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Old 09-29-2007, 02:44 AM   #1
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Default Collected Past Posts about Biting

Each new thread starts with an .

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Title: 4.5 y/o biting when angry
Post by: klpmommy on April 15, 2007, 11:06:35 AM
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This has happened once or twice in the past but has happened more frequently recently. I *know* that part of it is the stress of Daddy being out of the country right now, but I need help with strategies. (DH will be back the 21st).

Here is what happened today. We got home from church, lunch & a very little shopping. I opened P's door & told him to get out of the car, then I walked around to E's side to open her door. This is a very typical method for us when exiting the car. Once on her side he had not gotten out of the car & I repeated to him "Get out of the car" or maybe I said "Go to the front door." He started to kick his feet so that E couldn't walk across & exit his side of the car (normally she doesn't exit his side, but she asked & I fully expected P was going to get out & it wouldn't have been a problem- if I had realized this was going to create a problem today I would have told E to get out on her side). P kept kicking. I repeated a third time for him to get out and added "Do you need me to help you get out?" He didn't respond, I walked around to his side of the car & again asked if he needed help, no response but he scooted away from me in such a way that his body language was obvious "I'm not getting out of the car & you can't make me". So I grabbed him & helped him out of the car. That made him angry, he fell to the ground, grabbed my leg and bit the back of my knee. My knee has a dark bruise, but it doesn't appear to have any broken skin. I picked him up & helped him walk to the front door & he tried to bite me a few more times & hit me. I told him that he wasn't allowed to hit, bite or hurt me.

Once inside we talked for a few minutes- it took him a bit to calm down, he was crying with tears streaming down his cheeks. He said I hurt him when I got him out of the car. If I did it wasn't intentional & I apologized for hurting him. He said he bit me b/c I hurt him & he wanted to hurt me. It took him a few minutes to decide to apologize to me- I didn't coerce it. We hugged & he seems to be better now.

But I really need ideas to get him to stop biting when angry. So far as I know I am the only person he has ever bitten. This was the worst bite I have ever received from him- not sure if it is the location of the bite or if he bit harder. I have talked to him about using his words & he told me today that he didn't want to use his words to tell me he was angry, he wanted to bite me.


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Title: Re: 4.5 y/o biting when angry
Post by: Joanne on April 15, 2007, 04:33:50 PM
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Quote
I have talked to him about using his words & he told me today that he didn't want to use his words to tell me he was angry, he wanted to bite me.

Proactively:

Increase oral stimulation through foods, using texture, taste, spices and temperature variation.

Responsively:

"I understand you want to bite me. It is unsanitary, disrespectful and hurtful. I will stop you from hurting and biting me while you learn more mature ways to handle how you express anger."

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Title: dealing w/ biting in 2 yo
Post by: Love_Is_Patient on April 27, 2007, 06:22:56 AM
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I though I knew how to deal with biting when ds was younger, but it doesn't seem to be getting better. Actually, it did get better for a while but then the last couple of months it's gotten worse again. Ds has a 3 1/2 yo friend who we see about every other week (at their house or ours), and lately it seems like every time they're together his friend ends up bitten. I'm trying to monitor them constantly, but that's exhausting. They have so much collective energy when they're together that they can spend hours chasing each other from one end of the apartment to the other. I don't see how I can simplify the situation, since there's only the one other child (plus some familiar adults). How should I be reacting when it happens? We talk about gentle touches--a lot--beforehand, with reminders during, but sometimes when I tell ds that his friend is coming, he says 'hit him! bite him!'. Of course I respond, no, you need to use gentle touches, hitting hurts, etc. What should I do with this?

Also, he bites us and sometimes it seems like he gets on a biting kick and just doesn't want to stop. We'll move away, move him away, get angry, but it doesn't seem to really help.

Any suggestions? We talk about using gentle touches, and sometimes I tell him he can bite a pillow or something else. I'm just not sure what else I should be doing.

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Title: Re: dealing w/ biting in 2 yo
Post by: hink4687 on April 28, 2007, 08:40:46 PM
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If he's continually doing it I think you need to leave the situation all together. For both a consequence and the other child's safety. When Cooper does something to hurt other children now he gets a warning that if it happens again we go home. If it happens again, we leave. I use to redirect when he was younger but at this age I think he is more able to comprehend what he's doing. And I want Cooper to know that hurting other kids is in no way acceptable and I will not allow it. And the only way for me to not allow it is to remove him from the situation.

ETA: Also...if the boys have endless energy you might want to find activities to get them out of the apartment for playdates. If they are just in an open field or park to run and play then there are no toys to fight over and less things to provoke your son. I think trying to set up the best situation as possible for your son to behave is also important. Always make sure he's well fed and rested and feels great before you get them together. Remember, people who feel bad, act bad.


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Title: Re: dealing w/ biting in 2 yo
Post by: ArmsOfLove on April 28, 2007, 08:48:10 PM
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at 2 I assume it's teething and offer care for that. I also would increase oral stimulation: lemonade, spicy food (not too ), cold, ice, different textures, drinking with a straw, hard candy, etc.

It can also be worse if he's pre-verbal. In that case I'd teach some baby signs so that he can communicate and set boundaries non-aggressively. And make sure that "I need space" is something he can communicate better than with biting

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Title: Help! I've got a biter!
Post by: BabyHopes on June 05, 2007, 09:39:48 AM
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I never delt with this when DD1 was little. Her preferred form of aggression was usually hitting. :/ But DD2 -literally overnight- has started this whole "oral aggression" campaign against her older sister. It happens when her older sister is not respecting her space. DD1 tries to "mother" her younger sister and what occurs is a VERY unhappy little DD2 who is screeching at her older sibling to stop. Except she can't say STOP very well and her older sister isn't listening to DD2's "no's." (By "no's" I mean loud resistant screeching.)

So really this is a two part issue.

1) DD1 is a space invader. She has always been. She doesn't get it that other people want space. So she encroaches until she gets bit. Only now she's being bit LITERALLY. If you KWIM. We're working with DD1 to listen to her younger sister's cues and to respect DD2's personal space. But this is an everlasting "fight" with DD1.

2) How do I get DD2 to stop? I know if she were more verbal she'd be able to start substituting words for physical aggression... but she's not there yet. We try to stay on top of it and intervene when DD2 starts shrieking (her first line of defense up until now.) But within the last couple days she's given up even telling her sister "no" and is instead biting as her first defense. A lot of times it comes out of nowhere. The girls will be playing happily and the next thing you know she's BITING!

Just a few moments ago DD1 came running in to tell me that she got bit. This is what I see:
[image]

There are three bite marks. Starting at her wrist and working the way up her arm to the one that is most visible near her inner elbow. I kid you not, I was just around the corner, and I didn't hear a THING. I brought DD2 over, explained that biting is "owie" and that it "hurts the sister." DD2 just disolved in a puddle of tears and immediately tried to give her older sister a hug. But, even with apologies exchanged and the girls having "made up" I know this isn't over. I don't know what to do!

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Title: Re: Help! I've got a biter!
Post by: Joanne on June 05, 2007, 02:05:15 PM
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A cut and paste because I don't have much time:

Biting is a common behavior in young children. It’s one that parents react strongly too, both the parents of the biting child and the parents of the children who get bitten. In my daycare, I experienced the most passionate responses from parents over issues involving biting.

Some children are more prone to biting than others. You’ll see biting emerge around the 1 year mark and disappear around age 3.

Many children who bite have a high oral need for stimulation. They seek sensation using their mouth. If you can increase appropriate stimulation to their mouth, you can decrease the frequency of biting. There are several ways to do this. You can increase the chewy foods a child eats, such as fruit leather or bagels. Increase spicy foods such as sausage or salsa. Offer hot or cold foods, such as smoothies or soup. Finally, have the child use a straw often.

When biting does occur, remove the child from the immediate area. Say “No biting. Biting hurts”. Look at the situation, and if you can identify what the bite was used to communicate, offer substitute words. Coach the child to say “I need space” or “I’d like a turn” or “I’m angry”. If the child is not yet verbal, you can use baby signs.

For the toddler or younger, offer a designated toy for biting. “You may not bite people, you may bite this.”

If your child continues to bite with frequency, you will need to provide constant and arms reach supervision until your child has moved out of this stage.

The biting is unacceptable of course, but the base of the issue is your sensory seeker/space violator. You'll need to do some real coaching with her. She doesn't get space issues because she doesn't process "space need" in the way most other people do. So, you need to teach her deliberately about the bubble that is around each person's body that she's not allowed to pop. In the case of her sister, I'd institute a no touch rule. I started code words with my space violator:


http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positiv...nter/id34.html


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Title: Re: Help! I've got a biter!
Post by: BabyHopes on June 05, 2007, 02:15:39 PM
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Thanks JoAnne,
This is EXACTLY what I need. I was reading this:

Quote
Quote:
If you can increase appropriate stimulation to their mouth, you can decrease the frequency of biting. There are several ways to do this. You can increase the chewy foods a child eats, such as fruit leather or bagels. Increase spicy foods such as sausage or salsa. Offer hot or cold foods, such as smoothies or soup. Finally, have the child use a straw often.
And I had a lightbulb moment. This biting has started right about the time that DD2 started weaning. Now that she's not nursing at all, it's really escalated. Quickly. I laid down with her for nap and was watching her suck on her bottom lip and it about broke my heart. It's very apparant that she still needs oral stimulation. I like the idea of a straw and may go to Walmart to get those straw sippies for her. Maybe even pick up fruit leather.

We're working on her using the sign for "stop!" Now we need to work with DD1 on respecting and listening to that sign. I know that the fact that the biting is creating a clear and effective boundary for DD2 is partially why she's started using it more as well. It works!

I haven't read the link yet, but am headed there next.

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Old 09-29-2007, 02:50 AM   #2
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Default Re: Collected Past Posts about Biting

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Title: Biting
Post by: hink4687 on February 20, 2007, 08:24:27 PM
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I know this is one of those subjects that has probably been addressed time after time but my DS has just recently started biting us. Its always completely out of nowhere and he's really hurting us! He bit my nipple the other night. I had a tank top on too and we were laying in bed and I was cuddling and tickling him and he layed his head on my chest all sweet and then bit me. It actually bled and I couldn't nurse him on that side for several days. I'm still a little scared. Then he bit my leg tonight and brought blood again. Everytime he's done it he's been in a very giggly hyper mood and its never out of aggression. I have no clue what to do! It really hurts!


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: 4Cygnets on February 20, 2007, 08:39:31 PM
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I'm assuming it's the son that is going to be 2yo? Is he maybe getting molars? Or has he been around other kids who bite? I have noticed with my own that they will bite from either of those things. Or, if they do get excited they have bitten. I remove myself from the situation immediately and say "No bite! We do not bite! You hurt mommy!" By getting up out of bed, or off the couch, I am taking myself away from the child and showing him that he cannot be close to me and hurt me. I know when I've been bitten while nursing, I end the nursing session immediately.

I have not had a child that was a habitual biter, so I guess I can't give any other advice. Just repeatedly telling them no, or trying to catch them before they bit, seemed to work for us.

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Title: Desperate about Ds' biting for fun
Post by: Hopeful on April 01, 2007, 02:18:26 PM
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Ds bites us - never anyone else - for fun - never out of anger/fear/etc. Purely for fun.

We say No.
We say 'Mouths are for eating/kissing not biting'
We say You are hurting Mummy/Daddy
We show the teethmarks
We put him down and ignore him.
We give him something else to bite on.

Everytime he bursts into laughter.

To which we say It's not funny. You're hurting Mummy.


This has been going on for MONTHS!

