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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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08-10-2005, 07:16 AM | #31 | ||
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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I'm not talking about the Pearls'- I stated very clearly my disagreement with their book. What is troubling me is this "traditional roles (which includes wifely submission)= abuse". I also don't think most marriages are abusive and therefore the book, while not good, would not encourage the average woman to stay in an abusive relationship (if that is in fact truly what they're saying- i have yet to see any proof of that offered). The Pearls' are bad enough without adding stuff in. Quote:
Evangelicals also have the same divorce and abortion rate as the rest of society. Does that make the teaching against abortion wrong? So do Catholics who don't follow their faith's teachings. The fact that many people are hypocrites doesn't prove a teaching true or false. The sad fact is most Christians live a life that looks no different then the rest of the world. |
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08-10-2005, 07:20 AM | #32 | |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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Whereas he doesn't have a book, he does have an audio version of a man's responsibilities in marriage. |
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08-10-2005, 07:23 AM | #33 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
What are (according to Michael Pearl) those responsibilities.
Apparently not having mercy on the sick or dying. db |
08-10-2005, 07:24 AM | #34 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
"One study has found that are more likely to experience physical abuse in traditional marriages (where the husband is dominant) than in egalitarian marriages. Evangelicals disagree whether or not the Bible support a traditional or an egalitarian marriage. But it is almost certainly the case that a higher percentage of evangelicals than the general public live in tradtional marriages. So where are wives more likely to be beaten?
One important study found that "less than 3 percent of wives in egalitarian marriages has been beaten by their husband in the previous year. In traditional marriages where the husband was dominant, 10.7 percent of wives had been beaten, a rate more than 300 percent higher than for egalitarian marriages." Another study that included over 20000 couples found similar results. In this study, spousal abuse was 400 percent higher in traditional marriages....Theologically conservatives Christians, according to these studies, commit domestic abuse at least as often as the general public." Ron Sider, pg 26-27, the Scandal of the Evangelical Conscience.
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08-10-2005, 07:26 AM | #35 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
I can't argue what I don't know. As I haven't listen to the tape, neither has my husband for that matter so I can't ask him.
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08-10-2005, 07:27 AM | #36 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
My personal experience would support that study.
When we were in a legalistic environment and I was told to be completely and solely submissive my husband became downright abusive. When I put an end to that he has grown into a kind loving husband and father. We are presently in an egalitarian relationship and I wouldn't have it any other way. I think he's much happier with the true me than the doormat me. Debra Baker |
08-10-2005, 07:33 AM | #37 | ||||||||||||||
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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because it's toxic. Quote:
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coulda fooled me. Quote:
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08-10-2005, 08:00 AM | #38 | |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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That is one of the ways mental abuse works -- through small words and actions, the abusing spouse gets the other to believe that they don't know which way is up, and makes them feel incapable of any kind of thought whatsoever without consulting with the abuser. And using Scripture to back up this type of abuse is simply wrong! |
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08-10-2005, 08:07 AM | #39 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
psychological abuse is in many ways the most destructive and debilitating. a woman can go to others and show them a bruise and get help. if she's been made to question her own sanity or self-worth through repeated mistreatment she may not even be aware of what's happening herself let alone be able to persuade others to see it. most psychological abusers have a public persona that makes it nearly impossible for others to imagine them being abusive. if she's been taught that it's wrong to "give a bad report" about her husband to others or to "grumble" then getting help is next to impossible unless she moves outside of her current circle.
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08-10-2005, 08:25 AM | #40 | ||
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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08-10-2005, 08:39 AM | #41 | |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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There is a difference between doing what you can to change yourself and your behaviors that affect your marriage and taking responsibility for HIS behaviors. Women who feel responsible and guilty for things their husband do, will always feel that way because no matter how much she changes, he's not going to if he is abusive. A couple of years ago my inlaws told me that if I would only keep the house cleaner, then my husband wouldn't treat me the way he does. What baloney! I can keep the house spotless and he will act the same because while a messy house might not help his mood, it doesn't cause it. Any book that tells a woman that across the board, if her husband is doing wrong, it is because SHE is doing wrong is garbage. |
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08-10-2005, 08:47 AM | #42 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Wonder how this would fit in the Pearls idea of wife sumitting/ honoring their husbands?
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,165270,00.html Deanna
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08-10-2005, 08:55 AM | #43 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
the idea that the wife must somehow be at fault when he's behaving badly is exactly what an abusive husband wants people to think because it keeps the focus off of him and on her. he gets to avoid taking responsibility for his actions and she gets to play scapegoat. how is that honoring to god?
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08-10-2005, 09:01 AM | #44 | |
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08-10-2005, 09:06 AM | #45 | |
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