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Old 02-22-2020, 08:58 AM   #1
SewingGreenMama
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Default Hair cuts are causing so much stress

I put this here because I'm trying to figure this out for our budget and the good of our household.
I hate cutting my kids hair. I hate the clean up, the fact that an outfit of my limited wardrobe has to be changed immediately after, that I have to bathe my two bath resistant kids immediately after, including one with sensory issues so waiting any length of time is not possible because the hair sets him off.
I can't figure out the logistics because it's all so overwhelming and triggering different parts of my ADD. The Wall of Awful is big but I need to deal with it.

I have my 3 boys, they need cuts every 2 weeks. They don't get it because I can't face it and haven't been able to make a plan.

I think I need a hairdressers apron to help my own struggles with my clothes.

But more then anything I need to set up a "schedule" for who goes first, when baths happen, when cleaning happens

G-12yo
M-8.5yo, developmentally near 6yo, sensory processing, needs help with bath and can't wait till after clean up.
V-5yo, been getting into everything like he is 2 again.

My concerns:

a) M and V must be bathed seperate and immediately after each of their cuts.
b) concerned about V playing in and spreading the hair mess when bathing middle whether or not he has gone first if he has he will need another bath likely.
c) G can help with some things, like monitoring V in bath, but can't bath him. Might be able to keep him away from room with hair mess, but V hasn't been listening well to anyone, let alone G.
d) the hair mess already gives me anxiety to clean up, I try to cut their hair slightly damp so it doesn't fly around everywhere, but it's still a type of mess that really stresses me out a lot.
e) i am so stressed through the process that I become angry, yelling mom who then shuts down completely when it is over and the next few hours are rough esp if they don't leave me alone.

I miss summer, it is easy, I cut them outside the brush them off enough that they don't shed on the way to the bath. So the mess aspect is contained.

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"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo
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Old 02-22-2020, 09:16 AM   #2
rjy9343
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Can you take them to a beauty school? It would be money, but it would get their haircuts at the same time and then you could deal with the baths without the hair cleanup.
If that's not a possibility, then I would deal with M first and have G clean up the hair while you bathe M. Take G with you if needed. I would also sweeten the pot and offer some sort of reward for his help. You know your son's currency, so I would do that and add more to it the more help he gives. Ivy gets extra privileges as well as spending money so I can get other things done and it's the only way I can make it through the day sometimes.
Then V and again, G cleans up while you bathe V. Then G and you clean up while G bathes.
The mess is something I totally understand, I shut down with that kind of thing as well and really struggle with it. Maybe cutting it on a plastic table cloth in the bathtub so that you can roll it up and throw it away. Then a quick vacuuming the bathroom.
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Old 02-22-2020, 09:22 AM   #3
WanderingJuniper
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

I ask these questions very gently because you do seem really overwhelmed.
Why do they need cuts twice a month?
Why do they require baths immediately after?

Why I’m asking is my son could not handle getting his hair cut that frequently and he couldn’t stand it touching his ears when he was younger so we went really really short when he was under ten years old to stretch out the need for a cut.

If you went somewhere to get a hair cut would you immediately come home to bathe?

The set up Hubs used when he would cut my son’s hair was a big old towel on the floor for DS to stand on and catch the hair, a barber shop drape to cover his body. DS couldn’t handle the feel of it at his neck so he cut an old T-shirt to fold over the drapes itchy collar. He also didn’t wear a shirt under it. Hubs uses a big soft make up brush to dust off any stray cut hairs that might have gotten under the drape.
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Old 02-22-2020, 09:44 AM   #4
SewingGreenMama
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Quote:
Originally Posted by rjy9343 View Post
Can you take them to a beauty school? It would be money, but it would get their haircuts at the same time and then you could deal with the baths without the hair cleanup.
We used to, the closest is an hour's drive, I can't afford the places around here.



