ETLDTD - week one- monday

monkeylicious · 07-16-2006, 05:32 PM

From Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey:

Week One

ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Perception
REASON: To own your own upset.
DISCIPLINE SKILL: Composure
VALUE: Integrity

* Notice how your thoughts create feelings. When you feel angry, overwhelmed, or anxious, check to see what you are thinking. Where is your mind directed.

COMPOSURE: Living the values you want your child to develop.
* Breathe deeply and decide that you are going to stick with these exercises. Maintaining composure is an option you always have available to you.

i will try to post the evening before for each day... some days i don't find the time to get online until late afternoon or early evening. i plan on posting the same way as the previous study with the info at the beginning and then a point or two each day. let me know if you have any other suggestions! looking forward to getting through this together!

monkeylicious · 07-16-2006, 05:35 PM

i know i find myself saying/thinking "you are driving me nuts/crazy" when dd is having a particularly difficult day. this will be a challenge this week to shift the observation back to myself... "i am overwhelmed by your crying today..."

okay... i can do this

mummy2boys · 07-16-2006, 11:42 PM

Quote:

i know i find myself saying/thinking "you are driving me nuts/crazy" when dd is having a particularly difficult day. this will be a challenge this week to shift the observation back to myself...

Oh yeah

You are not the only one. This is going to be a very hard one for me as well Jennifer so you are not alone

Together we can do this....and our kids lives and our lives will be richer for it

Aisling · 07-17-2006, 09:06 AM

I really loved this chapter...and had to read it bit by tiny bit, because I have a way of taking everything as a personal offense...especially during pregnancy!

It was so much to digest.

But it made very, very good sense.

Dd picks up (and reflects!) my emotions so often, it's very easy to feel as if she's the cause of them. (For example, when I'm very tired/exhausted, she tends to become very clingy/demanding.) I've been amazed at how often I have to consciously think, She's not trying to make me miserable. She's reacting, and I'm more easily upset right now because I feel...."fill in the blank".

I'm so excited to find that while it's really difficult to purposefully regain my composure, owning my own feelings makes me much more likely to seek a solution that helps her and me. I see the situation in perspective, rather than perceiving myself as "under attack"

...and haven't slipped into the "this is just not fair to me

" attitude quite as much.

tempus vernum · 07-17-2006, 02:21 PM

Dh and I are doing the 7 week challenge together

euromom · 07-17-2006, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonshineMama

Dh and I are doing the 7 week challenge together

Oh that's a great idea!

I wonder if my DH would be up for it.

The Tickle Momster · 07-17-2006, 03:10 PM

I'm hoping to get dh to join me. Haven't really had time to talk to him. Wish I'd read today's post before rest time. Need to work on maintaining composure and owning my upset while they are talking back and being over loud, instead of resting quietly.

kiloyd · 07-17-2006, 03:24 PM

Oh, I soooo needed this earlier today. I have read this book before but it has been a long time. I'm going to see if our library has it in so I can jump in with this study/discussion.

K

mummy2boys · 07-17-2006, 04:42 PM

I would love DH to do this with me...He hasn't read the book and is not totally on board with GBD but am hoping to show him through actions.

I think its lovely that your DH is doing this with you Sonshine Mama

monkeylicious · 07-17-2006, 05:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mummy2boys

I would love DH to do this with me...
I think its lovely that your DH is doing this with you Sonshine Mama

me too! my dh doesn't read much outside of magazines. and i know he couldn't get past being offended in certain parts (where she talks about driving and speaking unfavorably about other drivers on page 9... that would be it for him) but fortunately he says he's willing to watch and learn. (it's my own neurosis that wants him to get it and get why!)

i didn't get much practice today as dh was off work and dd is a daddy's girl. i'm sure i will be challenged this week. i look forward to being the mom others look at and think "she is always so calm"

tempus vernum · 07-17-2006, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jhaud

Quote:

