Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas

~* Please help keep GCM free by using our
Amazon.com affiliate link. Thank you! *~


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Gentle Discipline *Public* > GD Info and FAQs *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

GD Info and FAQs *Public* The new home for most of the GD stickies. :)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-19-2011, 05:07 AM   #61
Tandem mama
Rose Garden
 
In my world everyone's a pony
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Where everyone eats rainbows and poops butterflies
Posts: 11,767
Tandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

I've only read the op here, but this was very timely I was going to post about punishment vs consequences and what is the difference? We are having...disobedience issues, I suppose is the best thing to call them, with my three year old. I feel it's become something that needs a consequence so she can learn no means no. But I don't want to punish her, I want her to learn.
__________________
I'm Megan (ENFP, DYT Type 1)

Married since 2007 to my Apple-geeky artist Don (INTJ)
Mommy to Lydia (1/08) "Nature is really dirty"
Charlotte (7/10) "me am not chawlotte me are batman"
Introducing Nolan January 11, 2014


Tandem mama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2011, 09:55 AM   #62
bolt.
Rose Trellis
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Posts: 2,963
bolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond reputebolt. has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

It doens't require a consiquence to teach a child that 'no means no' -- all it requires is the parent making sure that every time they say 'no' the thing they said 'no' about does not occur. Then it becomes perfectly obvious what 'no' means... it means that the thing is absolutely not going to happen.

(Of course, 'no' is a fairly vauge word... it's not exactly easy to obey the word 'no' without processing the context and making a guess about the parent's implications. Many children find more specific instructions easier to follow -- such as 'stop' - 'be still' or 'hands off'.)
__________________
Everything written here is the musing and mumblings of an ordinary person. Even if I take myself too seriously, there's no reason for any of you to make the same mistake!

Pam, 35 yo
Christian for 20 y
Married for 15 y
Mother to "J" 8 yo, and "M" 5 yo
INTJ, DYT 4, Canadian
1 more class until I'm done at Seminary
Adjunct Faculty at a Bible College
bolt. is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to bolt. For This Useful Post:
Annainprogress (07-29-2011), mokamoto (07-28-2011)
Old 07-19-2011, 11:01 AM   #63
Tandem mama
Rose Garden
 
In my world everyone's a pony
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Where everyone eats rainbows and poops butterflies
Posts: 11,767
Tandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

Quote:
Originally Posted by bolt. View Post
It doens't require a consiquence to teach a child that 'no means no' -- all it requires is the parent making sure that every time they say 'no' the thing they said 'no' about does not occur. Then it becomes perfectly obvious what 'no' means... it means that the thing is absolutely not going to happen.

(Of course, 'no' is a fairly vauge word... it's not exactly easy to obey the word 'no' without processing the context and making a guess about the parent's implications. Many children find more specific instructions easier to follow -- such as 'stop' - 'be still' or 'hands off'.)
I do specify. Rarely do i even say "no" rather I say why she ought not to do what she wants.
__________________
I'm Megan (ENFP, DYT Type 1)

Married since 2007 to my Apple-geeky artist Don (INTJ)
Mommy to Lydia (1/08) "Nature is really dirty"
Charlotte (7/10) "me am not chawlotte me are batman"
Introducing Nolan January 11, 2014


Tandem mama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2011, 11:13 AM   #64
DancingWithElves
Rose Garden
I support GCM!
 
Blissed out in the January sun
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: that perfect place :)
Posts: 11,726
DancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond reputeDancingWithElves has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

i've only read up to the first response by aol

i like the op and i hope many find it useful.

but this is what i mean when i ask, if something i did is punitive: ''i am guessing at normal b/c for most of my life i've lived in a twisted, cruel, unreal world of my abusive caregivers. i have the right goals, i understand gbd. but half the stuff i do, whether it relates to my children or not, feels "off", feels wrong, feels punitive, feels wrong, feels sinful, etc. so, seeing as how i assume you nice ladies are not half as screwed up as i am, can you please look at this situation and reassure me that up is still in the direction i believe it's in"

changing paradigm, changing parenting, changing understanding of grace, starting over with God does not bring instant healing does not even bring swift healing in my experience it's taking time and in the meanwhile i need to know that i can rely on my sisters to tell me if i'm on the right track, although everything feels wrong.
__________________
~I r e n e~
sweet and sassy wife, mama, healer, part-time dragon-slayer
the worst PM answerer ever
my belongs to the babywearing 'Architect'
Dancing with my three Magical Elves Smiles the Stampede Sugar Plump & Double Dimples

Kissing each elf 1,000,000 times a day, and when there's time left tracking gnomes, singing folk songs on the porch, befriending dragonflies, and bopping sun-frosted 'fros through the dandelion fields.

