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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 04-18-2005, 10:24 PM   #1
KingsDaughter76
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Default Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

I have a friend that I have known for almost 14 yrs. She has four children like me and they are beautiful kids! Well, I always knew we did some things different in the discipline area and way we care for our kids, but since we have other things in common (no vax, eat organic/healthy, etc) I kindof overlooked the differences. Well, I am just sick to death and heartbroken over what I saw take place last night at her house.

I go over to their house to get some herbal remedies for my baby who is sick, well why I am there she takes her 2 week old baby girl and places her on a bed in a back room and proceeds to shut the door. The baby of course did not like be left alone and started to cry. She was not crying hard at first, but soon began to get really upset. I was shocked when I watched as my friend just ignored the baby's crying and kept on talking to me like nothing was happening. She was chatting with her DH and me and playing with my 2 yr old. He also knew the baby was crying and just kept ignoring her too. After about 15 minutes of this little newborn screaming her head off, I mentioned to my friend that maybe the baby needed something and I encouraged her to go take care of the baby. Well, she told me that she was "fine" and just mad because she did not like not getting her way and being held when she wants. I was like ? I never knew that a newborn could supposidly manipulate the parents..but according to my DF they can and must be taught.. UGH! So anyways, the screaming became utter hysterics and the baby was doing that cough/gasp crying that comes from sheer terror and exhaustion. I was so upset at this and wanted to run get the baby but I had my hands full with my sick toddler who was hooked up to a heart/oxygen monitor and did not want to expose their baby to any germs I had on me. By this point the baby had been screaming hysterically for 30 minutes at least. I had reached my breaking point and told her that "your baby really needs to you hold her now!", she again said in a laughy sing song voice that "the baby loves to be held but that she has to learn paitence and that crying is good for her." I just stood there and stared at her in disbelief. I had heard her let her kids CIO before but they were a bit older and she always acted like she was rushing to get to them...I do not go to her house often so I had no idea until last night exactly how she does this nor how often. Apparantly her DH and her think this is "discipline" and something about Ezzo and To train up a child and stuff?? Anyways... she did not do anything to that baby while I was there except go look in on her once, she even said that she probably was wanting to nurse, but would have to wait for mommy to get time...and then was so proud of herself and said "God blessed her baby with sleep" when the baby finally screamed herself into pure exhausted sleep! I just was so sick I had to bite my tounge not to say what I was thinking! I ended up taking my son home quickly after that and just do not think I can go over there anymore and may decide to end the friendship. I am really upset over this! I do not want my children exposed to that stuff at all. I have never let a baby CIO at any age and never would, I just don't know how any mother can???!! I hate this Ezzo person/train up a child person for whatever junk they are pushing into these moms heads that makes them think it is "good" to do this to a baby! UGH UGH!!!

Oh and one other thing that happened that really annoyed me was they they were making some herbal drinks to help boost my son's immune system cause he has his 7th pneumonia that stems from a weak lung from a previous removed birth defect (he only has a half lung now on his left side). Well they offered him this cup of a bitter herbal drink and he did not want it because it tasted so bad. The DH of my friend looks over at me and tells me " if that were my child I would spank them even if it took 45 times and then they would drink it!" He said this very calmly and matter of fact...I know they spank their kids.. another Ezzo or something thing they have tried to "teach" me about , but they are very quiet people so I figured they only spanked for real disobediance...not something like not wanting to eat or drink something they did not like??!! That made no sense to me and seems awful cruel!! I just looked at him and said "oh dear" and shook my head in shame...I think he got the point. I even told them that we do not hit children in our home, and I have found that even adults refuse food that taste bad.. should we hit them too?

I just kissed my sweet baby's head and told him he did not have to drink something he did not want and I would never hit him for it...

Anyways...I know this is long but I needed to vent to you mamas... I am seriously thinking of dropping this friend because I cannot be around this type of parenting. This crosses the line for me.



**I did cross post this in another mothering forum, but wanted to post it here to get more input and advice from a christian perspective too. Hope that is ok!! :0)
Gosh I feel so bad for their children, especially for the newborn...
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Old 04-18-2005, 11:14 PM   #2
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KingsDaughter76
...I know they spank their kids.. another Ezzo or something thing they have tried to "teach" me about , but they are very quiet people so I figured they only spanked for real disobediance...
I'm so sorry. It looks like your friend is following Pearl's teachings. Pearl does teach parents to be very calm and quiet (never raising their voices), yet they require first time obedience with a happy heart and they are heartless in their methods of obtaining this. They also do tend to be very AP and natural. You can find more info at my website as well as arguements against it. You may want to think twice before you seek out more information about what Pearl teaches, it is very upseting. Sometimes it is best not to know too much.