We are losing our minds here!!
I've been very tempted to shut him in his room, both DH and I have caught ourselves yelling at him (no effect on him) and once even I raised my hand but thankfully stopped myself before I hit him.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE...what can I do??

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Title: Re: Desperate about Ds' biting for fun
Post by: mamaKristin on April 01, 2007, 02:24:01 PM
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Is putting him down and walking away a last resort thing? I'm thinking at his age, that is probably your best bet. When my youngest bites (she's 17 months), I will tell her 'teeth are not for biting' and either put her down or walk away.

Is he getting molars at all?

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Title: Re: Desperate about Ds' biting for fun
Post by: Hopeful on April 01, 2007, 02:30:17 PM
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Yes, putting him down is a last resort thing.

As for molars...could be but he's been doing this for about 6mo now!

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Title: Re: Desperate about Ds' biting for fun
Post by: mamaKristin on April 01, 2007, 02:35:31 PM
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Honestly, I'd skip the chatter and showing the bite marks and go directly to putting him on the floor and walking away. Every time. With a firm and direct "biting hurts, no biting". I'd also try to see if there is a pattern to when he bites - is he bored, tired, frustrated? That way you can work at heading off the bites beforehand. Also, maybe increasing his sensory play so he feels less like biting.


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Title: Re: Desperate about Ds' biting for fun
Post by: OpalsMom on April 01, 2007, 11:18:35 PM
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Quote from: mamaKristin on April 01, 2007, 02:35:31 PM
Quote:
Honestly, I'd skip the chatter and showing the bite marks and go directly to putting him on the floor and walking away. Every time. With a firm and direct "biting hurts, no biting". I'd also try to see if there is a pattern to when he bites - is he bored, tired, frustrated? That way you can work at heading off the bites beforehand. Also, maybe increasing his sensory play so he feels less like biting.
What she said. This is an age at which actions speak a lot louder than words and bite marks are just marks.

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Title: Re: Desperate about Ds' biting for fun
Post by: naturallia on June 08, 2007, 08:41:23 AM
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I'm in this dilemma now. I could have written the original post myself! Except I also add "for kissing and eating" and DH is tempted to bite him back to show him it hurts. Thankfully, so far, DH is respecting my wishes that we won't do that or raise a hand to our son, but we are both getting frustrated. He's got two tiny teeth on the bottom so far, so I really want to nip this in the bud before he's got a mouth full of dangerously sharp teeth.

I hope you don't mind me bumping this rather than starting a new topic so that we can add more advice to the same thread rather than have yet another thread about biting. In another thread, I found this-

Quote:
Children who bite others cause a great deal of concern for the parents. The parents of the child who has been bitten are also usually very concerned about infection. Biting is an unacceptable behavior that needs to be stopped at an early age to prevent further occurrences.
Why young children bite:
Although biting is fairly common in young children, it is often worrisome to adults. A family member, playmate, or classmate at daycare or preschool may be the one bitten. Biting can be painful and frightening when it occurs. It upsets other children and often angers teachers and other adults.

Biting is usually caused by one of four different factors, including the following:

* experimental biting: Experimental biting is done by infants and toddlers as they explore their world. They put everything in their mouths and sometimes bite in the process. You can help decrease biting by telling them, No - biting hurts! and being firm. Offer them things that they can safely bite on such as teething rings.
* frustration biting: Frustration biting happens when young children become frustrated and unable to cope with a situation. Until they learn how to play cooperatively, they may respond to the demands of other children by hitting or biting. Some helpful guidelines for decreasing this type of biting include:
o Keep playtimes short and groups small.
o Supervise young children's play closely.
o If biting occurs, say, No, don't bite. Biting hurts. and remove your child from the situation right away. Stay with your child and help him/her to calm down. Explore other, better ways to handle the situation with your child, so he/she learns to handle emotions differently next time.
* powerless biting: Powerless biting occurs when a child is in need of feeling powerful. Sometimes, the youngest child in the family uses biting to gain power. To help prevent this type of biting:
o Make sure your child feels protected and is not always being picked on by others.
o Explain the situation to bigger or older children and get their help to make things more equal.
o If biting occurs, tell your child that he/she is not to bite and remove him/her from the situation right away. Stay with your child and help him/her to calm down. Explore other, better ways to handle the situation with your child, so he/she learns to handle emotions differently next time.
* stressful biting: Stressful biting is done when a child is under a lot of emotional stress. Biting may be a sign of distress or pain when the child is upset or angry. If this occurs:
o Try to find out what is bothering your child. Watch for what happens right before the biting occurs.
o Help your child to find other ways to express his/her feelings. Let him/her know that biting is wrong and remove him/her from the situation right away.

If your child bites, respond firmly, but calmly, to the biting. Let your child know that you disapprove and remove him/her from the situation. Help your child learn new ways to handle things. If your child bites repeatedly, be sure to consult your child's physician or healthcare provider about the problem.
What do I do if my child is biting others?
While every child is different, the following are some recommendations that may be used to help with the child who bites:

* Be firm. Tell your child that you will not accept biting and why. Tell him/her biting hurts others.
* Offer another behavior the child may use instead of biting. If the child bites because he/she is angry, have the child come to you and tell you this instead. A child who is younger than 18 months may need a toy that is allowed to be chewed on.
* If you catch your child biting, use a firm no to stop the behavior, or try to stop the child before the biting actually occurs.
* Use time-out if your child bites, or take away a favorite toy or activity.
* Do not bite your child for biting someone else. This teaches your child that biting is still acceptable. Do not bite your child in a playful manner, as this might teach him/her to bite others.
* Give praise when your child does not bite

That's helpful but doesn't really give concrete suggestions if YKWIM? Of the suggestions above, I think it's exploration biting and frustration biting. He bites the most when we're playing and he'll chomp down and giggle his butt off and in the other situations, he'll chomp down when he's fighting sleep.

I have been yelping loudly and quickly putting him down on the floor and looking at him in a very surprised and shocked way and saying "Ow, Ryan, why did you need to end playtime? Don't you want to play with momma?" or if he's already on the floor anyway, I'll yank my hand away and walk away which makes him cry and crawl over to me to give me an apology hug.

He is 10 1/2 months old by the way.




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Title: Re: Desperate about Ds' biting for fun
Post by: OpalsMom on June 08, 2007, 10:40:30 AM
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Biting is a big deal to grown-ups, and it's just not to babies. So your goal is to
1) Make it clear that you don't accept it without making it a Big Deal What Will Mama Do Next? thing.
2) Provide other ways for the kid to meet their needs.

So, when the kid bites, you say "Ow! That hurts! I'm not going to let you hurt me." And you separate yourself from the kid. No drama, no reasoning, no extras on top. Kid doesn't cry, fine. Kid does cry, still fine. You have to decide what "separation" works for you and your kid. It could be put them down where they're still touching you but facing away; it could be walk away; it could be for a mere second or it could be for a minute or two. Whatever gets across the message "I love you and I won't leave you but I won't let you hurt me. You can't play with me if you're going to hurt me."

When the kid isn't biting, and most particularly when the kid is just about to bite, you provide alternatives. "Oh, you're MAD! Time for an angry dance!" "Oh, you want him to stop. Sign 'stop' like this." "Oh, you're feeling chewy. Here's a chew-toy." (Umm, some people don't call them that when they're for people.) "Oh, you want to play. High five!" "You want down. Sign 'down' like this."


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Old 09-29-2007, 03:05 AM   #3
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Default Re: Collected Paste Posts about Biting

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Title: biting
Post by: milkmommy on May 05, 2006, 06:00:47 PM
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Were having bitting problems. Like in situations where I need her to held my hand and she doesn't want to (ussually cause she wants to hold a toy or doll ect) so she tries to bite my hand. Shes succeeded twice. I've told her no biting and biting hurts, Any other suggestions.

Deanna

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Title: Re: biting
Post by: mommyTay on May 05, 2006, 08:38:15 PM
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I would love to read suggestions for biting too. Kat is REALLY bad and poor Mouse is getting the worst of the deal. My foster dd has a lot of deep issues and frustrating circumstances, so I am not sure anything is going to make a difference.

My supervisor at children services gave me a print out on biting from this site. It looks really good, hope you find some answers here.
http://www.childrenshospital.org/az/...ageS633P0.html

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Title: Re: biting
Post by: milkmommy on May 05, 2006, 10:59:45 PM
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Quote
Quote:
# powerless biting: Powerless biting occurs when a child is in need of feeling powerful. Sometimes, the youngest child in the family uses biting to gain power. To help prevent this type of biting:

* Make sure your child feels protected and is not always being picked on by others.

* Explain the situation to bigger or older children and get their help to make things more equal.

* If biting occurs, tell your child that he/she is not to bite and remove him/her from the situation right away. Stay with your child and help him/her to calm down. Explore other, better ways to handle the situation with your child, so he/she learns to handle emotions differently next time.
I think this one fits our situation. She doing many things right like shes staying with me If I tell her far enough or come back she's obeying but their are times I'd like her to hold my hand mostly because I know were about to enter a place where she rally needs to or because shes stalling or being really slow so it moves her along... I need to these situations and see if I can't involve her better and allow her to feel more controll but still keep her safe and moving if needed. Its also happning when bot h of us are tired something I need to consider.

Deanna

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Title: biting baby
Post by: Rbonmom on October 15, 2005, 01:03:42 AM
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My 11mo old likes to bite (a lot). He's not doing it out of frustration or anger or anything, I think it just feels good and he likes the reaction from people. I tell him "no biting" and since he does baby signs, also do the signs for it, but it doesn't seem to be helping. Mainly I just watch him and try to head him off when it looks like he's about to bite.
Recently he has biten my nephew (2yrs) a couple of times, and my sister jumps up and I can tell is frustrated by it. The couple of times it's happened I haven't done anything other than apologize and tell ds "no biting".
I guess the rub is that since ds has been 2mo, her ds has hit, kicked, slapped, and pinched my ds and my sister never intervened or told him "no". I felt at 18mo he was old enough to be using it as a teaching moment, but she just ignored it. But now, she's mad at me for not "teaching" my ds not to bite.
What can I do to stop this? I don't want ds to get a reputation as a 'biter' since no on likes to be around a kid who bites. He doesn't seem to be teething, so I don't think thats it. Any tips?

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Title: Re: biting baby
Post by: mom2threePKs on October 15, 2005, 05:08:14 AM
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Well, my dd was very oral and would chomp on stuff (including people) when she was excited or really happy. The best I can tell you is to try to figure out what situations get him in biting mood and head him off when you see it coming. Stay very close when you are with other children so you can intervene quickly. This is one of those things he just has to outgrow. Get a good variety of things he can chew on and give him a chew toy when he bites. This helped my dd a lot even up to age 3.

Quote from: Emmittsmama on October 15, 2005, 01:03:42 AM
Quote:
I guess the rub is that since ds has been 2mo, her ds has hit, kicked, slapped, and pinched my ds and my sister never intervened or told him "no". I felt at 18mo he was old enough to be using it as a teaching moment, but she just ignored it. But now, she's mad at me for not "teaching" my ds not to bite.
Well, you could say something like this after your ds bites
"I remember when (sister's ds) was this age. He was pretty aggressive, like that time________________. I guess they all outgrow it!"

Or you could realize that you didn't appreciate her parenting style then and don't now and what she thinks is irrelevant! :/

Magan


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Title: Re: biting baby
Post by: Joanne on October 15, 2005, 05:11:39 AM
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Quick cut and paste for biting (from my as yet unpublished book)

Biting

Some children are biters. Many who are biters are seeking oral sensation. A proactive way to take the edge off biting is

Biters, in general, are often oral seekers. If you increase the oral stimulation appropriately, you can decrease his desire to find it inapproriately. Increase spicy foods, chewy foods (sausage, fruit leather, bagels), hot and cold foods (smoothies, soup) and use a straw often.

