How many kiddos?

[kaytlynhope]

I'm wondering how you ladies came to decide how many children were right for your family and what age gap you felt was right.

[JoEllen]

My husband and I both come from large families (he is one of five, and I am one of seven). So it just seemed natural to us to have a bunch of kids. We currently have four, and we've decided that our next one will be our last.

[cbmk4]

We took it one child at a time, knowing we wanted more than one but undecided at the outset exactly how many. We have larger gaps between children (3-5 years between each child),because of our career paths and other life circumstances.

We have four children.

[ECingMama]

2.5 years between first two.

Third will be at least 5.5 years younger than second. Not my plan. It'll work.

[MegMarch]

We decided we were pretty sure we wanted one. We figured we didn't want more than two probably but we'd wait to see what one was like before we made any decisions on that. When DD was around two we started thinking about possibly having another. Once she was nearing three we started "trying" - unprotected sex, but no charting or medicine or anything. We are pretty much just praying that if we are supposed to have another that I'll get pregnant and if not, not so much. Because right now, we'd like another but both feel like the first year or so was so, so hard that we are scared to go there again.

[OnAMission]

We said 2-4 when we got married. We currently have four with gaps of 16.5, 20.5 and 20 months exactly. DH feels done, especially with bio kids. I have found that I love being a parent and would welcome more. We are going to re-evaluate in a few years to let ourselves settle (four kids in less than five years is intense ). At that time we would consider any number of potential ways to add to our family - bio or foster/adoption.

A quick aside, if your goal is to breastfeed for at least 12 months, then I strongly recommend *not* getting pregnant until baby is at least 12 months. Poor dd1 and I were miserable as my supply dropped. We made it through, and she nursed until 2.5, but it was really hard on us both I didn't expect that This is my first time having milk for a 15 mo (almost 16 mo), and wow! is it easier having milk! Neither of my other kids made it through pregnancy. So again, if breastfeeding is important to you for bonding and/or a parenting tool (it is excellent for soothing all sorts of ailments, calming meltdowns, a quick snack when we are on the go, etc.) then I would go even farther apart than we did

For the number of kids, we just took it one at a time, and we still are...

[kaytlynhope]

Our son is such a good natured baby. My husband and I agreed to consider another when he's close to 3. I know I want another but my husband is hesitant.

[Beth1231]

Back in college,we wanted "two or four" because of the stereotypical left-out kid.
We had our first and didn't sleep for almost a year. That was traumatic to say the least. We knew we wanted at least one more though. C was born when my first was nearly four yrs old. We both wavered on whether we wanted more,maybe,maybe not....and our bonus (surprise) baby N was born about 2.5 yrs after his brother.
Three is decidedly enough for us. We're happy,we're outnumbered, and also at our limit emotionally and financially.
So three it is

[Codi]

We are done at 3. Any other children will be because it was Gods plan, not ours. We haven't done anything permanent but don't want more either. We always "agreed" to three. I wanted 4, he wanted 2. But after having our third we just REALLY FELT done. I didn't have that peace after my other two at all.

3 years spacing between each. I do like the spacing, though it has it's challenges as anything does.

[mommychem]

We are unsure about whether or not we are done. I'd love to have more - 6 or 7 even (total). We have three, but financially we are skeptical. And we have very little help as both sets of parents and siblings live over an hour away, which doesn't seem far but they don't come here as often as we'd like. Also, I'm nearing 35 and I like having 2 or more years between children for extended nursing and I've tandemed twice. DH considered being done after our second and I was heartbroken, even wondering if I should go back to work since we'd probably be able to put two in private school if I worked. We homeschool now. I'm rambling...barring finances, I'd take as many as God wanted to give. Ironically, we have been given ALL of our children's clothing since my first was six months old. We have no clothing budget because of the hand me downs which are nice brands (Gymboree mostly). So we are so grateful for that.
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[rcsmom]

Can't talk to the number- still trying to decide that ourselves however this is an interesting article about spacing of children.
http://www.drmomma.org/2014/11/birth...3-5-years.html
FWIW ours are 3 years apart and that has worked well for us.

