Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
A public forum.
Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:

23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-25-2006, 11:36 AM   #1
raisa
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Salon Article on Pearls

Salon.com has published its article about the Pearls . . . apologies if this has been linked elsewhere on GCM today (feel free to move)

Spare the quarter-inch plumbing supply line, spoil the child
http://www. salon.com/mwt/feature/2006/05/25/the_pearls/index_np.html

Edited to add: I just made my way through it to see that they quoted Jeri and linked to GCM!! Wow!!



  Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 12:01 PM   #2
happy2bmama
Deactivated
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,164
happy2bmama is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

OH BUMMER! You have to pay to read the article?
happy2bmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 12:11 PM   #3
BeckaBlue
Rose Garden
 
AKA mama2madj
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 15,089
BeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond reputeBeckaBlue has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

there's a visa logo you can click on to read the whole thing free
__________________
Becka, 30 esFP
married to E InTJ
mama of 6 fun fantastical kiddos
K, 14 ENP
A, 11 INJ
N, 10 EFJ
J, 5.5 ETJ
El 10/11
D 1/13

"Against the grain should be a way of life. What's worth the prize is always worth the fight" - Nickelback
BeckaBlue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 01:20 PM   #4
Punkie
Administrator
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 20,151
Punkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond reputePunkie has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
"It's a little swat on the back of the hand that says, 'Don't touch that,' or a swat on the back of the calf that says, 'Stop crying, buck up, be a happy girl.'
Maybe she needs to read VanVonderen about supressing anger...
__________________
GCM Admin and Moderator in Questions About the Message Board, Drawing Closer, Let's Talk, Weight Management, In the News, and Electronics.

Homeschooling mom to 4, certified herbalist, homesteader, and overly ambitious crafter
Punkie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 01:48 PM   #5
DebraBaker
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

It's chilling to read people's responses.

So many people with similar horror story childhoods.

So many people who are closed to the Gospel because they were beaten in the name of Jesus.

Debra Baker
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 01:50 PM   #6
Irene
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 9,746
Irene has disabled reputation
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
Originally Posted by punkie
Quote:
"It's a little swat on the back of the hand that says, 'Don't touch that,' or a swat on the back of the calf that says, 'Stop crying, buck up, be a happy girl.'
Maybe she needs to read VanVonderen about supressing anger...
that quote stood out to me as well...

great job Meggan and Jeri
__________________
http://www.somethingnewcreations.com
http://www.fbook.me/SomethingNew
http://twitter.com/SNCreations

Blessed single mom to three delightful, creative children who help inspire my art.
Irene is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 03:58 PM   #7
hsgbdmama
Deactivated
 
Yeah, it's winter here ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,919
hsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Another good article, with good links, so readers unfamiliar with these methods can see that there are places that actually sell these "implements."
hsgbdmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 05:32 PM   #8
hey mommy
Rose Garden
 
I am so hopelessly in love..
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,705
hey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
." Judge and her husband followed the Pearls' advice when trying to train their infant son Noah not to grab forbidden objects: "Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, 'No.' Remember, you are not disciplining, you are training. One spat with a little switch is enough," reads the book. "They will again pull back their hand and consider the relationship between the object, their desire, the command and the little reinforcing pain. It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even in your absence."
Interesting(in a horrid way).. I did that by teaching DS from a very early age "these are pretties. We don't touch, we only look" about everything and now he asks "is it a pretty?" and if I say yes, he doesn't touch. Sad that they think you have to smack their hands to get the point across.. I did that once w/DS when he was 7 months old and felt like crud for it. He wouldn't leave the electrical outlet alone at my MIL's, and no amount of diversion or moving him away would stop him. He just went right back. It was the first time I ever smacked his hand(possibly the only). It worked, but I felt terrible for it and I know he did too..


I remember my cousin holding her Ds, who was under 8 months old at the time, and trying to get him to sleep(though he wasn't tired, she just didn't want us playing w/him b/c she didn't/doesn't like us) and she was holding him towards her telling him "get on your knees' over and over and when he wouldn't bend his knees, she smacked his legs really hard. Didn't work. Just made him mad instead. So then she grabbed his legs and bent his knees herself, which I'm sure wasn't good for his little bitty knees.. I felt so bad for the poor guy.. I was ready to smack HER for it and see how she liked it!

Quote:
udge had to lock Noah in a separate room for fear she would "beat him senseless," she says. "I just wanted to know when that 'peace' the Pearls talk about was going to come."
Umm, well, if you are beating your child, it's NOT going to come!!!
__________________

Janice (ISFP), single-mommy to Cias(11) Samuel( 4) and 2 babies in heaven

Scully: You know, there is life on this planet.
Mulder: I've seen the life on this planet, Scully, that's why I'm looking elsewhere.

