My best friend is "babywising" her 4 day old...I am so sad

[Maggie]

Do say more if you can. It's really great thay you've given them alternative info, though! I'm sorry. How hard that must be!

[beccafromlalaland]

I think a lot of parents are duped by the title of the book. I know I was until I knew what it was.

"Babywise" just sounds so....Wise...I don't know like it's the advice your gramma would give about child rearing. Also getting "your life back" and "baby won't interfere" is very tempting for parents. I think a lot of people are blown away by just how hard parenting is going to be, and this book just seems like a quick fix to everything they fear.

[Hannah Jo]

Another idea is to get her some really good breastfeeding books and pamphlets so that she has correct information at her fingertips. That way when she comes up against breastfeeding issues, growth spurts, cluster feedings and so on she will have something else to turn to. Just knowing the mechanics of breastfeeding (especially more frequent feedings=more milk produced) might be enough for her to toss the Babywise book.

[Lantern Light Mama]

We like the idea of giving breastfeeding books in our house to new mothers, what a great idea. However one mom we gave one too said she threw it in the closet and just calls me if she needs advice. Reading would be a lot easier. I dont mind being called but its hard sometimes when im juddling kids, KWIM?

Can you invite her to GCM? Tell her its a mothering board and you get some great advice from it! You never know, she might start reading and not be able to stop! Hmm, I wonder, if you found an AP book with equal appeal in the title if she might be tempted to read it.

[zak]

I have a friend who is a Pearl "trainer" and it just brakes my heart I never know what to say because they are so set in their ways. I have tried to give advise, but she gets very defensive. I end up not talking to her sometimes because I can stand it. They used a belt for a car engine as their "mr spank"
I found that I just have to stay out of it, because I just can't handle the heart break. I would love so much to save the kids from it though.

[LauraK]

One idea I had is give her the book the No Cry Sleep Solution. It was my foot in the door to AP. Why did AP seem so bad to me, because the kids did not sleep... Pantley's book helped me to see you could have a baby and a child with good sleep habits and not let them cry it out. She also influenced me with talking about her own children and them being in arms and how quickly it goes.

I am so sad for that baby...wow....

[Radosny Matka]

Originally Posted by colettes6

I have a friend who is a Pearl "trainer" and it just brakes my heart I never know what to say because they are so set in their ways. I have tried to give advise, but she gets very defensive. I end up not talking to her sometimes because I can stand it. They used a belt for a car engine as their "mr spank"
I found that I just have to stay out of it, because I just can't handle the heart break. I would love so much to save the kids from it though.

I have to say it, sorry. I worked in an auto repair shop for years, and yes, we would horse around and "whip" one another with serpantine belts, so I know how it feels, as an adult! Oh my! Maybe I'm just ignorant about spanking, my mother used a wooden spoon (not often, and I love my mother) to this day, I won't have one in MY house.

I agree with the with giving her the breast feeding books, that should be a safe road to take.

[katiekind]

Here's a cool book idea that wouldn't "contradict" what she's doing, it would just give her lots of inspiring information on the amazing way that newborns are designed to participate in the mother/baby relationship. I love this book, it's called Your Amazing Newborn. by Dr. Marshall Klaus. Loads of great pictures, and it talks about experiments they've done that show how intent newborns are on their mothers' eyes, how they prefer their mothers voices over the voice of a stranger, preferring the smell of her milk over other smells, etc. They show picture sequences of newborns mimicking their parents facial expressions....it's just fascinating. It really helps you enjoy your baby more, I feel, when you realize that their capabilities go much much much beyond eating and sleeping.

[klpmommy]

I agree with The No Cry Sleep Solution. It was my "gateway" into AP as well.

Your Amazing Newborn sounds like a wonderful book!

[illinoismommy]

I wouldn't overload her with books since she has a newborn and isn't getting any sleep. I would just be straight forward and honest with her.... Ezzo does damage, and if you don't believe me, here is a list of sites to check. (have list ready)

But then I am a pretty straight forward person

Wow, that is just so sad! And it really does give routines a bad name; ds has been on a flexible routine sinc he was born, but has never EVER had to cry until it was "time to eat"! In fact, I don't know ANY scheduling mamas who would do that! That's my big beef with Ezzo; a routine can be great, but he uses so much double-talk that you can easy misinterpret the point. I used to one who said "Well, when followed CORRECTLY..." but one day it dawned on me "What kind of book is this if it requires a disclaimer and warning label?!" I really don't know what your friend is doing, because nowhere in my 1997 edition of PDF (now being used as a doorstop) does it mention leaving a baby to cry until the next scheduled feeding. But, then agian it has been revised so many times, who really knows !

[illinoismommy]

Originally Posted by siberian

Wow, that is just so sad! And it really does give routines a bad name; ds has been on a flexible routine sinc he was born, but has never EVER had to cry until it was "time to eat"! In fact, I don't know ANY scheduling mamas who would do that! That's my big beef with Ezzo; a routine can be great, but he uses so much double-talk that you can easy misinterpret the point. I used to one who said "Well, when followed CORRECTLY..." but one day it dawned on me "What kind of book is this if it requires a disclaimer and warning label?!" I really don't know what your friend is doing, because nowhere in my 1997 edition of PDF (now being used as a doorstop) does it mention leaving a baby to cry until the next scheduled feeding. But, then agian it has been revised so many times, who really knows !

I agree maybe I missed it but I never saw leave baby to cry until next feeding in the book either. I have always been confused about people saying that.... maybe it says it in an older version....

[klpmommy]

I agree maybe I missed it but I never saw leave baby to cry until next feeding in the book either. I have always been confused about people saying that.... maybe it says it in an older version....

I was using the most recent version of BW (2001) and this was definately the impression I had. If the baby woke up too early what were my options other than to leave the baby to cry or to mess up the schedule? I don't understand how you could get a baby on a ezzo schedule w/o a significant amount of crying.