[mamacat]

God had a way of kind of deciding for us even tho at the time I didnt know it! Same with spacing.I had my first baby at tender age of almost 20 and thought would have about 4 more while still in 20s.Next one was born 7 years later which is an awesome spacing.Have not become pregnant sometimes when did everything that could to become pregnant and have gotten pregnant when it should have been almost impossible to do so.

[Dandelion]

I started out wanting 3, dh wanted 10, or so he joked. Then I decided 4 after watching the 4 neighbor children play outside when ds1 was a baby. By the time we had 4, we both knew we wanted more so we have taken it one dc at a time since then. We would like one more, but I think that will be our last.

Our oldest two are an unplanned 3 yr 8 mo apart (we wanted them closer) and they have a super close relationship. Ds2 and Dd are 2 yrs apart, as are dd and ds3. Ds3 and ds4 are also an unplanned 3 yr 4mo apart, but they are super close, too. And then ds4 and ds5 are two yrs apart. My dc are all really close to each, despite their age differences.

[KarenBoo]

I do wonder how many people actually get kids exactly how they plan them?

We wanted 2, about 3 years apart. We got pregnant right away with Kitten, but my menses did not return until she was 2.5. And then I had to deal with some health issues before we could even begin trying. And then once we finally started trying for Monkey, she took a while to conceive. I had actually stopped buying and taking pregnancy tests. So we ended up with them about 4.5 years apart.

After Monkey was born, I badly wanted a third child. DH did not. We both were kind and respectful about it. I said I wouldn't force a third child on him, and he said he would welcome a third child if it was that important to me. So we decided to make a final decision by the time Monkey was 3. (I would be 40, and didn't want to be pregnant after that. My pregnancies were absolutely the most painful, horrible times of my life!) And by that time, we were both solidly happy with just our 2, and we still are.

As for spacing of the ages, I really think there are pros and cons to having them closer or farther apart. There are times I am glad they are spaced rather far apart, and there are times I wish they were closer in age. I think there are *more* times I wish they were closer in age, simply because "the grass is always greener." I will say that they love each other like crazy and play together very well, but I credit that mostly to Kitten's easy-going, nurturing personality.

If they are spaced closer together, you have these benefits, that I can think of:

1) If you go to the children's museum, Disney, etc, then it's much easier to stay together. With my kids' age separation, we often split up so that each kid can go to their age-related fun stuff.

2) You "get done" with all of that baby stuff sooner, and can move on to that "next phase" of not changing diapers, not carrying a kid everywhere, not bringing along the stroller, etc. Don't get me wrong, I love all of that baby stuff, but if you see #1, sometimes having a baby/toddler means you flat out can't go somewhere together as a family. Or if you do, you must separate because only one kid can actually do the activities. The other parent is just babysitting.


If they are spaced farther apart, you have these benefits:

1) Toy sharing. In my house, my kids didn't really have to share the toys. The baby played with the baby toys, and the older child kept her toys in her room. (The corresponding "con" is that once you have "older kid toys," you *must* keep them away from a baby. small things, expensive things, etc.)

2) My kids get along. My older child was very helpful and nurturing when the younger one came along. Of course, I think this has as much to do with personality as it does with spacing.

3) You can "baby your baby." I felt like I had plenty of time to give to each girl as she came along. I got to hold, nurse, nap with, baby wear, co-sleep, etc. with each girl almost as much as I wanted. I wouldn't have known how to get that done if they were closer in age. Again, my older girl's personality was very helpful because she *wanted* me to nurture her baby sister and wasn't jealous.

[milkmommy]

What we thought was very different from what we got.. We assumed a "larger" family not like huge but 3-5 kids or so.. We tried having kids from day one took 6 months to get pregnant with number one.. SO when she was about 18 months we actively tried again... We kinda figured a kid every 2.5-3 years over a period of about 10 years or so..
Never did multiple losses and a 7.5 year gap between come into play... Never did we think with me at 37 and DH at 50 would we still be desiring another....