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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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01-16-2012, 07:17 AM | #31 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,155
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Re: Common sense and intuition
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But I do see it as a temptation, even (especially?) when I see it on paper as part of a "plan" for childrearing. It would never occur to me as leading to a positive result.
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"A person's a person, no matter how small"--Dr Seuss |
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01-16-2012, 08:25 AM | #32 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 7,639
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Re: Common sense and intuition
Just to throw another wrench in the works...
My best friend is an OB nurse and she says that instant, overwhelming, amazing, I Would Kill For This Child love that hit me the moment Sumo was born is, in no way, a universal experience. She sees many, many mamas who are borderline indifferent to their new babies or see them as a nuisance from the start. So their "mama gut" or "instincts" would be a highly unreliable well to draw from in caring for their children.
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~Sara~ Beaming mama to Sumo since 2010. Addicted to , curry and my Kindle. Martyrs make lousy lovers and party guests. ~ Michael Flocker
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01-16-2012, 08:30 AM | #33 | |
Deactivated
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: In my Pants
Posts: 12,181
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Re: Common sense and intuition
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I fall into that category. I don't have the love at first sight thing happen. And I'm sure I appear to be indifferent to my babies. Mine have all been born by c-section and I've been on morphine. Also all of my babes have been taken to NICU regardless of if they actually needed to be in NICU or not. You can't judge a woman's reaction to her baby child from a few hours of observation while she is recovering from birth. Especially not when you add in the after effects of pitocin, epidurals, narcotics, and surgery. And frankly my first instinct is to make sure *i'm ok* I'm in pain and disoriented l can't move without assistance, I can't even lift my baby out of the bassinette without assistance. Last edited by Apple-Saucy; 01-16-2012 at 08:33 AM. |
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01-16-2012, 08:38 AM | #34 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 7,639
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Re: Common sense and intuition
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So there is some value in women having a set of principles to draw from in case the feelings take a while to kick in. Hope I didn't hurt your feelings. That's all I was trying to say.
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~Sara~ Beaming mama to Sumo since 2010. Addicted to , curry and my Kindle. Martyrs make lousy lovers and party guests. ~ Michael Flocker
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01-16-2012, 10:03 AM | #35 | ||
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: Common sense and intuition
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---------- Post added at 12:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:57 AM ---------- Quote:
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Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
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01-16-2012, 12:22 PM | #36 | ||
Rose Garden
Bar/Bat Mitzvah picture with husband Michael.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Within sight and earshot of the Disneyland fireworks
Posts: 39,893
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Re: Common sense and intuition
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Quote:
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Heather ESFJ T4 Messianic Joshua-13 Christina- 11 Amalia Linda-8.5 Trinity-7 Gabriel-5 w/ADHD, ASD & Dyslexia Taylor Jordan11/15/04 SkyeDakota10/12/05 Life is a pile of good things & bad things The good things don't always soften the bad things but the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things |
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01-16-2012, 01:46 PM | #37 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: Common sense and intuition
Quote:
__________________
Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
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01-19-2012, 02:24 AM | #38 |
Rose Trellis
Go Team Lioness!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: This side of the black stump
Posts: 2,428
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Re: Common sense and intuition
I used to say that I ave no instincts, now I think I'd say I have trouble telling the difference between instincts and social programming. The thing is, what do you do if *all* options feel wrong? It feels wrong to leave my baby to cry *and* it feels wrong to disregard my father's advice that 'it won't hurt her'...
In fact, there are multiple instincts at play, in opposition to each other: One of the world's most basic/universal behaviours/values is respect for (perceived) authority. So if a respected friend/relative/pastor gives you a book telling you that it's *the* way, and the book makes that claim as well - and in choosing to read it, you're kind of placing yourself under its authority - then you've got an instinct-to-obey fighting your Mama instincts, if you even notice them. Then we're programmed to place the tribe above our individual instincts because being part of the group is so important to survival, so if everyone else around you is doing it, that's another instinct you need to fight. Even those of us who are attracted to 'alternative', counter-cultural stuff may feel uncomfortable talking about those things in a hostile group... And if it's what everyone is doing, then it must be common sense, right? And the people around you won't necessarily come out and say how they *didn't* follow the advice and in what ways they let their common sense prevail - they may not even be aware of it themselves, as others have mentioned the filter can be quite impressive - so you're left with the assumption that there's someting wrong with *you* or your child... Probably enough rambling...
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Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator
DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie. |
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Tasmanian Saint For This Useful Post: | Daria_Aleksandrovna (01-19-2012), gracechelle (02-10-2012), kbchavez (01-19-2012), LilacPhoenix (01-19-2012), rjy9343 (01-19-2012) |
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