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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 11-26-2005, 11:18 PM   #1
milkmommy
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Default Did I make sense AND super news

I had another talk with my Pearl following neighbor. She doing pretty good I'm really proud of her and Guess what!!!!!! Her DH is intrested in learning!!!! ..
Anyways we were talking about setting a standard VS being permissive. For him his standards have been so high hes had to use threats and harsh training methods to "obtain it" I told him itsgreat to aim for high standards but the age and maturity of the child needs to be considered. Taking into account what a child's truly capable of isn't permissive its common sense.
I used a reccent home example to explain what I meant. We have a key hook mounted to the wall of our front entrance (we installed it) Its up hight how ever our little monkey girl can kinda lean off some of the stairs and reach the keys. We've recovered them in weird places enough times we have decided we need to teach her to leave them alone.
If she was a baby or young toddler I'd just say we need to put those keys where she cannot get to them (which we had) At that young age the responsibility would be all on us as grown ups and I'd even consider buying her some plastic play ones so she could have her own.
Shes three now she can understand and follow simple multi step requests. please go upstairs to your room and bring down your shoes." She can make a choice "red or blue shirt?" She understands certain safe words like HOT or HALT. There for we feel shes mature enough to be expected to leave the keys alone.
However shes only three and while she can be expected to comply shes cannot be expected to fully understand the consequences of misplacing those keys. She is THREE she simply doesn't have the maturity to get that if Daddy can't find his keys he can't get to work he misses work he doesn't get payed we don't get payed a bill doesn't get payed... Thats a bit of an exaggeration but you get the idea.. so as the ADULT we still hold a big part of the responsibility. There for
We hang the up if DD get to them we tell her matter of factually we need to keys left on the hook and to put them back. IF caught before we tell her to leave them alone and that she needs to choose something else to do, but before we go to bed we lock the doors and tuck her into bed then we make sure those keys are where we need them and where they will be safely found in the morning so DH can get to work and I can get Cecilia to school. Its not permissive to do this, The standard is still set and I'd expect after a while we can relax, but for now we to hold a responsibility.
Does this make any sense?

Deanna
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to teen Cecilia 7-year-old Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven.
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Old 11-26-2005, 11:38 PM   #2
Bonnie
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Default Re: Did I make sense AND super news

I think that's a marvelous example!

And for the opportunities with your neighbors!
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Bonnie, part Vulcan, wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey sexy-wexy USAF wife of 20 years to G
Mom to Nathan (12.5), Nora (10.5), Katie (7.9) and Ev (4.5!!)

Mauka & Makai 12/29/08

Occasional "Dorm Mom" to M the wonder student



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