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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:

23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 12-02-2005, 09:57 AM   #1
Mama Rophe
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Default Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

I went to a new friends house yesterday and she started talking about dicipline. I told her that I don't agree with spanking kids for any reason. That there are other ways to deal with "dicipline" issues than just hitting my child. She then tried to tell me that Pearl uses the "switching" method (using small whip like object to hit them on the hand) only in a loving way. She also told me that when she spanks one of her six kids, she does it with nothing but love in her heart. How can someone trully hit their child with love in their heart? She was trying to sell me this Pearl stuff. I didn't really know what to say. I kind of felt like I shouldn't say anything because I have only one child and she has six. I really like her, but we don't agree on the dicipline issue. I tried to pass the bean dip, but she wouldn't let it go. Is there anything that I can do?
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Old 12-02-2005, 10:01 AM   #2
Irene
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

Yeah, our pastor and wife said the same sort of things they excused the harsh writing of Pearls words by saying he was a farmer, and they personally (pastor and wife) dont whip their kids, they spank them but its all very loving and have a loving and peaceful home etc etc.
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Old 12-02-2005, 10:05 AM   #3
Mama Rophe
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

This woman actualy does whip her kids. She says it doesn't hurt them. Her youngest is 14 months and she said, "I haven't had to do it to dd yet, but if I do I will." I was like, "Don't you think she's a little young? Do you think she really understands why you do this?" She just kind of blew it off like it was no big deal. I just don't understand how some people can buy into these things. I would like to whip them everytime they do something wrong and have them tell me if it hurts.
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Old 12-02-2005, 10:10 AM   #4
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

I'm sorry, Laura! These types of conversations always leave me so unsettled.

I try to stay away from using terms like "hitting." I do think spanking=hitting, but I don't always say that because it puts people on the defensive and makes them more apt to try to convince you that what they're doing isn't hitting and that it isn't wrong.

I still do not understand the "spanking lovingly" thing. Isn't it kind of an oxymoron? Lots of people believe they are doing just that, though - lovingly spanking their children.

I guess you will probably have to evaluate if this is a friendship worth pursuing.

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Old 12-02-2005, 10:19 AM   #5
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

My response is usually...

Quote:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.
I don't think striking a child, for any reason, qualifies.
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Old 12-02-2005, 11:04 AM   #6
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

Here is a wonderful verse you can use to help explain your parenting decision!

1 Corinthians 4:21 -- What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?

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Old 12-02-2005, 12:54 PM   #7
Mama Rophe
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

Thanks for all the good advice.

I do feel that I would like to at least continue talking to her once in a while. I find it hard here to find people who I connect with. She shares a few common things with me and is willing to do things with me. I wish there were some other GCM'ers here. I feel so lonely.
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Old 12-02-2005, 12:57 PM   #8
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

What? It doesn't hurt them? They why do it??? Isn't it supposed to hurt, that's what makes them stop! I really don't get that logic at all. So sorry you had to listen to that.

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Old 12-02-2005, 01:19 PM   #9
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.



Laura, Where in ND are you from? I am from SD!
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Old 12-02-2005, 01:28 PM   #10
Mama Rophe
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

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Old 12-02-2005, 01:32 PM   #11
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

I live in Mitchell. Looks like you are about 6 hours from here (using Mapquest). Where is your dh from?
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Old 12-02-2005, 01:38 PM   #12
Mama Rophe
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

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Old 12-02-2005, 02:47 PM   #13
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

Wow, I hadn't ever heard of that. Is it a pretty small town? I looked it up and Mapquest and it looks like it isn't too far from where you live now. A few hours, maybe?

Too bad we don't live closer! I understand your loneliness. I have had a very difficult time meeting Christians who aren't either totally mainstream or totally into the Perals or Ezzos.

How big is Bismarck? Is there a LLL group there?

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Old 12-02-2005, 04:19 PM   #14
Mama Rophe
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

There used to be a LLL group but the leaders decied to quit.

I run into a lot of maistream and some Pearls. I haven't met any Ezzo's yet. Sometimes I just wish that I could move, to be closer to some people who believe in parenting the same way I do. My child is still young, so the homeschooling group is out for a few years. Even then I'm not sure what sort of disipline they support.
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Old 12-02-2005, 05:44 PM   #15
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Default Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

It doesn't hurt????? Fine. Have her prove it. She should prove it and let you hit her to see how much it "doesn't hurt". If she won't let you hit her, then she's proven that it DOES hurt. If she flinches when you hit her, she's proven that it hurts. If there's a red mark on her hand after you hit, then she's proven that it hurts. And be sure to hit her as hard as the Pearl's say to hit. If she won't let you, then...
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