Quote:
Originally Posted by rjy9343 View Post
If that's not a possibility, then I would deal with M first and have G clean up the hair while you bathe M. Take G with you if needed. I would also sweeten the pot and offer some sort of reward for his help. You know your son's currency, so I would do that and add more to it the more help he gives. Ivy gets extra privileges as well as spending money so I can get other things done and it's the only way I can make it through the day sometimes.

Then V and again, G cleans up while you bathe V. Then G and you clean up while G bathes.

The mess is something I totally understand, I shut down with that kind of thing as well and really struggle with it.
This sounds like something that would work. Thank you.

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---------- Post added at 11:44 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:31 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by WanderingJuniper View Post
I ask these questions very gently because you do seem really overwhelmed.
Why do they need cuts twice a month?
Why do they require baths immediately after?

Why I’m asking is my son could not handle getting his hair cut that frequently and he couldn’t stand it touching his ears when he was younger so we went really really short when he was under ten years old to stretch out the need for a cut.

If you went somewhere to get a hair cut would you immediately come home to bathe?

The set up Hubs used when he would cut my son’s hair was a big old towel on the floor for DS to stand on and catch the hair, a barber shop drape to cover his body. DS couldn’t handle the feel of it at his neck so he cut an old T-shirt to fold over the drapes itchy collar. He also didn’t wear a shirt under it. Hubs uses a big soft make up brush to dust off any stray cut hairs that might have gotten under the drape.
Twice a month usually best because hair washing with my younger two is a HUGE ordeal if their hair is too long to just wash with a wash cloth. Washing during baths is already a really huge issue, cutting hair more often makes the more regular baths much less stressful for everyone.

Bath immediately after:
M- sensory issues, even just the cut hair on his head and falling onto his neck is an issue that will bring a melt down if it's not washed off ASAP.
V- he will and has gotten hair EVERYWHERE and that sets off my anxiety bad, so *I* need him to bathe immediately more then he needs to be bathed immediately.

When we have gone to the school when we used to live close to it we had to get home and bath M immediately and still the wait made the baths worse then they are now because he had to wait even that long to wash the hair off really messed with him.

I am going to be getting a hair dresser apron for myself which will help with my clothes and my own sensory issues, which are usually minor but the boys hair on me is one of my few major triggers.
I'm going to get a cape for the boys, mostly my oldest, keep from getting hair on his clothes, he won't need to shower till later unlike the younger two. But these have to wait another week. Money has been so tight I haven't been able to get the stuff I need to do this better, we had more money last spring, this summer was easy then we lived with my mom for 3.5 months because pregnancy complications, and she took over hair cuts and clean up and bathing V, I just did the bathing for M who wouldn't let Mom bathe him. But now we are home I'm on my own and so stressed.



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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo
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Old 02-22-2020, 09:47 AM   #5
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Is your dh deployed or something? Sorry- I can’t remember.

Could you hire a local tween or teen girl to help? Cheaper than haircuts.

Also why every 2 weeks? I cut my boys’ hair once a month ish.
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Old 02-22-2020, 09:48 AM   #6
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Where do you cut their hair? I have mine stand on the bathtub during haircuts. Contains the mess and then they're ready for an immediate shower afterwards. I scoop out most of the hair pre-shower and then I use a Tubshroom to filter out the rest so no drain clogs.

I'd only cut one child's hair per day so you're not juggling. They don't all need to be on the same day. That would stress me out and none of mine are bath-resistant. I'd also cut less often, if that's a possibility. Of my 3 boys, two have short hair and one has long. None of them get haircuts even monthly. It's more of a "hey, you're looking a bit shaggy, haircut tomorrow?" (Sorry, cross-posted, I see you explained the frequency above.)
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Old 02-22-2020, 09:50 AM   #7
Katigre
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Can you switch them to taking showers instead of baths? That makes washing hair easier b/c of the water pressure.
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Old 02-22-2020, 09:51 AM   #8
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

A couple of thoughts.

