Random Quotes from Wise Mamas |
br>
|
Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
|
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
11-09-2005, 08:41 AM | #1 | |||||||
Moderator
Assign positive intent
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,615
|
The Pearl's "Good stuff"
I got a No Greater Joy article sent to me today by an elist. It was called "The Flavor of Joy". I agreed with much of the article. Here are a few snippets.
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
When I talk to people who love the Pearl's, and I say I don't like them, they always throw his "happy family" stuff in my face. You know, like it's so good. And I agree with it all except for his obscure references to spanking them for every offense. That's when people say, well, I just take away the good and leave the bad. But the bad is so wormy. It sneaks in and bites you when you least expect. It tarnishes everything he writes with a grimy film that's hard to see, but you can feel it. Like the floor in the McDonald's playroom. I don't know why I am writing this. Just getting my thoughts out so I won't dwell on them all day.
__________________
Desiree, mom to 5 sweet blessings, Lacy 24, Jordan 22, Joanna 20, Emma 19, and Ethan 17 |
|||||||
11-09-2005, 09:52 AM | #2 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,014
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
I think this is an excellent post. I found the same thing in my home too....less chaos without Pearl.
__________________
Amy ~ Mike\'s wife and homeschooling mama of 4 boys |
11-09-2005, 10:01 AM | #3 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
yeah I found it interesting talking to our Pastor and his wife. They had almost the same thoughts as we did with a lot of issues... it was weird! I thought, wow we agree with so much, how can they be Pearl followers?
It boggles the mind sometimes. |
11-09-2005, 10:59 AM | #4 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 38,127
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
It can't be all bad, or no one would read it. He does have a lot of good stuff mixed in with his "train them or else" garbage. Of course, Satan quoted Scripture to Jesus, so I don't really think that means a whole lot.
|
11-09-2005, 01:01 PM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,661
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
That is exactly why I believe they are so dangerous to families and children. They inject a small amount of truth, enough to let your guard down, and then they sneak in a lot of poison.
I may be a bit radical here, but I believe that satan delights in the garbage coming from the Pearls. It confuses children about Who God really is, and twists the truth in a way to make it seem believable. I've heard many moms speak of how discouraged they get about their own families when the read Pearl stuff (the Truth of God never is never discouraging, but encourages us to do better) and of course damages children immeasurable in so many physical, psychological, and spiritual ways. He (satan) is the master liar and wants nothing more than to cripple the potential of Christian families.
__________________
Blessed to be a gentle-striving, hs'ing, single mama to 8yr ds, the boy who stole my heart, and calls me mom. Prayerfully awaiting the arrival of the child God has for me! Pediatric ICU Nurse |
11-09-2005, 02:51 PM | #6 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Quote:
__________________
|
|
11-09-2005, 02:57 PM | #7 | ||
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 9,282
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Quote:
Quote:
|
||
11-09-2005, 03:17 PM | #8 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Pearl is no better as a behaviorist than as a Christian; any modern behaviorist will happily tell you that his techniques are not suitable for training anything with a brain.
|
11-09-2005, 03:21 PM | #9 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Reminds me of the serpent in the Garden. . ."did God not say. . . . ?" It's the same sort of twisting. Satan knows Scripture as well as any angel (he used to be one, after all), and what can sound very good and logical on the surface is crawling with maggots when you peel away the cover. I tend to view the whole Pearl thing sort of the same way. . . either this man, himself, has been so deceived that he cannot know any better, or he is actually the deceiver.
|
11-09-2005, 08:40 PM | #10 | |
Moderator
Assign positive intent
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,615
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Along a different train of thought.....