Designate *one* toy as the biting toy and give it to him every time he bites, while removing him from the interaction and keeping victims safe and away. Let him know that you will help him until he can help himself.
How are his verbal skills? I'd do everything I can to find ways for him to express himself appropriately. Baby signs, notes, words, songs, gestures, facial expressions. Ways for him to say "give me space" or "I don't want to be happy" or "I am happy" or whatever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'd be honest with your sis about your frustration and what you perceive as inequitable.

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Title: Biting
Post by: nebraskanmom on May 23, 2005, 12:57:19 PM
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We are away from home, which normally makes ds's behavior issues come out. This time he's biting. Hard. I have bruises. I'm at a complete loss of what to do. I stop him every time I can see he's about to bite, tell him it hurts....I dont' know what to do!


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: jujubnme on May 23, 2005, 01:54:16 PM
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Traveling can be so hard for some kids. Is he biting when mad, or just biting? Have you tried just giving him something else to bite on? Not sure I have much advice to offer. But that must be so frustrating (and painful).


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: ArmsOfLove on May 23, 2005, 02:27:00 PM
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Is he getting his two year molars?


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: nebraskanmom on May 23, 2005, 11:18:46 PM
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He is mostly biting when he's angry or upset...generally not feeling right so not acting right. Sometimes he is biting for play or for sheer enjoyment of the bite - in those times he is happy to bite something else. We made a game of biting his sling this afternoon. He is getting his lower canines.

I'm mostly looking for direction on what I can do in the times that I know he is biting because he feels angry toward me. I don't know what to do, and my "instinct" (what I was raised with, essentially), isn't very gentle.


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: ArmsOfLove on May 24, 2005, 10:01:05 AM
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Practice on yourself . . . take your forefinger and place it sideways under his lower jaw, press gently up so that he can't open his mouth. When you see him going in for the bite, prevent it. If you see him angry and fear being bit, be on guard And say "I will not let you bite me. Biting hurts. And if he does bite you I'd immediately spin him around into a bear hug and say the same thing. Then get back to addressing what upset him in the first place

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Title: Biting!
Post by: luvinmykidz on May 10, 2005, 06:00:12 PM
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OK my 2.5 year old (Almost 3) has started biting recently!! I don't understand the whole grace based discipline thing and I want to know how to deal with it. He isn't doing it in anger, he is laughing while he does it. My husband threatens to put him in time out but of course doesn't do it....today he came up and bit me and I was just so upset by it I put him in his room He was screaming hysterically at the door and crying huge crocodile tears. When he came out he hugged me and told me he was sorry....he seems fine now but I just want to know how to use positive discipline in biting?? Thanks in advance

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Title: Re: Biting!
Post by: FlyinKiwi on May 10, 2005, 09:18:25 PM
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Bitting is a nasty one - I have two that are just coming out of it

If you can catch him just before he bites you can put your finger firmly under his chin and gently close his mouth - he can't bite when you do that. Saying something like "you can't bite mummy, but here you can bite this" while you offer him something to chew on.

I'm sure others will have more suggestions.

Also remember ... this too shall pass!

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Title: Re: Biting!
Post by: SingingPraise on May 11, 2005, 08:02:01 AM
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Grace based discipline is about comfort vs. punishment.
Putting him in his room , i know my 21 mo wouldn't understand WHY he is alone in his room...he's not quite ablle to make that connection between what he did and being sent to his room, kwim?

My son has recently started biting. Us, the blankets, pillows, toys, books... I think personally that its a sensory stimulation issue. it FEELS good to bite things. He doesn't understand that its not ok to bite people.

Instead of saying "no biting" (cuz as crystals articles infer, they only hear "biting")
we repeat
'no teeth on mommy'. or 'no teeth on books' etc.
or even better we say "teeth hurt people, teeth are for food. are you hungry?" and offer him something to sink his teeth into other then our bodies. LOL
I also will cup his chin in my hands and say 'teeth hurt, teeth are for food not people"

It takes alot of work, redirection and intervention but we're doing alot better here. I find he is only biting when he's very wound up in agressive play (we're rough h ousing) so sometimes it just means we wind down from rough play into calm play and he calms with it - has a snack and drink and the biting stops til the next time.

I also know when he's starting to bite that I change what we're doing including me getting up fromwhere I am and introducing a new activity or change of scenery.

Biting is generally not because your baby is trying to hurt you. He doesn't think the biting is funny - h e thinks your reaction to it is funny. So you have to change your reaction. Figure out when the biting is happening and in relation to what (if anything) and then change things. If you're sitting on the couch with dh watching a movie and baby is biting - he's wanting attention for example. So we'd pause the movie and go do something with him and watch the movie later, kwim?

good luck . hope some of this might help

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Title: Re: Biting!
Post by: ArmsOfLove on May 12, 2005, 09:24:12 AM
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Well, my first thought is "is he getting his 2 year molars?" Teething can increase biting. When my youngsters bite I put my finger sideways under their chin and with gentle pressure can hold their mouth closed (practice on yourself) and I say, very firmly, "No biting. Biting hurts." I do this in conjunction with teaching about making amends. I would also look for the promptors for the biting? Is it to get your attention?

I would increase oral stimulation for him: lemonade, spicy foods, drinking with straws, cold foods and drinks, hot foods and drinks, different textures, and introduce a "biting object"--something you give to him *every time* he bites and redirect his biting energy to it.

hth
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Title: He Keeps Biting Me!
Post by: brandi on July 24, 2007, 04:19:56 PM
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How do I teach DS not to bite me? He doesn't bite DH or anyone else for that matter. How do I get him to stop bitting?


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Title: Re: He Keeps Biting Me!
Post by: Amber on July 24, 2007, 04:33:25 PM
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Both my kids have done this...only to me, rarely to dh. It was usually in play, or when he wanted me to interact with him. I would tell him "No, biting. Biting hurts." If I was holding him I would set him down, or if I was sitting down I would sometimes get up and move away if he persisted. I also worked on teaching him to give kisses So if I saw him going in for a bite I could tell him to give kisses.

They did out grow it...although Kyle still likes to nibble on toes occasionally


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Title: Re: He Keeps Biting Me!
Post by: Joanne on July 25, 2007, 09:36:32 AM
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Quick cut and paste on biting:

Biting

Biting is a common behavior in young children. It’s one that parents react strongly too, both the parents of the biting child and the parents of the children who get bitten. In my daycare, I experienced the most passionate responses from parents over issues involving biting.

Some children are more prone to biting than others. You’ll see biting emerge around the 1 year mark and disappear around age 3.

Many children who bite have a high oral need for stimulation. They seek sensation using their mouth. If you can increase appropriate stimulation to their mouth, you can decrease the frequency of biting. There are several ways to do this. You can increase the chewy foods a child eats, such as fruit leather or bagels. Increase spicy foods such as sausage or salsa. Offer hot or cold foods, such as smoothies or soup. Finally, have the child use a straw often.

When biting does occur, remove the child from the immediate area. Say “No biting. Biting hurts”. Look at the situation, and if you can identify what the bite was used to communicate, offer substitute words. Coach the child to say “I need space” or “I’d like a turn” or “I’m angry”. If the child is not yet verbal, you can use baby signs.

For the toddler or younger, offer a designated toy for biting. “You may not bite people, you may bite this.”

If your child continues to bite with frequency, you will need to provide constant and arms reach supervision until your child has moved out of this stage.

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Title: Gentle Discipline for 11 month old biter?
Post by: naturallia on June 12, 2007, 07:23:27 PM
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DS is an explorer in every sense of the word!

I came close to swatting him today and I need help!

Situation 1:
I'm playing with him on the floor, stacking blocks for him to knock down and he will grab my hand and bite it so hard it drew blood.

Situation 2:
When nursing him, he will pinch my arm and when I trap his free arm under my armpit, he'll fuss until I let his arms free again. Then he pinches again!

Also, when nursing him, if I am typing one handed or reading a book or eating or whatever (it's at the side) he will feel around for it with his foot and then kick it hard over and over, ending up with my food all over his feet or this kind of thing "fdlkshnal;gjvad;lkvjgl;kawejf" on my emails or posts or make me lose my place in my book.

Situation 3:
He's an explorer, so I put cardboard boxes in the living room for him to cruise around and play in and he will still go to the places I don't want him into and he's like houndini, he'll figure out a way to get past the fences I have up and into the kitchen or the bathroom. Also, when he leans against the television (it's almost always off),I grab his feet and playfully pull him away but that just ends up with him throwing a fit so I tried a different approach of gathering him into my arms and redirecting him to another activity which ends up with him biting me

I hope you get the idea. He loves exploring and isn't really misbehaving, but I am so frustrated and I'm not sure how to put gentle discipline into practice when a swat on the hand seems easier. (I haven't done that..... yet)


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Title: Re: Gentle Discipline for 11 month old biter?
Post by: klpmommy on June 12, 2007, 07:40:00 PM
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For some of those bites- do you think he might be trying to kiss you? Both of my kids at that age wanted to kiss but had no clue how to do it & it would end up being a bite. I called them "kisses with teeth" & worked hard to teach them no teeth when kissing. That involved a lot of catching them just before the teeth bit me & pulling back saying "Thank you for the kiss, Mommy loves kisses! Can you kiss me again?" etc. I got a few good bites in that time, but it helped fairly quickly.

My other thought- any reaction at all they often thought was a game. So my "NO BITING" and "Biting hurts" didn't do a thing, but putting baby down, walking away, etc was more effective b/c they wanted Mommy. And I wasn't GBD with P at that age, slapping his hand did not work. I had to slap his hand VERY hard to make any impact on him (other than thinking it was a game) and even then I knew it was too much so I didn't do it anymore.

Can you use gates rather than furniture to block off areas? Furniture is easier to climb than baby gates.

It is so hard when we are getting hurt. I always want to revert to being punitive when the kids are hurting me. It is a struggle to not react back that way.


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Title: Re: Gentle Discipline for 11 month old biter?
Post by: mamaKristin on June 12, 2007, 07:53:26 PM
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I'm currently , but she's mostly asleep, so you probably won't get extra typing from her!

It is so hard when you are getting hurt.

If he's tending towards biting, I find it really helpful to be 'ahead of the curve' to head it off. When you are in a time when it seems like he's leaning in for a bite, you can stop him before it happens. When my littlest was going through a biting phase, I would kind of hold her face in my hand and say firmly "no biting". Her key biting phases are almost always tied to teething - could he be getting some new teeth?

With the nursing issues, I would stop nursing if he wasn't being gentle with hands or feet on you. My youngest will get physically aggressive sometimes, and I will stop nursing her and remind her to use gentle hands. I don't have to put her down and walk away, but I have done it if it's been particularly bad. At that age, I have had to tone down my own activities (typing, reading, whatever) when nursing - it's just not worth the frustration, and they generally want my attention.

As for the 'into everything' stuff? Babyproofing. Serious baby proofing. Making your house as safe as possible for him, even if it means moving things around. We ended up moving our bookshelves around when our oldest was a baby because the struggle to keep him out of it was just too frustrating for us all. I tell most parents I know that babyproofing is not a one time thing, but an ongoing action to keep up with what your child is into. Baby gates, bolting furniture to walls, moving the tv as far back as possible,,,it's an ongoing thing.


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Title: Re: Gentle Discipline for 11 month old biter?
Post by: naturallia on June 13, 2007, 02:13:00 PM
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Thank you for the helpful replies!

I guess I just have to be patient. Gentle discipline won't show its results overnight, even if I did that right from birth.

