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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 01-09-2012, 12:05 AM   #1
Hilary316
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Unhappy "Under Loving Command"

Apparently this was a booklet published in the late 1960s... Someone put it on their FB last night with the heading, "Long, but so helpful!"

I literally felt nauseous reading it. My heart just hurts for children that are put through this type of "discipline."

http://www. ntmu.net/lovingcommand.htm
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Old 01-09-2012, 01:35 AM   #2
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

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Old 01-09-2012, 02:37 AM   #3
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Old 01-09-2012, 07:11 AM   #4
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

I read the first section and couldn't finish. I don't understand why this is so hard: you can't study the english language and american culture to interpret a thousands of years old text.
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Old 01-09-2012, 07:34 AM   #5
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

I always wonder how it is these adults believe God is "chastening" them

"oh, I lost my job. I need to figure out what God is punishing me for..."
"Whoa, that was a bad fall - and no good reason for it. I think it must be God telling me to not keep eating sweets when I have promised Him I would stop."

Is it like that?
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Old 01-09-2012, 07:48 AM   #6
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

Might want to break that link.

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Old 01-09-2012, 08:35 AM   #7
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

The first paragraph under "All Parents Train Their Children" is exactly what Voddie Bauchum said in the video flowermama posted in this thread http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...d.php?t=433689
I wonder if he got some of his ideas from this.
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Old 01-09-2012, 08:38 AM   #8
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

This is the worst aspect of punitive parenting - the idea that grace is for adults and never for children
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:15 AM   #9
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

I don't know if it will do any good, but I sent an email to the "contact us" address, basically explaining the responsibility of "teachers of the Word" to be careful what they teach, since God holds them to a higher standard. This is a particularly dangerous topic to be wrong about, since the Bible talks about "causing little ones to stumble" and millstones around the neck. I also mentioned something about advising parents to do something that is legally considered child abuse in many states (are you telling parents to disobey the law of the land?)

Not sure I'll get an answer, but I couldn't just let it go.
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:21 AM   #10
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

I feel like I read much of that somewhere before- almost word for word, but I've never heard of them before.

Maybe Dobson? It's going to bug me until I figure it out.

Oh, and it is .
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Old 01-09-2012, 09:38 AM   #11
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

i just briefly skimmed it... but
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Old 01-09-2012, 11:35 AM   #12
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

Quote:
Originally Posted by newday View Post
I always wonder how it is these adults believe God is "chastening" them

"oh, I lost my job. I need to figure out what God is punishing me for..."
"Whoa, that was a bad fall - and no good reason for it. I think it must be God telling me to not keep eating sweets when I have promised Him I would stop."

Is it like that?
That's exactly the idea I grew up with. Something good happens, it's God rewarding you for good behavior. Something bad happens, it's punishment for doing something wrong. Or it's Satan causing havoc and if you just hang in there long enough and pray hard enough and do all the right things and God will work it out to bless you.

Okay, so it might not have been preached quite that simplistically, but that was the idea.
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Old 01-09-2012, 11:43 AM   #13
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

Quote:
Originally Posted by ViolaMum View Post
That's exactly the idea I grew up with. Something good happens, it's God rewarding you for good behavior. Something bad happens, it's punishment for doing something wrong. Or it's Satan causing havoc and if you just hang in there long enough and pray hard enough and do all the right things and God will work it out to bless you.

Okay, so it might not have been preached quite that simplistically, but that was the idea.
I'm reading a book on the Gospel of Luke and this theme comes up over and over. Jesus tells them that 'it will be easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven' - it was a total reversal of this concept of 'good things mean I'm worthy, bad things mean I've sinned' and was a little shocking. Likewise the healings He performed - people didn't get it because 'obviously those people were sick for a reason'. Grace, this radical reversal of understanding of 'worthiness', is at the heart of the Gospel and obviously still so misunderstood my so many.
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Old 01-09-2012, 11:48 AM   #14
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sensitive Re: "Under Loving Command"

This pamphlet was written by Pat Fabrizio. The pastor at a church gave this to me on my first mother's day as a "gift". On an earlier thread, "I don't understand" I mentioned that a pastor preached on and demonstrated discipline. He and his wife swore by that booklet and that's the booklet they gave me. I ended up being so upset by the book that I invited them over for dinner and asked them why they were promoting a book that tells parents to abuse their children. Oops! I didn't realize at the time how ingrained these people's beliefs were. I really thought they didn't know. They literally said I had a rebellious spirit in me and later told my mother that she had the "spirit of Jezebel".

Obviously we left that church soon after, but I had never been exposed to this type of discipline in my life. I was raised with getting an occasional swat and that was my perception of spanking at the time. One reason I joined this forum was because of my experiences at this church and how many people are being taught that this is how to discipline a child.

As a side note, I felt something was off when we started attending the church. One family sat in the front row with 4 "perfect" children (ages 1,2, 4 & 6!!!!) I also invited this mother over for lunch because I was so impressed (and just gave birth to my first precious son). I had been a nanny for 10 years and had never seen such wonderful children so I was curious. Well after our discussion, my eyes were wide open and my heart still cringes in fear and disgust as to what she told me. Her main advice was to never take my child to a doctor within a couple weeks of a good spanking because the bruising was so significant. Believe me that this was many years ago and if I knew what I know now I would've called CPS.
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Old 01-09-2012, 11:51 AM   #15
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Default Re: "Under Loving Command"

Wow. 6boysmom, I'm glad you found a safe place here. Welcome
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