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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 02-20-2010, 09:34 PM   #16
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

Thank you ladies for telling me what I needed to know, without having to read the book or his website I don't have the nerves of steel necessary to read such toxic stuff
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Old 02-20-2010, 09:46 PM   #17
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

I've read that book and I read his website. It's like oleander honey. He mixes in just enough sweetness to make it seem like it's not warped, but I'm not fooled. Then he talks about just... it's sickening. It's so... unnecessary. Like hitting an 11 month old baby that was crying to go outside. Why did he have to hit him? He could have just distracted the child. But he claimed he was trying to make friends with him by hitting him, telling him to stop crying and hitting him again.
Why does this guy APPEAL to people?
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Old 02-20-2010, 09:57 PM   #18
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

That's what I don't understand I know two mamas who have read Pearl's book and they seem like nice parents. why would they like what he has to say?
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Old 02-20-2010, 10:03 PM   #19
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taedareth View Post
That's what I don't understand I know two mamas who have read Pearl's book and they seem like nice parents. why would they like what he has to say?
I think a lot of people read him through a filter. They literally DO NOT SEE what is actually on the page. I have heard a lot of people talk about that phenomenon. As to why they like it, its presented as a guarantee of your child's salvation and most of us would do just about anything to assure that. Including things we might otherwise question.
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Old 02-20-2010, 10:05 PM   #20
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

I agree to be careful about reading. I can't even read Ezzo or similar stuff (which I gather is milder than Pearl) because even though I'm sitting there reading it, thinking " and and " I do treat my kids more like Ezzo says when I'm reading his book. Not totally like him, but anything I read influences me like that.
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Old 02-20-2010, 10:08 PM   #21
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Taedareth View Post
why would they like what he has to say?
It promises the usual stuff about consistency is key and you'll have to just use it a bit to get the correct results and have a sweet child, mixes it with just enough fear about rebellious children to make parents sweat, and then throws Biblical chastisement in there for good measure. Basically, if you don't do it my way - the Biblical way - you're an ungodly parent with no backbone who will produce rebellious children. We Christian parents have an inordinate amount of fear surrounding "rebellion," being "like the world," being "humanist," etc. and his methods appeal to logic and "Biblical-ness." Most Christian parents want happy, obedient, Godly children, and he promises that.
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Old 02-21-2010, 07:28 AM   #22
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

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Originally Posted by Taedareth View Post
Thank you! That link is very helpful.

A friend told me that Pearl recommends buying a "plumbing line" at a hardware store for hitting children with. I repeated that to DH and he was like, "A what? There's no plumbing tool by that name. Does she mean a snake, the thing you use for unclogging a drain?"
It's the line you use to run cold water from your kitchen sink to your refrigerator ice-maker:

http://plumbing.hardwarestore.com/51...ply-lines.aspx
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Old 02-21-2010, 07:41 AM   #23
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

Agree with being careful about reading. I have not read his book or the whole website. The one part of the website I read after one of the threads was started has been enough to haunt me for a week trying to process how people get sucked in and...ugh.
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Old 02-21-2010, 07:49 AM   #24
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

http:// lauriemo.blogspot.com/2010/02/in-which-i-speak-of-unspeakable.html

This blog is an excellent answer to the question. This woman is a friend of the Schatz family but this is NOT a defense of what they have done. Link broken because I don't know what else is on her blog and because I am breaking all related links.
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Old 02-21-2010, 09:04 AM   #25
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

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Originally Posted by Taedareth View Post
Is there a website where I can read chapters from his book? I don't want to buy a copy or request it from the library
OTOH, If you request it from the library, it won't be there for someone else to find. YOu could keep it out for a while, or maybe even *happen* to lose it.
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Old 02-21-2010, 12:14 PM   #26
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

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I agree to be careful if you read it. It can really mess you up and they are veeeery manipulative and it's easy to start believing what he says even while being sickened by what he advises.
One way to avoid the manipulation is to read the book one sentence at a time and dissect it, and to keep an open Bible next to you and look up every single verse he uses, and read the context of those verses. Does the verse actually support his statement?


And research every claim he makes. Take every statement out to its furthest logical consequence, even if it seems unlikely. For instance, he claims that horses are trained by the Amish with whips. Is this true? If it is, is it truly effective? What do horse trainers outside of the Amish community have to say about this manner of training? What do horse rescurers have to say about Amish owned horses? Also, He compares training children to training dogs. Is this really a good comparison? Whether or not it is, what do well respected dog trainers say about using corporal punishment on dogs? etc.

When he uses obvious exaggerations, ask yourself what he is implying. For instance, right on page one of his book, he says a mother he was speaking to told her children "no" six hundred sixty six times in the space of two hours. Well, that's an obvious gross exaggeration, and what does the number 666 imply? (hint: Rev 13:18 evil incarnate)

I sat down to do that and by page 17, I had 4 and a half pages of notes on a yellow pad.
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Old 02-21-2010, 01:44 PM   #27
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

Does he quote Scripture in the book? Because IIRC, the website uses a whole lotta "the Bible says" and doesn't ever quote the exact Scripture.
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Old 02-21-2010, 01:57 PM   #28
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

I couldn't get past page 3 when I sat down to read it years ago. And by the end of the first paragraph I was It *felt* evil.

Terri, that was an excellent blog. Thank you
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Old 02-21-2010, 09:26 PM   #29
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

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Originally Posted by Mother of Sons View Post
I agree to be careful if you read it. It can really mess you up and they are veeeery manipulative and it's easy to start believing what he says even while being sickened by what he advises.
You are right. Because the typical parents who read this are really just seeking a solution ...the ONE RIGHT WAY to raise their kids. If it were obvious deception, it would not be so readily accepted and promoted by certain groups. Pray over the decision to read these materials carefully. ( and I say this as someone who does have the books and newsletters b/c I was introduced to this theology years ago through a friend. I keep them as a reminder of what they believe, b/c some people are very big Pearl supporters yet ...their deepest desire is to raise godly children in a polluted world. It is sometimes very easy to be decieved and miss the mark. We need to remember this and be wise, always in prayer for these people )
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Old 02-21-2010, 09:42 PM   #30
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Default Re: What does Pearl actually teach?

I read the first chapter of TTUAC a few weeks ago (you can read it online) and it's still haunting me. I really wish I could go back in time and not read it. I think about it every time I get frustrated with my kids. It feels evil the way it seeped into my mind. I'm having to do a lot of mind-cleansing, if that makes any sense, and consume my mind with Scripture right now. I've read some Ezzo and Dr. Denmark, and those didn't bother me the way Pearl's stuff did. I just brushed the other ones off and laughed at how ridiculous they were, but Pearl's stuff is powerful for some reason.
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