Come to think of it, is there any method of childrearing that has immediate results? :hmm

I guess I just have to remind myself of that.


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Title: Re: Gentle Discipline for 11 month old biter?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on June 13, 2007, 02:55:41 PM
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he's probably teething so I'd start by treating that (homeopathically or conventionally)

increase oral stimulation--hot/cold/spicy/lemonade/ice/straws/hard/soft/etc

You can break a bite with your finger at the back of his mouth between his gums; you can prevent it with a forefinger very gently pressed under his chin (practice on yourself, it's very gentle pressure)

As for the exploring--make sure he has lots of yeses and only the no's you're willing to deal with the upset over If you can, move it up and away

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Title: Biting
Post by: LittleSweetPeas on February 07, 2006, 10:47:08 PM
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My almost 3 year old DD bit my 6 month old this morning. This is her first time biting outside of her teething stage. I asked her why and she told me she wanted to do it and wanted her sister to cry. We've been having a few problems with her which I am attributing mostly to delayed sibling jealousy. I am wondering what others of you do in regards to biting? She honestly bit her out of nowhere.


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: erinee on February 08, 2006, 04:43:41 AM
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Mostly at this age, I think I would just supervise all of their interactions very closely and make sure she gets some extra-special positive attention every day. Give her words to say when she's feeling like she needs your attention at any given moment, because even if you feel she is getting plenty of attention, if she needs you at *that* time, she'll forget all the other attention you've given her the rest of the day, KWIM?).

I've also read that kids use biting sometimes to show affection (thinking it's like kissing), but it sounds to me like it's a cause/effect kind of thing, giving her a sense of control (I can do this and make the baby have this reaction). Maybe you could teach her to get a reaction in a positive way, like how to make the baby laugh or smile.

I know it must be hard to see her hurt the baby.


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: Radosny Matka on February 08, 2006, 08:39:36 PM
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I didn't come out of nowhere. There is always a reason for behavior. Sometimes that reason is not obvious. This could have been a jealousy issue and this is how she lashed out.


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Title: 2.5 year old - biting and hitting
Post by: Havilah on May 04, 2006, 05:38:56 AM
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This is driving us nuts. He's not biting and hitting when he's angry or frustrated, but it's open season when he is bored or we are playing together. I've given him a couple of "big reactions" and he thinks they are hilarious... I don't know if he continues to bite in hopes of more big reactions He's started hitting us when he seems to think that we aren't focused on him, too, especially when adults are sitting around talking. It's embarrassing in public, and I'm never sure of the best way to respond. Explaining that "it's not nice to hit", that "hitting hurts" etc. isn't getting us anywhere.

We have been showing him gentle touches *forever* and he understands them. So much that he shows us gentle touches *without prompting* immediately after he hits us. He'll wallop one of us and the immediately rub our legs and say "thaaat's gennn-tal"

This morning we were hugging and snuggling and having a really sweet morning time when he suddenly took a chunk out of my shoulder. He bites like a snapping turtle and just hangs on until I pull myself away. It's really painful I actually didn't react outwardly at all this morning, I just walked away and began to clean up the kitchen. I explained that I couldn't allow myself to be bitten, and our snuggle time was over since I'd been bitten.

This reaction is really a new experiment since my old method was clearly not effective I'm not sure if it will prove more helpful. Any other suggestions?

I don't even know where to start with apologizing or making ammends, either. We've broached the topic, but I have no idea how to make it happen. Is it my job to make it happen, or just to model appropriate apologies and hope that he eventually gets it? I know he's young... only 2.5, so I'm not expecting consistent heartfelt apologies and ammends-making yet, but I feel like he needs to be introduced to the concept

Thanks


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Title: Re: 2.5 year old - biting and hitting
Post by: AmyDoll on May 04, 2006, 05:47:35 AM
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OOOO he's the same age as Sam.
Sam hits - but usually it's with an object that goes away (a play hammer, a light saber etc)
If he's hitting with his fists, I think I'd remove him from the situation all together. I'd say, "You're getting overwhelmed. Let's go to your room for a minute"

Biting! YIKES.... Um... He's got all his teeth right? "Teeth are for food. Mommy is not food. Would you like a cracker?" Do you have a place to put him? (Like a playpen) not necessarily away from everyone but so that you could say, "Biting hurts. Mommy doesn't like to be hurt. You can sit in here while Mommy does X. Because Mommy doesn't want to be bit. Mommy will be safe with you in the playpen."

Maybe that's too punitive?


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Title: Re: 2.5 year old - biting and hitting
Post by: Havilah on May 04, 2006, 05:57:44 AM
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Thanks for the ideas, Amy. He does have all his teeth, so it's not a teething issue. He never bit when he was teething :/

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Title: Biting
Post by: doubleblessings on October 11, 2005, 01:48:38 PM
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DD is a biter. DS actually was the first to start biting, but he hasn't been doing it much lately. I am wondering if it has to do some with teething. He got 2 more (6 total) a while back about the time he started biting or maybe he stopped because she has been biting and he sees it hurts? Anyway DD will bite often. If he has a toy she wants, if he gets in her way etc. I try to watch and if I see her about to bite I will tell her to stop and get them separated, but I can't watch them like a hawk all day every day . When she does bite we have been telling her "Biting hurts. We don't bite people." and sometimes I will give her something that is acceptable to bite. I pick DS up and comfort him. Is there anything else I can do? Anything I should do differently?


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: gentlebirth on October 11, 2005, 05:38:34 PM
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ditto!!

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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: Joanne on October 12, 2005, 07:21:40 AM
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Excerpt from the rough draft of my book:

Biters, in general, are often oral seekers. If you increase the oral stimulation appropriately, you can decrease his desire to find it inapproriately. Increase spicy foods, chewy foods (sausage, fruit leather, bagels), hot and cold foods (smoothies, soup) and use a straw often.

Designate *one* toy as the biting toy and give it to him every time he bites, while removing him from the interaction and keeping victims safe and away. Let him know that you will help him until he can help himself.

How are his verbal skills? I'd do everything I can to find ways for him to express himself appropriately. Baby signs, notes, words, songs, gestures, facial expressions. Ways for him to say "give me space" or "I don't want to be happy" or "I am happy" or whatever.

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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: gentlebirth on October 12, 2005, 09:51:44 AM
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(not trying to hijack this thread , but..)

I wanted to add that my dd has a very intense personality, and though she communicates well (and often) verbally and through sign, she tends to get frustrated easily! She's a communicator, and gets frustrated when she's not getting feedback ( i.e. I'm on the phone, folding laundry, typing an email..). So when she bites, it's instant attention, and instant reaction from mommy...YOW!! It's plain old funny and interesting to watch someone have a strong reaction to something you do, especially when you're bored or feeling left out. So, I do exactly what you did, doubleblessings..I give her a firm "no!" and take her away from the "bite-ee", tell her biting hurts ( with a very sad face) and redirect her.

Quote from: Joanne on October 12, 2005, 07:21:40 AM
Quote:
Excerpt from the rough draft of my book:

Biters, in general, are often oral seekers. If you increase the oral stimulation appropriately, you can decrease his desire to find it inapproriately. Increase spicy foods, chewy foods (sausage, fruit leather, bagels), hot and cold foods (smoothies, soup) and use a straw often.

Designate *one* toy as the biting toy and give it to him every time he bites, while removing him from the interaction and keeping victims safe and away. Let him know that you will help him until he can help himself.
This is a good idea! I need to try to find a chewing toy for my little biter


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Title: Re: Biting
Post by: Mommy Piadosa on October 12, 2005, 10:13:55 AM
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Quote from: Joanne on October 12, 2005, 07:21:40 AM
Quote:
Excerpt from the rough draft of my book:
Biters, in general, are often oral seekers. If you increase the oral stimulation appropriately, you can decrease his desire to find it inapproriately. Increase spicy foods, chewy foods (sausage, fruit leather, bagels), hot and cold foods (smoothies, soup) and use a straw often.

This is exactly waht I learned 7 years ago when we went through our sensory integration disorder joureney with dd now 8. Her issues led me to take many OT classes, so I have further reccomendations for oral stimulation / stimulation objects.
Vibrating teethers are great and so are other vibrating massage objects. Vibrating massage inside and out side of the mouth is great.
Nuk makes a "nuk brush" which has a nobby end (it's supposed to clean baby's gums). Use this to massage the inside of the mouth. Or allow baby to chew on it.
Theraband tubing is a thick rubber tubing material, it can be made into a necklace and then the child always has their chew object nearby. (Safety note- make sure the necklace is made with an easily breakable string to avoid entanglement and strangulation). Other options include using this tubing on a keychain and clipping it to the child's clothing. Here is a picture-

Traditional sippy cups and bottles require a "lazy" suck encourage low tone and in turn do not provide much oral stimulation. Breast feeding and straw drinking use and stimulate many oral muscles. The thicker the drink, and the thinner the straw the more work the muscles are getting.
Many of these ideas and others can be bought in a catalog I love- unfortunutely they do not have many items in their online store, but ordering a catalog is great.
http://www.abilitations.com/ The tag line of their site says -
Quote
Improving the Lifes of Children with Differing Abilities

IMHO every child has differing abilities, so why not take advantage of all thats out there. OK off my soapbox- hope these ideas are helpful, and I have at least 15 more if your interested.


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Title: Biting?
Post by: Blue Aurora on March 27, 2005, 09:22:20 PM
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My 10 month old has just started biting and it hurts!! What do I do? So far every time he bites me or dh we say OWW, NO BITING, THAT HURTS MOMMY/DADDY We've tried giving him a toy that he could bite on but he obviously prefers our arms, shoulder, knees and legs. Is there anything else we can do?


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Title: Re: Biting?
Post by: MarynMunchkins on March 27, 2005, 09:53:38 PM
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You could try just putting him down. Nicely, of course, but help him realize that you aren't going to hold a biting child. Will he chew on the arm of a baby doll? We have one that has bite marks in it.

It'll get better once his teeth come in.


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Title: Re: Biting?
Post by: schoolofmom on March 28, 2005, 09:36:32 AM
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I would also try not to make a big deal out of it either if at all possible. Try and be really calm when you say, "No bite." (I know, sometimes it hurts so bad you can't help but squeal a little.) With both of my kids, they enjoyed a big reaction and thought it was funny.


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Title: Re: Biting?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 28, 2005, 10:23:18 AM
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Think proactive--at 10 months he's teething so I'd give him something for teething pain; keep giving him something to bite (try a few different things until you find something he also likes to bite); and if you see him about to bite you can prevent it by taking your forefinger and laying it sideways under his chin--with very little pressure (practice on yourself) you can prevent him from even opening his mouth to be able to bite.

Also, if he's playing with other children be hypervigilant so that no one else gets bitten

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Title: new here... looking for advice
Post by: joyful mama on June 01, 2005, 10:09:08 AM
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Hi there

I just joined last night, and here I am asking for advice . Well, that's one of the reasons I joined in the first place, lol.

I have a 17 month old little girl who has a wonderful disposition. However, there are certain areas she and I need to work on.

1. She bites. She went through a phase where she did this all the time, we realized it was her molars coming in, so we stocked up on teething things, gave her teething tablets, and cold cloths, etc. Told her 'gentle, no bite' very firmly... it worked. However, she started again. She bit her cousins and her friend the other day... really hard. I tell her, "NO BITE, GENTLE", then place her on my lap and hold her. I then tell her she can get down from my lap when she calms down. It is NOT working. Sigh... she tried to bite her other cousin the other day, but I got hold of her just in time. I'm usually good at pulling her off before she bites, and making her be 'gentle'. However, I'm 6 months pregnant and not exactly the most agile... so I can't always get to her in time. Any advice to get her to stop? All her molars are in now, completely, so I can't imagine any other teeth would be making her bite again... I did notice she does it to me when she's mad at me, too (eg. taking her away from something dangerous/messy). This isn't often, but it did take me by surprise!