Do you have any friends who could come over and help? We had friends in vermont who would help each other cut kids hair, that way the not mom did the cutting ( less resistance and more coperation) and the mom just did the bathing.

If the winter coats don't have hoods ( or ones that the hood can zip off) they can be used to shake hair off allowing you to still cut out side in the winter. ( I have cut my dh's hairout side in the snow because I could not deal with the inside mess)

Every two weeks is really often, I didn't even cut my dh's hair that often when we was working as a trial attorney. Is there a way you could streatch it between cuts? Or a way to do a quick trim in-between ( I would often just trim around dh's ears - sometimes with the vacume tube in the other hand so that there wasn't a mess)


Hair cutting is such a huge issue with sensory sensitive kids. And it is so expencive. In Vermont I had decied it was worth it to pay someone because I had found some one who worked wonderfully with early bird( worked to her preferences but helped get rid of the areas that would tangle, and worked really well with her sensory issues with the sound of the cutting), here I tried one place and it wasn't worth the price.

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Old 02-22-2020, 10:01 AM   #9
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Quote:
Originally Posted by MaybeGracie View Post
Where do you cut their hair? I have mine stand on the bathtub during haircuts. Contains the mess and then they're ready for an immediate shower afterwards. I scoop out most of the hair pre-shower and then I use a Tubshroom to filter out the rest so no drain clogs.

I'd only cut one child's hair per day so you're not juggling. They don't all need to be on the same day. That would stress me out and none of mine are bath-resistant. I'd also cut less often, if that's a possibility. Of my 3 boys, two have short hair and one has long. None of them get haircuts even monthly. It's more of a "hey, you're looking a bit shaggy, haircut tomorrow?" (Sorry, cross-posted, I see you explained the frequency above.)
I usually cut in the kitchen where it's easy to assembly line and sweep.

Cutting all at once has been necessary in the past because of my hang up about my own sensory reaction to the hair getting on me, but when I have the hair dresses apron that will be more of an option.

So in a few weeks this might be a very viable option. Thank you!

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---------- Post added at 11:59 AM ---------- Previous post was at 11:56 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katigre View Post
Can you switch them to taking showers instead of baths? That makes washing hair easier b/c of the water pressure.
I wish. Showers are a solid no go with my younger two. M can't stand the pressure of the running water on his skin I can't even rinse his hair with the removable shower head, I have to use a wash cloth only, and V is scared of them.

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---------- Post added at 12:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:59 AM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerynne View Post
Is your dh deployed or something? Sorry- I can’t remember.

Could you hire a local tween or teen girl to help? Cheaper than haircuts.

Also why every 2 weeks? I cut my boys’ hair once a month ish.
My dh is a trucker, gone 18-25 days usually.

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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

W&C 8/4/06; G 15yo , M 11yo , S 8/29/13 , V 8yo , Baby 2yo
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Old 02-22-2020, 10:14 AM   #10
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Quote:
Originally Posted by WanderingJuniper View Post
I ask these questions very gently because you do seem really overwhelmed.
Why do they need cuts twice a month?
Why do they require baths immediately after?
WRT baths, my dh always showers right after I cut his hair b/c of the cut hairs stuck in his hair are really itchy. Ds does the same thing, although I don't know whether it is b/c of the stuck hairs or b/c it's what Daddy does.

~*~

I agree that stretching haircuts sounds like a good idea, esp with how much the whole thing stresses you out. I don't think I cut dh and ds's hair more than once every two months . And I delegate the mess clean-up to dh. Is it possible for your dh to partner with you in this? Supervise baths or do the cleaning up or whatever else would be helpful?

Since the existence of the hair mess and the likelihood of your youngest getting into it stresses you out, would it help to clean up after each kid?

Order-wise, here's some thoughts that come to mind:
1st: M. Have G clean up the hair while you bathe M.
2nd: G. He can bathe himself while you immediately move onto
3rd: V. Have G supervise him in the bath while you do the final clean up (or clean up himself if you think he'll do a good enough job), and then you can pop in after cleaning to supervise the actual washing up part. If G's not fast enough to be out of the tub when you need to wash V, then have him postpone his bath till after V's bath.

