Random Quotes from Wise Mamas |
br>
|
Nurturing our Children (AP & Multi-age Parenting Topics) *Public* A public forum. GCM Webpage: Attachment and Natural Parenting |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
03-24-2005, 11:08 PM | #1 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Loving too much
Can we love our kids too much?
How does loving them too much perhaps prepare them for a fall if their husband does not meet the needs we have perhaps created? Could our hugging and love perhaps create a need in them that would not be matched later on in married life? Am I worrying too much? |
03-24-2005, 11:56 PM | #2 |
Owner/Founder of GCM
Administrator Run with endurance the race that is set before you. . . Heb. 12:1
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 30,571
|
Re: Loving too much
good questions!
I feel that all the lovin' I give my children will help them to grow into healthier and stronger adults. And when I remember, I pray for their future spouses!
__________________
~ Jeri Vegan mom to my vegan kiddos DD1 (24), DS1 (21), DD2 (18), and DS2 (15) And wife to my gentle DH for 26 years and counting Instagram: gentleveganrunner gentlechristianmothers |
03-25-2005, 12:10 AM | #3 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: Loving too much
Yes I pray for their spouces too.
|
03-25-2005, 07:04 AM | #4 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 11,773
|
Re: Loving too much
I think that the more we love them and give them affection, the more "filled up" they will be and will have less need to go looking for it in the wrong places, and they will be better able to endure "dry spells" in their adult life and then be able to move into secure, loving relationships. So, no, when you consider "love" in the fullest sense of the word, as loving actions a parent does for a child, I don't think you can love a child too much.
|
03-25-2005, 07:28 AM | #5 |
Deactivated
Yep. I'm a 3.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 19,140
|
Re: Loving too much
No. I think that by loving, cuddling, kissing - and treating with respect - our dc, we are teaching them what healthy relationships are. We aren't creating a need for physical affection in an unhealthy dynamic. And if you're *really* worried about it, you can always arrange dates with other GCM kids! :P
But not mine...he's not getting married until he's at least 40 |
03-25-2005, 09:21 AM | #6 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: twin cities, mn
Posts: 2,374
|
Re: Loving too much
I definitely think that nurturing our children right now will create a healthy love appetite in them in the future. I think of my own upbringing- my parents were not very cuddly with me as a child. I spent much time alone. Now, as an adult, I have to deal with a lot of unhealthy love-hunger issues. I think I just grew up starving for love and physical affection. It's definitely something that dh and I have to deal with every day (my sometimes unreasonable expectations of him, etc.) I am blessed that the Lord has taken me in to meet all my needs though.
JMHO. |
03-25-2005, 09:32 PM | #7 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,796
|
Re: Loving too much
Reality is that no spouse, no one person, is going to meet all of our needs.
And that's hard. But I do think that along with Christian APing our kids and cuddling and snuggling and loving them, along the way we will also model and teach them to turn to God. That our spouses will fail us (and them) but God's love is steadfast. (Though, sometimes what I really want is a hug, not practice in living out my theology. *grin*) I also think that communicating our constant love, love they don't have to "earn," will provide one of the resources they need when they are adults. Whether we are able to be with them in person when they are struggling or not--they can still draw upon the fact "My Dad and Mom have loved me and accepted me for who I am." (And this is coming from me, and the past couple of years of struggles--even though my parents are far away and I don't talk to them about my problems, I know they are there, and that they love me and accept me. I can't express how much that has been important to me.) |
03-25-2005, 10:31 PM | #8 | |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: Loving too much
Quote:
Great point. You have helped me alot with that one. |
|
03-26-2005, 11:01 AM | #9 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: Loving too much
I don't think we can love our children too much. I'm coming from the opposite perspective than your question, where I was not loved as a child. My mother is very distant, both emotionally and physically. It's led to many problems in my marriage because it left me insecure and doubtful and to where I need constant attention all the time.
My children growing up secure within themselves won't be looking elsewhere for the attention they need, and they won't be emotional leeches when they do find someone who loves them. |
03-31-2005, 04:38 PM | #10 | |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,292
|
Re: Loving too much
Quote:
I think loving our children AP-style gives them a healthy yardstick by which to measure relationships by. They will not have a tendency to gravitate towards unhealthy relationships when they have our AP love as a model. As for what to do when their DH doesn't always live up to their expectations...well, that's where Christ comes in. IMHO, between AP love and Christ's model of love, we're giving them the creme de la creme. |
|
03-31-2005, 04:53 PM | #11 | |
Rose Garden
sisters!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunniest place on Earth and hotter than Phoenix! Might as well be sitting on the sun...
Posts: 35,300
|
Re: Loving too much
Quote:
Deanna
__________________
Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
|
04-01-2005, 02:47 AM | #12 | |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: Loving too much
Quote:
My dh is very loving but I dont expect it and I know I dont 'show' my love for him very often. I think along with showing them love we have to also show them how to understand love and ways of showing love. This will help them to express love to others in ways that others recognise it and also that they will understand how others show love to them. I think that is a helpful lesson to learn and I will contine to think about this more and how we can teach the children these lessons. |
|
04-01-2005, 02:24 PM | #13 |
Rose Garden
I am so blessed!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: somewhere between sane and crazy
Posts: 26,922
|
Re: Loving too much
If you are talking strictly love, then no, you cannot love a child too much. However, sometimes things, such a smoothering/overprotecting/spoiling/giving too much/etc are done in the name of love (but it's not love), and that is where problems can occur.
__________________
Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17 |
04-02-2005, 06:45 AM | #14 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 9,047
|
Re: Loving too much
I don't know if this will make sense. It's a little random.
God refers to himself many times as our Father. As a result, people often look to their own experiences with their fathers to define that word. If their father was harsh, then they expect that God will be harsh. If their father was loving, they expect love. Distant... distance. Etc. Therefore, I see our treatment of our children as having an important role in their personal relationship with God. Not that sad early experiences cannot be overcome by the Holy Spirit, but I do think our children will be more open to the Lord if they have experienced care in our homes. Yet, we are human and we will fail at times. That is where we must trust God to intervene. Ultimately, as they grow and mature, our children need to learn that their happiness cannot be found in people. Their happiness, their peace, needs to be found in God, for only he knows them to our inner core and only he can meet their need for unconditional love. Only he is sinless. Family, friends, spouses will sin against one another. They cannot help it -- it's part of being human. But if one's security is found in being loved by the Lord, one will not be devatated when someone doesn't live up to some expectation or when they do something against them. To me, that is the greatest gift, a gift that will protect them from so much harm and pain. So, even while we are loving them up and down and left and right, I think it is important to be talking to children from an early age about the fact that God loves them even more than we do. When things are hard, we need to redirect their focus on God's love for them, his care for them, so that they learn early that their peace lies with him.
__________________
'Come dear folk!' she said, taking Frodo by the hand. 'Laugh and be merry! I am Goldberry, daughter of the River.' |
04-02-2005, 10:29 AM | #15 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
|
Re: Loving too much
{{{prayerbear}}} It's okay to have really high expectations of your spouse. As long as your children know that only God can truly fill the void in their hearts, then they won't be looking to a spouse to fulfill that need. And if they are raised to have high expectations of spousal affection, they will find someone who fills those expectations. Either that, or (we pray) their relationship with God will be strong enough to keep them from settling for someone who will make them unhappy.
|
Bookmarks |
|
|
X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information | |
---|---|
|
|
More Information | |
Template Usage:
Phrase Groups Available:
|
Included Files:
Hooks Called:
|