ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday

monkeylicious · 07-23-2006, 05:53 PM

From Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline by Becky Bailey

WEEK TWO

ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Attention
REASON: What you focus on, you get more of
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Assertiveness
VALUE: Respect

*Tell yourself at least five times daily, "what i focus on, i get more of." do this when you wake up, at meals, and at bedtime.

ASSERTIVENESS: Saying no and being heard
*Listen to yourself talk to your children. are you passive, aggressive, or assertive? change passive and aggressive statements into assertive commands. use a calm, sure tone of voice.
*Give assertive commands to your children when you want obedience. use the following steps.

1. gain your child's attention. move close to your child until she looks at you. say, "there you are," and smile.
2. tell her what to do in understandable terms.
3. gesture like a traffic cop to provide additional information.
4.if your child chooses to obey you, praise her in specific terms. start with words, "you did it," then describe what she did that led her to success. avoid general praise such as, "great job!"

monkeylicious · 07-23-2006, 05:59 PM

"there you are" isn't comfortable for me

i'm thinking "hi" or "hi there" is more natural for me. anyone else using a different phrase? or using this at all? i do find that if dd is into something (or knows i want her attention

) she will not look at me, so i know i do need to carry out this sequence.

hope everyone else had a good week last week with some opportunity to practice (but just a little!) and that this week will bring us that much closer to being the mamas we want to be!

mummy2boys · 07-23-2006, 07:53 PM

I tend to use "Hi" as well.

Quote:

gain your child's attention. move close to your child until she looks at you.

I find this hard to do sometimes as I call from one end of the house to the other even though I know I shouldn't

And I wonder why the boys do it

Anyhow, something to practice

07-24-2006, 01:20 AM

now that i'm owning my own upset (btw, anyone find this harder with dh than dc's!?) we will move onto to this attention getting. some days I do this better than others. when i hear myself repeat things often it's a big sign that I need to think about having their attention before I speak. I'm not sure about THE phrase...seems kinda cheesy to me

but will try the one suggested as well as, "hi." do you think that having a special phrase might better than a common phrase to help both me and dc's clue into, 'oh, this is time to pay attention.' like a signal of sorts?

mummy2boys · 07-24-2006, 02:32 AM

Quote:

now that i'm owning my own upset (btw, anyone find this harder with dh than dc's!?)

ME....ME....ME....

Am finding this book making think about LOTS of things, especailly since DH and I going through a rough patch atm

monkeylicious · 07-24-2006, 07:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by puah

now that i'm owning my own upset (btw, anyone find this harder with dh than dc's!?)

me three! much harder with dh

Quote:

Originally Posted by puah

do you think that having a special phrase might better than a common phrase to help both me and dc's clue into, 'oh, this is time to pay attention.' like a signal of sorts?

yes i totally agree... just when thinking about it last night hi or hi there, is what would come naturally when dd looks at me. but a phrase used consistently is what i think would work for me. maybe even one for before i have her attention to let her know it is time to attend. but it can't be "look at me" (i once worked with a Kindergarten teacher who would say that to anyone she was talking with - i'm sure it was just a habitual thing, but it used to annoy me).

The Tickle Momster · 07-24-2006, 07:43 AM

Aisling · 07-24-2006, 07:53 AM

I absolutely love this section.

It's helping me soooo much.

I'm finding that it all works much better if I approach it as general concept in which I insert my own words/personality. ITA, I'd never say "there you are!" to dd

shaking head with amused smile & rolling eyes

For me it looks more like, "Hey there, Boo-bear! You poured your water on the floor. Water belongs in our tummy. Take this towel, and we're going to clean it up together. Like this!" (When I'm focusing on what I don't want rather than what I want, it sounds more like, "No, no, no, no!!! Awwwwww, E.

Why do you DO that???

"

) When I insert my own personality into the concept, I'm so much more likely to make it a habit, because it doesn't feel so weird. (and who wants an android for a mom, anyway?

)

My attitude is so much better all day long when I focus on the assertive (and hopefully positive) way to correct an action, rather than wallowing in how the action made me feel...and how inconveniant it is to me.

I'm with you ladies...it's WAY easier to focus on being assertive than just plain irritated with dd than with dh

He'd much rather I just outline what I'd rather him do than sit there and rant about how what he's already done has wrecked my day.

But for some reason, out of bad habit probably, it's harder to focus on the postive action with him.

Help me God!!

Blue Aurora · 07-24-2006, 11:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mummy2boys

Quote:

now that i'm owning my own upset (btw, anyone find this harder with dh than dc's!?)

ME as well. I guess it's good I'm doing the POAPW right now too.

euromom · 07-24-2006, 01:05 PM

Blue Aurora · 07-24-2006, 03:26 PM

Today is one of those days that I feel like i'm going to lose it at any second. I'm

alot and remembering that "composure is a moment by moment decision" Also trying to focus on what I want while desperately hope I can make it through the day.

