Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive

Originally Posted by Chris3jam

Not to quibble. . . ..but, since when do 2-foot lengths of pipe fit inside a purse?

The title of the article is a bit sensational (at least I hope!). Always got the impression that the Pearls were talking about FLEXIBLE plumbing supply lines...which generally aren't considered to be "pipes." And they COULD be easily folded up to fit into a purse.

Jenn

[hsgbdmama]

Bobbie -- I started working on mine last night and will continue today. Yours looks wonderful!!!

[Wonder Woman]

I shot off a quick note to her:

As heartbreaking as the story of Sean is, I'd like to thank you for having the courage to write about the danger of Michael and Debi Pearl's writings. The tragedy of otherwise loving parents beating a child in the name of God happens every day. I received the Pearl books as a gift when my son was born, and they were instrumental in my choosing to join such campaigns as stoptherod. I am saddened that death resulted from following their teachings, but I am not surprised.
I pray that God uses this innocent child's death to free many, many children from the abuse the Pearl's advocate.
Sincerely,

Also, not to self promote too badly, but for AmyDoll - I do have an advocacy wear site
http://www.cafepress.com/untotheleast

[greenemama]

[hsgbdmama]

Well, here's mine:

Dear Ms. Locke:

I have read the tragic story about Sean Paddock, and the allegation that his adopted mother utilized Michael and Debi Pearl’s “Biblical discipline” methods on this child. This tragedy has left me saddened, shocked and sickened.

In reading the story and related articles, the average reader might come away with the impression that if someone is an evangelical Christian and a homeschooler, they automatically endorse and use this method, and thereby a stereotype is created.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I am an evangelical Christian (Presbyterian Church (USA)), where I have served in my church as a deacon and currently am an elder. My children are homeschooled. But I use a Biblically-based discipline method called “Grace-Based Discipline” (GBD; also known as gentle discipline) which is non-punitive and does not promote or approve of any kind of corporal punishment. It does require parents to practice “get off your butt parenting” and work with their children to help them succeed. It is neither permissive parenting nor is it simply “reasoning with” your children, as its critics claim. With consistency and time, GBD does work.

For those who are critical of GBD, they say it is ineffective; however, they spank, and when that does not work, they either spank more or spank harder, start using household implements such as wooden spoons and when those become ineffective, they use implements such as the wooden switches and plumbing conduit as recommended by the Pearls. If corporal punishment is so effective, why do parents need to utilize different (and harsher) implements? Isn’t this just another form of the “bigger stick” theory?

The corporal punishment methods such as those developed by the Pearls claim to be Biblically-based; however, there have been studies done on the verses that are used to support these methods, and these studies have concluded that Scripture has been misapplied. Unfortunately, when religious leaders, such as the Pearls, Gary Ezzo, Ted Tripp and others promote these methods, people follow them because of their religious titles, and forget that the Bible does warn us about false teachers.

GBD has been often criticized as not a Biblically-based method and those who use it are not Christian enough. Sadly, I did spank my oldest a few times, and increasing discipline issues brought me to a crossroads: I could either go down the Pearl/Ezzo path (which I did not want to do) or I could pray for something else which I could use. I was led to GBD through prayer, and found a wonderful community at www.gentlechristianmothers.com which hosts a vast amount of resources and support. Since implementing GBD almost a year ago, I have noticed a very positive change in my relationship with my child and an improvement in behavior – so GBD does work!

It has also made me more aware of punitive and corporal methods and I have been starting to speak out against them. I appreciate that you have brought the Pearl’s methods to the forefront, and that these methods have crossed the line from “discipline” to what they should be called: child abuse.

Please feel free to contact me if you would like to learn more.

