Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas

~* Please help keep GCM free by using our
Amazon.com affiliate link. Thank you! *~


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
A public forum.
Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:

23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-14-2012, 10:32 AM   #61
Can'tTurnLeft
Deactivated
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 18,362
Can'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond reputeCan'tTurnLeft has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elibellamiah View Post

Thank you for saying that. I don't know if it will ever happen, but I've thought a lot for many years about adopting or foster parenting someday. I think there are a lot of reasons behind why I would do it, but recently I was on a foster parenting board to learn more about it and at some point felt really attacked and like people thought I was just doing it for selfish reasons. It was after I asked if most people want babies, because if I fostered I think I would like to foster babies but I have the impression everyone wants babies. Is the fact that I would like to care for more babies selfish? So I wondered a lot after that, is there a not selfish reason to foster or adopt? Most people do so because they want children. Is it better to do so just because you want to help someone? It's not like my focus would be on fulfilling my own desire, I just think there are babies who need to be taken care of and even though this is probably my last pregnancy, I don't feel ready to be done taking care of babies. Or if I adopted, I would really like another daughter and I would like my daughter to have a sister. Is that wrong? Should I be more focused on just wanting to help a child in need? I don't know if this makes any sense, it's just part of where I was coming from with that.
I think for a lot of people there is a "selfish" element to wanting to adopt. I wanted to be a mom. My body wasn't cooperating. So I adopted. It was about *me* in a lot of ways. Our children were both newborns when we adopted them. We were in the delivery room both times. They weren't in "need" per se. It wasn't about that. I'm not going to go into more of their story on a public board, but I will say this. The FAR vast majority of infants who are placed by their parents voluntarily are not in "need" in the traditional sense, and never would have been. That doesn't mean their parents don't have valid and important reasons for placing them, but they weren't in "need" because they were true orphans, or removed from their families because of severe abuse.

Everybody needs to pray about their adoptions, and what they want them to look like. Wanting to raise more babies is a fine reason to want to adopt, but it is vital, no matter what path you choose, to be as educated on ethics as possible. You can't approach adoption from the point of view of wanting to save a child, or rescue a child. Sometimes there is an element of adoption in that, but to move entirely from that motivation is dangerous. It leads to children being put in the position of needing to be "grateful" No child should be made to feel grateful that they were adopted. If they choose that feeling, that is one thing, but when parents go into it with the express purpose of rescuing a child, that sets up a bad dynamic.
Can'tTurnLeft is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Can'tTurnLeft For This Useful Post:
amyjoy (04-14-2012), Annainprogress (04-23-2012), chasingbutterflies (04-14-2012), rjy9343 (05-14-2012), SortaCrunchy (04-17-2012), Synesthesia (04-14-2012), Zooey (04-15-2012)
Old 04-14-2012, 11:43 AM   #62
Synesthesia
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Near Boston
Posts: 10,012
Synesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

!!!!!!!!!!! What? Why are they are allowed to do that? What bothers me is the idea of hurting these children for life. They've had enough trauma and don't need more! Those poor cubs!
I would like to be a foster parent. I've done some research on older child adoption and I am not sure if I am mature enough for it because those poor kids will act out and if folks can't have the patience and compassion to deal with them without pain and extreme punishment... urg. It will make it so much worse for them. Adopting because you want to save them is a horrible idea. These kids must be your family and you must be ready to respond to their acting out with love and compassion!






Quote:
Originally Posted by Can'tTurnLeft View Post
What you described in your post is one of the reasons why so many of us adoptive families balk at the idea of adoption being a "good deed" I don't know anybody personally who adopted with the purpose of doing a "good deed" We adopted to grow our families.