07-23-2006, 05:53 PM	#1
monkeylicious Rose Garden here we go! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: maryland Posts: 5,138	ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday From Easy To Love, Difficult To Discipline by Becky Bailey WEEK TWO ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Attention REASON: What you focus on, you get more of DISCIPLINE SKILL: Assertiveness VALUE: Respect Tell yourself at least five times daily, "what i focus on, i get more of." do this when you wake up, at meals, and at bedtime. ASSERTIVENESS: Saying no and being heard Listen to yourself talk to your children. are you passive, aggressive, or assertive? change passive and aggressive statements into assertive commands. use a calm, sure tone of voice. *Give assertive commands to your children when you want obedience. use the following steps. 1. gain your child's attention. move close to your child until she looks at you. say, "there you are," and smile. 2. tell her what to do in understandable terms. 3. gesture like a traffic cop to provide additional information. 4.if your child chooses to obey you, praise her in specific terms. start with words, "you did it," then describe what she did that led her to success. avoid general praise such as, "great job!" __________________ jennifer - formerly jhaud Air Force wife to Bill - 2001 mama to Genevieve aka gigi or monkey - aug 2004 mama to an angel in heaven - july 2005 mama to Evangeline aka evie(licious) - june 2007

07-23-2006, 05:59 PM	#2
monkeylicious Rose Garden here we go! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: maryland Posts: 5,138	Re: ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday "there you are" isn't comfortable for me i'm thinking "hi" or "hi there" is more natural for me. anyone else using a different phrase? or using this at all? i do find that if dd is into something (or knows i want her attention ) she will not look at me, so i know i do need to carry out this sequence. hope everyone else had a good week last week with some opportunity to practice (but just a little!) and that this week will bring us that much closer to being the mamas we want to be! __________________ jennifer - formerly jhaud Air Force wife to Bill - 2001 mama to Genevieve aka gigi or monkey - aug 2004 mama to an angel in heaven - july 2005 mama to Evangeline aka evie(licious) - june 2007

07-24-2006, 01:20 AM	#4
puah Guest Posts: n/a	Re: ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday now that i'm owning my own upset (btw, anyone find this harder with dh than dc's!?) we will move onto to this attention getting. some days I do this better than others. when i hear myself repeat things often it's a big sign that I need to think about having their attention before I speak. I'm not sure about THE phrase...seems kinda cheesy to me but will try the one suggested as well as, "hi." do you think that having a special phrase might better than a common phrase to help both me and dc's clue into, 'oh, this is time to pay attention.' like a signal of sorts?

07-24-2006, 07:43 AM	#7
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,954	Re: ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

07-24-2006, 07:53 AM	#8
Aisling Deactivated Even artichokes have hearts! Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 33,230	Re: ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday I absolutely love this section. It's helping me soooo much. I'm finding that it all works much better if I approach it as general concept in which I insert my own words/personality. ITA, I'd never say "there you are!" to dd For me it looks more like, "Hey there, Boo-bear! You poured your water on the floor. Water belongs in our tummy. Take this towel, and we're going to clean it up together. Like this!" (When I'm focusing on what I don't want rather than what I want, it sounds more like, "No, no, no, no!!! Awwwwww, E. Why do you DO that??? " ) When I insert my own personality into the concept, I'm so much more likely to make it a habit, because it doesn't feel so weird. (and who wants an android for a mom, anyway? ) My attitude is so much better all day long when I focus on the assertive (and hopefully positive) way to correct an action, rather than wallowing in how the action made me feel...and how inconveniant it is to me. I'm with you ladies...it's WAY easier to focus on being assertive than just plain irritated with dd than with dh He'd much rather I just outline what I'd rather him do than sit there and rant about how what he's already done has wrecked my day. But for some reason, out of bad habit probably, it's harder to focus on the postive action with him. Help me God!!

07-24-2006, 01:05 PM	#10
euromom Rose Garden Join Date: May 2006 Location: VA for now but one day Romania Posts: 4,997	Re: ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday __________________ Trish - wife to never boring dh mommy to my ever energetic ds - 11/04 mommy to my VBAC baby dd - 02/08 mommy to my HBAC blessing dd- 01/10!

07-24-2006, 03:26 PM	#11
Blue Aurora Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,666	Re: ETLDTD - Week Two, Monday Today is one of those days that I feel like i'm going to lose it at any second. I'm alot and remembering that "composure is a moment by moment decision" Also trying to focus on what I want while desperately hope I can make it through the day. __________________ Jen, Married 10 years! Mama to 2 boys, 9 and 7.5 and my 2 little girls, 4 years old and almost 2 True obedience is a matter of love, which makes it voluntary, not compelled by fear or force. ~Dorothy Day

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