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Old 05-22-2018, 12:46 PM   #16
mamacat
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Default Re: Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

I think that is excellent! you are not having her stop her expressions(be quiet) rather giving her boundaries! There is a big difference. some families have inside voices and outside voices boundaries for volume. It is also fine to teach boundaries about certain times and places not being a time and place for sillies or whatever you might want to call it
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Old 05-22-2018, 12:47 PM   #17
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Default Re: Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

Oh to Mudpies:

About teaching her to handle her emotions. Um...Well I try to reason her through it, basically that HER reasons don't make any sense...so I'm probably wrong... I'm trying to learn to validate her feelings. Which can be hard when she is so unreasonable. i.e. That she didn't get a present from grandparents on her SISTER'S birthday, and can't bring herself to let it go. She responds to anything not going her way as if she has been suffered a terrible *injustice,* which is hard to empathize with when you feel so accused. She frequently "corrects" her dad and I and just doesn't *get* that that isn't appropriate, no matter how many times we tell her.

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Old 05-22-2018, 01:02 PM   #18
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Default Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

Iíve really only skimmed through this thread but it seems likely she has sensory processing issues. Many kids with SPD also have anxiety and being anxious tends to make the sensory stuff flare up. Ideally you can address her sensory needs in advance by having her swing, do big muscle work, doing activities that cross the midline should bring a reduction in odd movements. For sitting still there are inflatable discs she can sit on that give the sensation of movement. She can also stand on the disc to work on balance.

ETA loudness can also be a sensory issue. They donít really notice how loud they are. Six years olds at their best are pretty emotionally dysregulated but adding untreated sensory issues to the mix makes it so much harder.


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Old 05-22-2018, 02:38 PM   #19
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Default Re: Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

I’m only adding this because there is more and more discussion about sensory issues. Do not translate that into something is wrong with my child. She is 6 some of this is just 6! If it condinues and becomes disruptive versus annoying then start wondering but 6 is hard anyway.

I don’t like loud in my house. I just don’t so when my loud kids started singing and using thug voices inside I would remind them to us inside castle voices or “let’s turn the volume down” or if I could tell they used up all their self control and regulation at school aid give them the option of going to their room to do whatever loud it was for x amount of time.

It really is HARD for a small body with a developing mind to learn all day and have self control all day at school and have to keep it up at home. That does not mean let them loose to do whatever but for us to think of how to channel the need to love and make noise in a constructive way.
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Old 05-24-2018, 01:53 PM   #20
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Default Re: Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainangel85 View Post
Oh to Mudpies:

About teaching her to handle her emotions. Um...Well I try to reason her through it, basically that HER reasons don't make any sense...so I'm probably wrong... I'm trying to learn to validate her feelings. Which can be hard when she is so unreasonable. i.e.
Is this child your oldest?

It can be hard to see someone else get special treatment. Especially when you have so little experience living on this earth. Remember, she's only been aware of things like birthdays and gifts for a few years. She has so little experience with them. If she acted like an adult, it would be worrisome. A child will have childish behavior. They rarely grow out of childish behavior because of lectures. It happens through experience.

I try to remind myself that I'm the scaffold, not the builder. God is the builder. It's my job to protect her from things that could seriously hurt her or someone else. On everything else, it's my job to help her stay within the plans but the rate of growth isn't determined by me.

Validating feelings is much more effective at helping people grow through difficulties.

"It's hard to see someone else get a present when you really want one, too."

"Your own birthday seems SO far away."

"It seems unfair for one person to get a present but not everyone else."

This helps them know that sadness and disappointment will come and go. But they don't have to feel alone.

Think about how hard it is for a woman who's had a traumatic birth experience to hear, "Just be thankful you have a healthy baby. Move on. Stop dwelling on it. " It's salt in the wound. It's not just children that need this. We all need it. And, by doing it with her, you'll be teaching her the skills she needs to have healthy relationships all her life.

One way I check myself is I ask if I'd be okay with my kids responding to each other the way I'm responding. If I don't want them yelling, barking orders, or being dismissive of the feelings of others, I need to check those behaviors in myself. And I do fail at this, too. We're all a work in progress.
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Old 05-24-2018, 02:10 PM   #21
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Default Re: Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

Agree. At her age it is not gping to work to be told her reasoning/feelings doesnt make any sense. Thankyou for that aha that it doesnt work at all well for adults either
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Old 05-24-2018, 03:37 PM   #22
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Default Re: Unreasonable expectations for CRAZY 6 year old?

Even as adults itís perfectly normal for our reasoning ability to go down a few notches when we are upset. Six is pre-logic still so appealing to skills that havenít developed yet is likely to be an exercise in frustration.


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