How do you get a two year old ready for her own room?

[Beth1231]

We plan to move out of our crackerbox one bedroom apartment by the end of summer and Anina will have her own room. She is still in a crib atm.

Our routine of rocking her to sleep and putting her in her crib has worked just beautifully for months. But these last few weeks, she starts crying when either of us tries to leave the room. For awhile, sitting her in the glider and whispering soothing things to her did the trick. Then I got very tired one night and just gave up on an evening with Hubby adn collapsed into bed. She went from whimpering for me to deep breathing in minutes.

Anina clearly feels more secure and ready to sleep when one of us is in the room. So on to my Subject line....how do we get her ready for her own room? How do we help her with this new fear of being alone in our bedroom? It's almost like she is tensely trying to sleep and aware that we are TRYING to sneak out. Frustrating, since we really do need our couple time after she is in bed. This last month, we have both been very disappointed by the hour to two hour long sessions of "I think she's asleep, I'll try to get out of the room" and crying as soon as the door opens. Anina is 23 months.

I could really use some advice.

[CapeTownMommy]

What I would try in this situation is this: Get her really excited about the new house. Have her go with you and pick out new linen for her bed, with her favourite colour or flower or character on it, select accessories (a nice pink lampshade?) etc. for her own room. Make the room something to be excited about and proud about.

Then, put her crib mattress on the floor in your room. If she feels afraid in her own room, she can always come sleep in your room.

My dd (2.5yo) just recently developed an attachment to a soft toy and if she has that in the room with her, she's absolutely fine. I don't know how it happened, it was while I was in France for a week, but somehow the little monkey helps her feel secure in her bed.

I don't know if this helps you at all! Bedtime stress can be so hard.

[PurpleButterfly]

She's been through a lot and still going through a lot of changes/transitioning, which will only intensify with the move. Why not just give her lots of time and attention and have her new bedroom become a playroom and toy/clothing storage area until she is really ready? My dd is newly 3 and loves her pretty room but needs to sleep cuddled with mama.

[Sparrow]

I really like the idea of getting her excited about her new room. Could you tell her stories about a little girl who moved to a new house and a new room? If you made that part of your story routine every night?

Also, one idea I like from the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers is have a little celebration with a new pair of jammies and a book or something. If you can get that book out of the library I strongly recommend it. We've just transitioned A out of our bed to a crib mattress on the floor. We call it his "special little bed". Adding special to anything seems to be appealing to kids. Peas are peas til they are special peas.

Originally Posted by PurpleButterfly

She's been through a lot and still going through a lot of changes/transitioning, which will only intensify with the move. Why not just give her lots of time and attention and have her new bedroom become a playroom and toy/clothing storage area until she is really ready? My dd is newly 3 and loves her pretty room but needs to sleep cuddled with mama.

I agree with this. Give her her own space, but don't require that she has to sleep in there. She will need that reconnect time after all the change. And personally, I actually found that when my DD1 started sleeping in her room...I missed her. Now we don't have any hard and fast rules about where she sleeps. Sometimes we sleep together, sometimes she sleeps in her room.

[Beth1231]

Originally Posted by PurpleButterfly

She's been through a lot and still going through a lot of changes/transitioning, which will only intensify with the move. Why not just give her lots of time and attention and have her new bedroom become a playroom and toy/clothing storage area until she is really ready? My dd is newly 3 and loves her pretty room but needs to sleep cuddled with mama.

I've been thinking about the bolded part a lot this evening. Anina has been through a HUGE amount of transition in her two short years. The guilt weighs heavy on me, but so does the pressure to upkeep my marraige (which is why we do not cosleep-it does not work well for us at all).

Sigh. What am I trying to say? I guess that I'm just struggling with my needs, the needs of my marriage and my little daughter's needs and how they all mesh together as smoothly as possible. I rocked her for a long, long time tonight and verrrry carefully put her in her crib. I havent' had to be that careful in months, but I think Anina really needs to be completely asleep right now to feel secure. I love her so much. Nighttime parenting is HARD.

[TuneMyHeart]

Nighttime parenting really is hard.

When Ellie was a little over 2, we made a huge deal about her new room and she helped us pick out bedding and paint. We bought her a full size bed and she couldn't wait to sleep on it. We specifically picked out a bed big enough for one of us to sleep with her. She still needed that reassurance from us at night for a while though.One of us spent part of the night with her in her bed for a while, but we were able to get a few hours by ourselves in between her going to sleep and needing us again.

