ETLDTD - Week Two, Tuesday

[monkeylicious]

From Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline by Becky Bailey

WEEK TWO

ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Attention
REASON: What you focus on, you get more of
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Assertiveness
VALUE: Respect

*Pay attention to your focus. are you focusing on what you want, or on what you don't want?

ASSERTIVENESS: Saying no and being heard

*Give assertive commands to your children when you want obedience. use the following steps.
1. gain your child's attention. move close to your child until she looks at you. say, "there you are," and smile.
2. tell her what to do in understandable terms.
3. gesture like a traffic cop to provide additional information.
4.if your child chooses to obey you, praise her in specific terms. start with words, "you did it," then describe what she did that led her to success. avoid general praise such as, "great job!"

*If your child ignores you, say, "i will show you what i want you to do." then guide your child to success. if she still resists, offer her two positive chices. alternatatively, try using empathy, or ask, "what would help you _____ right now?"

i'm still looking for a good signal phrase

i've had a good couple days focusing on what I want and getting it...this works even for making choc chip cookies

tonight i was able to say no to my dd and be heard while we were at small group and I had given boundaries for her physical movements while in the group. I saw her catch herself just as she almost slipped again over the line after she had some lap time after crossing it the first time. she really understood the boundary and respected it.

[monkeylicious]

puah's dd listened! puah was heard, understood, and believed!

i need to start really applying these principals to dh. i realized that earlier i was focusing on what i didn't want (dh to be short with me - for no reason ) instead of focusing on what i do want (dh to show me courtesy/respect/patience)

i don't feel like i'm applying these things with dd... (well i am using the empathy scripting and have used choices at times) but i feel like she is just not there with language skills. how do you feel about these things with your just turning two year old? i know i need to start expecting more from her and getting more involved in activities with her (and then i imagine i'll get to practice these skills!)

[euromom]

Something cool just happened. Ds just loves pulling my hair and we have been working on this for a long time to no avail. He does it when he doesn't get his way, when he wants DH's attention and not mine, when it is nap or bed time and I am trying to rock him to sleep and he doesn;t like it, just for fun when he goes behind the back of the couch and thinks it would be fun to pull my hair. He has pulled other children's hair as well. When he does this I tell him things like "No pull hair, you're hurting mommy," etc... Well today I decided I would try focusing on what I wanted. So earlier when he was pulling my hair, at one point he let go (after I asked him to let go) and so I said "Yeah, you listened to mommy and you let go of mommy's hair! Your a good listener!" Then a few hours later when this happened again, he let go even sooner and when I said "You let go of mommy's hair!" he got a smile on his face, like he was happy about the fact that he can now let go when I ask. Then when I went to tell dh and I was still holding ds on my hip, he began stroking my cheek and saying "gentle, gentle" I was like PTL he is finally getting it! But it took focusing more on what I wanted to start making it happen.