DancingWithElves is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to DancingWithElves For This Useful Post:
Annainprogress (07-29-2011), mokamoto (07-28-2011), Stiina (07-23-2011), Tandem mama (07-19-2011)
The Following 2 Users Say they are praying for DancingWithElves:
mokamoto (07-28-2011), Snugglebugmom (06-25-2012)
Old 07-19-2011, 11:36 AM   #65
filmgirl2911
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,784
filmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond reputefilmgirl2911 has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD



I just found this and want to be able to find it again. This seems pretty helpful for me. Especially with my very, very, very close to 3.5 y.o.
__________________
~ judith
blessed with a creative, encouraging man of God for my husband since October 2001
blessed with a delightful, creative little girl since February 2008
blessed with a sweet {but sometimes fierce} empathetic little girl since April 2010

word on the street is I am an ENFP



For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
filmgirl2911 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-19-2011, 11:55 AM   #66
Tandem mama
Rose Garden
 
In my world everyone's a pony
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Where everyone eats rainbows and poops butterflies
Posts: 11,767
Tandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond reputeTandem mama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

Quote:
Originally Posted by filmgirl2911 View Post


I just found this and want to be able to find it again. This seems pretty helpful for me. Especially with my very, very, very close to 3.5 y.o.
From my thread about my 3.5 Yo earlier I'm seeing that 3.5 is a trying time.
__________________
I'm Megan (ENFP, DYT Type 1)

Married since 2007 to my Apple-geeky artist Don (INTJ)
Mommy to Lydia (1/08) "Nature is really dirty"
Charlotte (7/10) "me am not chawlotte me are batman"
Introducing Nolan January 11, 2014


Tandem mama is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tandem mama For This Useful Post:
filmgirl2911 (07-19-2011)
Old 08-29-2011, 10:12 PM   #67
The Tickle Momster
Rose Garden
 
previously mlrowley
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NW WA
Posts: 15,779
The Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond reputeThe Tickle Momster has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

Re-reading this thread tonight. for the insight, questions and reminders. I am off to make posters for my kitchen cupboards of the questions listed in the OP. One will contain a change I wanted to share. "Will my response teach them an APPROPRIATE pattern for how to act in the future?" Any response will teach a pattern, an appropriate one is harder and more important.

Things have been rough here lately. Answering the questions Crystal posted is on my prayer list for the next several days. Who do I want to be? What are my goals?
__________________
Michelle

wife to Tom ('95)
Momma to Sweet Pea 17
and Dude 15
Wee 13
'07
Munchkin 10
Save
Save
The Tickle Momster is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to The Tickle Momster For This Useful Post:
Cook (08-30-2011), mokamoto (08-30-2011), Stiina (08-30-2011)
Old 08-30-2011, 04:32 AM   #68
mokamoto
Climbing Rose
 
Mama to two little sweetpeas and loving wife to my Darling tech buff
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Zushi, Japan
Posts: 1,138
mokamoto is a name known to allmokamoto is a name known to allmokamoto is a name known to allmokamoto is a name known to allmokamoto is a name known to allmokamoto is a name known to allmokamoto is a name known to allmokamoto is a name known to all
Default Re: "Is This Punitive?" is missing the point of GBD

Thanks for posting this, Tickle Momster. I am relecting a lot lately, too and this thread is perfect for my current re-assessment.
__________________
Marie
Wife to beloved DH since 2002 (the BIG *1-0* Anniversary this year!), , Mom to Nobu 7y(12.05) & Meg 5y(6.08)
mokamoto is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to mokamoto For This Useful Post:
The Tickle Momster (08-30-2011)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:08 PM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2017 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.