Shortly after Ellie turned 2, she started developing a lot of nighttime fears - shadows, monsters, things under the bed, etc. She was genuinely afraid. At 3.5, she spends most nights completely by herself.

[PurpleButterfly]

You've been through a ton, too. Becoming a mama, and having to learn motherhood under the circumstances you've dealt with since she was born, well, you deserve some extra nurturing, too. Be gentle on yourself and know that you're a wonderful mama and a good wife. The first years are the hardest IME and soon you will be in a lovely new home and gettin' your groove back. Hang in there and do the best you can to enjoy the ride, sweet mama.

[DoulaClara]

Were you keeping her in the crib, or are you planning on her having a toddler or twin bed?

We switched Gianna to a twin bed in January. We had been putting her in the lowered Arms Reach for the first few hours of the night, and then bringing her to our bed, but I was still pregnant then (and it was the beginning of the end) and leaning way over to put her in the lowered AR was painful and caused an increase in the bleeding. So, we put the twin in her room, and took apart the AR, and just let her play on it during the day, and read stories, put some stuffed animal friends in it, etc. She was really excited about it, and at that time, I was nursing her down still, so she would nurse to sleep and I would roll away.

Now, she hasn't nursed in about six weeks, but we still have maintained a fairly steady bedtime ritual- after bath, she streaks through the house naked and jumps on the dogs bed (to John's extreme dismay), and I collect her diaper and jammies. We head into her room, get her dressed, and then John reads her three stories. We pray, he leaves, and I turn on her fan and her Celtic tunes. Then I snuggle her (for anywhere from 15 minutes to 2 hours on some wacky, wacky nights) until she falls asleep (insert lots of tossing and turning, and requests to go potty), and I scootch out of there. It's taken many weeks to get into a rhythm and I know that there will be steps forward and backward, but knowing that, we've been relaxed enough so that it never turned into an ordeal for her.

To help her feel more secure, I stick a body pillow on one side of the bed (I would never do this prior to 18 months) and she's got a bed rail on the other. She does have blankets, but hates them, so I usually nestle them against her feet, because she likes her feet to be propped up on things.

Good luck! I think if you turn it into a cozy, fun routine, she'll adapt fairly well! Experiment to see what works well, what revs her up more than relaxes her (I've found that if I talk while trying to snuggle her down, she gets very active and bouncy) and you'll hit a rhythm before long!

[Beth1231]

Originally Posted by PurpleButterfly

You've been through a ton, too. Becoming a mama, and having to learn motherhood under the circumstances you've dealt with since she was born, well, you deserve some extra nurturing, too. Be gentle on yourself and know that you're a wonderful mama and a good wife. The first years are the hardest IME and soon you will be in a lovely new home and gettin' your groove back. Hang in there and do the best you can to enjoy the ride, sweet mama.

Thank you . I try so hard to be a good Mama. Now that I have her with me....and out of daycare....it seems like the guilt of "did I cause that fear/insecurity?" is just 100xs more than ever before.

TuneMyHeart, that is awesome advice. For some reason, I never thought about getting a bed that one of us could cuddle with her on tough nights when we need to. Anina sleeps with one of us while the other parent goes to the couch (small bed) on tough nights already so that makes sense.

The mattress on the floor is something I'm pondering too. We want to have another baby, though and I do not want my Anina waking up when the newborn in our room is waking up. That sounds like a nightmare to me. Thank you for the replies....they are helping!

ETA: Clara, I posted before I read your post. I love the body pillow idea! I still nap with her (for about half of her nap), so I know she would like that.
Editing again to say we do have a pretty good routine going. I'm hoping that will help with the bed transition.

I'm not sure how moving should mesh with the transition to a bed......one thing at a time, I would guess.

[cheri]

I think that moving plus moving to a room alone might be too much all at once. Maybe get her used to the new place and then give it a while before the move to a new room. My dd co-slept with us every night until she was about 2.5, and then we moved her to a full sized bed in her own room. It really helped that she watched dh put the bed in her room and that we got pink sheets for the bed.

The full sized bed is nice because we can cuddle and read with her, and if necessary, one person can sleep with her. And it will last much longer than a toddler bed.