---------- Post added at 12:39 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:33 PM ----------



To bring people to Jesus. Nancy Campbell is part of the extreme quiverfull and wife only submission movement. It is a fairly common teaching among those people that adopted children have to do a penance of sorts for the generational sins that landed them with the need to be adopted. Extra spankings, extra service, etc... It is, according to these people, a way to attain salvation for them.
__________________
Is this love big enough to watch over me?
Big enough to let go of me
Without hurting me,
Like the day I learned to swim?-Kate Bush, The Fog

Wielder of the Katana of Lepidoptera and General Randomness.
Synesthesia is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Synesthesia For This Useful Post:
melliethepooh (04-16-2012), Zooey (04-24-2012)
Old 04-14-2012, 01:15 PM   #63
SilverMoon
Rose Garden
I support GCM!
 
It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 17,122
SilverMoon has disabled reputation
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiina View Post
This is interesting! I read the other thread now as well - thanks ManaLinda for the link

I think there are definitely good things that Sally and Nancy do, and they seem like very nice ladies...I guess you'd just have to be able to weed through the yuck in order to get to the good. But knowing their stance on this now, for *me*, I don't think it's worth it to weed through the yuck. I've got GCM

She does seem like she's very earnest and following God in the way she believes it. So you're probably right...and what I said about her having motives was probably not fair But ... didn't she read the part in the Bible that said, ya know, that things we do (or their adopted kids do) don't earn you salvation??

I think it's important to point out that Sally Clarkson is not anything like Nancy or Above Rubies. Instead, she's an example of graceful mothering.
__________________
Cynthia


"Trust is rebuilt by focusing not on what the other person did or did not do but on critiquing one's own behavior, improving one's trustworthiness, and focusing attention not on words and promises but on actions, attitudes, and ways of being."
Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith
The Art of Waking People Up


for the many, many wise voices we've lost


SilverMoon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 21 Users Say Thank You to SilverMoon For This Useful Post:
Ajani (04-16-2012), amyjoy (04-14-2012), backtobasicsmum (04-14-2012), Barefoot Bookworm (04-14-2012), Can'tTurnLeft (04-14-2012), CelticJourney (04-14-2012), dulce de leche (04-14-2012), HadassahSukkot (04-16-2012), Llee (04-14-2012), MaybeGracie (04-14-2012), NewCovenantMama (04-24-2012), rjy9343 (05-14-2012), SortaCrunchy (04-17-2012), Stiina (04-14-2012), swimming with sharks (04-14-2012), Synesthesia (04-14-2012), twentysixcats (04-14-2012), Two Little Birds (04-14-2012), Virginia (04-14-2012), WingsOfTheMorning (04-14-2012), Zooey (04-15-2012)
Old 04-14-2012, 01:57 PM   #64
saturnfire16
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
saturnfire16 has disabled reputation
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiina View Post


i got a couple of magazines after some encouragement from some really respected friends...and then asked for my subsription to be stopped. It was just too *weird*...I didn't really know what was off about it. then I read on gcm about sally clarkson and I think I understand a little bit now.

i just wonder what her motives are...?
To raise a bigger army than the Muslims. Seriously, I heard her say it.
__________________
~Emily
INTJ, Type 4

Wife to D
Mama to:
E 12/05
L 7/08
Z 12/10
A 6/14
and J in heaven 2/10

Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family

My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights.
saturnfire16 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to saturnfire16 For This Useful Post:
Can'tTurnLeft (04-14-2012), Cherish (04-14-2012), HadassahSukkot (04-16-2012), PaperMomma (04-14-2012), SilverMoon (04-14-2012), Zooey (04-15-2012)
Old 04-14-2012, 02:17 PM   #65
SilverMoon
Rose Garden
I support GCM!
 
It takes less time to do a thing right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 17,122
SilverMoon has disabled reputation
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Yeah, our last church said the same thing, and was pushing QF mentality.
__________________
Cynthia


"Trust is rebuilt by focusing not on what the other person did or did not do but on critiquing one's own behavior, improving one's trustworthiness, and focusing attention not on words and promises but on actions, attitudes, and ways of being."
Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmith
The Art of Waking People Up


for the many, many wise voices we've lost


SilverMoon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to SilverMoon For This Useful Post:
HadassahSukkot (04-16-2012)
Old 04-14-2012, 03:33 PM   #66
Synesthesia
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Near Boston
Posts: 10,012
Synesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond reputeSynesthesia has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