Second thing... how do I get her to listen to my voice? She understands commands, 'give that to mommy' , 'close that please', etc. so I would think she understands, 'no'. I say 'ah, ah' and that works a lot, but not all the time. She got into a dangerous situation yesterday at the park, and I said ,'stop!' so she wouldn't fall, but she kept going. Sigh...

TIA!

God Bless


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Title: Re: new here... looking for advice
Post by: Joanne on June 01, 2005, 10:59:48 AM
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Quote
She went through a phase where she did this all the time, we realized it was her molars coming in, so we stocked up on teething things, gave her teething tablets, and cold cloths, etc. Told her 'gentle, no bite' very firmly... it worked. However, she started again. She bit her cousins and her friend the other day... really hard. I tell her, "NO BITE, GENTLE", then place her on my lap and hold her. I then tell her she can get down from my lap when she calms down. It is NOT working. Sigh... she tried to bite her other cousin the other day, but I got hold of her just in time. I'm usually good at pulling her off before she bites, and making her be 'gentle'. However, I'm 6 months pregnant and not exactly the most agile... so I can't always get to her in time. Any advice to get her to stop?

Biting is a common stage for children to go through. Some things that might help are to increase the appropriate ways for her to use her mouth. Increase chewy foods (fruit leather, bagels, raisins), spicy foods such as sausage or salsa. Increase temperature changes such as smoothies, soup. Use a straw often.

Designate one special toys as "the biting toy" and give it every time she bites or goes to bite. "Biting hurts. Bite this".

Give her an alternative way to express the emotion. "Space" or "Turn" or "Mad". Increase the use of baby signs.


Quote
Second thing... how do I get her to listen to my voice? She understands commands, 'give that to mommy' , 'close that please', etc. so I would think she understands, 'no'. I say 'ah, ah' and that works a lot, but not all the time. She got into a dangerous situation yesterday at the park, and I said ,'stop!' so she wouldn't fall, but she kept going. Sigh...

A few things.......

First, the ability to understand words pre-dates the ability to utilize self control. By a long shot! There are still some things at 39 I'm unable to use my impulse control over.

You can't rely on words to keep children safe. That's your job no matter what. If you spanked her for running into the road, would you expect to be able to let her play by a busy street after that? She'll need your help being safe no matter what.

The way to teach her to obey your words is to do exactly what you are finding challenging due to your pregnancy. But she isn't bigger because you are pregnant. She'll need lots of hands on parenting for a long time to come.

Here:

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positiv...nter/id21.html





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Title: Re: new here... looking for advice
Post by: joyful mama on June 01, 2005, 01:52:32 PM
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Joanne, thank you so much! I read the link you gave me... it makes complete sense to me. Seems like I should have come to that on my own... lol . As far as the biting, that also makes sense. I will designate one of her teething toys as her 'bite' toy and see how she does with that.

Thank you again,
Jen


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Title: Re: new here... looking for advice
Post by: mom2threePKs on June 01, 2005, 03:36:23 PM
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Having had a biter I just thought i'd share a couple things that I found helpful.
1. Realize that for her bitingis no more aggressive than scratching, hitting, pinching or kicking, it's just that a biting toddler can inflict some serious damage where a hitting toddler really can't. There's also a lot of social implications for biting that make it seem worse when it is just aggression.
2. Sometimes biting is a way of releasing "big feelings" (you'll see that a lot here!). My dd would sometimes chomp on something if she was tremendously happy. The mouth is still a very intense sensory experience at that age and I honestly think biting felt so good to her she had trouble understanding that it didn't feel good to the recipient.
3. DD loved having a "biting thing" that she could chomp on. We also introduced very small pieces of chewing gum by the time she was 2 and a half and that seemed to help. She's just a very oral kid.

Now at three and a half she has been able to say, "My mouth wanted to bite sissy but my brain said no so I didn't." It takes a lot of time and maturity to be able to control those impulses but it does happen!!!!!


Magan


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Title: Re: new here... looking for advice
Post by: joyful mama on June 01, 2005, 06:36:03 PM
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Thank you for your post, Magan. It could just be that she is very 'oral' as well. I have noticed when she's really excited, she goes to bite... strange! She does get better, but when she's around her older cousin, sometimes she gets soo much more aggressive...

I've read and reread the link Joanne sent, and got a special 'biting' toy for her today. Dh is looking forward to seeing a change, and so am I! I am being very optomistic!

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Title: Biting is getting WORSE
Post by: joyful mama on July 25, 2005, 04:02:16 PM
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Ok, I posted a while ago about biting... and I got some good tips, which I've been using. SHe has a special toy that is only for biting... and she bites it HARD when I see she is getting ready to bite, or she has just bitten! I can't see any teeth coming in, and she has no other symptoms of teething, so I doubt she is teething. I give her chewy toys and foods, and a cool cloth to chew on anyways, though. I think she just ENJOYS biting. She's a very oral kid, I understand that. But her biting HURTS, leaves marks and comes from no where. She does it when she's happy, when she's mad, etc. I have been practicing 'gentle' with her, b/c it dawned on me that she didn't know what it meant! Well, she does now, or so I thought. She gently strokes my arm, face, etc. even when I had a friend over with her 5 month old, she gently stroked the baby's head. No hiting, no attempts at biting.

But what am I doing wrong? I don't find this behavior acceptable! What can I do to get her to stop!? I am having a baby in 5 weeks--- and I do NOT want her biting this little one! It has to stop, I jsut dont' know how.

I would really appreciate advice.

God BLess


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Title: Re: Biting is getting WORSE
Post by: ArmsOfLove on July 25, 2005, 05:11:24 PM
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You're not doing anything wrong She's a biter. Eventually she'll outgrow it and will be able to control it better. In the meantime you need to be hypervigilant about it.

You might also want to read some on SID (Sensory Integration Disorder) and oral needs from that. A good book I've seen recommended is The Out of Sync Child.


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Title: Re: Biting is getting WORSE
Post by: IslandMama on July 25, 2005, 11:11:53 PM
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My 2nd ds was a biter... Same thing, bit when happy, excited, sad, you name it! He eventually outgrew it, and we had to watch him constantly... He's 8 now and bites his nails... :/ Hang in there!

(edited for spelling! instead of "hang in there" had "hand in there" LOL!!! )


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Title: Re: Biting is getting WORSE
Post by: CJ on July 26, 2005, 03:24:23 AM
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My 16 month-old is a biter too. My 3 yo has been known to introduce him as "this is my baby brother. Be careful, he bites." Now that he knows what "gentle" means and "give kisses" I try to make as little a deal of it as possible. Because I noticed that when we make a huge deal about it and focus on it, once our attention is somewhere else, he may try biting again. I'm teaching DD3 to say "stop biting" and move away immediately--she had a tendancy to just lay there on the floor and cry or whine if he attempted to bite or actually did bite her. He seemed to like the reaction and it was harder to distract him at that point. Now I'm starting to see him stop himself and kiss instead even without prompting.


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Title: Re: Biting is getting WORSE
Post by: joyful mama on July 26, 2005, 05:09:59 AM
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Thanks, ladies. I will try to be hypervigilant about it... especially when my nb arrives.. I'm really nervous about that. She hurts my dh and I, I know she could really hurt the baby. Sigh...

Crystal, I started looking into SID... seems a bit extreme for my dd's case, but there may be some info on the oral needs part, thanks.
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Title: To consequate or not?
Post by: palil on October 02, 2005, 04:03:51 PM
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My ds1 will be 4 in 2 weeks.. my little guy just turned 2. Lately, the 4yo has been way too physical/aggressive... using his body in a hostile/hurftul way when he wants to make a point, protect his territory.. when he's upset, etc. Stuff like leaning on/laying on or squashing his brother when they are fighting over a toy, and biting him hard enough to take a dental impression from the mark. (and to be fair, he is often provoked. I try hard to protect his space, teach cooperation, keep them busy, etc. but sometimes they just irritate each other. :P ) Just now he thought little brother was drinking from a dirty cup (he wasn't) and when I walked in the dining room he was digging his fingers/nails into his arm while saying "it's OLD!" (trying to make him put it down). Here's how we've addressed aggression in the past:

We teach him to use words instead of his body, and we've tried lots of different phrasing. Last night dh told him when he feels like biting to say "Mommy, I feel like biting L. HELP ME!"

We teach him to make ammends when he does hurt.

If he hurts over a toy, brother gets it or it goes away.

He frequently has to take a break when he hurts, or I direct him to a solitary activity to cool down when he's being aggressive. (that's our version of you hit-you sit)

So here's the new question: When an incident occurs, and I come on the scene, he immediately "repents" and says he's sorry... gives his brother kisses.. says he won't do it again. In the past, I've let him return to play once he makes it right, takes a break, talks about it... whatever. Now, though... I have a lot of mixed up thoughts about this new trend. Help me sort them out, please?

1) I don't want to assume negative intent. However, there's a little part of me that feels like "he's learned that all he has to do is say he's sorry and then there will be no consequences" then he just does it again the next time he feels like it. :/ I hate to think that way. Is that a relic of my punitive background?

2) On the flip side, I feel like if he makes things right with brother, and I then enforce a consequence anyway after the fact, that I am moving toward being punitive again.... consequating just b/c "that's the rule" or it's the SOP or just for the sake of consequating b/c I'm upset that he hurt his brother ... making him "pay" for what he did even though he's resolved it. After all, if they have resolved it, and I consequate anyway, isn't that just adding something on?

NOTE: if the offense is repeated within a short timespan, I have no hesitation in restricting his play for a while, limiting his contact with his brother, etc. b/c I feel like he's clearly showing me that he's not in a place where he can control himself and his body. Also, we teach him that sorry means you don't do it again, or sorry means you act differently next time, so if that's not happening, I'm not going to keep encouraging him to go through the motions when the words have clearly become just words. It's with the isolated incidents that I'm wavering on how to handle it, and I'm also trying to judge "how often is too often" where I feel it's appropriate for me to enforce some limitations even though he's done his part to make the last offense right.

Right now.. for example. He just bit his brother--less than half an hour after the incident at the table. So I have them separated doing stuff. No uncertainty about whether that's appropriate, but is a consequence called for here?

Thoughts? Suggestions? This has been so bad the last couple of weeks.

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Title: Re: To consequate or not?
Post by: Joanne on October 02, 2005, 04:22:49 PM
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{{{hugs}}}

Your punitive culture and thinking is showing.

He's *little*. Yes, he's bigger than 2, but he's *little*. You need to do more. Of the same you've been doing. :P I agree with everything in your post except the consideration of additional consequences.

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Title: Re: To consequate or not?
Post by: MarynMunchkins on October 02, 2005, 05:25:53 PM
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Sounds like he hit that testerone surge. Lots and lots of outside time helps a little.

I think Joanne is right. (as usual ) Just more of the same, more often. He'll get the hang of it.

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Title: Re: To consequate or not?
Post by: palil on October 02, 2005, 07:33:50 PM
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ok. thank. I pretty much "knew" that what I was feeling was off. Just needed some reassurance that I wasn't being permissive.