Are her children very polite, calm and happy all the time? Do they respond to her every request with something to the effect of, "Okay Mommie." and obey imediately? If so, I am pretty sure that they are Pearl followers. And Pearl does teach them to start at birth.

I'm so sorry. I know that this is very hard for you.
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Old 04-19-2005, 02:23 AM   #3
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

I'm sick just reading your post. I would end the friendship. I wouldn't even bother explaining myself. Unless you felt like there was a way to be a "witness" to her of GBD, but I would guess that she's pretty much set in her ways and probably not open to suggestion, iykwim. I'm sure the Lord has another way to provide you with the nutritional help you need without having to expose you or your children to that.

I'm so sorry!
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Old 04-19-2005, 05:35 AM   #4
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!



I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. How heart-wrenching.

You are in a safe place now where mamas do not put their children through that kind of torture.

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Old 04-19-2005, 05:51 AM   #5
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

Oh its just terrible. I am so sorry your friends, for all the poor children, all the unloved babies everywhere. That's what made me so upset reading your post..that its such a familiar, common story...Its so sick the things that are done to kids in the name of love...
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Old 04-19-2005, 05:58 AM   #6
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

I can't imagine letting my sweet little baby girl CIO. She's the sweetest thing in the world - not a manipulative little being. That makes me so sad. Poor baby.
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Old 04-19-2005, 07:11 AM   #7
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!



It is hard to believe that Christians can do this to a baby. I am so sad. I pray the Holy Spirit will make them very uncomfortable with these ideas until they realize they aren't compatible with Christianity.



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Old 04-19-2005, 08:05 AM   #8
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

How horrible for you and your little one to see, and for their poor children. I think what the others suggested may be best. You can try to email her the ezzo info link if nothing else, but it sounds like they have their minds made up.
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Old 04-19-2005, 08:44 AM   #9
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

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Old 04-19-2005, 09:27 AM   #10
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

That poor little baby.

For those little ones.
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Old 04-19-2005, 09:34 AM   #11
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

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Old 04-19-2005, 10:29 AM   #12
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

"Are her children very polite, calm and happy all the time? Do they respond to her every request with something to the effect of, "Okay Mommie." and obey imediately? If so, I am pretty sure that they are Pearl followers. And Pearl does teach them to start at birth."


I would not say they are "happy"....all the time....it is weird, but her kids just are so quiet...they do smile and all...but comparing them to my children...they are TOO quiet...I just do not see them laughing and squealing and making noise like my kids do... they play super quietly and although they are polite (my kids are too and I have not hit them) and calm...it is a weird calm....it felt so artifical and forced to me... apparently it IS according to your Pearl info... now I know what is going on...it explains the strange behavior of her kids. SO SAD!!!!!!!

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Old 04-19-2005, 10:34 AM   #13
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

That is horrible and sickening ! It definately sounds like Pearl

I would end the friendship. And I would say I cannot continue being around an atmosphere of abuse. That I am terribly concerned for their family and that I will be praying for them. But I cannot be around that.
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Old 04-19-2005, 01:01 PM   #14
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

How incredibly heart-breaking...

I think I would have to end the friendship too. I couldn't stand to be around that type of abuse. Poor babies...
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Old 04-19-2005, 01:16 PM   #15
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Default Re: Oh Mamas!! I am so sad and sick to my stomach!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by KingsDaughter76
I would not say they are "happy"....all the time....it is weird, but her kids just are so quiet...they do smile and all...but comparing them to my children...they are TOO quiet...I just do not see them laughing and squealing and making noise like my kids do...
Right. I was not clear. Happy is not the right word. Content is more like it. They are probably not allowed to be boisterous. Yet they are probably expected to smile all the time.
Quote:
now I know what is going on...it explains the strange behavior of her kids. SO SAD!!!!!!!
Yes. And I can only imagine how hard it would be to give up this friendship after 14 years. Yet, keeping a friendship like that would be even harder.
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