How dumb. You can't build a strong army if you are doing some of the same stuff they are doing. EI, Reducing women to ONLY having tons of babies, tormenting said babies with soul destroying hitting, women not having an equal education to men. What are they THINKING? It doesn't seem like a healthy mentality at all...
__________________
Is this love big enough to watch over me?
Big enough to let go of me
Without hurting me,
Like the day I learned to swim?-Kate Bush, The Fog

Wielder of the Katana of Lepidoptera and General Randomness.
Synesthesia is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Synesthesia For This Useful Post:
HadassahSukkot (04-16-2012), PaperMomma (04-16-2012), Zooey (04-15-2012)
Old 04-14-2012, 04:07 PM   #67
Stiina
Rose Garden
 
Not Sharing Exuberantly Anymore
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 9,507
Stiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond reputeStiina has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
I think it's important to point out that Sally Clarkson is not anything like Nancy or Above Rubies. Instead, she's an example of graceful mothering.

I guess I don't really know the difference between them. Sorry for lumping them together!
Stiina is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Stiina For This Useful Post:
Heather R (04-14-2012), katiekind (04-16-2012)
Old 04-14-2012, 04:30 PM   #68
Barefoot Bookworm
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 14,288
Barefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond reputeBarefoot Bookworm has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Sally Clarkson is wonderful. Her blog is www.itakejoy.com. She has some amazing books out on mothering such as The Ministry Of Motherhood and The Mission of Motherhood. Definitely check her out.
__________________
Happily married to DH.
Mama to:
Ladybug (13),
Lamb (12),
Miss Mousie (11),
Billy Goat (9),
Wren and Hedgehog (5)!
Barefoot Bookworm is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Barefoot Bookworm For This Useful Post:
backtobasicsmum (04-16-2012), Calee (04-16-2012), Can'tTurnLeft (04-14-2012), DoulaClara (04-23-2012), dulce de leche (04-17-2012), HadassahSukkot (04-16-2012), katiekind (04-16-2012), Llee (04-14-2012), SortaCrunchy (04-17-2012), Stiina (04-14-2012), swimming with sharks (04-14-2012), Two Little Birds (04-14-2012), Zooey (04-15-2012)
Old 04-16-2012, 03:17 AM   #69
HadassahSukkot
Deactivated
 
being oppressed means the absence of choices - bell hooks
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Germany
Posts: 8,892
HadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond reputeHadassahSukkot has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Quote:
Originally Posted by Synesthesia View Post
How dumb. You can't build a strong army if you are doing some of the same stuff they are doing. EI, Reducing women to ONLY having tons of babies, tormenting said babies with soul destroying hitting, women not having an equal education to men. What are they THINKING? It doesn't seem like a healthy mentality at all...
And that is exactly what I said without the colorful sailor wording when I kept having that mentality shoved onto me as "the way" that all "biblical women" should be.

It isn't healthy.
HadassahSukkot is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to HadassahSukkot For This Useful Post:
PaperMomma (04-16-2012), rjy9343 (05-14-2012), Zooey (04-24-2012)
Old 04-23-2012, 01:52 PM   #70
Annainprogress
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 11,752
Annainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond reputeAnnainprogress has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Above Rubies and failed adoptions

Quote:
Originally Posted by weerach View Post
The family my family know of who went through the adoption process, they had the child from a newborn (or close to newborn) and it took two years. He was a Magistrate, she was a primary teacher. Their own two children who were 7 and 11 i *think* at the time, were both grilled for an hour each (and seperately) by social services about their faith and why they believed what they did, and their parents werent allowed in with them . And that family were a professional family. DH and i arent, so it would be even more difficult for us if we were to do it. And tbh, it really puts me off.
I'm not comfortable going into details on so public a forum, but I know (to varying extents) several Christian families who have fostered (or are still fostering), adopted from the UK care system and also from China. They are not all "professionals". I haven't discussed the details with them but I know that they would normally talk to older children about their attitude to their family fostering/adopting and I wonder if it was as a result of those kids saying that their family wanted to adopt because of their faith that led to much of the interview being about their faith? I have to admit also to curiosity (which you should feel under no compulsion to satisfy) as to how they adopted a baby in the UK when they already had children unless it was a private adoption. (For US readers who don't realise, there are not many babies available here and it's extremely rare for birth parents to choose who adopts their child - it's a totally different system in that respect).
__________________
Anna INfp (I think)
single mum to DS 8 & DD 6
enjoying the adventure of WOH p/t