Also, with the younger ones being bathing-reluctant, I'd schedule haircut day for a normal bathing day - hit two birds with one bath .

With the hair mess stressing you out - what about it is a problem? I might be more lackadasical than you, in that whatever hair gets on me (not much, usually) I just brush off before cleaning the floor - it wouldn't occur to me to need to change clothes. (When dh cleaned up with a vacuum, I'd have him vacuum off any particularly bad sections, but mostly I just haven't worried about.) I totally agree about getting an apron in your shoes - that's an easy solution.

Does the hair really fly around so much when you cut? Again, my tolerance might be higher, but I cut it dry and, idk, the mess stays pretty contained - within a three foot circle. (Honestly, the idea of cutting it damp, with the way wet hair sticks to *everything*, sounds thoroughly horrible .) Dh/ds sits on a wooden chair, no shirt, and I put the barber's drape around him, occasionally brushing the hair off the drape to the floor. When he's all done, I brush the hair off the drape more thoroughly, take it off, brush off any hair that's on the torso, brush the hair off the chair, move the chair, and have the haircuttee sweep up the hair on the floor. We always cut hair over tile (cutting over carpet *would* drive me mad), and in our new house we just use a little handbroom/dustpan combo for sweeping it up. Very straightforward and easy to do after each person.

Thought - can you cut hair in the bathroom where they bathe? That way you could supervise bathing while continuing to cut hair, and you'd always be right there to prevent people from getting involved in the hair mess, plus bathrooms usually have hard floors. Pick up all the bath mats and you've got a small, hopefully hard floored room where the mess can be contained and easily cleaned.
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Old 02-22-2020, 10:50 AM   #11
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Quote:
Originally Posted by forty-two View Post
WRT baths, my dh always showers right after I cut his hair b/c of the cut hairs stuck in his hair are really itchy. Ds does the same thing, although I don't know whether it is b/c of the stuck hairs or b/c it's what Daddy does.



~*~



I agree that stretching haircuts sounds like a good idea, esp with how much the whole thing stresses you out. I don't think I cut dh and ds's hair more than once every two months . And I delegate the mess clean-up to dh. Is it possible for your dh to partner with you in this? Supervise baths or do the cleaning up or whatever else would be helpful?



Since the existence of the hair mess and the likelihood of your youngest getting into it stresses you out, would it help to clean up after each kid?



Order-wise, here's some thoughts that come to mind:

1st: M. Have G clean up the hair while you bathe M.

2nd: G. He can bathe himself while you immediately move onto

3rd: V. Have G supervise him in the bath while you do the final clean up (or clean up himself if you think he'll do a good enough job), and then you can pop in after cleaning to supervise the actual washing up part. If G's not fast enough to be out of the tub when you need to wash V, then have him postpone his bath till after V's bath.



Also, with the younger ones being bathing-reluctant, I'd schedule haircut day for a normal bathing day - hit two birds with one bath .



With the hair mess stressing you out - what about it is a problem? I might be more lackadasical than you, in that whatever hair gets on me (not much, usually) I just brush off before cleaning the floor - it wouldn't occur to me to need to change clothes. (When dh cleaned up with a vacuum, I'd have him vacuum off any particularly bad sections, but mostly I just haven't worried about.) I totally agree about getting an apron in your shoes - that's an easy solution.



Does the hair really fly around so much when you cut? Again, my tolerance might be higher, but I cut it dry and, idk, the mess stays pretty contained - within a three foot circle. (Honestly, the idea of cutting it damp, with the way wet hair sticks to *everything*, sounds thoroughly horrible .) Dh/ds sits on a wooden chair, no shirt, and I put the barber's drape around him, occasionally brushing the hair off the drape to the floor. When he's all done, I brush the hair off the drape more thoroughly, take it off, brush off any hair that's on the torso, brush the hair off the chair, move the chair, and have the haircuttee sweep up the hair on the floor. We always cut hair over tile (cutting over carpet *would* drive me mad), and in our new house we just use a little handbroom/dustpan combo for sweeping it up. Very straightforward and easy to do after each person.



