Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline.

Mama Rophe · 12-02-2005, 08:57 AM

I went to a new friends house yesterday and she started talking about dicipline. I told her that I don't agree with spanking kids for any reason. That there are other ways to deal with "dicipline" issues than just hitting my child. She then tried to tell me that Pearl uses the "switching" method (using small whip like object to hit them on the hand) only in a loving way. She also told me that when she spanks one of her six kids, she does it with nothing but love in her heart. How can someone trully hit their child with love in their heart? She was trying to sell me this Pearl stuff. I didn't really know what to say. I kind of felt like I shouldn't say anything because I have only one child and she has six. I really like her, but we don't agree on the dicipline issue. I tried to pass the bean dip, but she wouldn't let it go. Is there anything that I can do?

Irene · 12-02-2005, 09:01 AM

Yeah, our pastor and wife said the same sort of things

they excused the harsh writing of Pearls words by saying he was a farmer, and they personally (pastor and wife) dont whip their kids, they spank them

but its all very loving and have a loving and peaceful home etc etc.

Mama Rophe · 12-02-2005, 09:05 AM

This woman actualy does whip her kids.

She says it doesn't hurt them.

Her youngest is 14 months and she said, "I haven't had to do it to dd yet, but if I do I will." I was like, "Don't you think she's a little young? Do you think she really understands why you do this?" She just kind of blew it off like it was no big deal. I just don't understand how some people can buy into these things. I would like to whip them everytime they do something wrong and have them tell me if it hurts.

Sara · 12-02-2005, 09:10 AM

I'm sorry, Laura! These types of conversations always leave me so unsettled.

I try to stay away from using terms like "hitting." I do think spanking=hitting, but I don't always say that because it puts people on the defensive and makes them more apt to try to convince you that what they're doing isn't hitting and that it isn't wrong.

I still do not understand the "spanking lovingly" thing. Isn't it kind of an oxymoron? Lots of people believe they are doing just that, though - lovingly spanking their children.

I guess you will probably have to evaluate if this is a friendship worth pursuing.

MarynMunchkins · 12-02-2005, 09:19 AM

My response is usually...

Quote:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

I don't think striking a child, for any reason, qualifies.

hsgbdmama · 12-02-2005, 10:04 AM

Here is a wonderful verse you can use to help explain your parenting decision!

1 Corinthians 4:21 -- What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?

Mama Rophe · 12-02-2005, 11:54 AM

Thanks for all the good advice.

I do feel that I would like to at least continue talking to her once in a while. I find it hard here to find people who I connect with. She shares a few common things with me and is willing to do things with me. I wish there were some other GCM'ers here. I feel so lonely.

mamaKristin · 12-02-2005, 11:57 AM

What? It doesn't hurt them? They why do it??? Isn't it supposed to hurt, that's what makes them stop!

I really don't get that logic at all.

So sorry you had to listen to that.

Sara · 12-02-2005, 12:19 PM

Laura, Where in ND are you from? I am from SD!

Mama Rophe · 12-02-2005, 12:28 PM

edit

Sara · 12-02-2005, 12:32 PM

I live in Mitchell. Looks like you are about 6 hours from here (using Mapquest). Where is your dh from?

Mama Rophe · 12-02-2005, 12:38 PM

edit

Sara · 12-02-2005, 01:47 PM

Wow, I hadn't ever heard of that. Is it a pretty small town? I looked it up and Mapquest and it looks like it isn't too far from where you live now. A few hours, maybe?

Too bad we don't live closer! I understand your loneliness. I have had a very difficult time meeting Christians who aren't either totally mainstream or totally into the Perals or Ezzos.

How big is Bismarck? Is there a LLL group there?

Mama Rophe · 12-02-2005, 03:19 PM

There used to be a LLL group but the leaders decied to quit.

I run into a lot of maistream and some Pearls. I haven't met any Ezzo's yet. Sometimes I just wish that I could move, to be closer to some people who believe in parenting the same way I do. My child is still young, so the homeschooling group is out for a few years. Even then I'm not sure what sort of disipline they support.

