How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? - Page 4

Mamatoto · 02-10-2006, 07:37 PM

glad you are here!

illinoismommy · 02-10-2006, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butterflymommy

I shared w/ my dh how wonderful it was not to "see" fear in my son's eyes. Sometimes, when I reach for him, he instantly flinched, thinking I will hit him.

I am NOT a mean mommy, but apparently my spanking has the same affects on him as it does a whipped dog. I was being mean!!!!

.

This afternoon, I let my son CRY! He was sad that the Winnie the Pooh show was over. Normally, if I hear him crying, I immediately get angry, and judge him. I was programmed to believe that his crying/whining is all bad. I went to him, and just listened to his sadness. I held him and said that I would be sad if my favorite show was over, too. I hugged him and he sniffed-whimpered, then began to play with his cars. WOW!

Hi!! It really is a big shift, from viewing your children as the adversary as viewing them as on your team. They want to be loved and embraced, and I know about the fear in eyes!!! My mom spanked me, and I *still* flinch if I am around an angry person or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage. 6 years is not too late, I am so glad you are here

I have been reading "Successful Parenting" by Dr. Sears and his wife..... I think that it would bless you. I got it at the library. I enjoyed that it gave ways to connect and ways to teach things that isn't just instilling the fear so that they obey.

Maybe at first the Pearls way seems better because it may indeed produce a quicker outcome of quiet compliant children, but that's not the real goal in parenting, right? We want to produce healthy children who can make the right choices because they are the right choices and not because they fear punishment. I remind myself of that when I am around someone who starts boasting about their parenting in terms of how "compliant" their child is.... in 20 years you will be so glad that you switched to a new way.

illinoismommy · 02-10-2006, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by butterflymommy

I shared w/ my dh how wonderful it was not to "see" fear in my son's eyes. Sometimes, when I reach for him, he instantly flinched, thinking I will hit him.

I am NOT a mean mommy, but apparently my spanking has the same affects on him as it does a whipped dog. I was being mean!!!!

.

This afternoon, I let my son CRY! He was sad that the Winnie the Pooh show was over. Normally, if I hear him crying, I immediately get angry, and judge him. I was programmed to believe that his crying/whining is all bad. I went to him, and just listened to his sadness. I held him and said that I would be sad if my favorite show was over, too. I hugged him and he sniffed-whimpered, then began to play with his cars. WOW!

Hi!! It really is a big shift, from viewing your children as the adversary as viewing them as on your team. They want to be loved and embraced, and I know about the fear in eyes!!! My mom spanked me, and I *still* flinch if I am around an angry person or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage. 6 years is not too late, I am so glad you are here

I have been reading "Successful Parenting" by Dr. Sears and his wife..... I think that it would bless you. I got it at the library. I enjoyed that it gave ways to connect and ways to teach things that isn't just instilling the fear so that they obey.

Maybe at first the Pearls way seems better because it may indeed produce a quicker outcome of quiet compliant children, but that's not the real goal in parenting, right? We want to produce healthy children who can make the right choices because they are the right choices and not because they fear punishment. I remind myself of that when I am around someone who starts boasting about their parenting in terms of how "compliant" their child is.... in 20 years you will be so glad that you switched to a new way.

02-10-2006, 08:38 PM

Thank you!

I love that concept of being on the same team. I ran Track and CC in HS. Those were special years for me. I counted on my team mates support, encouragement, and friendship. Our bond ws stronger than iron. That gave me a great idea!!! We used to write notes to each other before a game that basically said how much we like the other person and what we knew they needed to hear for that particular week. With the note, we always had a goodie bag that that person could enjoy. I am going to do that every week for my kids! A note and a special goodie bag!

My mom spanked me, and I *still* flinch if I am around an angry person or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage.

Could this be why I avoid conflics? I was spanked, too. Every day, it seemed. I was abused some times, too. The horrible memories...I love my mom, but she crossed the lime too many times. (She has asked my forgiveness and is a great mom now, but she really blew it when I was a little girl!)

