LGP week 4 day 2

Attitude Shift: Harnessing the Power of unity
Reason: to focus on connecting instead of trying to be special
Discipline: Skill Encouragement
Discipline: Value Interdependance


Ask youself in all situations, "do I want to be special or do I want to connect?" or, "do I want to be right or happy?"

I dont really get the "special" thing I guess Im not thinking I need to be special when Im dealing with my kids.

I do think a lot that I need to be right I still struggle with the balance of "im the parent and she needs to obey me" and "k, how can we work this out" like as Crystal said about us all winning. I really struggle though with it because, our kids are also supposed to know we mean business I am easily confused

[greenemama]

this is heavy. adult relationships are strained if we insist on being right and we end up sacrificing everyone's happiness. everyone knows that. why isn't that directed toward our kiddos?

[ArmsOfLove]

I think the "special" thing is about wanting to defend yourself and make yourself look good or are you willing to humble yourself to connect. Maybe?

[MidnightCafe]

I think it could just as easily read, "Do I want to be right or do I want to connect?"

With our children I think this can mean extending empathy when we are "right" in order to maintain our connection, rather than saying something like, "I said 'no' and I mean it. No further discussion!" You can shut your child down by insisting on your rightness...or you can empathize with their feelings and stay connected.

I also think it's great when these things apply to marriage. I know our children pay attention to how we relate to our DHs. What better way to teach them to have strong & healthy marriages of their own someday?

[ArmsOfLove]

You know, one thing I've found really helpful is just conceding the point. There's a great line from an old Mad About You episode where Paul keeps saying a word wrong and finally tells Jamie to stop correcting him. She says something like, "Fine, you say it your way, and I'll say it right"

The sky is purple! My response if I've already corrected him: Okay. That is how you are seeing it right now.

He hurt me on purpose! My response if I've already assured him it was an accident: You sound really sad. He hurt your heart and your body and you are upset.

I didn't eat the cookie (with crumbs present all over face) My response: You really want to not have eaten the cookie. I understand.

It helps to remember that their reality is as real to them as mine is to me