A

Check out my NEW facebook page.
I am now a Plexus Ambassador.
hey mommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 05:37 PM   #9
hsgbdmama
Deactivated
 
Yeah, it's winter here ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,919
hsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2cias
Quote:
." Judge and her husband followed the Pearls' advice when trying to train their infant son Noah not to grab forbidden objects: "Switch their hand once and simultaneously say, 'No.' Remember, you are not disciplining, you are training. One spat with a little switch is enough," reads the book. "They will again pull back their hand and consider the relationship between the object, their desire, the command and the little reinforcing pain. It may take several times, but if you are consistent, they will learn to consistently obey, even in your absence."
Interesting(in a horrid way).. I did that by teaching DS from a very early age "these are pretties. We don't touch, we only look" about everything and now he asks "is it a pretty?" and if I say yes, he doesn't touch. Sad that they think you have to smack their hands to get the point across.. I did that once w/DS when he was 7 months old and felt like crud for it. He wouldn't leave the electrical outlet alone at my MIL's, and no amount of diversion or moving him away would stop him. He just went right back. It was the first time I ever smacked his hand(possibly the only). It worked, but I felt terrible for it and I know he did too..


I remember my cousin holding her Ds, who was under 8 months old at the time, and trying to get him to sleep(though he wasn't tired, she just didn't want us playing w/him b/c she didn't/doesn't like us) and she was holding him towards her telling him "get on your knees' over and over and when he wouldn't bend his knees, she smacked his legs really hard. Didn't work. Just made him mad instead. So then she grabbed his legs and bent his knees herself, which I'm sure wasn't good for his little bitty knees.. I felt so bad for the poor guy.. I was ready to smack HER for it and see how she liked it!

Quote:
udge had to lock Noah in a separate room for fear she would "beat him senseless," she says. "I just wanted to know when that 'peace' the Pearls talk about was going to come."
Umm, well, if you are beating your child, it's NOT going to come!!!
Just a gentle FYI -- Meggan is one of our wonderful mamas who stepped forward to tell her story ... she has been saved from these horrid methods.
hsgbdmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 05:40 PM   #10
hey mommy
Rose Garden
 
I am so hopelessly in love..
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,705
hey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

OH, I wasn't saing anything bad about HER!!! I was just commenting ont he Pearl method... I'm glad to hear she has been 'reformed'.
__________________

Janice (ISFP), single-mommy to Cias(11) Samuel( 4) and 2 babies in heaven

Scully: You know, there is life on this planet.
Mulder: I've seen the life on this planet, Scully, that's why I'm looking elsewhere.

A

Check out my NEW facebook page.
I am now a Plexus Ambassador.
hey mommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-25-2006, 09:40 PM   #11
RubySlippers
Deactivated
 
There's no place like home.
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 9,128
RubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Thanks for the link.
RubySlippers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2006, 06:43 AM   #12
DebraBaker
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

I think we have quite a few moms here who were negatively effected by the parenting gurus that prey upon the good intentions of young parents.

It's amazing to me to read some of their stories.

Thanks for the reminder.

  Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2006, 05:00 PM   #13
callasandra
Rosebud
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 65
callasandra is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Wow, when you read the article on the Pearls and then click on the blog Doc's Sunrise Rants we Christians really have a bad reputation. Kinda scary, makes trying to witness about the love of Christ so much harder when people view us as lunatics who abuse children. Where do these people come off saying that they are training their children the way God trains us?

Callasandra
callasandra is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2006, 08:50 PM   #14
TulipMama
Deactivated
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,800
TulipMama is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

I thought what Jeri said was beautiful. . .

Quote:
"I believe that Christian parents from both approaches love their children deeply and have a heart's desire to follow God and to raise their children for His glory, and I have no desire to create further division in the Christian parenting community," says Jeri Carr, 35, a home-schooling mother of four in Washington state. Initially, however, Carr had trouble finding a place there for herself. She founded the Web site Gentle Christian Mothers nine years ago after determining that other Christian parenting resources ran counter to her "God-given mothering intuition." There was no Christian support for many of the "gentle parenting choices," such as feeding in response to hunger, as opposed to on a schedule, that she believed in, she says. "I felt very alone. "

Then Carr came across a technique called attachment parenting, a "secular" style promoted by other Christian parenting Web sites such as Arms of Love Family Fellowship. "I began mothering my little one more responsively and from the heart, making more gentle choices," she says. "I had always planned on spanking my children, but I began to realize that I didn't have to spank in order to please God, and God led my husband and me to discipline our children without spanking them."

But what about all those verses in Proverbs? "The 'rod,' or staff, our Shepherd holds is one that He uses to comfort us, guide us, lead us, protect us," Carr says. "As Christian parents we desire to show God to our children through our relationship with them, a God who is loving and gracious, who is always there for us and who answers our cries and treats us with gentleness and kindness."

Gentle Christian Mothers has also become, in part, a support community for mothers like Meggan Judge, who was at first convinced that Noah's recalcitrance was entirely her fault. "They tell us that if parents would only spank 'correctly,' parents will get the results -- the first-time, happy obedience -- that they desire," says Carr. "When it doesn't 'work' parents can end up feeling very guilty and worried that they are doing it wrong and are failing to do it the biblical way. They may worry that they'll wind up with out-of-control children, so they try harder to do it 'right,' and the battle continues. Children may end up bitter and angry, and deeply hurt, with a warped picture in their mind of who our gracious God truly is."

(This is from page four of the Salon.Com article. . .)
TulipMama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2006, 10:21 PM   #15
nutmeggmama
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

jeri, your words were beautiful!
  Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:45 PM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2014 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.