Boundaries with Kids?

Elyse221 · 01-26-2015, 11:35 AM

Anyone read it/know much about it? I seem to remember it being mentioned on here as not being gentle/positive but beyond that I don't know much. The church we've been visiting is offering a class on it, so I'm wondering about the book mostly to get an idea of what type of parenting would be promoted there. If it's not positive but not outright "You HAVE to spank your kids" then I think I could live with that

.

Steph · 01-26-2015, 02:55 PM

Have never heard of it. Boundaries seems to be a word that I like, more than say one like limits or restrictions.

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Hermana Linda · 01-26-2015, 03:32 PM

I'll see if I can find those old threads...

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---------- Post added at 01:58 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:57 PM ----------

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steph

Have never heard of it. Boundaries seems to be a word that I like, more than say one like limits or restrictions.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yeah, me too.

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---------- Post added at 02:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:58 PM ----------

Ok, the book, Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, got very good GD reviews. Someone did warn that their Boundaries with Kids book is punitive and to have caution with it, but I can't find anymore information. I would be interested to know more. I think it would be worth it for you to check it out and report back to us.

Maleldil's daughter · 01-27-2015, 02:16 AM

I read it. It's been a while, but this is what I remember:

I was disappointed. I thought it would be about parenting in a way that would encourage kids to maintain their own and respect others' boundaries. Instead it was about how to have boundaries so your children will not run over you.

It had some things that were positive, like most books. It might be most potentially helpful if you were a very unboundaried person who was just learning about how to have boundaries and not be enmeshed in your child's life. There was a lot of discussion of holding a boundary even if the child feels badly, and of letting them own their own feelings.

It was punitive. The authors stated that a spanking or time-out would be a good way to enforce a boundary with young children. I also got a bad taste from some of the examples of forcing your pre-schooler to separate from you even if they don't want to (like leaving your 3 yr old with a babysitter when they are crying for you). So, I wouldn't recommend it, though there's no implication that you must spank.

Sorry there is not much detail, it's been a few years and I don't own it to re-read.

Hermana Linda · 01-27-2015, 09:17 AM

That is very helpful, thank you.

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Rose5000 · 02-05-2015, 10:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hermana Linda

That is very helpful, thank you.

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Yes, it was.

On Fire · 08-07-2015, 05:09 PM

I vaguely seem to recall on here reading a few years ago that maybe Cloud and Townsend's books had a misogynistic tone or something??? Have I got that right?

Kiara.I · 08-07-2015, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by On Fire

I vaguely seem to recall on here reading a few years ago that maybe Cloud and Townsend's books had a misogynistic tone or something??? Have I got that right?

I did not notice it in Boundaries, nor in Boundaries in Marriage. I wasn't really looking for it, though.

I haven't read Boundaries with Kids.

Have you read them and found them to be misogynistic?

purple_kangaroo · 08-10-2015, 12:25 PM

Following . . . I own Boundaries, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, and Boundaries with Teens. I liked the first one, though it's been years since I read it. Can't remember if I ever read the second one, and I haven't yet read the last two.

Soliloquy · 08-10-2015, 03:07 PM

There's quite a few authors/books that are really great and then you read the version for parenting ... and you wonder why they can't see it. Why they can't see children as human beings.

The Love Dare is an amazing book. Mind blowing in how it teaches you what it really is to love someone.

The Love Dare for Parents is so anemic, in comparison. And they mention spanking in the appendix.

hollybells · 08-10-2015, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soliloquy

The Love Dare is an amazing book. Mind blowing in how it teaches you what it really is to love someone.

I've avoided the Fireproof movie but the book is good?

Soliloquy · 08-10-2015, 06:29 PM

Yes. Very. If you actually do it. Just reading it is nice but actually doing the daily steps forces you to come face-to-face with whatever is in you that is resistant to giving unconditional love.

hollybells · 08-10-2015, 06:51 PM

I've been itching to place another Chapters order ... I'll add it to my list.

And as I was scrolling up, I saw that my post was edited and thought:

1.

Wait, what? I didn't edit my post. Did I edit it? I so don't remember editing it.

Annnnd ...

2. What posting guideline could I have possibly violated?

Paranoia abounds.

Soliloquy · 08-10-2015, 08:22 PM

Sorry! I thought of PMing you but I was hoping my note explained everything adequately.

hollybells · 08-10-2015, 08:32 PM

No worries!

