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Old 11-10-2014, 06:01 PM   #1
MCP1982
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Default I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

He can't get through a sleep cycle on his own, and cries when put in his crib; I'm exhausted. DH is traveling for work, so I get no breaks. I just want a couple hours of sleep strung together!
I nurse him down, but eventually just bring him in bed with me so I can get some sleep.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:05 PM   #2
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

Been there. I am there.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

co sleeping really does help you get better sleep - is there a reason you don't want to or can't?
how old is your baby?
we can try and help you problem solve, but sometimes just telling yourself over and over it doesn't last forever really does help.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:06 PM   #4
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MCP1982 View Post
He can't get through a sleep cycle on his own, and cries when put in his crib; I'm exhausted. DH is traveling for work, so I get no breaks. I just want a couple hours of sleep strung together!
I nurse him down, but eventually just bring him in bed with me so I can get some sleep.
Is there a reason you are concerned about cosleeping with him? I know I get the most sleep doing that.
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:09 PM   #5
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

i just read your intro, so you little one is 1? sometimes if you just need the space to yourself for a bit you can try nursing them down in your bed, and then slowly peel yourself away, then you can go lay on the couch for a bit of away time. or since your dh is gone, you could try nursing him on that side of the bed and then slowly schooching over to your side

i get it. it really is hard. and sleep is such a needed thing.
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How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?....because I am shaken. 5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love;
my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.







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Old 11-10-2014, 06:19 PM   #6
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

Related to the PP's suggestions about nursing him down in your bed and gradually sneaking away, have you tried a heavyish warm blanket on the baby? Or a hot (warm) water bottle? Or does he always want to be latched on?
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Old 11-10-2014, 06:34 PM   #7
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by houseforjoy View Post
i just read your intro, so you little one is 1? sometimes if you just need the space to yourself for a bit you can try nursing them down in your bed, and then slowly peel yourself away, then you can go lay on the couch for a bit of away time. or since your dh is gone, you could try nursing him on that side of the bed and then slowly schooching over to your side

i get it. it really is hard. and sleep is such a needed thing.
When my oldest was 1, my dh went to Bosnia for 8 months (showing my age) and that is what we did - nursed down in the bed and then I quietly got up and had some quiet 'me' time. If I fell asleep, I needed the sleep, so it was a win/win.
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Last edited by CelticJourney; 11-10-2014 at 06:54 PM.
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Old 11-10-2014, 07:29 PM   #8
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

I totally get it. My son is 15 months and probably wants to compete with your little one for the title of world's worst sleeper. I'm also totally exhausted. We co-sleep, and I don't know what we'd do if we wouldn't. Would you like some information about how to co-sleep safely? Is that your hesitation? I'm all about doing whatever we need to do to get enough sleep. I do all nighttime parenting because of my dh's work schedule. It is really hard and frustrating.
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Old 11-10-2014, 07:56 PM   #9
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

He's 13 months, and I do bed share. But he's still up every 45 minutes. I can put him in his crib for the first couple sleep cycles, which is the only time I have to get things done or spend with DH if he is home. I don't mind the bed sharing, but DH is over it and wants him out. I just want ds to sleep a few hours together so I can too. I think this is contributing to some anxiety and depression. I know I shouldnt compare, but it seems my friends' babies are all sttn, walking, and talking and ds isn't. I'm trying everything - sleeping on an incline, chiropractic, cranial sacral therapy, massage, pain meds, nothing helps.
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:04 PM   #10
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

Just like walking and talking vary, so does sleep. There are LOTS and LOTS of babies, even children, who are needier at night. After about 6 months though, people stop being so accepting and "awww, that's rough" and instead start spouting advice or insisting that your child is out to ruin your marriage and your life and that you "need to nip that in the bud." So people don't talk about it. But your baby is well-within normal.

And if he's not yet walking or talking, that is part of the sleep issue. Ime, before big leaps in independence (learning to walk and talk are huge ones) babies have fretful sleep and become very needy. They need to be reassured of their strong foundational relationship with their parents before they can literally walk away from them.

