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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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06-23-2012, 06:28 PM | #16 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I'm honestly just speculating . . . but I know that Stockholm Syndrome causes people to love and rely on the people who are holding them captive. And torture results in strange connections. I honestly equate the parenting that Pearl advocates to extreme torture--the people you are looking to for your very survival are hitting you if you roll this way or say that, they are calling you names, denying you food, forcing you to eat food, demanding you do this, setting you up to fail at that . . . at some point it becomes unsafe to make any thought/choice of your own. It becomes a matter of survival to learn how to think exactly the way your captor wants you to think. And when this is done BEFORE the child has the ability to think for themselves, I do believe it would be able to prevent them thinking for themselves, though I would hope that other than extreme situations the child could eventually develop those skills if given the opportunity! But that would require healing, therapy, and desiring to live a different life than the people who controlled your youth would allow. I've seen that happen, but it takes an incredible amount of determination and willpower and I think it is more likely with certain personalities than others.
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06-23-2012, 07:48 PM | #17 |
Banned
"When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!" - Unknown
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York City, NY
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Nathan Pearl is so cute, yet so brainless. How on Earth does eating green beans even begin to equate with not doing drugs?
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06-23-2012, 08:39 PM | #18 |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,818
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I believe the logic is that the child learns to obey whatever the parents say and to eat healthy food and take care of their body, which is the the Temple of the Holy Spirit. By the time they are teenagers, they are so conditioned to obeying and taking care of their body that they would never dare to contaminate it.
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06-23-2012, 08:50 PM | #19 |
Rose Garden
Immerse your soul in love.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Victoria, BC
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
It's such backward logic too.
I was forced to eat everything on my plate. I ended up with huge eating issues, anorexia, bulimia, and more. While I stayed away from drugs, I sure didn't turn dwn the opportunity to drink, and spent most of my lates teens to the age of 28 drunk, every sinle weekend... So yeah, forcing me to submit, to eat that shepards pie, well, it sure worked for my prents,
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06-25-2012, 02:36 PM | #20 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 782
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I got the same thing in the mail too. I homeschool and it probably came from some mailing list I'm on. Yuck.
I recently emailed a lady that offers suggestions for helping your high school student get into college. She sent out a list of books that she likes and TTUAC was on the list. I emailed her and shared how I felt about her suggesting that book.
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06-26-2012, 11:12 AM | #21 |
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being oppressed means the absence of choices - bell hooks
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Location: Germany
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
We ask that the kids try two bites, and if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it.
I still distinctly remember being made to clean my plate of things I did not like. I have a hard time trying those things now. I do eat my brussel sprouts if they're made appropriately, but I won't touch sardines or a few other things, and I did struggle there for a while with food. J3K, I really like what your DH said. I may end up putting that on a sticky note on the fridge. |
06-26-2012, 11:22 AM | #22 |
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
We make our kids eat foods. Well, I guess it's not really make. We require them to eat all their food before they get seconds of anything. Unless it really tastes like garbage, or it's too spicy or something.
But I would NEVER venture to think that that requirement would in turn make them not do drugs?!? Nor is it an obedience issue. The kids all (well not Evie yet, but she's getting there) know that it's a money and health issue. Of course if they whine and complain over food, then it becomes a politeness issue. but that is not necessarily approached by making them eat it. In fact, most of the time they are excused from the table at that point. |
06-26-2012, 11:47 AM | #23 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Feb 2007
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Quote:
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06-28-2012, 11:53 AM | #24 |
Rose Garden
That's not grey in my hair, it's glitter growing from my head. Duh. (formerly of the sstarcake variety)
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I just got that same magazine in the mail (because I actually signed up to be on their mailing list before I knew better)
Most of the articles are happy-go-lucky, show the world to your kids, open their eyes to the glory of the natural world and hard work, blah blah blah. I would have drank that all in before, but now I know that those happy kids in the pictures aren't allowed to have a bad day, or show anything other than a happy face. And don't the Pearls have 5 kids? There was a section in there where the Pearls' kids chimed in on something, and only 3 did, that I saw. So glad I can see the wrongness of it all now
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06-28-2012, 05:20 PM | #25 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Quote:
incidentally, despite being required to eat certain amts of certain foods, i didn't learn to eat foods i didn't like until i was twelve and went to russia on a missions trip, and saw how little they have. while there, even if it was not the most appetizing thing to me, to refuse their hospitality would have been extremely rude and hurtful to them. it took me three trips over six years to learn to like borscht.