Thought - can you cut hair in the bathroom where they bathe? That way you could supervise bathing while continuing to cut hair, and you'd always be right there to prevent people from getting involved in the hair mess, plus bathrooms usually have hard floors. Pick up all the bath mats and you've got a small, hopefully hard floored room where the mess can be contained and easily cleaned.
I've been thinking about why I'm so set on 2 weeks. I think I understand it. My husband previous trucking job brought him home every weekend. His hair grows fast and he needed his hair cut every other week. So we did all the boys hair at once together, I cut all and bathed M, he cleaned all and bathed V.

Then he switched jobs in the summer and I was cutting outside. Then moved in with Mom and she cut dad's hair every 2 weeks as well. It's just been habit, normal. What's always worked best. It's just become a strong habit and I just forgot the reason 2 weeks was best. However, it still might end up being a problem with M if it gets too long, his hair grows really fast like his dad's. I might not be able to stretch his, but i can the other two.

I think I can stretch it (after today at least, it can't wait because their hair is WAY too long) to cutting their hair when my husband is home, that is 18-20 days most of the time, and very occasionally as long as 25 days.

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---------- Post added at 12:50 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:40 PM ----------

Edit to add:
That cutting order sounds like the best option for assembly line cutting.

The biggest stress about cleaning up is when hair settles on other surfaces like if I were cutting in the tub it would settle not just in the tub but the wall and shelf beside the tub, the rug, in the kitchen is the table, benches, and canned food on our open shelf.
The floor isn't as hard to handle but floating hair that gets on surrounding surfaces really gets to me. Causes anxiety. With my ADD I already feel like a failure at house keeping, so the flying hair really triggers the failure feeling because by the time the bathing and sweeping are finished I'm mentally exhausted and shut down and the hair tends to stay on table, benches, canned food and anything else not just the floor. And every time I notice it but can't deal with it at the moment for whatever reason I feel like an utter failure and so the feelings and stress from the hair cuts can go on for days after.
I'm hoping to get officially diagnosed and into therapy soon, and then on meds once baby is born and no longer fully dependant on breastmilk around April of next year. But I have to manage best I can with my mental health without professional help until I can get all this handled.

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Old 02-22-2020, 11:45 AM   #12
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Definitely get a cape and neck papers. Could you do buzz cuts? It would definitely stretch the time. We did it for years with all of our boys. Could you do one hair cut per week? Even though it’s more often it’s a little less work with the baths etc. if you use the cape you could possibly get away with a wet towel rub instead of a full bath.
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Old 02-22-2020, 12:23 PM   #13
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

I used to cut DH’s hair because his mom cut his (and his dad’s... and his three brothers’) for their entire lives.

I couldn’t do it. It was annoying and I wasn’t good at it, so we now budget for him to get his hair cut once a month at the cheapest place we can find. But I know that isn’t an option for you

When I was cutting DH’s hair, we did invest in a cape, and I put a cheap disposable plastic table cloth on the ground for clean up.
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Old 02-22-2020, 12:54 PM   #14
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

Would a hair dryer get the hair off them in lieu of a shower?
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Old 02-22-2020, 01:03 PM   #15
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Default Re: Hair cuts are causing so much stress

The capes help a ton with the sensory issues. I got our kids cape for about $10 on Amazon. I hate cutting hair inside! Good clippers are worth the investment too. I got the oster classic 76 that I’ve seen in beauty shops a lot and they work faster and require fewer passes. I have to cut my husbands hair pretty frequently but because the boys hate haircuts they get theirs every 2-3 months


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