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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 11-27-2005, 07:40 AM   #1
mamame
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Default I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

I know the Ezzos are just nuts (and I talk against them whenever it comes up) but I hadn't checked into the Pearls at all. Well, I finally did last night after a discussion on another site about whether marriage is from the state or from God (in other words, do we get marriage licenses and have recognized marriages or do we just have a covenant before God?) Did you know that they don't believe in state marriage?? They are actually hostile towards that - that we will be unequally yoked if/when homosexual marriage is made legal.

So I was telling my DH about all that I read on the site (their stuff about abusive marriages and child sexual molestation is just downright scary) and that someone had brought their magazine to our homeschool group that I help run, and he said to me that I am to take those magazines and toss them immediately and tell the person that it is not allowed inside the church. DH is a pastor and he said that he'd come down personally and explain to them why and to make sure that their materials never make it into the church again - that they sound so much like a cult.

After reading everything at their site, I couldn't sleep and ended up having to watch decorating shows at 2 AM just to get my mind off of it. How sad that women are so demeaned and told to stay in a marriage that's dangerous to them AND has clear Biblical reasons to end it. I was so proud of our senior pastor who counselled a dear friend of mine when she found out that her husband was a disgusting pervert and had HUNDREDS of partners - man, woman, child, whatever (SHUDDER). After he found out everything (and she had hard proof - his computer files and pictures), he told her to get a GOOD lawyer - don't worry if he's a Christian or not - divorce this man and if anyone questions her, tell them to go to HIM and to leave her alone. THAT is someone I'll listen to!

I can't believe that there are so many nuts out there claiming to be Godly people and teaching totally wrong things. It's just too sad.

Ann
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Old 11-27-2005, 07:53 AM   #2
JamesMama
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

How scary. I've browsed around a bit, but was scared off pretty quickly. I'm so sad that there are actually people who believe that way. Those poor families. It's a good reminder to pray for them.

Good for your DH! I hope someone listens to him.
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Old 11-27-2005, 10:37 AM   #3
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response


Michale ande Debbie Pearl are so very deceived - and they pass it along to so many more.
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Old 11-27-2005, 10:42 AM   #4
ArmsOfLove
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

to your dh and your senior pastor! I wish there were more wise clergy like them!

I did know they are hostile towards state marriage

I'm in favor of doing unlicensed covenant ceremonies under certain circumstances, but not hostile in any way towards state marriages. That is such an extreme and silly position at this point--at least in this country. I don't think it's only a marriage if recognized by the state--I believe it's the being recognized by the church that makes it a marriage--but if you want the tax breaks and marital rights and privelages provided by the state you need the license. I'm fine having that
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Old 11-27-2005, 01:52 PM   #5
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove
I don't think it's only a marriage if recognized by the state--I believe it's the being recognized by the church that makes it a marriage--but if you want the tax breaks and marital rights and privelages provided by the state you need the license. I'm fine having that
Me too. I want my marriage recognized by both -- that's why I insisted we be married by a minister (dh wanted to be married by a judge and I said NO).

Yes, Crystal, they are against marriage licenses -- in fact in one of their articles he boasts how none of his children married with a marriage license -- just a convenant with the Lord. The only concern I have with that is if any of their daughters is ever abused or cheated on and decides to report spousal abuse or decides to divorce for Biblical reasons, they will most likely have no legal standing or protection (unless common law marriages are recognized in the state they live in -- WI does not recognize common-law marriage).
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Old 11-27-2005, 03:08 PM   #6
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

where did you read this at? I'm just wondering. I haven't looked at their site. was it an article on there or what?
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Old 11-27-2005, 03:27 PM   #7
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

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Old 11-27-2005, 03:36 PM   #8
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

Here's the link: http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/index.php?id=80&tx_ttnews[tt_news]=186&tx_ttnews[backPid]=67&tx_ttnews[sViewPointer]=2&cHash=a87b9b8e26

and here's the quote:

"None of my daughters or their husbands asked the state of Tennessee for permission to marry. They did not yoke themselves to government. It was a personal, private covenant, binding them together forever—until death. So when the sodomites have come to share in the state marriage licenses, which will eventually be the law, James and Shoshanna will not be in league with those perverts. And, while I am on the subject, there will come a time when faithful Christians will either revoke their state marriage licenses and establish an exclusively one man-one woman covenant of marriage, or, they will forfeit the sanctity of their covenant by being unequally yoked together with perverts. The sooner there is such a movement, the sooner we will have a voice in government. Some of you attorneys and statesmen reading this should get together and come up with an approach that will have credibility and help to impact the political process. Please contact me when you do and I will assist with publicity."
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Old 11-27-2005, 04:03 PM   #9
Tulip_Plus_3
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