Something else that struck me today while I was reading Easy to Love, Difficult to Dicipline. The Pearl's website and articles (I am unfamiliar with their books) always feature disfunctional families who are at their wits end contrasted with a picture of their perfect family. I get the impression, reading their stuff, that their family is so great, so perfect, so Godly. Then when my own family fails to live up to that standard, I feel like a failure and I am angry at the people in my life that don't measure up--me, my kids, my dh. Becky Bailey, on the other hand, uses examples of her own mistakes and how she learned from them. She doesn't give you any rosy pictures of what a good family should look like....well, if she does, it's not in the context of perfection and perfect obedience. And everything comes back to MY behavior, not my kids. So following her discipline strategies leaves me feeling good about my kids, and even myself. This really struck me from Chapter 2, pg 40: Quote:
__________________
Desiree, mom to 5 sweet blessings, Lacy 24, Jordan 22, Joanna 20, Emma 19, and Ethan 17 |
|
11-09-2005, 09:06 PM | #11 | |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
wow! great thoughts Desiree!!! I didnt even think about how Pearl uses other families mistakes vs his own You are right, it is really drawing and of course then you feel like a failure because your home doesnt look like that! :/
Quote:
I think Crystal has it somewhere what a woman wrote about Pearls being addictive like porn? Its kind of a long the same lines as what you are talking about |
|
11-09-2005, 09:25 PM | #12 | |
Moderator
Assign positive intent
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,615
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Quote:
Thanks for the Irene. Sometimes I feel like my overworked brain can't comprehend anything or articulate anything. But I need to hash things out either in type or in conversation or I keep thinking about it and it drives me nuts! It feels good to know that I did communicate effectively. I don't know how Crystal does it.
__________________
Desiree, mom to 5 sweet blessings, Lacy 24, Jordan 22, Joanna 20, Emma 19, and Ethan 17 |
|
11-09-2005, 09:39 PM | #13 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Desiree, I really appreciated your post as well! Very well-written and you made some wonderful points!
You know, some of the Pearls stuff is so incredibly awful that I just can't view any of their writings through any sort of positive lens. |
11-10-2005, 12:14 PM | #14 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Even within their positive stuff, there are a few recurring themes that bother me.
One is the emphasis on happiness. I don't think that a peaceful, happy home is a bad thing, but I think you can overemphasize the importance of everyone being "happy" and having a "good attitude" all the time. Healthy, functional families have times when someone is upset, angry, discouraged, etc. Those are real emotions that are part of the human experience and children need to learn from their parents/families how to deal with the realities of life's not-so-fun moments. The second is that he openly admits that he is seeking to condition. I find that very manipulative and icky. The third is the nature of his stated goals. He is very blasse about not seeking to raise godly children during the training process, but instead to have children who immediately, unquestioningly obey. His stated goals all revolved around ease of life for the parents, convenience, control. Examples of what he strives for are adults being able to converse/visit for hours without any interruptions from their young children... Adults being able to take children anywhere anytime and leave whatever they wish lying about with the knowledge that they will not have to deal with curious little hands touching anything.... Even the "good" goals that I don't have a problem with (like a peaceful home, orderliness, kids who resolve their own conflicts, etc.) can become a problem b/c he sets those goals in a place of higher importance that the children themselves... and b/c the motivation behind the goals is a very selfish, adult-entitled mindset. I just started going through his book with a critical eye--several years removed from my experience of being negatively influenced by it... and I'm currently making a list of his stated goals/examples to contrast with my own, and documenting the number of times he names "happy and obedient" as the required state of being in which children should exist. :/ Those are 2 things we cannot and should not seek to enforce in our kids: their emotions and their heart response. |
11-12-2005, 11:06 AM | #15 |
Deactivated
Yeah, it's winter here ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,903
|
Re: The Pearl's "Good stuff"
Excellent thread and many thought-provoking posts!
I think it was in one of the Created to Be His Help Meet threads where someone said trying to get the few good bits from the Pearls is like going through a dumpster to get a few good bits of food. In both, you need to wade through a lot of icky disgusting stuff to find the few good bits, and in the end, neither satisfies. |
Bookmarks |
|
|
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information | |
---|---|
|
|
More Information | |
Template Usage:
Phrase Groups Available:
|
Included Files:
Hooks Called:
|