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Old 06-25-2005, 09:17 AM   #1
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Default one on one time with each child?

Do you spend one on one time with each one of your children every day?

Chandler (7) has asked that I spend time with "just her" every day. I've been trying to do this. I'm not doing well.

I had been spending one on one time with her before she asked. . .just not every day, more like a few times a week. It was also unstructured, so to speak, well, unscheduled is more what I'm trying to say. As in, at night when Maddux (4) went to bed early or if Truman (6 months) was napping and Maddux was involved with something, etc. Trying to schedule it every day, though, is difficult, especially considering we only have "14" hours to our day (after 10 hours of sleep for her). Factor in meals, clean-up, school, gymnastics/dance classes, free time, outside play, etc. . . .

What do y'all do?

Maddux (4) has not specificially asked for this. She seems to be fine getting "me alone" whenever she does. Chandler takes gymnastics more, so we have that time. Overall, she's less intense and not as emotionally high maitenance as Chandler, so if I could get over the "need to give them both the time" idea, that might help. Or maybe I do need to make sure I'm giving them each one on one time. . . and then try to figure out how to do that when Truman gets a bit older and give him time as well. . .

:/ :/

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Old 06-25-2005, 10:17 AM   #2
Rose Garden
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Default Re: one on one time with each child?

It gets harder the more children you have! And I think, the older they get, the more activities they are involved in and the busier life gets!!!! I try to do this with DD (3) when DS (2) is napping. DD naps too, but not as long as DS, so we can about an hour each day alone. Then we just sit in the rocking chair together and talk, or I ask her what she wants to do. Sometimes if I need to run an errand, I'll just take her and leave DS with daddy. But I think it's easier in my situation since my two are on 17 mos apart, and DD never reall remembers being the "only" one, where your child remembers since your first two are 3 yrs apart. Just do the best you can. Just let her know how special she is to you and how much you love her, no matter what, or no matter how many children are added to the family! Hang in there!!
~ Wife, mother and 2nd Grade teacher
~Married to my Marine husband for over 15 years!
~Mother to 3 great kiddos: Lindsay (11) Josh (9.75) and Benny (7.5)
~Owner of a lovable Vizsla (6)
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Old 06-25-2005, 10:36 PM   #3
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Default Re: one on one time with each child?

Well this message caught my eye. I'm a newbie, actually this is my first post, and this was one of the things I was hoping for some help with. I have 4 children, the eldest is a girl (nearly 9) and I don't think she has ever really forgiven me for giving her 3 brothers, despite her prayers about a sister. What can you do? She seems often to be lonely and there's never enough excitement for her. She's a born people person, hates being on her own, isn't great at entertaining herself and so it's a tricky one. My boys are pretty time-consuming, the youngest just turned 2 (still breastfed and not a great sleeper) and the 2nd is very high need, so I'm often overwhelmed with the job of parenting each of them and giving them enough time. She doesn't really have close friends at school and we don't live close to any anyway, her only girly outlet is her cousin who is nearly 15 so a big age gap.

The only time we really get together is after I've put the boys to bed (no mean feat) and I'm just so tired by the end of the day that turning around and spending more time with her is not something I really look forward to. This of course makes me feel really guilty. I apologise that I guess I've hijacked this thread a bit, but I'd love to read what others have suggested to the original topic.

Aussie Mum to my Chartygirl (8), Bayoboy (6), Huggaboy (4) and Mupboy (2)
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Old 06-26-2005, 11:39 AM   #4
Rose Garden
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Default Re: one on one time with each child?

Ahhh Alicia, please don't feel alone in this, I wasn't able to give my dd a sister even when I popped out two at a time

I do have to make an effort to spend time doing girly things with her, and I do try to spend at least a little one on one time with each of them--though the older children often get their time while I'm also with one or more baby.

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Old 06-26-2005, 12:14 PM   #5
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Default Re: one on one time with each child?

I agree that this is so hard the more children you have but so worth it! Here is what we do:
Each week when I go grocery shopping, I take one of the children with me. We go out to lunch and then shop. They have a few hours (we live out in the sticks and have lots of driving time!) to talk to me uninterrupted (that is the key) and we get to do something fun and productive too.

I just took my oldest who is 14 and he talked to me the whole time! He is quiet at home and we never have time to just relax and talk because two of the others who are major extroverts are always talking or interrupting the conversations. He is a totally different kid one-on-one.
When they were all little, we would have the time at home while their little sister slept. I would rotate each day with one of them, giving them a half hour of uninterrupted time to play games, go outside, whatever they wanted to do. They looked forward to it so much! I felt guilty that I couldn't do more and that I actually had to schedule it, but they didn't see it that way at all.
This past winter I let the weekly time out with mom slip since we had a crazy year with lots of unexpected doctor's appointments, homeschooling stuff that came up and just generally a crazy year. They all missed it and asked when we could start it up again this summer! I am blessed that my boys at 14, almost 12 and 9, still want to spend time with their mom!
My dd who is 4 loves to do stuff with mom of course!
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