My best friend is "babywising" her 4 day old...I am so sad

[illinoismommy]

Originally Posted by katiekind

I wonder if you're referring to his examples of his grandbabies? I don't recall any example with a niece crying for 45 minutes. Do you have a page number so I can look it up?

I think we can safely say that neice was being put down to her nap too early and she wasn't tired!

[illinoismommy]

Originally Posted by katiekind

I wonder if you're referring to his examples of his grandbabies? I don't recall any example with a niece crying for 45 minutes. Do you have a page number so I can look it up?

I think we can safely say that neice was being put down to her nap too early and she wasn't tired!

Janet: I didn't understand the point of "blanket time" either! When I first read that part ds was only 4 months old, so he pretty much stayed wherever I put him, but I didn't see any logical reason for insisting that he stay in one spot when he reached the age of exploring . Even now, yeah he pulls out all of my canned goods each morning, but so what? Its part of how they grow and learn.

Oh, I just wanted to add that I was filing some parental permission slips from dh's youth group, and it turns out that one of the teens is an Ezzo! He's actually a really nice young man, and I'm trying to find a polite way of finding out if he is related. Darn pastor's wives... we're all so nosy!

Janet: I didn't understand the point of "blanket time" either! When I first read that part ds was only 4 months old, so he pretty much stayed wherever I put him, but I didn't see any logical reason for insisting that he stay in one spot when he reached the age of exploring . Even now, yeah he pulls out all of my canned goods each morning, but so what? Its part of how they grow and learn.

Oh, I just wanted to add that I was filing some parental permission slips from dh's youth group, and it turns out that one of the teens is an Ezzo! He's actually a really nice young man, and I'm trying to find a polite way of finding out if he is related. Darn pastor's wives... we're all so nosy!

[katiekind]

but their newest version of Babywise is deceptively toned down.

This is a very important point. Ezzo's stuff is hard to discuss with any accuracy because he does keep re-processing it, renaming it, hiding his premises, giving conflicting advice, etc. "Deceptively toned down" is well said. I agree with you that it can come as a shock to parents when they actually pick up Babywise to discover that he writes in several places that mothers should go ahead and feed the baby if she becomes convinced it is hungry. As a critic I am working harder these days to try and help parents see how the book can say those things, but undermine the advice by other advice that runs counter to that, and by the underlying messages.

On another point, the current Babywise does mention 45 minutes of crying in one place, and 35 minutes of crying "off and on" in another.

“When your baby awakens [in the middle of the night], give him a chance to resettle. You really do not need to rush in right away. Any crying will be temporary, lasting from five to possibly forty-five minutes"--p 125, BW 2001

For a small example of the toning down....the word "possibly" has been added in the 2001 edition--in 1998 it just said, "five to forty-five minutes.

[katiekind]

but their newest version of Babywise is deceptively toned down.

This is a very important point. Ezzo's stuff is hard to discuss with any accuracy because he does keep re-processing it, renaming it, hiding his premises, giving conflicting advice, etc. "Deceptively toned down" is well said. I agree with you that it can come as a shock to parents when they actually pick up Babywise to discover that he writes in several places that mothers should go ahead and feed the baby if she becomes convinced it is hungry. As a critic I am working harder these days to try and help parents see how the book can say those things, but undermine the advice by other advice that runs counter to that, and by the underlying messages.

On another point, the current Babywise does mention 45 minutes of crying in one place, and 35 minutes of crying "off and on" in another.

“When your baby awakens [in the middle of the night], give him a chance to resettle. You really do not need to rush in right away. Any crying will be temporary, lasting from five to possibly forty-five minutes"--p 125, BW 2001

For a small example of the toning down....the word "possibly" has been added in the 2001 edition--in 1998 it just said, "five to forty-five minutes.

[LikeADimMirror]

How heartbreaking!

I'm pretty blunt. I had a friend start babywise on her 1 month old--after she'd been telling me how sweet-tempered her baby was. I told her flat out that Ezzo was the Devil and that she was going to ruin her baby's sweet temper. Then I gave her a bunch of Ezzo links. She was real happy about my pronouncement, but she got over it. And promised that she wouldn't go "to far" in her Ezzo-ing. Whatever.

4 days old and being left to cry alone....I don't think I'd worry about losing that friendship by being extremely blunt with her. Do what you did here, point out to her the fact that you have a well-bonded, confident baby and your other Ezzo friend doesn't.

[LikeADimMirror]

How heartbreaking!

I'm pretty blunt. I had a friend start babywise on her 1 month old--after she'd been telling me how sweet-tempered her baby was. I told her flat out that Ezzo was the Devil and that she was going to ruin her baby's sweet temper. Then I gave her a bunch of Ezzo links. She was real happy about my pronouncement, but she got over it. And promised that she wouldn't go "to far" in her Ezzo-ing. Whatever.

4 days old and being left to cry alone....I don't think I'd worry about losing that friendship by being extremely blunt with her. Do what you did here, point out to her the fact that you have a well-bonded, confident baby and your other Ezzo friend doesn't.

UPDATE!

My friend who was Babywising her 4 day old emailed today to ask my advice on what "routines" I use with my DD. It gave me an awesome opportunity to direct her and encourage her to look at other options. She also told me she got the Dr. Sears book I originally recommended and has been reading it and really likes it!! I think this is a good start for her and she seems to be a lot more open minded than she was a few weeks ago.

I just wanted to let all of you know that. Thanks for all the thoughts you have given on here and I REALLY appreciate the support!!


Happy Mama!

Read above!

[CelticJourney]

WoW!!

[LauraK]

PRAISE THE LORD about your friend!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by illinoismommy

I think we can safely say that neice was being put down to her nap too early and she wasn't tired!

I was mistaken it was his granddaughter not niece who cried for 45 minutes.

Actually, some kids who are actually tired will cry for this long. My dd would have cried for how knows how long if I had followed the book and she was overtired most of the time I must admit, she just had a really hard time falling asleep and if she started crying she would wake herself up more. If she did cry herself to sleep she would not stay asleep. Anyway...she was complicated and Ezzo's methods were the WORST things in the world for her.

I threw the book out in the garbage when my 2nd daughter was little so I can't give page numbers, although I might check it out of the library and look for the quote and references to his horrible cruel parenting advice. I start to fume just thinking about him.

That's so awesome that she is asking you - wow - prayer really changes things and you have an awesome opportunity now, huh?

Good work

That's great. I'm glad she's looking at other parenting options.

[katiekind]

was mistaken it was his granddaughter not niece who cried for 45 minutes.

Oh! Ok! Well, I have the book here...as far as lengths of time mentioned in the examples with his grandbabies, Ezzo says in the book that his first grandbaby tended to cry for 10 or 15 minutes. The second grandbaby's cry, he likened to an art form. He says she would cry for ten minutes, stop and then cry for another ten minutes and then whimper for a minute and then go to sleep. The third grandbaby's cry Ezzo likened to an F-16 heading for the stratosphere, and she cried for about ten minutes, according to him. (May I just say that if I was interviewing babysitters and they used descriptions like "F-16" or "art form" to describe the crying of any baby, let alone a baby actually related to them, they would most assuredly NOT get the job--or anywhere near my kids.)

These descriptions are on page 146 of the 1998 edition of Babywise and 147 of the 2001 edition. He does mention allowing a baby to cry for 45 minutes when you're dropping a night feeding. That's an eternity for a young baby to cry.