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06-28-2012, 05:41 PM | #26 |
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
i really pray they don't have a child with spd. It makes me sick to think how my son would have been treated in such a household.
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06-28-2012, 05:53 PM | #27 |
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Requiring a "thank you" bite is NOT even the same category as forcing your child to eat a food they hate.
Oddly, my parents didn't ever require me to eat things or clean my plate and I never did drugs. Huh. ETA: I did, however, hide bags of chocolate chips under my bed, which the dog found one evening when we were gone and ate all of it. That was NOT a pretty site to return to after a church outing. But no drugs. Not even any drinking or smoking but no plate cleaning required or done. Does that make me a Pearl failure?
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06-30-2012, 01:08 AM | #28 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
My daughter has spd and I have been thankful more than once that God was able to reach me and show me a better way. Ivy would have survived that sort of upbringing, but she would not make out without serious scars. And to be honest, I don't know how you are able to love a child like Ivy in an adversarial relationship because you are so busy trying to win. And beating Ivy would be a full time job that would never end. Both parents would be at odds with the child and even each other from the strain of it.
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07-02-2012, 01:47 AM | #29 |
Rose Blossom
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 134
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I get so frustrated when people try to force others to eat things they don't want to eat. When I was little, mealtimes were horrible. My parents (trying to help me be healthy) would force me to eat vegetables and the like. I'd be so upset that by the time I finished eating, I'd usually throw up. My mom finally hit a point where she said enough was enough. What was the point of making me so upset about one food item that I vomited the entire meal? I'm so glad she finally reached that point.
Unfortunately, I kinda have food issues. I don't like eating at other people's houses. I'll go to restaurants, or we can eat at my house, but I always make up an excuse to avoid going to someone's house for dinner. I feel like as a guest, manners would dictate that it's polite to eat anything they make for you. But the thought of being forced to eat, even by my own manners, makes me really uncomfortable. I'm the only adult I know who hates being invited to someone's house for dinner! And it did nothing to keep me away substance use/abuse as I got older! |
07-02-2012, 02:06 AM | #30 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
My mother was forced to clean her plate and would be at the table for hours because she hated it. My grandmother was otherwise a reasonable person and they had a good relationship. My mother never used drugs, but she also had no idea how to regulate if she were full or not and has always struggled with her weight. She also refused to eat or serve lima beans after she got married.
My father's story is similar but he ended up banning liver and onions instead. My brother and I were told to try a bite of new foods and not given seconds on the "icky" stuff unless we ate the miniscule portion they served us of it. But that was only until they were fairly certain we knew for sure we STILL didn't like ______. Then we ate what we liked of the meal served and that was that. I still do not use drugs (except by rx) and I have never had a weight problem, unless you count the fact that I am lazy and it took 2 years to loose my pregnancy weight completely. Both of us still hate what we hate. We also are willing to try new things. My kids have the option of eating it or not. But I am not a short order cook. That is all there is and nothing more. They find a way to stay filled. ---------- Post added at 02:06 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:01 AM ---------- Quote:
and I offended my (Latina) MIL by refusing food though I tried to do so politely. I don't eat pork. Even before I was kosher it made me literally sick. I told her that her carnitas were probably the best ever, but pork does not agree with me. I was sorry to offend, but honestly, I would rather do that than pretend I like something and be asked to eat more. At other's houses, I take a bite of the ick and then find the one thing I do like and rave on that. (And yes I was terrified to eat at the house of my Singaporian friends - I survived though. I ate lots of rice.)
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