[DogwoodMama]

I just want to say huge to all the letters. I sent the link to my dh to read it and the first thing he commented to me is that the article made it sound like *all* evangelicals are like the Pearls and that family. I hope she gets LOTS of emails, I will try to send a short one myself. My dh is cynical though, and is afraid that a story talking about how the Pearls really are a "fringe" group would not sell papers. :/

[callasandra]

Originally Posted by Teribear

My heart is just breaking. That poor little boy. It makes me SO angry that the Pearl's and Ezzo's and Tripp's and Dobson's of the world can write this stuff and then act as if they don't promote this kind of thing and the problem lies in the parent's application of it. quote]

And the Reb Bradleys, Richard Fugates, Bill Gothards, Jonathan Lindavalls and scores more of legalistic, rigit, controlling men preaching this garbage and thinking it it ok. The whole pack of them are so focused on control that they totally ignor the fact of Gods grace, mercy and patience with us. What kind of a view of God do they have, do they think God treats us this way?

Callasandra

[BluegrassMama]

Rebecca, God Bless You! I was up until 1 a.m. looking for advocacy wear online last night, and I only found one or two 'slogans' that weren't exactly what I wanted to say.

I'll save up some shekels and get us some shirts from your store.

[Wonder Woman]

Originally Posted by BluegrassMama

Rebecca, God Bless You! I was up until 1 a.m. looking for advocacy wear online last night, and I only found one or two 'slogans' that weren't exactly what I wanted to say.

I'll save up some shekels and get us some shirts from your store.

You're Welcome! and Thank You

If we could just get one of the major networks to do an investigative report on this...........

Well. . . . . .dh works with a contract company at CNN. . . . .he see the 'talent' every day. . . . .now, I know my dh still believes in spanking. . .but, I've read him some stuff from the Pearl's, and he's agreed that they are 'way out there'. I am going to call him today to see if he ever actually gets a chance to *talk* to the 'talent' at CNN. . . plant a bug in their ear. . . . .

[BluegrassMama]

My SIL carries a supply line like the one pictured in the article. I've also seen people carry wooden spoons or the flexible pipe, or glue sticks.

I think I've read nearly everything the Pearls ever wrote, and I am sure they don't advocate anything approaching suffocating (unless you count pushing a toddler in the lake to force it to learn to swim).

But they do teach 'creativity' in punishment. The rod first, last, and always, but also making the punishment 'fit' the crime. In that way, an ignorant parent or caregiver may come up with something unsafe that has to do with the child's perceived disobedience.

Michael and Debi Pearl operate under the assumption that their very personalities are righteous, and any parent seeking righteousness will become clones of them. They do not allow for differences of temperament, background and experience, intelligence, or education. (They claim there are only 3 personalities of men, and women do not have even this much variation)

Their advice is not safe across the board. Unlike GBD, for instance, which never hurt anybody .

[Wonder Woman]

not to mention that you are failing as a parent if you don't demand that your older children beat the younger ones

[Lantern Light Mama]

Pretty soon there is going to come a time in our country when the Pearl and Ezzo's are questioned for all of their hate filled advice. Its too bad its going to take more stuff like this and more FTT babies to grab the attention of the world.

I think it really is nice to get this out to the mainstream about the abuse committed in Christian households unders God's name with the help of teachings like The Pearls and The Ezzo's. In the past I contacted Fox, and asked them to do a story about it. Im not articulate enough right now to do this, but its wonderful that everyone is doing this.

Its so sad how its come about though. We should not tolerate The Pearl and Ezzo message anymore.

[rosesnsnails]

[BluegrassMama]

You know, we have all these stickies and links and websites and articles about GBD, and spanking, etc. But I often only have a minute or two, and I get a little confused when I'm trying to get my thoughts together to talk to someone else.

I need clif notes, a cheat sheet or something, to keep in the diaper bag for backup when I speak up.

(So far I mostly alienate people when I speak up about spanking. I'd like to be a little more articulate, convincing, and gentle when I preach it.)

Could we have a Bible and history study, about spanking and gentle discipline? Can some really smart, together mama lead it? We could all get nice and grounded in the things we already believe, and be better witnesses.

Then we could make the cheat sheet.

I would think the concept of grace would need to play a big role, as well as info from the rod study.

What do you think? I agree, simplespirit, we can't tolerate this anymore. But we need armed and equipped to fight it.