Why do we spank???? WHY? OK, I know the instant benefits for the adults. I know. I am there. But, I wa't REAL relationship. I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Chris's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Chris treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel!

02-10-2006, 08:38 PM

Thank you!

I love that concept of being on the same team. I ran Track and CC in HS. Those were special years for me. I counted on my team mates support, encouragement, and friendship. Our bond ws stronger than iron. That gave me a great idea!!! We used to write notes to each other before a game that basically said how much we like the other person and what we knew they needed to hear for that particular week. With the note, we always had a goodie bag that that person could enjoy. I am going to do that every week for my kids! A note and a special goodie bag!

My mom spanked me, and I *still* flinch if I am around an angry person or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage.

Could this be why I avoid conflics? I was spanked, too. Every day, it seemed. I was abused some times, too. The horrible memories...I love my mom, but she crossed the lime too many times. (She has asked my forgiveness and is a great mom now, but she really blew it when I was a little girl!)

Why do we spank???? WHY? OK, I know the instant benefits for the adults. I know. I am there. But, I wa't REAL relationship. I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Chris's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Chris treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel!

illinoismommy · 02-10-2006, 08:53 PM

If you are already AP minded then you will really like Dr. Sears stuff

illinoismommy · 02-10-2006, 08:53 PM

If you are already AP minded then you will really like Dr. Sears stuff

MarynMunchkins · 02-10-2006, 09:01 PM

I have to tell you that I can see, just from these few posts, how God is working in your heart and repairing your relationship with your children.

I'm so glad you're here.

My mom gave me TTUAC and told me to use it to break my children's will. Thankfully, I wasn't very deeply into it before I started searching for something that seemed better. GCM is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. It taught me what to do when I determined not to spank. I haven't spanked in forever.

Ask lots of questions.

Everyone here likes to offer help.

MarynMunchkins · 02-10-2006, 09:01 PM

I have to tell you that I can see, just from these few posts, how God is working in your heart and repairing your relationship with your children.

I'm so glad you're here.

My mom gave me TTUAC and told me to use it to break my children's will. Thankfully, I wasn't very deeply into it before I started searching for something that seemed better. GCM is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. It taught me what to do when I determined not to spank. I haven't spanked in forever.

Ask lots of questions.

Everyone here likes to offer help.

Radosny Matka · 02-10-2006, 09:02 PM

lt for leading you away from that sickness and over to GCM

Radosny Matka · 02-10-2006, 09:02 PM

lt for leading you away from that sickness and over to GCM

hsgbdmama · 02-11-2006, 07:45 AM

Welcome and

that you are seeing some successes!

Remember too that there will be some ingrained mindsets that you need to prayerfully work your way out of, such as viewing children as animals that are to obey on the first command otherwise are to be struck -- I know that MP often compares children to dogs and mules

and doesn't truly see them as the wonderful creatures full of curiosity that our Lord has made them to be. You have received wonderful advice on this board, and I encourage you to stick with GBD -- you will have days where it doesn't seem to work, but do focus on the bigger picture and see the long-term positive effects of it!

Burn the Pearl materials so there will be no possibility of going back to them.

hsgbdmama · 02-11-2006, 07:45 AM

Welcome and

that you are seeing some successes!

Remember too that there will be some ingrained mindsets that you need to prayerfully work your way out of, such as viewing children as animals that are to obey on the first command otherwise are to be struck -- I know that MP often compares children to dogs and mules

and doesn't truly see them as the wonderful creatures full of curiosity that our Lord has made them to be. You have received wonderful advice on this board, and I encourage you to stick with GBD -- you will have days where it doesn't seem to work, but do focus on the bigger picture and see the long-term positive effects of it!

Burn the Pearl materials so there will be no possibility of going back to them.

TulipMama · 02-11-2006, 08:36 AM

Quote:

I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Christ's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Christ treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel!

Amen!