12-02-2005, 04:44 PM

It doesn't hurt????? Fine. Have her prove it. She should prove it and let you hit her to see how much it "doesn't hurt". If she won't let you hit her, then she's proven that it DOES hurt. If she flinches when you hit her, she's proven that it hurts. If there's a red mark on her hand after you hit, then she's proven that it hurts. And be sure to hit her as hard as the Pearl's say to hit. If she won't let you, then...

12-02-2005, 08:57 AM	#1
Mama Rophe Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: South Dakota. Posts: 6,027	Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. I went to a new friends house yesterday and she started talking about dicipline. I told her that I don't agree with spanking kids for any reason. That there are other ways to deal with "dicipline" issues than just hitting my child. She then tried to tell me that Pearl uses the "switching" method (using small whip like object to hit them on the hand) only in a loving way. She also told me that when she spanks one of her six kids, she does it with nothing but love in her heart. How can someone trully hit their child with love in their heart? She was trying to sell me this Pearl stuff. I didn't really know what to say. I kind of felt like I shouldn't say anything because I have only one child and she has six. I really like her, but we don't agree on the dicipline issue. I tried to pass the bean dip, but she wouldn't let it go. Is there anything that I can do? __________________ Laura ISFJ Wife to Rob for 6 years Mama to Lightening(6), Thunder(4), & Hurricane(2), and Raindrop(April '10)

12-02-2005, 09:01 AM	#2
Irene Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 10,838	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. Yeah, our pastor and wife said the same sort of things they excused the harsh writing of Pearls words by saying he was a farmer, and they personally (pastor and wife) dont whip their kids, they spank them but its all very loving and have a loving and peaceful home etc etc. __________________ http://www.somethingnewcreations.com http://www.fbook.me/SomethingNew http://twitter.com/SNCreations Blessed single mom to three delightful, creative children who help inspire my art.

12-02-2005, 09:05 AM	#3
Mama Rophe Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: South Dakota. Posts: 6,027	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. This woman actualy does whip her kids. She says it doesn't hurt them. Her youngest is 14 months and she said, "I haven't had to do it to dd yet, but if I do I will." I was like, "Don't you think she's a little young? Do you think she really understands why you do this?" She just kind of blew it off like it was no big deal. I just don't understand how some people can buy into these things. I would like to whip them everytime they do something wrong and have them tell me if it hurts. __________________ Laura ISFJ Wife to Rob for 6 years Mama to Lightening(6), Thunder(4), & Hurricane(2), and Raindrop(April '10)

12-02-2005, 09:10 AM	#4
Sara Rose Trellis Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,245	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. I'm sorry, Laura! These types of conversations always leave me so unsettled. I try to stay away from using terms like "hitting." I do think spanking=hitting, but I don't always say that because it puts people on the defensive and makes them more apt to try to convince you that what they're doing isn't hitting and that it isn't wrong. I still do not understand the "spanking lovingly" thing. Isn't it kind of an oxymoron? Lots of people believe they are doing just that, though - lovingly spanking their children. I guess you will probably have to evaluate if this is a friendship worth pursuing. __________________ [font=Verdana][size=10pt]Sara[/size]<br />[size=8pt]Gentle mom to 3 girls - Taylor (10.5), Claire (6), and Anna (in heaven - 9/28/2006)[/size]<br />"I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies<br />and what they must sound like <br />But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home <br />And it’s all you’ll ever know…" - Watermark<br />

12-02-2005, 10:04 AM	#6
hsgbdmama Rose Garden Diamond, the Magical Money Harvesting Unicorn Join Date: May 2005 Location: Taxconsin with my case of Pom Posts: 10,409	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. Here is a wonderful verse you can use to help explain your parenting decision! 1 Corinthians 4:21 -- What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit? __________________ hsgbdmama Married to my best friend! Gentle Mama to The Dash (9) and Jack Jack (5) and one I wait to hold "Mommy, do you know why I like jumping? Because I like jumping!" -- Jack Jack My blog and my prep blog. Taking a cue from Tasmanian Saint, I will be on GCM on only Wed. and Sat. mornings.