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Title: saying "ouch"
Post by: kosmom on March 24, 2005, 01:44:56 PM
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I liked Joanne's advice on another thread about giving very descriptive boundaries (like "sharp!" "hot!" "ouch!", etc.) And we do that with our 19 m.o. He is very good at recognizing "hot". And sometimes it stops him in his tracks if I say "that's dada's, not kaemon's". MOST of the time he will not pursue it, unless he's just really tired or feeling really determined
However, the "ouch" thing is kind of wierd. He knows what it means. I think. But last night, while I was nursing dd, he was stepping on my bare feet (at first, accidentally) so I said "ouch. hurts mama" And he kind of stopped, but the second time he did it and I said "ouch, hurts mama!" a little more firmly, he looked down at my feet, stepped on them, and said "ow" "ow, ow, ow" almost like he's wanting to get the response out of me. So it makes me want to stop saying "ow". Those little Nikes HURT!!!!

Any other way to teach a child that they are hurting you, without actually hurting them? (Which is the only advice I had ever gotten before GCM...if they bite you, bite them back gently...if they pull your hair, tug on theirs....) I want to find a better way, but I also want him to stop hurting us intentionally. And at least it is not very often that he does this, and it's never "his" idea to start it...he does it as a response to an accident. So maybe, in a way, he is exploring what "hurt" is all about, and will eventually "get it"? It's almost like he's conducting an experiment to see what happens when he steps on toes, presses on heads (his baby sisters), squeezes wrists, "drums" on my legs, etc.

Any ideas?

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Title: Re: saying "ouch"
Post by: Quietspirit on March 25, 2005, 06:48:18 AM
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He is very young. And you are right in that he is figuring it out by doing. That's very normal developmentally.

You can tell him, holding his hand or foot firmly, "NO. Hitting (stomping, biting) hurts!" Make it firm not gentle. He needs to hear it in your voice (not yelling of course...more like lower and firm) that this is different than game time, play time, cuddle time, etc. By using a lower firm voice combined with "NO. Hitting hurts" while physically stopping him he should get the message. You can also move away from him while he does it. Not out of the room of course, but several feet away.

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Title: Last night
Post by: Bookmommy on July 24, 2006, 08:00:59 AM
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Last night I start getting DD ready for bed around 9 pm. We brush her teeth change her but etc. She knows that after her teeth are brushed she is not allowed to have anymore juice but she can have water. So I found her sippy cup in the living room and she caught me out of the corner of her eye. She said let me finish my juice. I said you have already brushed your teeth and went to the kitchen. She followed me and bit me on my but check. Okay don't laugh it hurt like crud. I did not know what to do, so I said you are not getting water because you bit me and you know bitting hurts. She fake cried for a minute and then it was over. I went to my bedroom because I was angry. She came in a few minutes latter and said I bite you and I said yes it hurt. Why did you bit me she said I like to.

So my question is what should I have done? I know she was not going to get dehydrated because she did not get the little bit of water I was going to give her. But I did feel a little bad.

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Title: Re: Last night
Post by: Joanne on July 24, 2006, 08:57:24 AM
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Quote:
So my question is what should I have done? I know she was not going to get dehydrated because she did not get the little bit of water I was going to give her. But I did feel a little bad.
It can be so hard to act gently and firmly when our body boundaries have been violated.

I would have said "No biting! Biting hurts!" and offered her other words "You can say 'Mom, I'm angry, I wanted juice" but you may not bite.

Then I would have given her the water and put her to bed.

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Title: Re: Last night
Post by: pneumaphile on July 24, 2006, 11:07:48 AM
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I am in the habit of "hiding" food and drink that are in sight before brushing teeth, for precisely that reason! My kids see it and they want it.

Also, I have occasionally (not every night, maybe three times in the last two years) relented on food or drink with the caveat that now they have to re-brush their teeth.

I have nothing to add to Jo's answer, it's what I would do, too. Just wanted you to know you're not alone - my kids feel very strongly about wanting what they see, also!

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Title: How do I handle this?
Post by: Mama Rophe on February 10, 2006, 10:35:36 PM
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My 19 month old will hit and bite us. It is not done out of anger sometimes frustration. Mostly he does it when he is playing. We tell him that hitting isn't right. But he just laughs and contunues to do it. What can we do to help him stop this?

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Title: Re: How do I handle this?
Post by: milkmommy on February 10, 2006, 10:49:39 PM
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Hitting and biting whie playing or other forms of aggression (even if not intentional) with mommy means mommy stops playing and walks away for a bit. Its inaapropiate so we stop.

Deanna

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Title: Re: How do I handle this?
Post by: lavender mom on February 10, 2006, 11:47:30 PM
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My 16 month old DD does this on occassion (she also does it in anger, but that's a different thing!) When she's doing it as a sort of rough play, we say "gentle pats." Usually that's enough to change her behavior, but sometimes well also pat her gently to show her what a "gentle pat" is.

When she bites in playfulness, we tell her to give us kisses instead ("gentle kisses") , and that seems to help her too. I'm sort of surprised that this one works, but I've used it with both kids, and it hasn't confused them.

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Title: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: lavender mom on September 29, 2005, 05:04:44 PM
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It caught me so off guard! They were happily playing while I was on the other side of the room. All of the sudden I hear a horrible scream from DD. DS hides his head in the couch like he does when he's done something wrong and I find a huge bite mark on DD's hand. I'm fairly sure he didn't bite in anger/frustration. He's never bitten anyone before. A couple of months ago he was behaving aggressivly towards DD when he was frustrated with her or me, but he's been much better for at least a month, maybe 2. Back when he was having a hard time being gentle with DD, she did bite him once. I'm wondering if this is where it came from? Was he experimenting?

Anyway, would be a good response in this situation? (I won't share what I did. Let's just say it was not my most proud GBD moment.)

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Title: Re: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: Mamatoto on September 29, 2005, 05:10:28 PM
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Is he getting molars? My kids bite each other and me when they are getting molars.

I would probably make a big fuss over the hurt person's hand and show the one who bit how much that hurt. I would ask them to get a cold rag for the other one's hand and help them to feel better. Then I would say that we don't hurt each other in this family and that I do not want to see anymore biting like that again.

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Title: Re: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: lavender mom on September 29, 2005, 05:26:41 PM
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, nope, no molars. That's part of what beffles me- he doesn't fit the typical "biter profile" right now.

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Title: Re: What SHOULD I have done when my 3 y.o. bit my 1 y.o.?
Post by: Close2MyHeart on September 30, 2005, 05:15:45 AM
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My 3 yo recently bit my 4 yo! I was shocked because he had never done that before!!! I took my boys and stood them face to face. I asked Michael to pick up his shirt and show NJ the bite mark and then tell him how he felt. NJ looked shocked and said "Oh, I'm sorry, Michael" and that was that. He hasn't bit again. But your 1 yo is too young to describe how it made her feel, but maybe you could talk for her?

BTW, my 3 yo wasn't doing it for aggression either... they were just wrestling happily and he did it w/out really thinking about it.

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Title: I have a little biter
Post by: gentlebirth on October 20, 2005, 10:18:15 AM
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She's 13 mo, teething, and gets very frustrated when she's sleepy, teeth are hurting etc...and she gets an angry look on her face, tenses up, clenches her hands and BITES

I've been firmly telling her no, making the "hurt" sign (which she understands), putting her down, redirecting her towards something she can bite...when the message gets across, she gets really tense and bites herself. I feel like it's a build-up of tension and frustration for her, not being able to clearly express how she's feeling. She has a pretty intense disposition (which I understand, because I do to ). What can I do to break this habit? We're consistant, but it seems that especially with each new tooth, it's the same thing all over again.

Any suggestions?

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: lavender mom on October 20, 2005, 01:18:52 PM
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That sounds just like my 13 m.o. DD! I'm trying the same strategies. I know when DS went through his biting phase, it took awhile to move through it, and he wasn't as much of a biter as DD is. He was experimenting. My DD is like yours- biting when she's really frustrated. I'm hoping it's something time will fix.

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: mom2threePKs on October 20, 2005, 02:46:13 PM
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Sounds like she needs a physical outlet for her frustration and anger and big feelings. I'd start working on an angry dance with her. Very big exagerrated motions. If she bites herself or goes to bite her self, help her express herself physically, stomping feet, waving her arms, etc.

Magan

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: gentlebirth on October 20, 2005, 02:47:38 PM
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Quote:
Sounds like she needs a physical outlet for her frustration and anger and big feelings. I'd start working on an angry dance with her. Very big exagerrated motions. If she bites herself or goes to bite her self, help her express herself physically, stomping feet, waving her arms, etc.

Magan
I'll have to try this one as soon as she's sturdy on her feet

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Title: Re: I have a little biter
Post by: BornFreeBaby on October 21, 2005, 04:49:13 AM
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This can be so hard...especially when they bite you and your first pain reaction is to get mad at them. My dd (23 mo.) is just starting to get into this phase. (Not a teething thing, but a "I have power" thing, which I have heard can start around 2) She bit me the other day and all I could think of to say was- biting is for food, not people! I said it a bit harsh, and she started crying. I gave her a hug after, and felt like I wasnt' sure if I did the right thing. I am always looking for other tools to use for this before she bites someone else. It sounds to me like you did a great job in your situation. I like the idea of giving them another outlet for their feelings, like the angry dance. Since your dd is still working on the walking thing, maybe give her a wooden spoon and some pots and pans? Dd LOVES to bang on them.

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Title: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: LadyBird on May 09, 2006, 09:03:50 PM
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Geez. I know this is something that is probably quite predictable, and I knew that something like this would eventually happen, but I wasn't anywhere as near prepered for it like I thought I was. I just freaked out!

Jack was in his bouncer on the table about three feet from me, and Elizabeth was sitting on the table next to him playing with him, and talking to him etc....I am at the computer, not really watching them but every other minute or so...I can see them both out of the corner of my eye. Well, all of the sudden there is the blood curdling scream coming from Jack and I jump up to see what is the matter and Elizabeth is looking really guilty and had his hand in hers. ..It had slobber on it, and a bite mark! Two teeth marks just above his pinkie and ring finger nuckles! I totally lost it and screamed at her. She was covering her eyes with one arm and her ear with the other as if to block me out. "I screamed that we don't bite anyone in this house or any other!". I immediately sent her to time out, and she went willingly. I left her there for at least 3-4 minutes, which is much longer than I usually do. And then I went to her and got down on her level and very sternly repeated that we don't bite. That she bit Jack's finger and it hurt him, and never ever to do that again. I then sent her to the bedroom to get into bed...and changed Jack's diaper. She was crying and whining for me inbetween looking out the window and bouncing on the bed. So, I guess that is her age coming through.

I know she is too young to really understand the consequences of her actions, and I am sure she was just checking it out to see what would happen if she did chomp down. I think it shocked her too. Well, anyway, I then tucked her in and kissed and hugged her and told her that I loved her very much, and that we should be sweet to her brother. Then I asked her if she wanted to kiss Jack and tell him she was sorry. She did. It was pretty sweet and I was much calmer by then.

I know I probably shouldn't have flown off the handle like that and screamed.....well I yelled. Screaming is a bit louder than what I did. But still. Hardly GBD techniques. I found myself thinking afterwards that at least I didn't totally lose it and have the urge to spank her! So that was a positive. What do you do in such a situation to get your point across yet not be so loud?

I hope she doesn't try it again, but I guess I have to be prepared given her age. Sorry for rambling. Just needed to get this out there and hear from all the other very experienced mamas out there that have been through this! Thanks for listening.

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Title: Re: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: Wholly Mama on May 09, 2006, 11:22:02 PM
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Hugs, mama!! That is such a hard place to be in. This is the situation that pushed me over into spanking land 5 1/2 years ago. Older siblings biting baby siblings is so frustrating, but so normal, at the same time.
I think it would be a good idea to explore some of her feelings with her. Yes, I'm sure she loves her sweet little brother, but I'm sure she dislikes him as well. He cries and poops and needs mama a lot of the time. Whereas she used to be the only one who received your attention, she now needs to share you with someone else - someone who can't even play with her!
I'm concerned about your use of time outs. Have you thought about having a comfort corner/cuddle corner instead? Forced isolation can really make kids feel even more resentful toward siblings, I think.

