psychological torture as 'creative correction'

My dh and I help clean a church for some extra $. When dusting the books in the library I find myself tempted by the books talked about here (that I've previously not had the desire to read). This week's 5 minute waste of my time was the bible study version of "Creative Correction" (by Lisa Whelchel, published by FOTF).

I only read a few of her 'creative' ideas, but I was immediately struck by how similar her suggestions are to psychological torture.

I went through prisoner of war training when I was in the military. It was in the early 90s (pre-Gulf War I), and much of the tactics used were those of Vietman era P.O.W.s. Some of the instructors had been P.O.W.s. During our training, they did not/were not able to physically torture us (there where things they did that caused minor pain to indicate, had it been a 'real' situation, when they would be dislocating our shoulders or hanging us up by our toes or the like). They did, however do a large amount of 'psychological' torture - all of which are mentioned in one form or another in the book:

deny food
deny use of electricity
hand cuff you to another person
blindfold
have stand in a corner with nose high on the wall - if nose drops below a certain line, add to the time, but don't explain why
control use of toilet facilities (even if just to 'make a point who's in charge')
mock you while they do these things to you

It's all 'crazing-making' stuff. It's supposed to be crazy-making stuff. As a prisoner of war, they are trying to completely break your will so you will do exactly what they want, when they want you to do it. We were adults, and knew what we were getting into. Prior to the exercise, we went through classroom training to learn how to resist the crazy-making. How to maintain your self-will when someone has complete control over you. How to fight so you don't actually go crazy. We knew the exercise would last no longer than 96 hours, and it was a miserable 4 days. But after it I was much better equipped had I ever become a P.O.W.

Admittedly, I was looking for the 'worst' examples in my 5 minutes (I had a job to do, afterall). But how can these things be justified as 'biblical'? Why would we want to treat our children like they are an 'enemy combatant'? Is striving for 'absolute control' of our children the least bit rational?

[3PeasInAPod]

ITU - I felt similar after reading exerts in her book. They're not creative - they're just plain mean & adversarial. It's sad, b/c her book is widely promoted as it's endorsed by FOTF.

[ArmsOfLove]

thank you for that unique perspective. It confirms what I've always felt about the book

This makes me want to go talk to our assistant pastor (and pastor), who recommends this book in his "families under construction" class.

[mwwr]

Wow. Very, very sad.

[Singingmom]

That is so very insightful! I read the book but never thought of any of that. Of course I've never had POW training, but still. It really is all about control, as is so much punitive parenting. What I find unsettling about that book is that in between these chapters about various control techniques are lovely lists of Bible verses to discuss with your children as they struggle with character issues. That's confusing for the parent reading it and trying to sort it all out. And one other thing sticks in my mind. She has her son make her bed every morning. In my sons that would breed resentment. What do you think about that, Atarah?

[Teribear]

Thank you for confirming that this book is every bit as barbaric as I thought it was the first time I read it. I had a visceral reaction to this book. I thought it was my PTSD acting up because of that horrible story about her daughter Haven asking to be spanked...that story made my blood run cold, talk about setting a child up to become the perfect victim of domestic violence...I'm glad it wasn't "just me"

She has her son make her bed every morning. In my sons that would breed resentment. What do you think about that, Atarah?

Oh, my. I don't remember that. I'm not Atarah, but, what is the reason she gives for that? That doesn't even make sense.

[Singingmom]

She's training him to help around the house, do chores. I think I'd come across as lazy if I had my boys make my bed. I feel like I'm setting a good example when I do things I expect them to do for themselves.

I met her in person, and I got cold chills when she snickered about how her children's birthdays were "bittersweet", because they when they got spanked as punishment, they got a "spank" for every year of age.

I also still can't get over her putting Tabasco sauce on her son's toungue for lying. Or her daugher asking to be spanked when she was 2 or 3 or so. Or how she says that she homeschools when they haven't homeschooled since she started writing these crazy books all the time! arghh......I need to go to another post!

[BHope]

Originally Posted by Atarah

deny food
deny use of electricity
hand cuff you to another person
blindfold
have stand in a corner with nose high on the wall - if nose drops below a certain line, add to the time, but don't explain why
control use of toilet facilities (even if just to 'make a point who's in charge')
mock you while they do these things to you

Seriously, those things are in the book? Or were those things part of the POW training that were similiar to suggestions in the book?

[Soliloquy]

I encourage you to write to her, the publisher, and a review at amazon. What you've noticed is powerful and very important.

She's training him to help around the house, do chores.

Um, I think that doing his *own* chores would be plenty "training". Unless of course, she's making *his* bed for him, if the point is "serving" other people.

Originally Posted by BabyHopes

Seriously, those things are in the book?

yes, those things are suggestiong in the book for dealing with various sorts of 'discipline' problems. yes, it is crazy.

Granted, some of the things they did during the POW training were "worse" than those examples, the but the goal is the same - crazy-making, 'control' of another person.

As far as making the mom's bed for her. Like Chris said, maybe if it's about learning to 'serve' other people. But in a dynamic like the writer is setting up, I do think it would breed resentment. I think there's lots of other ways to encourage 'serving' in things that benefit the entire family - like helping with laundry or dishes or whatever.

The POW training did envolve 'slave labor' - we were trained to try to figure out who ultimately benefited from the labor and act accordingly. If it would only benefit the captors - excavating land to install anti-aircraft gun, for example - we were trained to sabatoge it at any cost. If it might benefit us, the captives - shelter or food or a way to escape - we were trained to take care of ourselves. In the training exercise, we didn't have the theat of physical harm.

In Ms. Whelchel's dynamic and in real POW dynamic there is the ever present threat of physical pain. Her book is (as far as I can tell) presented as options so you don't have to spank as much. But the physical assault is there as a threat and a backup if the children don't want to comply to the other punishments.

more later.... son calling.....