Originally Posted by mummy2boys

I would love DH to do this with me...
I think its lovely that your DH is doing this with you Sonshine Mama

me too! my dh doesn't read much outside of magazines. and i know he couldn't get past being offended in certain parts (where she talks about driving and speaking unfavorably about other drivers on page 9... that would be it for him) but fortunately he says he's willing to watch and learn. (it's my own neurosis that wants him to get it and get why!)

i didn't get much practice today as dh was off work and dd is a daddy's girl. i'm sure i will be challenged this week. i look forward to being the mom others look at and think "she is always so calm"

My dh is NOT a reader. IN fact, I read JUST the challenge this week aloud to him. We are going to try to read it every night

. As we have been pursuing GBD as a family for over 4 years, he knows a lot and is willing to go down the road with me for the next 7 weeks. I have gotten into the habit of summarizing what I am reading and sharing the light bulb moments

-- it has ben helpful for both of us for accountability. Next week, I am planning on reading the assertive chapter to him. We are also working on the I Love You Rituals and talking a lot about that. We have a secret signal when one or the other of us is not GBD'ing. It's quite humorous (imagine an umpire giving signals).

It is funny so removes the "sting" of one person holding the other accountable

Blue Aurora · 07-17-2006, 05:58 PM

I find myself thinking, "why can't you just listen" Ofcourse a 2 year listening consistently is an imposible expectation.

I need to work on this...

tempus vernum · 07-17-2006, 06:05 PM

I actually came back here to post about my day and got sidetracked posting about my dh doing this with me

I made it through today taking deep breaths and saying "I feel angry and it's okay" and checking where my thoughts are - I'm upset what I am thinking? Once my answer was I am thinking "I can't do this anymore. I give up." ANd I countered it with "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Took 2 deep breaths and let the storm pass me by even though the kids were still punching each other

Praying tomorrow is successfull for us - we have a spinal at the hospital and I am usually VERY stressed.

Gentle Journey · 07-17-2006, 06:11 PM

I dont have much to post about today, but I'm in! Hoping DHZ will allow me to read it out loud to him.

Aisling · 07-17-2006, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SonshineMama

I actually came back here to post about my day and got sidetracked posting about my dh doing this with me

I made it through today taking deep breaths and saying "I feel angry and it's okay" and checking where my thoughts are - I'm upset what I am thinking? Once my answer was I am thinking "I can't do this anymore. I give up." ANd I countered it with "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Took 2 deep breaths and let the storm pass me by even though the kids were still punching each other

Praying tomorrow is successfull for us - we have a spinal at the hospital and I am usually VERY stressed.

Praying for your day tomorrow... Thanks for sharing about turning your thoughts around and replacing it with a scripture. This is sooo important for me! "Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ"

07-16-2006, 05:32 PM	#1
monkeylicious Rose Garden here we go! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: maryland Posts: 5,138	ETLDTD - week one- monday From Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey: Week One ATTITUDE SHIFT: Harnessing the Power of Perception REASON: To own your own upset. DISCIPLINE SKILL: Composure VALUE: Integrity * Notice how your thoughts create feelings. When you feel angry, overwhelmed, or anxious, check to see what you are thinking. Where is your mind directed. COMPOSURE: Living the values you want your child to develop. * Breathe deeply and decide that you are going to stick with these exercises. Maintaining composure is an option you always have available to you. i will try to post the evening before for each day... some days i don't find the time to get online until late afternoon or early evening. i plan on posting the same way as the previous study with the info at the beginning and then a point or two each day. let me know if you have any other suggestions! looking forward to getting through this together! __________________ jennifer - formerly jhaud Air Force wife to Bill - 2001 mama to Genevieve aka gigi or monkey - aug 2004 mama to an angel in heaven - july 2005 mama to Evangeline aka evie(licious) - june 2007

07-16-2006, 05:35 PM	#2
monkeylicious Rose Garden here we go! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: maryland Posts: 5,138	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday i know i find myself saying/thinking "you are driving me nuts/crazy" when dd is having a particularly difficult day. this will be a challenge this week to shift the observation back to myself... "i am overwhelmed by your crying today..." okay... i can do this __________________ jennifer - formerly jhaud Air Force wife to Bill - 2001 mama to Genevieve aka gigi or monkey - aug 2004 mama to an angel in heaven - july 2005 mama to Evangeline aka evie(licious) - june 2007