Your baby is much bigger than the newborn you brought home. But he is still a little baby and it is normal for him to need so much from you. It doesn't make it easy to give and give, but it does mean that during times of higher neediness, you need to adjust your level of expectations for what you should be getting done. It gets better and easier over time, but with a lot of "dang, this reminds me of those newborn days when I could barely pee" days in the mix along the way.

Try nursing down and tucking a pillow in towards each of his sides around hip level so you can get up rather than putting him in the crib. Putting a full mattress in the baby's sleep space instead of a crib will let you do this more easily if you are trying to work towards him not being in your bed
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:11 PM   #11
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

It would be easier to believe this was due to a leap, or teeth, or something, if it wasn't the same thing for his entire life. He is such an easy going happy baby, except when it comes to sleep, he fights. I'm with him 100% of his life, he's never had to cry it out, no reason to think I'm not here for him, he just fights. I feel like a bad mom because I can't get him to sleep better.
<<<feeling like a failure because I can't give my baby what he needs in order to grow and develop.
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:21 PM   #12
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

I think some babies just need their mama to be able to sleep. That's the model I have, btw. And she's four now and growing beautifully. The pediatrician has no concerns

There's a lot a mom and a dad can bring to a baby's life. But some of it is just their personality, their nature, their own set of abilities and needs. You are responsible for your responses to those things, but your kid is his own person. Even now, in diapers with no words, he is his own person and being needy at night is not something you did to him.
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:22 PM   #13
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

Oh, I'm so right there with you. I can't write much since I need to get to bed to get a little sleep before the first wake up here too. It is soooo hard. I'm right in the same boat with other people's babies who are a year younger than ds sleeping much better than he is! I keep telling myself that it is his temperament and not something I've done, but I'm not always convinced. We've also tried so many things and spent so much money to try to help him sleep better. And yes, I worry that he isn't getting enough sleep or enough good sleep. Only time I get anything done is the hour or two between when I can put him down at night and when I need to go to bed. So yeah, not a whole lot of ideas from me since I haven't figured it out at all either. But sometimes it helps just to hear that someone else is right there with you. It's sooo exhausting. I feel like a zombie many days. I do think we're giving our babies what they need though- closeness to mommy!
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Old 11-10-2014, 08:35 PM   #14
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

Quote:
Originally Posted by MCP1982 View Post
It would be easier to believe this was due to a leap, or teeth, or something, if it wasn't the same thing for his entire life. He is such an easy going happy baby, except when it comes to sleep, he fights. I'm with him 100% of his life, he's never had to cry it out, no reason to think I'm not here for him, he just fights. I feel like a bad mom because I can't get him to sleep better.
<<<feeling like a failure because I can't give my baby what he needs in order to grow and develop.
You have exactly what your baby needs. You might just need a little help figuring out exactly what that is and how to make it work.

Do you want us to help come up with some more ideas? If so, see spoiler.

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Old 11-10-2014, 08:51 PM   #15
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Default Re: I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

I completely understand. My eldest was like that. She didn't STTN until she was 3 (and by then I had another child and was pregnant with my 3rd). However, we did find some things that helped and got all of us more sleep.

First, with regard to your husband wanting him out-- This is something you need to talk about openly and honestly, without any hostility but to clearly make your needs known. You NEED sleep. If bed sharing gets you the most sleep, it's a NEED, not a want. If your baby is currently between your and your DH in the bed, you can get a toddler bed rail so that you can be in the middle. If your DH wants the baby out of the bed, that's a want. While his wants deserve to be heard, wants can wait. Is your DH willing to try to meet his night time needs when he is home? For example, cuddling him to sleep and offering him water, expressed milk, or food when he wakes? (My toddlers all loved bananas at bedtime or in the middle of the night.) If he wants a change in the sleeping arrangements I think it would be good if he would contribute to the solution.

Regarding your child's sleep. Is he getting at least an hour of fresh air and lots of large motor activity every day? Is he eating enough in the evenings? A bedtime snack can help. Cranial sacral therapy can also help with a child who isn't sleeping well.

This will pass.
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