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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 04-19-2005, 03:32 PM   #1
MarynMunchkins
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Default Letter to the punitive parents I know

I'm thinking about sending this out to the punitive parents I know. (Which, unfortunately, is nearly everyone... ) What do you think?


Quote:
Hello!

In honor of National Spank-Out Day, April 30th, I’d like to invite every parent I know to stop spanking for the day and learn more about positive discipline.

Positive, non-punitive discipline was a new concept to me not too long ago. I spanked and used time-out almost exclusively, and found I was enjoying my children less and less as I had to punish their behavior more. It was about a year ago that I was introduced to positive discipline, and it dramatically changed me. Instead of dreading the days, I wake up eager to enjoy my children, and find great joy in being a mom.

In addition, my relationship with Christ has grown by leaps and bounds. I have learned more about grace by showing to my children than I could have ever learned by simply reading about it. I have found unbelievable, overwhelming joy and peace in the arms of God, and revel in His amazing parenting of me.

I’d like to encourage each and every one of you to learn more about positive, grace-based discipline, and allow it change your life and parenting just as it has done mine.

Here are a few links and suggested reading to get you started:

http://www.aolff.org/articles.htm

The author of these articles, Crystal Lutton, is the mother of 5. Her advice, both online and in her book, Biblical Parenting, is sound and practical. She can also be found moderating www.gentlechristianmothers.com and offers help to specific discipline questions.

http://www.gentlemothering.com/topics/

The owner of this board and author of many of the articles, Jeri Carr, is a mom of 4. She’s is also the owner of www.gentlechristianmothers.com.

http://joanneaz_2.tripod.com/positiv...ter/index.html

Joanne, the creator of this website, has some fantastic resources! She’s also the mother of 3 great kids.

http://www.kjsl.com/~lindav/notrain.htm

Linda’s site speaks specifically of why punitive parenting doesn’t work. You’ll notice a particularly wonderful article there, written by ME.

There are also several great books that deal with positive discipline. Most can be found at your local library. Here are just a few…(the ones in bold are my favorites)

Bailey, Becky - Easy to love, difficult to discipline

Budd, Linda – Living with your active alert child

Clark, Jean Illsley Time-In When Time-Out doesn't Work by

Cohen, Lawerence – Playful Parenting

Colorosa, Barbara - Kids are worth it.

Faber, Adele and Mazlich, Elaine - How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk

Faber, Adele Mazlich, Elaine - Siblings w/o rivalry

Ginott, Haim Gordon - Parent Effectiveness Training

Kurcinka, Mary Sheedy - Kids, Parents and Power Struggles and Raising your Spirited Child

Nelsen, Jane – Positive Discipline in the Christian Home

Ulrich Tobias, Cynthia - You can’t make me but I can be persuaded

Vanvonderen, Jeffrey – Families where Grace is in Place (not discipline but applicable)

Matthew McKay, Kim Paleg, Patrick Fanning, Dana Landis - When anger hurts your kids

Lutton, Crystal Biblical Parenting

Whitehurst, Teresa Jesus on Parenting

Clarkson, Clay Heartfelt Discipline

I hope these resources help and encourage you as you parent your children. They have helped me, and blessed my family immensely.

God Bless!

Mary

Dh said it was obnoxious, but not obtrusive. (He's not all the way there on the non-punitive side yet. :P) He thought it would be okay to send out. I'm wondering if maybe the list of books is too overwhelming. :/
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Old 04-19-2005, 03:51 PM   #2
ArmsOfLove
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

The list of books might be a little too much--maybe pick your top 5 faves?

And I think it's a really good letter--not personal to them but personal in sharing of yourself and your experience it's not critical or attacking and people can't argue with your personal experience!

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Old 04-19-2005, 03:57 PM   #3
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

I think it's an awesome letter.

I read your article. Very well written--just what I expect, blunt, honest and direct.
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Old 04-19-2005, 03:58 PM   #4
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

ITA with Crystal. Great writing btw!
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Old 04-19-2005, 04:10 PM   #5
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

I like it! Hope you get some positive responses!!
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Old 04-19-2005, 04:37 PM   #6
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

Thanks for the input! We have a Sunday school social this Saturday, so I think I'll send it out tonight. I'm hoping to have LOTS of conversations about it this weekend.
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Old 04-19-2005, 04:45 PM   #7
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

I like it so much i'd like to steal it if i may? Change a few things and send it to MY friends?
would that be alright with you?
let me know
Barb
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Old 04-19-2005, 05:15 PM   #8
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

Sure! Anyone feel free to steal it. I've been thinking for quite a while how to bring up the subject with people without being too obnoxious, and this was the best thing I could think of. :P
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Old 04-19-2005, 07:45 PM   #9
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

Sounds great! I hope at least one person seriously takes it to heart. WTG for reaching out!
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Old 04-19-2005, 10:03 PM   #10
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

Great letter! I think I'll be "stealing" parts of it too! Thanks for sharing it so generously!
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Old 04-20-2005, 04:47 AM   #11
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

I guess I always have to be the party pooper...but there's something I don't like about sending out a letter telling people how to discipline their kids- especially if you're targeting it toward the punitive ones. It just seems impersonal...and borderline condescending (IMO)

Many of my friends are punitive, and I would never send them a letter like this. They clearly know where I stand without the need for a letter.

But that's just me. I think talking and modeling lifestyle are so much more effective and personal than a letter.
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Old 04-20-2005, 09:25 AM   #12
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

Cheri, these are all people who know that I don't spank. I've mentioned it before. But since we're moving next week, I won't have the opportunity to model it for them. I'd like to introduce the concept, since I'm the only one I know of in the church who is non-punitive. :/

In general, though, I agree that lifestyle is much more effective than simple words.
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Old 04-20-2005, 09:58 AM   #13
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

I think that sounds great! I like the long list of books so that they don't think that only a few people believe in this!
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Old 04-22-2005, 12:31 AM   #14
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Default Re: Letter to the punitive parents I know

Thank you for including my site in your letter. I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone (and tell the newer people) that I need more testimonies for my site. I am also still accepting original articles and essays. Of course, I will also accept links I might have missed. The url for the site is in my siggie.

Thank you,
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