01-26-2015, 11:35 AM	#1
Elyse221 Rose Bush Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 493	Boundaries with Kids? Anyone read it/know much about it? I seem to remember it being mentioned on here as not being gentle/positive but beyond that I don't know much. The church we've been visiting is offering a class on it, so I'm wondering about the book mostly to get an idea of what type of parenting would be promoted there. If it's not positive but not outright "You HAVE to spank your kids" then I think I could live with that .

01-26-2015, 02:55 PM	#2
Steph Rosebud Join Date: May 2013 Location: Farmington Hills, MI Posts: 63	Re: Boundaries with Kids? Have never heard of it. Boundaries seems to be a word that I like, more than say one like limits or restrictions. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ Steph (ENTP) Graceformysheep.wordpress.com Wife to Jake (ENTP) Momma to Spunky Lamb (10/29/12)

01-27-2015, 02:16 AM	#4
Maleldil's daughter Rose Bouquet Join Date: Oct 2012 Posts: 831	Re: Boundaries with Kids? I read it. It's been a while, but this is what I remember: I was disappointed. I thought it would be about parenting in a way that would encourage kids to maintain their own and respect others' boundaries. Instead it was about how to have boundaries so your children will not run over you. It had some things that were positive, like most books. It might be most potentially helpful if you were a very unboundaried person who was just learning about how to have boundaries and not be enmeshed in your child's life. There was a lot of discussion of holding a boundary even if the child feels badly, and of letting them own their own feelings. It was punitive. The authors stated that a spanking or time-out would be a good way to enforce a boundary with young children. I also got a bad taste from some of the examples of forcing your pre-schooler to separate from you even if they don't want to (like leaving your 3 yr old with a babysitter when they are crying for you). So, I wouldn't recommend it, though there's no implication that you must spank. Sorry there is not much detail, it's been a few years and I don't own it to re-read. __________________ Karen Wifey to the Husby 9/6/2006 Mama to The Littlest Man in all the Land 5/31/2012 and The Littlest Girl in all the World 1/28/2016 Counseling is like cleaning out your fridge. Mostly it's rearranging things so they make more sense. Now and then you come across some really nasty thing that's been stuck in the back way too long.

01-27-2015, 09:17 AM	#5
Hermana Linda Administrator "air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 51,865	Re: Boundaries with Kids? That is very helpful, thank you. Sent by Tapatalk from my phone __________________ My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God

08-07-2015, 05:09 PM	#7
On Fire Rose Bush Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Leaning into God Posts: 336	Re: Boundaries with Kids? I vaguely seem to recall on here reading a few years ago that maybe Cloud and Townsend's books had a misogynistic tone or something??? Have I got that right? __________________ I wish you love

08-10-2015, 12:25 PM	#9
purple_kangaroo Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 4,621	Re: Boundaries with Kids? Following . . . I own Boundaries, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, and Boundaries with Teens. I liked the first one, though it's been years since I read it. Can't remember if I ever read the second one, and I haven't yet read the last two. __________________ Purple_Kangaroo Seeking truth and understanding. I have 4 precious children: A (born Feb 2001), M (June 2002), E (Aug 2005) and N (Dec 2013). AMEN!

08-10-2015, 03:07 PM	#10
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: Boundaries with Kids? There's quite a few authors/books that are really great and then you read the version for parenting ... and you wonder why they can't see it. Why they can't see children as human beings. The Love Dare is an amazing book. Mind blowing in how it teaches you what it really is to love someone. The Love Dare for Parents is so anemic, in comparison. And they mention spanking in the appendix.

08-10-2015, 06:29 PM	#12
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: Boundaries with Kids? Yes. Very. If you actually do it. Just reading it is nice but actually doing the daily steps forces you to come face-to-face with whatever is in you that is resistant to giving unconditional love.

08-10-2015, 06:51 PM	#13
hollybells Deactivated Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 4,751	Re: Boundaries with Kids? I've been itching to place another Chapters order ... I'll add it to my list. And as I was scrolling up, I saw that my post was edited and thought: 1. Wait, what? I didn't edit my post. Did I edit it? I so don't remember editing it. Annnnd ... 2. What posting guideline could I have possibly violated? Paranoia abounds.

08-10-2015, 08:22 PM	#14
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: Boundaries with Kids? Sorry! I thought of PMing you but I was hoping my note explained everything adequately.

08-10-2015, 08:32 PM	#15
hollybells Deactivated Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 4,751	Re: Boundaries with Kids? No worries!

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