12-02-2005, 11:54 AM	#7
Mama Rophe Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: South Dakota. Posts: 6,027	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. Thanks for all the good advice. I do feel that I would like to at least continue talking to her once in a while. I find it hard here to find people who I connect with. She shares a few common things with me and is willing to do things with me. I wish there were some other GCM'ers here. I feel so lonely. __________________ Laura ISFJ Wife to Rob for 6 years Mama to Lightening(6), Thunder(4), & Hurricane(2), and Raindrop(April '10)

12-02-2005, 11:57 AM	#8
mamaKristin Administrator pop rocks rock! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: just here :) Posts: 17,230	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. What? It doesn't hurt them? They why do it??? Isn't it supposed to hurt, that's what makes them stop! I really don't get that logic at all. So sorry you had to listen to that. __________________ Parenting 3 blessings boy newly 8, girl age 5.5, girl age 4.5 when did they get so big??? Loving one amazing husband Living up north Enjoying life every day

12-02-2005, 12:19 PM	#9
Sara Rose Trellis Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,245	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. Laura, Where in ND are you from? I am from SD! __________________ [font=Verdana][size=10pt]Sara[/size]<br />[size=8pt]Gentle mom to 3 girls - Taylor (10.5), Claire (6), and Anna (in heaven - 9/28/2006)[/size]<br />"I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies<br />and what they must sound like <br />But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home <br />And it’s all you’ll ever know…" - Watermark<br />

12-02-2005, 12:28 PM	#10
Mama Rophe Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: South Dakota. Posts: 6,027	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. edit __________________ Laura ISFJ Wife to Rob for 6 years Mama to Lightening(6), Thunder(4), & Hurricane(2), and Raindrop(April '10)

12-02-2005, 12:32 PM	#11
Sara Rose Trellis Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,245	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. I live in Mitchell. Looks like you are about 6 hours from here (using Mapquest). Where is your dh from? __________________ [font=Verdana][size=10pt]Sara[/size]<br />[size=8pt]Gentle mom to 3 girls - Taylor (10.5), Claire (6), and Anna (in heaven - 9/28/2006)[/size]<br />"I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies<br />and what they must sound like <br />But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home <br />And it’s all you’ll ever know…" - Watermark<br />

12-02-2005, 12:38 PM	#12
Mama Rophe Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: South Dakota. Posts: 6,027	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. edit __________________ Laura ISFJ Wife to Rob for 6 years Mama to Lightening(6), Thunder(4), & Hurricane(2), and Raindrop(April '10)

12-02-2005, 01:47 PM	#13
Sara Rose Trellis Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 3,245	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. Wow, I hadn't ever heard of that. Is it a pretty small town? I looked it up and Mapquest and it looks like it isn't too far from where you live now. A few hours, maybe? Too bad we don't live closer! I understand your loneliness. I have had a very difficult time meeting Christians who aren't either totally mainstream or totally into the Perals or Ezzos. How big is Bismarck? Is there a LLL group there? __________________ [font=Verdana][size=10pt]Sara[/size]<br />[size=8pt]Gentle mom to 3 girls - Taylor (10.5), Claire (6), and Anna (in heaven - 9/28/2006)[/size]<br />"I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies<br />and what they must sound like <br />But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home <br />And it’s all you’ll ever know…" - Watermark<br />

12-02-2005, 03:19 PM	#14
Mama Rophe Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: South Dakota. Posts: 6,027	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. There used to be a LLL group but the leaders decied to quit. I run into a lot of maistream and some Pearls. I haven't met any Ezzo's yet. Sometimes I just wish that I could move, to be closer to some people who believe in parenting the same way I do. My child is still young, so the homeschooling group is out for a few years. Even then I'm not sure what sort of disipline they support. __________________ Laura ISFJ Wife to Rob for 6 years Mama to Lightening(6), Thunder(4), & Hurricane(2), and Raindrop(April '10)

12-02-2005, 04:44 PM	#15
Tulip_Plus_3 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Friend tried to tell me Pearl was a loving dicipline. It doesn't hurt????? Fine. Have her prove it. She should prove it and let you hit her to see how much it "doesn't hurt". If she won't let you hit her, then she's proven that it DOES hurt. If she flinches when you hit her, she's proven that it hurts. If there's a red mark on her hand after you hit, then she's proven that it hurts. And be sure to hit her as hard as the Pearl's say to hit. If she won't let you, then...

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