ETLDTD - Week 4, Monday-Wednesday

monkeylicious · 08-08-2006, 11:34 AM

From Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline

Week Four
ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Unity
REASON: To focus on connecting instead of trying to be special
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Encouragement
VALUE: Interdependence

*Take five minutes (or more) daily to "just be" with each of your children. Put aside any agenda, and simply enjoy their company.

*Ask yourself in all situations, "do i want to be special or do i want to connect?" or, "do i want to be right or happy?"

*Celebrate your successes in changing your behavior. Decide two things you want to accomplish in a day (only two). After you accomplish them, honor yourself by saying, "i did it>" then describe what you did.

Encouragement: Honoring your children so they can honor you

*Every time your children choose to obey you, celebrate their choice with encouragement. to offer encouragement, do the following:
1. start your sentence with your child's name or one of the following phrases: "look at you," or, "you did it!"
2. describe exactly what you see (or noticed).
3. add a tag, if desired. use one of the following: "that was helpful"; "good job"; "good for you."

*Encourage your child every time you see her using the following behaviors: kindness, caring, turn-taking, sharing, cooperation, honesty, staying on task, and any other behavior you value. do this by describing, not judging. for example: "you held the door open for your mother. that was helpful." or, "you worked on your project for about two hours. that took determination."

monkeylicious · 08-08-2006, 11:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhaud

*Ask yourself in all situations, "do i want to be special or do i want to connect?" or, "do i want to be right or happy?"

What if being right makes you happy?!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhaud

From Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline

Week Four
ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Unity
REASON: To focus on connecting instead of trying to be special
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Encouragement
VALUE: Interdependence

*Take five minutes (or more) daily to "just be" with each of your children. Put aside any agenda, and simply enjoy their company.

*Ask yourself in all situations, "do i want to be special or do i want to connect?" or, "do i want to be right or happy?"

*Celebrate your successes in changing your behavior. Decide two things you want to accomplish in a day (only two). After you accomplish them, honor yourself by saying, "i did it>" then describe what you did.

okay... dh (or others) are going to be giving me strange looks! "i did it! i washed the dishes! yay!"

"i did it! i made it through walmart without assigning negative intent! yay!" (oh never mind, i doubt that one will happen!

08-08-2006, 09:54 PM

i like the 5 minutes of just being and want to do that with dh too

one thing i've enjoyed as my kids get older is watching them do this with each other. DD: "look what brother did. he built an amazing tower with the blocks. brother, you did a great job!" Hearing them apply this to each other or even to me and dh makes me want to say it even more to them.

these days i'm finding it hard to even accomplish two things myself (morning sickness)

maybe i can start off with one

"i did it! I got dressed and went out today! Good on me!"

08-09-2006, 10:43 AM

Quote:

What if being right makes you happy?!

this is me, too. I need to realize that my need to be RIGHT easily becomes a quest to be "special," to promote myself, to better others, to validate myself at the expense of connecting with others. This happens a lot between me and DH. I get self-righteous. Last night he was late and he was in the wrong (told me to meet him at the wrong place). I was so charged up and ready to argue, I was almost exhilirated

-- Like the thrill of being right when he is wrong gives me power. As if I'm happy when he "loses" I "win" that point. But the points do not stack up to win me anything. It just builds disconnect. Last night I managed to give it up. I don't know how, it was just a blessing. I used a kind voice, apologized for snapping at him, and explained that I was worried about him making us late.

Quote:

these days i'm finding it hard to even accomplish two things myself (morning sickness) maybe i can start off with one "i did it! I got dressed and went out today! Good on me!"

I for one am VERY impressed with you getting dressed and going out in the first trimester. That's what I call courage

08-08-2006, 11:34 AM	#1
monkeylicious Rose Garden here we go! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: maryland Posts: 5,138	ETLDTD - Week 4, Monday-Wednesday From Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline Week Four ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Unity REASON: To focus on connecting instead of trying to be special DISCIPLINE SKILL: Encouragement VALUE: Interdependence Take five minutes (or more) daily to "just be" with each of your children. Put aside any agenda, and simply enjoy their company. Ask yourself in all situations, "do i want to be special or do i want to connect?" or, "do i want to be right or happy?" Celebrate your successes in changing your behavior. Decide two things you want to accomplish in a day (only two). After you accomplish them, honor yourself by saying, "i did it>" then describe what you did. Encouragement: Honoring your children so they can honor you Every time your children choose to obey you, celebrate their choice with encouragement. to offer encouragement, do the following: 1. start your sentence with your child's name or one of the following phrases: "look at you," or, "you did it!" 2. describe exactly what you see (or noticed). 3. add a tag, if desired. use one of the following: "that was helpful"; "good job"; "good for you." *Encourage your child every time you see her using the following behaviors: kindness, caring, turn-taking, sharing, cooperation, honesty, staying on task, and any other behavior you value. do this by describing, not judging. for example: "you held the door open for your mother. that was helpful." or, "you worked on your project for about two hours. that took determination." __________________ jennifer - formerly jhaud Air Force wife to Bill - 2001 mama to Genevieve aka gigi or monkey - aug 2004 mama to an angel in heaven - july 2005 mama to Evangeline aka evie(licious) - june 2007

08-08-2006, 09:54 PM	#3
puah Guest Posts: n/a	Re: ETLDTD - Week 4, Monday-Wednesday i like the 5 minutes of just being and want to do that with dh too one thing i've enjoyed as my kids get older is watching them do this with each other. DD: "look what brother did. he built an amazing tower with the blocks. brother, you did a great job!" Hearing them apply this to each other or even to me and dh makes me want to say it even more to them. these days i'm finding it hard to even accomplish two things myself (morning sickness) maybe i can start off with one "i did it! I got dressed and went out today! Good on me!"

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