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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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02-28-2010, 09:57 PM | #1 |
Rose Garden
Our sweet family, 2017
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Woodlands, TX
Posts: 8,882
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So what can we DO?
If there's already a post around here somewhere that talks about this, just direct me to it; I id a half-hearted search but didn't find anything.
I haven't read a ton abou this latest Pearl story, because honestly I can't stomach it. I know the bare facts, which is more than enough to stoke the fire in my belly to DO SOMETHING. But what? What can we do to start speaking out against this heresy and abuse? Facebook notes and blogposts just don't feel like enough.
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02-28-2010, 10:08 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 22,331
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Re: So what can we DO?
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02-28-2010, 10:17 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 30,329
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Re: So what can we DO?
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02-28-2010, 10:33 PM | #4 |
Rose Trellis
Struggling with life
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Where the grass grows green
Posts: 1,972
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Re: So what can we DO?
So far I have:
Read and commented on blogs Read and commented on the mops forum Contacted friends of mine that I went to college with who are pastors to ask them to speak up if they hear of any of their families in their congregation using such methods (including links to the theology behind it so they would know what they were dealing with) Sent a letter to: Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity (next is Sarah Palin!)
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02-28-2010, 10:55 PM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northwest of Orlando.
Posts: 6,732
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Re: So what can we DO?
I remember reading a quote a long time ago about how it's harder for people to separate from something than it is for them to separate unto something.
Before parents will be willing to give up following the Pearl's teaching, I suspect they will need non-punitive tools for setting firm boundaries. Actually, many parents will simply need to know that they can enforce boundaries without inflicting physical pain. The idea is out there that anyone who doesn't spank their children lets their children do whatever they like. Another thing that deserves to be accentuated is the need for parents to step back and ask themselves, What do my children really learn from my preferred disciplinary tactics? If I spank my child for throwing a tantrum when he is angry, what am I really teaching him? The spanking may get him to stop tantruming, but have I actually taught him how to deal with his anger appropriately? |
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03-02-2010, 01:40 AM | #6 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,362
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Re: So what can we DO?
Speak out against the Pearls' teachings whenever they are mentioned in your presence. I'm gathering my courage to present my case at the Orthodox bookstore again. Hopefully they don't stock those books anymore.
When discussing the Pearls with the unchurched, BTW, try to avoid using words such as "heresy" or "doctrine" because in many people they only bring up Monty Python sketches (Nnnobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!) or Puritans in funny hats. The points that will come across even to people who have never cracked a Bible, IMO: *The Pearls teach that it's possible to be 100 percent perfect in all ways, and in fact Michael Pearl has said that he himself is a perfected human being who never does or says anything wrong. *The Pearls teach that the essential foundation for human perfection is laid in childhood through the actions of the parents. *The Pearls teach that there are two choices before a parent: Either make your children perfect, or see them become hopeless losers and scumbags who will just continue the cycle of badness. (Avoid the words "sin" and "soul.") *The Pearls teach that children can learn this perfection only through repeated application of physical pain. *The Pearls teach parents that only certain signs on the part of the children will show that the pain treatment is working. These signs amount to complete submission of the child to the parent, on the level of a slave or a broken prisoner of war, or the ability to counterfeit such. Signs that the child is still able to protest the pain treatment are treated as rebellion and a call for more pain. *The Pearls teach that if the child does not produce the appropriate signs, the parent must continue. Remember that in the Pearls' system of child training, the stakes are extremely high. *The Pearls flavor these central teachings with lots of pretty words about "tying heartstrings" and so forth. They also assert that only they have laid hold of the essential truths of human nature and, as said before, that people who do not do as they say risk ruining their children forever. They write with great confidence about these matters. Hence they have deluded many parents who are anxious to do the best for their children and don't have the background needed in order to analyze the Pearls' claims. Also, children who have been raised a la Pearl tend to be very compliant when people are looking--understandably!--which can be misinterpreted by other parents as good behavior arising from good character and hence as proof that the Pearl system works. We know what it means to deny the doctrine of original sin, elevate a piece of plumbing line to the status of the Savior, and use prooftexting on people who have no training in hermeneutics, but it needs to be laid out in different language to people who don't speak our jargon, so to speak.
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03-02-2010, 03:41 PM | #7 |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 331
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Re: So what can we DO?
My local homeschooling organization has the Pearls books on their recommended resources. Several members have written to the board to ask that they remove this book (so far their response has been that they have no intention of removing it. --still if enough members write them, hopefully they will reconsider. If you know of any local organizations recommending the Pearls, I'd suggest writing or e-mailing them a letter (even if you aren't a member, you can still express concern, or even let them know that you are not a member because of their recommendations.)