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Title: Re: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: LadyBird on May 09, 2006, 11:42:23 PM
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Quote:
Have you thought about having a comfort corner/cuddle corner instead?
I don't honestly know the difference. But I am certainly willing to learn! Especially after DD woke up crying/sobbing and calling out to me. I went in and got her. She was very clingy ( poor thing, I must have traumatized her! ) and now she is much better. She is playing on the computer with Elmo and it is wayyy past our bedtimes. I would love to hear about the comfort corner though! Thanks!

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Title: Re: She BIT Jack!!!!
Post by: Wholly Mama on May 10, 2006, 03:18:28 PM
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Quote:
I don't honestly know the difference.
Here's a link to the sticky about time-outs vs comfort corners:
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...p?topic=1473.0
And here's a link to a comfort corner discussion that might give you some ideas:
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...hp?topic=499.0

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Old 06-11-2009, 05:38 AM   #9
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Default Re: Collected Past Posts about Biting

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Title: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: caringmommy on June 06, 2005, 08:37:49 AM
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OK, i know you all have probably already answered questions on this, but I'm desparate. My 2 yo is so aggressive and physical. I don't know what to do. He and my 4 yo are constantly getting into knock down drag outs with both getting hurt in the end. My 4 yo usually suffers the most damage. The 2 yo is a biter and hitter. About a month ago he bit another kid in the nursery so bad it drew blood b/c the other kid wanted the same toy as him. I'm trying to do "we don't bite, we use our mouth for kisses." It's worked a few times. (You should see my 4 yo cringe when ds2 comes at him with his mouth first for a kiss.) I am really new to GBD. We are AP and don't spank but still used very punitive discipline in the past. My dh is so frustrated. He keeps asking me when are you going to start time-outs with C. He thinks the reason he's so out of control is that we haven't been "disciplining" him. HELP! I'm going to try to set up a schedule to keep everyone from getting bored. But, what can I "do" when he does bite or hit? Especially so that my dh feels like we're doing something.

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Title: Re: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: Joanne on June 06, 2005, 08:55:36 AM
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Quote:
I'm trying to do "we don't bite, we use our mouth for kisses."
I try not to distract one emotion that needs expression to an opposite. So, I would not try to substitue symbols of love and affection when the child is angry. Instead, teach appropriate expressions of anger. Or how to ask for space, turns, a cookie, a nap.

I would drop the "we don't bite". Because, he *does* bite. Instead, "No biting! Biting hurts".

I would increase texture and sensory play to take the edge off his need to seek sensation inappropriately.

Increase the routine and predictability. Take a look at whether you have too many toys available. Do you have enough outside play? Times to jump, bounce, climb, roll?

I would ban all "touch play".

And I think removing a child who is aggressive from play (essentially a time out) is a related, respectful and reasonable consequence. What *doesn't* make sense is "2 minutes of time out for hitting!" What does make sense is "Hitting hurts. You can't play until you are able to control yourself. I'll help you."

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Title: Re: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: punkie on June 06, 2005, 02:02:48 PM
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I think that's really good advice, Joanne. This is such a tough situation, Cari I wish I had better advice to give!

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Title: Re: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: caringmommy on June 06, 2005, 02:24:11 PM
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Thanks guys! I think sometimes I get caught up in the moment and can't see the obvious. I don't even know where I got the "we don't bite." It really doesn't make any sense. I think sometimes I get caught up in how he reflects me as a parent (especially at church) as one of the few non-spankers. Thanks so much for the tips Joanne. I don't think he's getting enough outdoor play right now or enough organized (by me) activities. With the new baby I've been struggling to get into a routine myself. I think a lot of the boys conflict stems from that.

Title: Re: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: Titus2:5Catholic on June 07, 2005, 06:03:08 AM
Does he do this right in front of you, or when you're in another room? Does he do this at certain times of the day more then others? Is there a certain kind of play they engage in that triggers this? Does he act worse after eating certain kinds of foods?

I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and I've learned painfully that about 3-5 minutes of unsupervised play is about all they can handle...and some days not even that.

Also, I'd bet good money that he LEARNED this behavior in the nursery, so if not taking him to the nursery is an option for a while, it might be something to consider. I realize it's hard to have a kid in service with you when you're used to not (our church doesn't have a nursery and that's usually a hard switch for new parents) but that kind of play enviroment can often be really tough on a higher-strung kid; too much stimulation, too little supervision (one or two outnumbered adults to lots of kids, etc). Just something to think about.

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Title: Re: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: Quietspirit on June 07, 2005, 06:34:22 AM
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Ditto to what Joanne said!

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Title: Re: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: joystrength on June 07, 2005, 09:49:15 PM
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When my DS was having such a hard time with hairpulling and pushing, we just had to be RIGHT THERE with him. I feel like God told me that with this child, we'd have to teach him specifically how to play. I KNOW it's hard with a new little one, BTDT.

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Title: Re: Help... i don't know what to do???
Post by: caringmommy on June 07, 2005, 10:09:08 PM
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We actually had a really good night last night. He's a very physical kid. From birth he's needed a lot of attention and physical touch (only from mom for the first year.) He's not as verbal as his older brother so he resorts to being physical quickly. Ds1 has done his fair share of instigating and teaching his brother how to fight. We'll get there. I just was getting overwhelmed with how to handle it when they get into those brawls.

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Title: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MamatoLLL on September 04, 2005, 11:01:56 AM
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And *I* was in the class with him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was in tears by the time I left. I had to tell the parents. They were "nice" but obviously not real happy with it. This is my 22 m.o. and yes he has a history of biting, and aggression in general. He picks on his older siblings all the time. This is an ongoing challenge for us. We've only been going to this church for a few months and I'm having a hard time feeling like I "fit in" (my own issues, I know) anyway and now this......It just makes me feel so sad for the other children/ parents, like a failure as a parent, and as if people are going to cringe when they see me and my kids coming. I worry about ds and why he does this and I worry about my ability to cope with it myself and helping him find better ways to express himself. After the second time I just held him the entire time so he had no chance to bite again. Maybe I should have done that after the first time or better yet shadowed him from the beginning so he had no chance at all. I just wasn't expecting it to be a problem there- even though it is at home- I've never had any reports of him being aggressive there and I was actually in his class last wk too and it was not a problem. Maybe I shouldn't teach in his class at all- maybe my presence was the problem- a jealousy thing? To make matters worse my dh is gone for a week so I'm already a bit stressed.

When he bites: Anytime anyone is in his way, gets in "his space", during "fights" over toys, when he's mad (like if I am removing him from something he's getting into, etc he may try to bite me). This morning once it was over a toy, and once it was in a little tunnel.

What I've been doing when he bites: Tell him, no biting, biting hurts- show him the other childs boo boo and that they are sad, and yes, I make him sit down for a while. That means physically sitting with him and holding him. Now, he also pinches and pushes the other two a lot at home and dh recently got fed up with the other two just standing there crying and told them to push and pinch back which they have been doing. SOOO that throws another whole problem in there.

How can I fix this?
I need help and ideas with ds but also with the situation at church. Is there any way to make futher amends with the parents other than the apologies I made this morning? Should I not work in his class?

I need to get to the root of the problem but I guess I'm gonna need help digging..... anyone got shovels?

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MarynMunchkins on September 04, 2005, 11:14:03 AM
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IMHO, the root of a an almost 2 yo biting is teeth. I'd stock up on Motrin, and expect it until all his teeth are through.

What you're doing sounds fine. My kids have been bitten before, and while I wasn't happy, I understand that it's part of life with a toddler. We all survived, and I certainly never blamed the parents!

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: Garnet on September 04, 2005, 11:25:23 AM
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there was a little girl at my church who bit when she was upset and being possesive. now sh'es the sweetest thing! i think it has to do with teeth like mary said and the inability to use words to express feelings or emotions. this too shall pass.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MamatoLLL on September 04, 2005, 11:40:40 AM
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Can you tell I've been sitting here waiting for a reply?

Really, you think it's just teeth? Even tho he has an overall pattern of being aggressive?

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MarynMunchkins on September 04, 2005, 12:34:35 PM
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He's a little boy with older siblings. Colin tends to be agressive because he's protecting his stuff, and he sees a lot more agression. He only bites when he's cutting teeth - even if he is hitting at other times. I really wouldn't sweat it too much at his age.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: Kasi on September 04, 2005, 12:46:10 PM
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I'll share my opinion...I believe his biting and aggression may be from his communication skills.

I used to work with toddlers & two's for many years, and I noticed that children who did not use their words were more apt to agression and biting. It was their way to communicate "I don't like what you are doing" or "Give it back to me" to their peers.

At 22 months, his verbal communication skills are still developing and he might just need a little more help and encouragement in this area. Helping him find words to say when he wants something, when someone bothers him, when he's trying to express emotion will help lessen the agressive behavior overtime. He may also need a little more help with empathy when he hurts someone---he need to know that they are sad and that he can make them feel better.

No parent likes their child to be hurt, and may take biting even worse than a child shoving their child to the floor. But biting is a normal part of toddlerhood...but with quick intervention, redirection and empowering the children with words will help this stage pass.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: LisaM on September 04, 2005, 12:58:12 PM
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I would try teaching him some basic sign language. Signing Time has some great DVDs and it's REALLY helped my DD with her frustration (she only bites me and DH, thankfully, when she's frustrated.)

I used to work in a daycare and preschool, and HONESTLY biting has nothing to do with parenting. It's out of frustration, usually from the inability to communicate needs. Biting something when you're frustrated feels good. If I were you, I would shadow him like a hawk for a few days and when you see him get frustrated, give him an apple or a vibrating teether (The First Years make a good one--get the star, not the fish--Walgreens has them) and show him he can bite that when he's frustrated. You may also want to have him take a break from his class at church--it may be too much for him (and you) right now. While biting is a normal stage some kids go through, not all parents understand this and turn it into something personal.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: Katherine on September 05, 2005, 05:42:02 PM
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I totally agree with the idea that it might be due to a frustration at not being able to communicate with words, or just not knowing what to do with his big feelings. My 2yo still tries to bite me, and still succeeds at biting his brother when he's frustrated. We're working a LOT on using words. That is helping, and honestly, just getting older is helping. (and teething does aggravate the whole situation for sure, but it's been an ever-present issue for him, so I know that's not the *only* cause)

I also just wanted to tell you that I personally think some kids just express themselves more physically in general. DS2 bites, head-butts, smacks, and rams FULL-FORCE into people and things whenever he's excited/happy.... it's not always just a matter of defending his turf or being mad at someone. One time dh came home and the boys ran to door screaming and jumping excitedly. Ds2 just couldn't contain himself for another second and while I standing right there he whirled around and sunk his teeth deep into the nearest piece of flesh--which happened to be his brother's arm! When he was a baby (teeny baby) he would grab handfuls of hair or skin and hair, and it HURT! I thought he would never stop.. but he did.. and moved on to other physical forms of expression.

He's getting better, and I expect the improvement to continue as his verbal skills blossom.

