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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:

23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 02-20-2009, 03:56 PM   #1
Lantern Light Mama
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Default Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

My best friend is into totally controlling her children. That was what her mom did to her. That is what she does to her kids now. They are big into James Dobson. My heart is just aching, because I am not into controlling my kids. I want them to learn inner control . Most of the time I fail, and when I do I get reminders from her way to often how much school would help my autistic three year old because he would learn by mimicking other kids. I'm so frustrated that everyone seems to think it is just fine (actually necessary) for me to pawn my child off to the government in order for him to learn. Why is it that just because he has autism that automatically makes me incapable of meeting his needs at home in other peoples eyes? It doesn't make sense to me. I think we are in a learning curve, plus three is just a hard age any way, for both of us. I don't think just because it is hard is a reason to throw in the towel and become a super control freak mom! Really, I just want to cry. Other than GCM there is no body in my life that really supports GD or homeschool or respects it. My support system is stinky right now. :/
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Old 02-20-2009, 04:09 PM   #2
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

Yeah, let's be sure to send him somewhere he can learn to imitate yard-apes. That's a great solution!

You're doing what's right for you.
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Old 02-20-2009, 04:12 PM   #3
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

While outside resources can be wonderful in giving you extra support when needed, it isn't necessary for everyone, all the time. YOU are your child's mother. YOU are the expert.
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Old 02-20-2009, 07:15 PM   #4
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

Public school was an absolute *disaster* for my special needs child. The *only* reason he hasn't been hospitalized this year is because he's home with me.

You're doing fine.
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Old 02-20-2009, 07:32 PM   #5
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

You are making important choices for your family's well being - not easy, but your hard work is sure to come back to you.. We reap what we sow.


You are right to be frustrated at the lack of support and encouragement. Keep up the good work Mama!! Three IS a hard age...
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Old 02-20-2009, 07:40 PM   #6
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by newday
You are making important choices for your family's well being - not easy, but your hard work is sure to come back to you.. We reap what we sow.


You are right to be frustrated at the lack of support and encouragement. Keep up the good work Mama!! Three IS a hard age...
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Old 02-20-2009, 07:41 PM   #7
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

Your lo needs your love and attention even more because of his special needs. You are doing a great job!
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Old 02-20-2009, 08:09 PM   #8
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

Quote:
I'm so frustrated that everyone seems to think it is just fine (actually necessary) for me to pawn my child off to the government in order for him to learn. mad Why is it that just because he has autism that automatically makes me incapable of meeting his needs at home in other peoples eyes? mad It doesn't make sense to me. I think we are in a learning curve, plus three is just a hard age any way, for both of us. I don't think just because it is hard is a reason to throw in the towel
You should tell her exactly that -- if you come off as a little crazy -- even better. It would probably give her pause before commenting on your parenting choices again.
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Old 02-20-2009, 08:12 PM   #9
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from frien

I probably made her mad today. We saw a Dobson book in the thrift shop and she was starting to talk about him. I just told her I'm not into "control".
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Old 02-20-2009, 08:18 PM   #10
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

Quote:
I probably made her mad today. We saw a Dobson book in the thrift shop and she was starting to talk about him. I just told her I'm not into "control". shifty
Why should this make her mad? You're parenting your children, she's parenting hers. Maybe it's time to tell her you don't feel comfortable with Dobson and don't want to talk about him or his parenting methods anymore. Let her know you value her friendship, but these discussions are upsetting to you. A true friend will understand.
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Old 02-20-2009, 08:23 PM   #11
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

Well, she is controlling her kids. If that makes her mad, she should stop.

Afa the school/autism thing, I am so with you. My 5 y/o has Asperger's. If I get ONE more "you should put him in Kindergarten" comment, I may truly lose my cool. My favorite was when I was told to put him in a special needs pre-school so he could learn how to socialize. How is he going to learn how to socialize from other special needs kids????? He might learn their bad habits, but uh, NO THANK YOU.

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Old 02-20-2009, 08:24 PM   #12
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from frien

I did but the nagging is getting to me. I love my friends....but we don't think the same.
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Old 02-20-2009, 08:25 PM   #13
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from frien

For the sound of things, we are going to the perfect place for me to just me comfortable with being who we are (as in non conformist). lol.
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Old 02-20-2009, 09:41 PM   #14
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Default Re: Just need some encouragement, sort of a vent, under some pressure from friends

It doesn't make any sense to me, either. YOU are his parent, no one will have his best interest at heart like you do. Not even the "best" teachers.
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Old 02-20-2009, 10:15 PM   #15
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