Too many churches and homeschool organizations are still promoting the Pearls to impressionable/inexperience new parents. I think the best thing we can do at a local level is to let groups know how objectionable the Pearls are, about the recent death connected with the Pearls and the Pearl's unorthodox religious beliefs.
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03-02-2010, 03:51 PM | #8 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 25,840
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Re: So what can we DO?
Maybe letters to book stores and libraries (or state, whoever decides what books go on library shelves) including the points below would help. If we can get them to stop stocking these books, those digging through the parenting resources might not stumble accross them. I think it would be hard to convince libraries because they are all about freedom of speech, but it may be very effective at especially privately owned bookstores.
Quote:
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03-02-2010, 04:24 PM | #9 |
Deactivated
Peace be with you.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: the sweet sunny south
Posts: 15,346
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Re: So what can we DO?
--I think Focus on the Family should be urged to make a statement and Family Life Today should make a statement. Pro-spanking conservative Christian parenting groups should be urged to speak out and clearly say how repugnant the Pearls' ideas about so-called biblical chastisement are. It needs to be made clear that the Pearls are isolated and alone in the aberration and harshness of their beliefs and practices. The people who are most vulnerable to the Pearls need to realize that anti-Pearl material sentiment is not coming from people who are anti-spanking--though naturally there will be some overlap. It is coming from people who are saying, THIS crosses the line and leaves it way behind. It is cruel, bizarre, and can certainly be abusive.
--I think homeschool conference organizers should be urged not to distribute free Pearl materials in the packets they give away to conference attendees. --I think if the Pearls are invited to speak at a homeschool conference put on by your organization, write to the organizers and beg them to dis-invite them if they can legally do so. If they are already in a legal contract or for some other reason aren't willing to do that, you could say, "well, I can't support that so I won't be able to attend. I will also be calling the local news organization and providing them with samples of the Pearls' material and links to the Lydia Schatz story so that they can see what is taught, in context - and so that they will realize they have a great local angle on a national news story." Last edited by katiekind; 03-02-2010 at 04:28 PM. |
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03-03-2010, 02:11 PM | #10 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Southeast Oklahoma - is anybody out there?
Posts: 1,035
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Re: So what can we DO?
I also wrote to Amazon, imploring them to pull the Pearls' horrid books from their site.
---------- Post added at 03:11 PM ---------- Previous post was at 03:10 PM ---------- Does anyone have a list or just names of any homeschool companies, bookstores, or any other business who openly support the Pearls? Because I for one will not knowingly buy a thing from anyone who supports them in any way.
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Blessed wife to BK Loving mama to JW (October 2008) NK (June 2013) and MK (May 2015) Longing to hold my three s in heaven (Feb 2011, June 2011, July 2012) AP'ing, co-sleeping, CLW, no-circ, selectively vaccinating, and learning gentleness in parenting every day! LOVE LETS LIVE |
03-03-2010, 06:19 PM | #11 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,362
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Re: So what can we DO?
@Codi: If you choose to use my list of points in a letter, I suggest backing them up with direct quotes from the Pearls, including page numbers and the exact edition of the title cited. Their teachings are so far beyond the pale that it's easy to assume (as I did when I first heard of the Pearls) that they really mean something more familiar to the reader/listener. It's easy to assume that "pain" means "two or three swats and drop it" unless you actually see in print what the Pearls direct parents to do with all of that plumbing supply line. (Jesus wept!) It's easy to assume that "obedience" means "doing what they're told" and not the cruel game of entrapment followed by punishment for having been fooled. "Blanket training" sounds like some kind of safety measure, not destroying a child's capacity for doing anything without having been told to do it first.
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03-03-2010, 07:56 PM | #12 |
Deactivated
1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything that you do, because you are his dear children.
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 3,814
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Re: So what can we DO?
Has FOTF or FLT come out with a statement?
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03-03-2010, 07:56 PM | #13 | |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,414
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Re: So what can we DO?
I just sent this to my state homeschool organization. They have an ad in their magazine for CTBHHM
Quote:
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03-03-2010, 08:34 PM | #14 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,362
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Re: So what can we DO?
Not too much. But I would quote from Pearl's statement on Facebook and include a link.
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Wife to John, December 18, 1999 ~ Mother to Sophia, March 13, 2004 ~ Mother to Eva, June 10, 2006 ~ Mother to Matthew, December 21, 2009 ~ Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will lift me up. |
03-03-2010, 10:25 PM | #15 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 25,840
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Re: So what can we DO?
Thanks Jenny. Id definitely add quotes. Was it you who wrote that in depth letter a while ago and posted it here on gcm with all those quotes and such?
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