TulipMama · 02-11-2006, 08:36 AM

Quote:

I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Christ's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Christ treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel!

Amen!

02-10-2006, 07:37 PM	#46
Mamatoto Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 5,871	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? glad you are here!

02-10-2006, 08:38 PM	#49
butterflymommy Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? Thank you! I love that concept of being on the same team. I ran Track and CC in HS. Those were special years for me. I counted on my team mates support, encouragement, and friendship. Our bond ws stronger than iron. That gave me a great idea!!! We used to write notes to each other before a game that basically said how much we like the other person and what we knew they needed to hear for that particular week. With the note, we always had a goodie bag that that person could enjoy. I am going to do that every week for my kids! A note and a special goodie bag! *My mom spanked me, and I still* flinch if I am around an angry person** or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage. Could this be why I avoid conflics? I was spanked, too. Every day, it seemed. I was abused some times, too. The horrible memories...I love my mom, but she crossed the lime too many times. (She has asked my forgiveness and is a great mom now, but she really blew it when I was a little girl!) Why do we spank???? WHY? OK, I know the instant benefits for the adults. I know. I am there. But, I wa't REAL relationship. I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Chris's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Chris treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel!

02-10-2006, 08:38 PM	#50
butterflymommy Guest Posts: n/a	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? Thank you! I love that concept of being on the same team. I ran Track and CC in HS. Those were special years for me. I counted on my team mates support, encouragement, and friendship. Our bond ws stronger than iron. That gave me a great idea!!! We used to write notes to each other before a game that basically said how much we like the other person and what we knew they needed to hear for that particular week. With the note, we always had a goodie bag that that person could enjoy. I am going to do that every week for my kids! A note and a special goodie bag! *My mom spanked me, and I still* flinch if I am around an angry person** or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage. Could this be why I avoid conflics? I was spanked, too. Every day, it seemed. I was abused some times, too. The horrible memories...I love my mom, but she crossed the lime too many times. (She has asked my forgiveness and is a great mom now, but she really blew it when I was a little girl!) Why do we spank???? WHY? OK, I know the instant benefits for the adults. I know. I am there. But, I wa't REAL relationship. I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Chris's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Chris treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel!

02-10-2006, 08:53 PM	#51
illinoismommy Rose Garden Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 25,657	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? If you are already AP minded then you will really like Dr. Sears stuff __________________ Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5).

02-10-2006, 08:53 PM	#52
illinoismommy Rose Garden Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 25,657	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? If you are already AP minded then you will really like Dr. Sears stuff __________________ Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5).

02-10-2006, 09:01 PM	#53
MarynMunchkins Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 38,127	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to G I have to tell you that I can see, just from these few posts, how God is working in your heart and repairing your relationship with your children. I'm so glad you're here. My mom gave me TTUAC and told me to use it to break my children's will. Thankfully, I wasn't very deeply into it before I started searching for something that seemed better. GCM is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. It taught me what to do when I determined not to spank. I haven't spanked in forever. Ask lots of questions. Everyone here likes to offer help.

02-10-2006, 09:02 PM	#55
Radosny Matka Rose Garden I am so blessed! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: somewhere between sane and crazy Posts: 26,922	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? lt for leading you away from that sickness and over to GCM __________________ Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17

02-11-2006, 07:45 AM	#57
hsgbdmama Deactivated Yeah, it's winter here ... Join Date: May 2005 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 11,903	Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM? Welcome and that you are seeing some successes! Remember too that there will be some ingrained mindsets that you need to prayerfully work your way out of, such as viewing children as animals that are to obey on the first command otherwise are to be struck -- I know that MP often compares children to dogs and mules and doesn't truly see them as the wonderful creatures full of curiosity that our Lord has made them to be. You have received wonderful advice on this board, and I encourage you to stick with GBD -- you will have days where it doesn't seem to work, but do focus on the bigger picture and see the long-term positive effects of it! Burn the Pearl materials so there will be no possibility of going back to them.

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