Spanking "works"

[Tasmanian Saint]

I've read only the first two pages of replies, but wanted to say,

I didn't really realise spanking (well, hand-slapping) wasn't working until I stopped It's partly what some others here have said: seeing what I wanted to see. It's also that it did 'work' (stop the undesired behaviour) *some of the time*.
I started reading about clicker training about the same time I discovered GD (unrelated, just coincidence) and they talk a lot about behaviourist models (of course - they're animal trainers). So you can encourage a behaviour by using rewards or punishments, but the *most effective* way is to use 'intermittent rewards'. Generally they wouldn't try to teach this to an amateur trainer, though, 'cause it's not easy to get right, and continual rewards works perfectly well.
The thing is, when my son was *sometimes* responding to punishment the way I wanted, that was giving *me* intermittent reward for the hand-slapping - thus encouraging me to keep trying to figure out how to make it 'work' all the time - but I believed, and would have said, that it was working

[MomtoJGJ]

Originally Posted by Heather Micaela

Those that spank that have a good connection with their children tend to be -other than spanking- fair and aouthritative in most ways. And if you examine it closely you find they could do everything BUT the spanking and get the same result. But somewhere along the line they were taught that the spanking was what you have to do - so they do

And they call spanking not hitting because they hate to think of it that way. All hitting is not spanking but all spanking IS hitting. I will say that even since using a grace based paradigmn there had been times when my children had been hit (Fight or flight when one injured me). But it was followed by apology, making amends, and an admission that HITTING IS WRONG. I am not sure how I could say that in one situation and then turn around and do it in a calculated and methodical way later.

I haven't read past this post because I don't want to forget what I was going to say DH insists that spanking is not hitting even though I've given him a lot of blank stares when he says that. What is "funny" is that I think he may have spanked one of our children one time ever... maybe... *I'm* the one with the problem of resorting to spanking when I feel like I've done everything else and just don't know what else to do.

Anyway, also about the first part. I've always wondered how spanking could cause people to start lying and being deceptive. But it's because my parents never spanked me for telling them what happened. The one time I lied to my parents was when I got spanked. I didn't do what they told me to do (clean my room) and then when they asked if I had I told them yes.... They went to check because I evidently wasn't a good liar and I got spanked and I remember thinking "man, they don't trust me at all when I lie" I didn't want to break that trust again, so I tried to always tell them the truth. I got spanked two more times in my life.... one was when my parents had told me and my nephew (same age) not to spit on each other and I turned around and spit on him out of spite (I remember that well) but I don't remember getting a spanking for it... The other time was not really a spanking by it was the only time I remember my mother getting "angry" with me.... it felt like an emotional spanking to myself if that makes sense. I didn't want to disappoint her because she was so trusting and respectful to me. BUT I lost it one day when she was trying to help me with piano lessons I didn't want to even take and I started yelling at her and telling her she couldn't make me and I was going to run away and tell the police she had abused me (I was like, 9) she told me to go ahead, she'd help me pack and she'd call the police for me. So basically, they GBD'd me, even in the times I was spanked if that makes sense.

[rjy9343]

Originally Posted by Karen

One of my favorite, and funny, come backs is "Violence begets violence. If you don't believe me, I dare you to try to hit one of kids."

I may or may not have said that to a former pastor when he told me that the Bible says to spank.