You're going to have to help me understand, please. I'm old, I have mommy brain, I've been out of the loop for years. At this moment in time I'm not understanding how my marriage would be suddenly transformed into a, what, if gays are allowed to marry? Not that I'm going to go vote yes on a gay marriage referendum any time soon, but I'm not understanding how MY marriage would suddenly be unsanctified or something if such a referendum did pass. Is that what the Pearls are saying would happen? Who would declare it unsanctified? God? Why would God mess up my marriage? Would that unsanctification be retroactive back through the millenia, or just for those of us who are alive? Or are they saying that God hasn't blessed my marriage because we got a state license?

I dare say that my marriage is between me, my husband, and God. I dare say that it has nothing to do with anyone else. We did get a state license because we wanted the legal status & protection a state license grants. And whatever the Pearls think about my marriage is of absolutely no concern of mine. I happen to have some thoughts about their marriage and what they preach about marriage, but I doubt seriously if what I think would be of any concern of theirs. Actually, I'm sure of it, because haven't they already declared that people who don't spank their kids are cut off from God and are as good as already cooking in Hell? And don't they warn all their followers not to associate with people like us?

Oh, wait. We used the phrase "covenant before God" while reciting our wedding vows. So does that make my marriage okay to the Pearl way of thinking? I'm just not understanding how they can take something so SIMPLE as God's Word & Love and turn it into such a set of convoluted rules & regulations. Rules & regulations that apparently only the Pearls are capable of discerning and disseminating. Didn't John warn us in 1st John not to get caught up in the teachings of of those promoting "secret" knowledge?
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Old 11-27-2005, 05:23 PM   #10
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamame
and here's the quote:

"None of my daughters or their husbands asked the state of Tennessee for permission to marry. They did not yoke themselves to government. It was a personal, private covenant, binding them together forever—until death. So when the sodomites have come to share in the state marriage licenses, which will eventually be the law, James and Shoshanna will not be in league with those perverts.
I asked the question when this came up before -- does that mean that they don't get drivers licenses either because there might be gay people in TN who have them, too?
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Old 11-27-2005, 06:19 PM   #11
mamame
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

See, but the funny thing is that they ARE in the same league as those perverts! There are commitment ceremonies everywhere for gay couples since in most places they can't legally marry and that's just exactly what THEY did.

Ann
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Old 11-27-2005, 06:45 PM   #12
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

I have shared my sinister theory on this board before but here it is....I think the Pearls have a secondary reason for objecting to marriage licenses. I think it is part of their concept of total patriarchy. Like JandSmama pointed out: the Pearls' own daughters are without protection if their husbands become abusive or whatever. Ideally in a church situation (especially in a patriarchal society like theirs) the woman's father or the elders in the church would deal with the problem. But how often is life ideal, and should she have to rely on her father and the church to support her during such a time?

How many women do we all know who have been shunned by their religious families and their churches for leaving an abusive husband

This is the kind of thing that makes me proudly admit to being a feminist. I am thankful for our laws that make it possible for a woman to leave an abusive situation (and save her children from same). In the past you just had to stay. Why anyone wants to go back to that is beyond me.
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Old 11-28-2005, 01:06 PM   #13
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

Quote:
See, but the funny thing is that they ARE in the same league as those ***! There are commitment ceremonies everywhere for gay couples since in most places they can't legally marry and that's just exactly what THEY did.
MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY!!!

Quote:
I think the Pearls have a secondary reason for objecting to marriage licenses. I think it is part of their concept of total patriarchy...
You know, this is an absolutely fascinating concept, and the more I think about it (which I've been doing since last night) the more it seems like it's just crazy enough to possibly have merit. Hmmmmm...... Thanks for the interesting light you've shed.
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Old 11-28-2005, 06:03 PM   #14
raisa
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

Wow, I have never read any Pearl stuff before until I followed that link. My responses are:

1.

2.

3. Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8
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Old 12-02-2005, 01:34 PM   #15
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Default Re: I finally read the Pearl's site - and my DH's response

thank you to the last poster. I am one of those women who left an abusive husband and am a single parent raising my daughter on my own. I couldnt find the link will try again on this.
thanks for telling me it was okay for me to leave. a lot of people have shun me for leaving an abusive spouse or they blamed me for it.
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