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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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06-07-2006, 12:14 AM | #1 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Clarksville, TN area
Posts: 6,081
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Copycat Kids and Spanking
I got this in an email today from Baby Center-
He may not have the vocabulary to carry on a conversation just yet, but don't be surprised if your toddler starts to mimic your telephone style with his own toy phone. You may also catch him imitating the way you act behind the wheel of the car, preparing meals, or cleaning the house. This copy-cat behavior can be charming or potentially embarrassing. Pay extra attention to your own language and behavior, so you don't inadvertantly teach him something you'd rather not see him do. And ITA with it. My son is so cute as he copies how we do things. From clapping, laying on the couch, talking on the phone, it's very cute. So it just seems to me that when you have a child copying everything, the last thing you want to do is spank them. And I can think of 3 different children who are spanked who I have seen spank, either another child or a doll. It just seems so obvious to me that if my son is going to copy me with fun things he would copy me with non-fun things too. Another reason I am glad I don't spank. But what I don't get is how those that follow say the Pearls explain this away? Do they just think their child won't copy that part of what they are watching their parents do???
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~Julie~ Wife to Ben since 08/03/02, Mama to Daniel~9, Drew~7 & Joshua~3 Blogging Through The Journey |
06-07-2006, 02:10 AM | #2 | |
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
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06-07-2006, 03:55 AM | #3 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 38,127
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
Of course their kids copy it too. They just "train" them out of it if they don't like that aspect of their behavior. But don't forget that the Pearls also expect older siblings to "discipline" younger ones.
The whole ministry is just so incredibly sad... |
06-07-2006, 07:12 AM | #4 | |
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 12,267
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
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Christa Oldest, 22 Middlest, 13 Youngest, 10 |
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06-07-2006, 01:13 PM | #5 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 910
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
I'm trying to figure out why my DS6 jokingly says "I'm going to spank your bottom" when he's playing around with friends. He was spanked a handful of times before he was 3 but then we swore off spanking. Even then, I never used that phrase and it was definitely not a regular thing. As pp mentioned, maybe he's just heard it somewhere else. We definitely know people who spank but no one who's totally into Pearls and most people who do spank, don't make it a public thing. Anyway, I finally told him yesterday that I don't want him to play or say that anymore. We don't spank or hit in our house and we don't play like we do either.
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CJ <br />Wife to Papa Joe<br />Stepmom to JJ (9-94)<br />Mom to M (4-00), A (4-02), Z (3-04) and N (9-08) |
06-07-2006, 04:05 PM | #6 | |
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
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06-07-2006, 09:46 PM | #7 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 4,003
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
MP has a story about seeing a little girl switch her doll for crying and not being happy. He thought it was great.
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06-07-2006, 11:31 PM | #8 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Clarksville, TN area
Posts: 6,081
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
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~Julie~ Wife to Ben since 08/03/02, Mama to Daniel~9, Drew~7 & Joshua~3 Blogging Through The Journey |
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06-08-2006, 08:33 AM | #9 |
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
Actually, they (the Pearls) tell a story about a little girl spanking her dollies for having a bad attitude and raved about what a great mother she was going to be. Apparently, that's the defining element of good mothering.
They do allow older children to spank younger ones, and if kids hit other kids who are their same age (without approval in other words) they would be disciplined for that. So the kids would learn which people they are allowed to hit and which ones they're not... preparing them early on to accept and endorse the double standard of punitive Christian "discipline." |
06-08-2006, 11:29 PM | #10 |
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
Funny, I also recall MP extolling the virtues of that little girl spanking & chastising her doll. Made me sick.
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06-09-2006, 05:10 PM | #11 |
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
Another aspect of spanking and hitting children is the resentment it builds in the child. Probably this is TMI, but as a young child and then teenager, my mother would hit me with her potstick from the laundry and leave bruises. And she would smack us across the face often which was terribly humiliating. Much as I love my mother, even today at 53, I sometimes burn with resentment at her treatment. And yes, I don't feel loved by her today- even though my head tells me I am. Does that make sense?
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06-09-2006, 10:58 PM | #12 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: TEXAS
Posts: 2,477
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
Prayerfulwife, it makes perfect sense to me. I've had the same feelings, and only whithin the last few years have I realized that my mother "loves me the best she knows how". All the while growing up, I thought she loved me, but she just didn't like me.
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06-10-2006, 12:05 AM | #13 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 5,976
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
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One Fabulous Mama |
06-10-2006, 11:26 AM | #14 |
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 9,610
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
I am a reformed spanker, but I was a more "passionate" spanker as opposed to a "methodical" spanker. Subsequently, my kids have learned to lash out when angry. They do not "spank" each other. We used to be good friends with methodical spankers, and I can't tell you how many times their dd spanked my kids. She always did it with this twinkle in her eye and a kind of smirk. Then she would insist she was just playing. It seemed almost like she was hiding something. She was upset at someone, so she spanked them, but covered up her upset by pretending it was all a game. My kids just get upset. They sometimes hit (usually not friends, but each other) when they are angry or frustrated, just like their mommy used to do. I do not like that my children have these negative behaviors, but at least we can all talk about how we feel...how we are angry and our actions were wrong. It feels honest at least. The Pearl people seem to be living with hidden emotions.
The Pearl's psychology is inadequate and dangerous. Modeling is a HUGE player in behavior learning.
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Desiree, mom to 5 sweet blessings, Lacy 24, Jordan 22, Joanna 20, Emma 19, and Ethan 17 |
06-10-2006, 03:27 PM | #15 | |
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Re: Copycat Kids and Spanking
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