Wielder of the Palette Knife of Chocolaty Brownieness

rejoicing with those who have escaped abuse, and praying for those still trapped

Unite!

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. - Galileo Galilei
Annainprogress is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:50 PM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2017 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
  • Page Generation 0.10459 seconds
  • Memory Usage 8,031KB
  • Queries Executed 14 (?)
More Information
Template Usage:
  • (1)SHOWTHREAD
  • (1)ad_footer_end
  • (1)ad_footer_start
  • (1)ad_header_end
  • (1)ad_header_logo
  • (1)ad_navbar_below
  • (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig
  • (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start
  • (7)bbcode_quote
  • (1)cyb_flashimagebanners
  • (1)footer
  • (1)forumjump
  • (1)forumrules
  • (1)gobutton
  • (1)header
  • (1)headinclude
  • (1)navbar
  • (3)navbar_link
  • (60)option
  • (1)pagenav
  • (1)pagenav_curpage
  • (4)pagenav_pagelink
  • (10)post_groan_box
  • (1)post_groan_javascript
  • (1)post_groan_navbar_search
  • (10)post_thanks_box
  • (58)post_thanks_box_bit
  • (1)post_thanks_javascript
  • (1)post_thanks_navbar_search
  • (9)post_thanks_postbit_legacy
  • (10)postbit_legacy
  • (10)postbit_onlinestatus
  • (80)postbit_reputation
  • (10)postbit_wrapper
  • (4)showthread_bookmarksite
  • (1)smqre_editor_button
  • (1)spacer_close
  • (1)spacer_open
  • (1)tagbit_wrapper 

Phrase Groups Available:
  • global
  • inlinemod
  • postbit
  • posting
  • reputationlevel
  • showthread
Included Files:
  • ./showthread.php
  • ./global.php
  • ./includes/init.php
  • ./includes/class_core.php
  • ./includes/config.php
  • ./includes/functions.php
  • ./includes/class_hook.php
  • ./includes/functions_notice.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php
  • ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php
  • ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php
  • ./includes/functions_bigthree.php
  • ./includes/class_postbit.php
  • ./includes/class_bbcode.php
  • ./includes/functions_reputation.php
  • ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php
  • ./includes/functions_misc.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php
  • ./includes/functions_post_groan.php 

Hooks Called:
  • init_startup
  • cache_permissions
  • fetch_threadinfo_query
  • fetch_threadinfo
  • fetch_foruminfo
  • style_fetch
  • cache_templates
  • global_start
  • parse_templates
  • fetch_musername
  • notices_check_start
  • global_setup_complete
  • showthread_start
  • template_groups
  • template_safe_functions
  • template_compile
  • showthread_getinfo
  • forumjump
  • showthread_post_start
  • showthread_query_postids
  • showthread_query
  • bbcode_fetch_tags
  • bbcode_create
  • showthread_postbit_create
  • postbit_factory
  • postbit_display_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start
  • post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start
  • post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_start
  • post_thanks_function_show_thanks_date_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_bit_end
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_start
  • post_thanks_function_fetch_post_thanks_template_end
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start
  • post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start
  • post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_start
  • post_groan_function_groaned_already_end
  • reputation_image
  • postbit_imicons
  • bbcode_parse_start
  • bbcode_parse_complete_precache
  • bbcode_parse_complete
  • postbit_display_complete
  • error_fetch
  • pagenav_page
  • pagenav_complete
  • tag_fetchbit_complete
  • forumrules
  • showthread_bookmarkbit
  • navbits
  • navbits_complete
  • showthread_complete