07-17-2006, 09:06 AM	#4
Aisling Deactivated Even artichokes have hearts! Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 33,230	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday I really loved this chapter...and had to read it bit by tiny bit, because I have a way of taking everything as a personal offense...especially during pregnancy! It was so much to digest. But it made very, very good sense. Dd picks up (and reflects!) my emotions so often, it's very easy to feel as if she's the cause of them. (For example, when I'm very tired/exhausted, she tends to become very clingy/demanding.) I've been amazed at how often I have to consciously think, She's not trying to make me miserable. She's reacting, and I'm* more easily upset right now because I feel...."fill in the blank".* I'm so excited to find that while it's really difficult to purposefully regain my composure, owning my own feelings makes me much more likely to seek a solution that helps her and me. I see the situation in perspective, rather than perceiving myself as "under attack" ...and haven't slipped into the "this is just not fair to me " attitude quite as much.

07-17-2006, 02:21 PM	#5
tempus vernum Rose Garden I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 28,913	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday Dh and I are doing the 7 week challenge together __________________ ~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ”

07-17-2006, 03:10 PM	#7
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,954	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday I'm hoping to get dh to join me. Haven't really had time to talk to him. Wish I'd read today's post before rest time. Need to work on maintaining composure and owning my upset while they are talking back and being over loud, instead of resting quietly. __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

07-17-2006, 03:24 PM	#8
kiloyd Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: South Carolina Posts: 16,108	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday Oh, I soooo needed this earlier today. I have read this book before but it has been a long time. I'm going to see if our library has it in so I can jump in with this study/discussion. K __________________ k-i-loyd, not kill loyd ISFJ/P Katherine, married 8-9-97 ds1 22 (adding a dil in August!) dd1 18 dd2 16 ds2 10

07-17-2006, 04:42 PM	#9
mummy2boys Moderator in We'd Love to Meet You, Let's Talk, High Need/Spirited Children, Joyous Homekeeping, and The Cookbook Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 16,027	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday I would love DH to do this with me...He hasn't read the book and is not totally on board with GBD but am hoping to show him through actions. I think its lovely that your DH is doing this with you Sonshine Mama __________________ Alysia Married to the love of my life Mama to 2 wonderful boys Waiting to meet 3 in heaven 2/2005, 5/2007 & 8/2011 Striving, with God's help, to be a gentle mother each day

07-17-2006, 05:58 PM	#12
Blue Aurora Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,666	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday I find myself thinking, "why can't you just listen" Ofcourse a 2 year listening consistently is an imposible expectation. I need to work on this... __________________ Jen, Married 10 years! Mama to 2 boys, 9 and 7.5 and my 2 little girls, 4 years old and almost 2 True obedience is a matter of love, which makes it voluntary, not compelled by fear or force. ~Dorothy Day

07-17-2006, 06:05 PM	#13
tempus vernum Rose Garden I am the mountain. I am not the storm and the storm is not me. -Ian Cron Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 28,913	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday I actually came back here to post about my day and got sidetracked posting about my dh doing this with me I made it through today taking deep breaths and saying "I feel angry and it's okay" and checking where my thoughts are - I'm upset what I am thinking? Once my answer was I am thinking "I can't do this anymore. I give up." ANd I countered it with "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Took 2 deep breaths and let the storm pass me by even though the kids were still punching each other Praying tomorrow is successfull for us - we have a spinal at the hospital and I am usually VERY stressed. __________________ ~Spring always comes after winter~ 2 Corinthians 4:16 “ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ”

07-17-2006, 06:11 PM	#14
Gentle Journey Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: In a box with a fox Posts: 13,420	Re: ETLDTD - week one- monday I dont have much to post about today, but I'm in! Hoping DHZ will allow me to read it out loud to him. __________________

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