As for addressing it, I remove him from situations where's he's getting over-excited or frustrated.. I try to do it before he starts biting, but as I'm sure you know that's easier said than done. I also work a lot on what to do instead--kisses instead of "happy" bites, words instead of "angry" bites and so on. As for church, the one thing I *wouldn't* do is send him to the class/nursery without going yourself. The other adults there aren't going to be able to anticipate his biting as well as you can, and might react in a less-than-helpful way. :/ I would either keep him out for a while or continue going and work on it there just like you do at home.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: reneandbaby on September 05, 2005, 05:57:23 PM
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Quote:
I also just wanted to tell you that I personally think some kids just express themselves more physically in general. DS2 bites, head-butts, smacks, and rams FULL-FORCE into people and things whenever he's excited/happy.... it's not always just a matter of defending his turf or being mad at someone. One time dh came home and the boys ran to door screaming and jumping excitedly. Ds2 just couldn't contain himself for another second and while I standing right there he whirled around and sunk his teeth deep into the nearest piece of flesh--which happened to be his brother's arm! eek When he was a baby (teeny baby) he would grab handfuls of hair or skin and hair, and it HURT! I thought he would never stop.. but he did.. and moved on to other physical forms of expression
I whole heartedly agree. Elijah is a biter when he's frustrated and angry, but he also bites when he's just over-the-top excited, and sometimes he just bites out of boredom and teething. Luckily for us, the only things he tries to bite are me/dh, and any object that he is angry at (i.e. he can't get the train to do what he wants, so he screams, bites it, and then hurls it across the room). He regularly tries to bite me when I am moving him and he doesn't want to go. I can usually head it off pretty quickly...but the happy biting almost always catches me by surprise. I don't know why--- I currently have two huge bruises on my arm from his "I'm so happy" biting that you think I would get it by now!
Rene

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: caringmommy on September 05, 2005, 05:59:43 PM
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No advice just BTDT. Mine actually drew blood in the church nursery. He gets really aggressive when he's frustrated or mad too. I think its a communication thing. He wasn't very verbal (until the last month or so) and he got in a habit of using biting, hitting etc to "resolve" conflicts with his brother. He's actually a really sweet kid, just has a fierce temper. I'm just waiting until he gets through it.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: mama2madj on September 05, 2005, 06:38:37 PM
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((((HUGS)))) BTDT and don'thave the t-shirt cuz i don't want it!
my ds though was wanting to give them kisses, but his teeth got in the way. he was 14-20mts at the times.
he also drew blood twice , one poor boy still has the scar on his nose last i saw him fortunately his mom is more understanding/forgiving of it since her son was also a biter :/
my ds sounds lot like palils son, with his physical expressions, whether happy, mad sad, or etc...
id watch him like a hawk, hover over him and engage him in plenty of apropriate play. if he seems to be getting to excited, try to divert some of his expression towards a game of catch with you and such.

..
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continued from previous post. . .

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MamatoLLL on September 05, 2005, 07:49:48 PM
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Thanks for all the advice and hugs. I feel like such a dork for needing to be reminded of this stuff cause I do know it I just fail the "tests" of practical application. And yes, yes, yes, Lennon IS that extra physical child all around. He has been hurting us all since he was very tiny too. His head is like a brick and I have had bruises on my face more than once from getting bonked just because he flings himself at me/ on me all the time. He's just ROUGH! So I think it's a combination of all of the above: teeth, frustration and lack of verbal skills, age, and his tendency to express himself very physically anyway.

I'm going to try these things at home: closer observation when he's getting excited or frustrated, teethers as an alternative if he tries or succeeds in biting someone, and giving him words to use when frustrated.

I don't know what to do about church yet. I really look forward to being able to enjoy the service- some weeks it's the only break I get from my kids at all, and dh HATES bringing him into service- we did it a few times when we first started going there and ds was really disruptive. I could go in the class with him but again, I'd REALLY miss that time of worship and encouragement. Dh is starting to play in the worship band so he won't be available to take turns staying w/ him. I dunno, I may just have to sacrifice for a while until this passes. It just makes me feel like what's the point of even going then? Might as well just stay home with him. What a bad attitude I know, but really! :/

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: sammiesmomma on September 07, 2005, 12:17:47 PM
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I had to look at your location to make sure you didn't go to my church! LOL!

DD got bit this past weekend in the nursery at church. Honestly, it's the first time another child has ever hurt her. And I was angry about it. I refused to find out who the kid was for fear that I would treat him differently in the future when I work in the nursery. I do know from another nursery worker though...that it was not the first time that it had happened...he had biten kids before.

From what you describe, my first line of defense would be to teach him an acceptable way to communicate what he's feeling. You are doing ok in the fact that you are not tolerating the behaviour....but what we focus on is what we get more of. In other words, it's ok to say no biting, biting hurts, but make sure to include...if you wanted that toy then say, "I wanted that toy." GIVE your child the words he needs in place of just removing the action that is unwanted...and focus on what IS appropriate. Sometimes it will help to ask him to repeat what you just said "I wanted that toy." and then praise him for using those words.

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: ArmsOfLove on September 07, 2005, 12:55:47 PM
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lots of preverbal children do these things

& when I was teaching Kindergarten Sunday School there were children who were still biting--it happens

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Title: Re: Son bit 2 others at church
Post by: MamatoLLL on September 08, 2005, 12:02:12 PM
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Crystal, thanks. I know it happens, it just stinks that it's MY child that is doing it!

Sammies mom, sorry your dd got hurt. I think it's great that you didn't want to know who bit- when I worked in daycare that was our policy, to not tell the parent of the child who got bit, who did the biting, because some parents would want to confront the other parents about it, as if they could prevent something that was happening when they werent even present!

I have good news to report- one of the moms of a child my son bit actually invited us over for dinner the other night since she knew my dh was out of town so I felt really good about the fact that she obviously wasn't holding it against us! AND Lennon did great, no biting or even aggression while we were there, just two little fights over toys and the other mom and I were right on top of it before anything happened. AND I really enjoyed hanging out with her and hope to further a friendship with her.

NO'W if we can just make it through this weekend's camping trip with my family including my brother's 3 kids, (one of whom is also going through a biting stage) without major incident......

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Title: ~Response to biting~
Post by: Mommy on October 23, 2006, 10:09:40 AM
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I know know know all of the sensory stuff going on and I am addressing it, and I know supervision and victim education are BIG deterents to biting- but what should my response be when my 22 month old daycare child bites or attempts to bite? Currently I have physically stopped him from biting- which ussually causes a melt to the floor tantrum, which I respond to with a bear hug while whispering in his ear about how we need to be kind to our friends- biting hurts- which ussually results in him wanting his blankie. His mom has said he is only allowed ti have his blankie while in the playpen- so I put him in there and move all of us into the room with the playpen- so it doesn't "feel" like a time out, and he chews his blanket and then asks to get out- I let him out reminding him that we need to be nice to our friends. I just feel like I need to do more- there are 5-7 attempts at biting each day- I'm giving him tons of sensory, tons of attention. Is my need for more of a response the punitive in me coming out? (Bear mama- it is my child he tries to bite 99% of the time) Or is there more I should be doing?

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: 4blessings on October 23, 2006, 10:29:16 AM
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It sounds like you're handling it really well. I don't know, though. I've never had a biter, just a biting victim. Is there something his mother would let him carry around to chew on?

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: Wholly Mama on October 24, 2006, 12:40:05 AM
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In our house we have a couple of "chew toys". A chewy blanket and a chewy bunny. If one of my children is having a hard time keeping their mouth off of others, I give them a chew toy and let them know that chewing people is not appropriate, but chewing the blankie/bunny is appropriate.
Definately sensory issues.
It's unfortunate that his mother only lets him have his blankie for such a limited place and time, as it is obviously a comfort to him and an opportunity to chew appropriately.
Try offering crunchy foods to snack on.

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: Joanne on October 24, 2006, 04:31:15 PM
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You're doing great!

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Title: Re: ~Response to biting~
Post by: ArmsOfLove on October 25, 2006, 01:38:34 PM
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I think you're doing fine And I agree with having some chew toys you can hand him that won't violate her blankie rule but will give him textural stimulation in the moment

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Title: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: Hopeful on January 10, 2007, 07:18:57 AM
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OK, this is probably an obvious one but how do I use (if at all) the 5 step technique with our 17mo who bites us for fun? He's playing but it's not acceptable to us. If we yell 'OOWW!!' (which is our natural reaction, he thinks it's hilarious. If we pretend to cry like he does, he giggles or just stares at us. If we ignore him he carries on until we react.

Is 17mo too young for the 5 step technique?

If not, please can someone talk me thru step by step how we should do it?

ETA: although he understands a lot he's not talking yet

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: Rabbit on January 10, 2007, 08:30:38 AM
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I'm hopping on board your thread as well, with an extra question: What's a gentle way to unlatch their little teeth, once they're sunk into the flesh of a parent or a sibling?

Samantha bites when she's anxious and wants to make her brother laugh. She got it from me nibbling on her feet to make her laugh. She has no ability to "nibble." She chomps down until Simon is screaming, which startles her more, and makes her tighten her grip, which makes him scream more. I panic and thwap the top of her head repeatedly until she lets go to look up at me, usually sobbing at this point, so that I have two sobbing babies in need of soothing. Clearly, this is not a gentle way, and it is not working for us.

Pardon me for throwing my baggage into your question, but I am really interested in a discussion on biting when it isn't done out of aggression, anger or frustration.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: caringmommy on January 10, 2007, 08:43:28 AM
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Here's been my experience with biting. All of my kids have bit me or siblings at one time or another, but my second was the worst. It was about that time that I discovered this board. The big shift for me was when I realized that for him it was a form of communication. Since he wasn't talking, that's how he communicated how he was feeling. That changed my job from stopping the biting to trying to teach a better form of communicating. It helped me to take the stigma out of being a "biter." Honestly, the thing that worked the best was just time. We started doing our best to try head him off before he had a chance to bite. I would say that this is one case where 5 steps is too many. We would go to him immediately and say "NO Biting. Biting hurts." Then try to reflect whatever feelings caused the biting - for him it would be frustration or anger. If he's biting to play I'd probably just follow it up with, "if you want to play, try tickling (or whatever is acceptable to you." I don't know if that helps at all, but that's what worked for us.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: canadiyank on January 10, 2007, 11:31:34 AM
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Natalie - can you stick your pinkie in to "unlatch" the pitbull? That might put your finger at risk, though.

Hopeful - can you determine the motivation behind the biting? I would try to address that, in addition to stopping the behaviour..."Stop, biting hurts. Oh, you're angry!" Labelling the emotion helps them be able to say that in the future instead of biting.

Another thing to consider is teething. My kids bit a lot more when they were teething.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: ArmsOfLove on January 10, 2007, 11:40:10 AM
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A few thoughts. To use the 5 Steps with this situation I would speak step one "You need to use a gentle mouth. Biting hurts" WHILE I'm DOING step 4 and "helping" them both not bite and unlatch if they do. To prevent biting if you see it coming you can use your pointer finger very gently laid on its side--put it under his chin and gently push up so that he can't open his mouth.

I would also up his oral stimulation--drink lemonade, hot drinks, cold drinks, suck ice, use a straw, spicy foods, soft/hard/different texture foods, etc.

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Title: Re: Biting and the 5 step technique?
Post by: Rabbit on January 10, 2007, 06:32:23 PM
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In calm moments, and when I see she's getting rowdy and winding up to that point, and after a biting event, we talk about "Kisses! Only kisses! No teeth!" and it's working as far as reducing how often it happens. On her own, she substitutes toys and other appropriate items for biting on. She's not biting her brother as often as even once a week. I've tried sticking my fingers into her mouth to unlatch her, but I'm afraid of jabbing her with my nails, even though they're short, and I still can't do anything to pull her teeth apart like that. I'm afraid she's going to do Simon real damage because it's usually his fingers or his toes that she's latched on to, and those joints are fragile.
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