feelings. I need to find the balance - squelching those feelings and not allowing her to express them vs giving in to her when she cries and screams to make her feel better.

To spend more one-on-one time withe my 3 yo.

To stick to the Daily Routine (Wait a minute - we have a routine? )

Less TV

.

[tempus vernum]

I just want to clarify that the cheat sheets are something I made up They aren't anything official but bits and pieces of the book plastered onto about 4 pages Things I read over and over.

I am offering them to people as a help.

ViolaMum, I will set you up with an accountabilbity buddy as soon as another person requests one. Off to PM you the cheat sheets

[Living My Dream]

ok twot hings i have questions about...

DS1 jumps on the bed near DS2's head - you will hurt chimp. It makes me angry and sad. help me to help him choose a better way to interact (im learning the thought pattern and lingo! LOL) Ive tried gentle hands and "we can talk to chimp by stroking his tummy. but we need to be carefu around chimp - hes very small. when he gets bigger you can jump together in the garden... it doesnt help.

The other thing is smacking. It hurts me when you smack and a smack makes me sad, if you want me you could say, Mummy please can we... But this doesnt seem to stop it either.

I want to do this... I am aware of how oftern I use, you are making me ______ and other things.

[tempus vernum]

Originally Posted by Lula

ok twot hings i have questions about...

DS1 jumps on the bed near DS2's head - you will hurt chimp. It makes me angry and sad. help me to help him choose a better way to interact (im learning the thought pattern and lingo! LOL) Ive tried gentle hands and "we can talk to chimp by stroking his tummy. but we need to be carefu around chimp - hes very small. when he gets bigger you can jump together in the garden... it doesnt help.

The other thing is smacking. It hurts me when you smack and a smack makes me sad, if you want me you could say, Mummy please can we... But this doesnt seem to stop it either.

I want to do this... I am aware of how oftern I use, you are making me ______ and other things.

"I feel angry when you jump so close to your brother's head. If you would like to jump, let's jump on the floor. " Don't just use words, use your body to distract him. PIck him up AND move him to the floor. Distract him SOMETHING -- don't just move him away. I am usually moving Savana (same age as your ds1) while I am distracting her.

The second one --

"Stop hitting. Hitting hurts and I feel sad when you hit me. Tell me with words what you want. Try right now" Eventually "Ouch. . that hurt. You are trying to get my attention. Try again with words"

It's not about stopping the behavior from happening again. Nothing will stop a 2 yo old from hitting. It's teaching him the hitting is not okay and stopping him every single time. Savana was born 10/05 and just now is starting to resond to "Stop hitting. Hitting hurts and is not how you should get my attention. try again". I am VERY pleased but I suspect its because I have been handling it the same way since she could crawl and she also hears me saying "try again" to her brother and sister. The other kids didn't understand "try again" until at least 3

Remind yourself he doesn't "make you" feel sad. Replace "made me" with "I feel _________"

It's so hard.

[Living My Dream]

i am feeling so good about this. I still blame myself so much for when I was pregnant and in hospital or vegetablised in bed and he was just ignored and he either wandered around at home playing with toys alone or was sent to the house of people he didnt know crying to play with their kids when i was just too ill to be awake. actually i dont know how to forgive myself about this....

Sorry but maybe not as it does affect my parenting.