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Old 03-12-2018, 05:18 AM   #1
MayzieMcgrew
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Default Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Hello, everyone . I'm so happy I found this forum!!

My daughter will be almost two, and she's starting to have some behaviors that I want to help her with in an extremely respectful and gentle way, but I'm not sure I'm doing it right!

When she gets frustrated, she will throw whatever is in her hand, and yell "no!". I gently explain that we don't treat objects that way, and to please pick it up. She doesn't talk much yet, but she understands what I say. Usually when I explain this, she will still refuse to pick the object up, and might even throw it again. It's usually back and forth a bit, until I suggest we do it together. I accompany her to where she has thrown said objects, and she picks it up, and puts it away, after which I hug her and we resume playing.
Situations in which she might get frustrated: if she wants me to read to her, and I can't at the moment. Same thing with being fed, she might ask me to breastfeed her at a time where I can't.

Any suggestions? What has worked for you?

Thanks .
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Old 03-12-2018, 06:14 AM   #2
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Sounds like you are doing great understanding her feelings and showing grace.

What I would do next is remove whatever item she has thrown for a time, especially if it is a hard toy. Part of your job is to help protect her from the negative consequences that immature acts can create. I would say 'We need to put this block away for a time until we can play with it without throwing it. Someone could get hurt. Now..(and get back to the issue at hand)"

Right now all that happens is that she has to pick up the item AND is not likely really understanding the complete concepts of 'not treating items that way'. It might be more easily processed if the time 'goes away' for a time.

Now if she just spiked her favorite doll that she can't sleep without, then clearly, show grace. (But you could take a different angle "poor dolly, I think that scared her" or something if you want.)
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:50 AM   #3
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Welcome to GCM!

I agree, I think you are doing a great job.

It's been a long time since I had a two year old so I'm guessing she won't get it at this point, but it would be good practice especially for the future. When she gets frustrated and is likely to lob something across the room, could you reflect her feelings and give her a script of what to say about her feelings? In time, that may help to diffuse the situation enough that she won't need to resort to throwing things. My kids were throwers, too, especially one of them, and it did take some consistency on my part to give them tools to express their frustration in a more appropriate way.
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Old 03-12-2018, 12:08 PM   #4
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Quote:
Originally Posted by charla View Post
Welcome to GCM!

I agree, I think you are doing a great job.

It's been a long time since I had a two year old so I'm guessing she won't get it at this point, but it would be good practice especially for the future. When she gets frustrated and is likely to lob something across the room, could you reflect her feelings and give her a script of what to say about her feelings? In time, that may help to diffuse the situation enough that she won't need to resort to throwing things. My kids were throwers, too, especially one of them, and it did take some consistency on my part to give them tools to express their frustration in a more appropriate way.
What a great idea!! What do you mean by give her a script? What could I say?

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Old 03-12-2018, 12:47 PM   #5
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

So in the reading situation I might say, "Throwing things is not acceptable. I know you are upset that I wasn't available to read to you. You may say to me: 'Mommy, I'm upset you can't read to me' instead of throwing things." She probably can't say it back to you right now, but she will be able to soon and this gets in her in the habit of understanding her own feelings and what is an acceptable way to express them. Then go on to make a plan for when you can read to her: "I can read to you as soon as I finish these dishes. Would you like to help by putting the spoons away or the plastic cups? Then we can read!"
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Old 03-12-2018, 12:50 PM   #6
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

At that age sometimes telling them what they CAN throw or do. This isnt for throwing but you can throw this ball (and hand her a soft ball). We can read after lunch and you can sit in your highchair and watch me fix lunch.
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Old 03-12-2018, 01:01 PM   #7
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Quote:
Originally Posted by charla View Post
So in the reading situation I might say, "Throwing things is not acceptable. I know you are upset that I wasn't available to read to you. You may say to me: 'Mommy, I'm upset you can't read to me' instead of throwing things." She probably can't say it back to you right now, but she will be able to soon and this gets in her in the habit of understanding her own feelings and what is an acceptable way to express them. Then go on to make a plan for when you can read to her: "I can read to you as soon as I finish these dishes. Would you like to help by putting the spoons away or the plastic cups? Then we can read!"
This is so helpful! Thanks!!

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---------- Post added at 05:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:00 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat View Post
At that age sometimes telling them what they CAN throw or do. This isnt for throwing but you can throw this ball (and hand her a soft ball). We can read after lunch and you can sit in your highchair and watch me fix lunch.
Great idea!!!! Will definitely try this .

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Old 03-12-2018, 02:41 PM   #8
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

At age two she truly is still a baby. Still so young.

I would remove the object, nonchalantly, and say, "You seem so frustrated!" Or upset, whatever word you think most closely matches her feeling. It gives her a word for how she feels. It also teaches her that we need to tell our loved ones what we're feeling in an objective way without hurting anyone.

When people are angry, upset, etc their brains are not receptive to ANY kind of learning. It's called downshifting. The brain responds in a much more primal manner. If you think about it, even as an adults, we have a very hard time holding our tongues when we're angry. I often have to force myself outside to let all the words fly so I can get them out without hurting a relationship. Once I'm calm, it's very easy to see a solution. But, when I'm angry? No way. After she's calmed down, I'd ask her to clean up.

So don't be discouraged, learning appropriate ways to behave when angry take a long time. And many people never even attempt it. It's not very supported in our culture.
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Old 03-12-2018, 05:54 PM   #9
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Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
At age two she truly is still a baby. Still so young.

I would remove the object, nonchalantly, and say, "You seem so frustrated!" Or upset, whatever word you think most closely matches her feeling. It gives her a word for how she feels. It also teaches her that we need to tell our loved ones what we're feeling in an objective way without hurting anyone.

When people are angry, upset, etc their brains are not receptive to ANY kind of learning. It's called downshifting. The brain responds in a much more primal manner. If you think about it, even as an adults, we have a very hard time holding our tongues when we're angry. I often have to force myself outside to let all the words fly so I can get them out without hurting a relationship. Once I'm calm, it's very easy to see a solution. But, when I'm angry? No way. After she's calmed down, I'd ask her to clean up.

So don't be discouraged, learning appropriate ways to behave when angry take a long time. And many people never even attempt it. It's not very supported in our culture.
Wow! This was super helpful. Thank you so much!!

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