HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower - Page 2

ArmsOfLove · 10-07-2015, 09:18 PM

I just come out and tell my children 'you're getting older and you stink. I refuse to smell you so take a shower." and their world will come to a halt until they do.

If he insists he likes the smell of sink then I'd have him rub himself with a washcloth and feel free to sniff it all he wants.

---------- Post added at 08:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 PM ----------

I do think the age is seeking more responsibility and freedom -- it's one of the ages I have the talk about stealing privileges and focus on earning them with responsibility

The Tickle Momster · 11-15-2015, 10:32 PM

It has been a month. Soccer is over and he now had little reason to shower. Tonight I remembered he didn't shower yesterday after Kung and his legs were covered in mid from his soccer team party. I told him he had to shower during half time of the football game. Thought we were in agreement. Now he is yelling at me that I said he just had to wash his legs.

I NEVER said that.

Grrrrr!!!!!!!!

wildswede · 11-19-2015, 04:52 PM

Have you talked to him about the reason for not wanting to shower? In a collaborative problem solving course I did, we watched a video of a high school principal who had to talk to a student about his body odor... turns out the boy was horrified at the thought of sharing a bar of soap with the rest of his family. A wash cloth and liquid soap solved the problem immediately. Not that this is what is going on, but if you engage in the battle and try to meet force with force you won't ever find out what the real issue is and it could be something super easy to change.

Soliloquy · 11-19-2015, 11:49 PM

I remember my last two years of high school I drove myself to school. I'd be just about ready to get out of bed in the morning and my dad would tell me to get up. That always made me stay in bed an extra 15 minutes.

The Tickle Momster · 11-20-2015, 01:47 PM

There are 2 issues. One is not liking to actually get undressed and into the shower. The other is not wanting to put on jammies while still damp.

Last night I gave him the choice to shower before bed, or strip his bed in the morning and shower today. He chose the 2nd option. Told him if he gave me grief about showering today I'd revoke that choice for a loooong time. So far, so good.

houseforjoy · 11-20-2015, 02:31 PM

Here i just implemented that he has to shower monday, wednesday, and saturday. no matter what. he can choose when he gets in but sometime that day he is in. it is working fairly well with smaller amounts of grief.

The Tickle Momster · 11-20-2015, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by houseforjoy

Here i just implemented that he has to shower monday, wednesday, and saturday. no matter what. he can choose when he gets in but sometime that day he is in. it is working fairly well with smaller amounts of grief.

That could be an option during the not-soccer-season time.

Might offer it to him.

Mother of Sons · 11-20-2015, 06:15 PM

Those issues seem reasonably easy to solve. I hate putting clothes on while damp so o wear a robe and lounge about until I feel ready to get dressed. Can he do something like that? have you asked him to help problem solve?

The Tickle Momster · 11-20-2015, 06:48 PM

I'm usually pretty good at asking the kids to problem solve. I'm not sure he had any solutions. Need to ask again while we are both calm.

As for lounging in a robe, probably not a good solution at this point. The issue is we get home from Kung Fu at bedtime. So it's showers and bed.

houseforjoy · 11-20-2015, 07:31 PM

my girls love to dry with a towel and then blow dry their body

rjy9343 · 11-20-2015, 08:22 PM

I hate getting dressed while damp as well. I can't always wear a robe until I am dry enough to not be uncomfortable so I use two towels and blow dry underarms and anywhere else that might be damp. I also like to turn on my celling fan so that my bed is cool and it's not so bad if I miss a spot.

rjy9343 · 11-21-2015, 11:16 AM

Another thing that might help is if he doesn't dress in the bathroom after he is done. The humidity never really goes away.

Quiteria · 11-21-2015, 11:41 AM

For not wanting to get undressed and into the shower, is he cold? I mean, he has to get undressed to change into pajamas anyway, right?

Sometimes being allowed to run a space heater for a few minutes while brushing teeth and using the toilet, etc., might be enough to make the room more comfortable. Plus learning to run the water for a second to get warm before climbing in, so that it's not hitting him with a cold blast.

Is there a good lock on the door so siblings don't barge in unintentionally?

I'd ask him a little more to see what he needs to problem solve like that.

wildswede · 11-21-2015, 07:41 PM

I'm curious as to whether this maybe his way of telling you he needs to slow down with sports? Since he knows that showering is a requirement when he does sports, could this be a way of telling you by forcing his hand at something related to activities? Just tossing possibilities into the wind here, but perhaps showering is just a small piece of what's going on for him?

FaithHopeLove · 11-23-2015, 01:00 AM

Would changing the kind of fabric his pajamas are made of help? If there's any synthetic fibers in my sleepwear at all, I can't bear to wear them on damp skin. With cotton, I'm good.

PS - have you seen the number of views this has gotten? You must not be alone in this problem!

10-07-2015, 09:18 PM	#16
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower I just come out and tell my children 'you're getting older and you stink. I refuse to smell you so take a shower." and their world will come to a halt until they do. If he insists he likes the smell of sink then I'd have him rub himself with a washcloth and feel free to sniff it all he wants. ---------- Post added at 08:18 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:17 PM ---------- I do think the age is seeking more responsibility and freedom -- it's one of the ages I have the talk about stealing privileges and focus on earning them with responsibility __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

11-15-2015, 10:32 PM	#17
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,952	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower It has been a month. Soccer is over and he now had little reason to shower. Tonight I remembered he didn't shower yesterday after Kung and his legs were covered in mid from his soccer team party. I told him he had to shower during half time of the football game. Thought we were in agreement. Now he is yelling at me that I said he just had to wash his legs. I NEVER said that. Grrrrr!!!!!!!! __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

11-19-2015, 04:52 PM	#18
wildswede Rose Blossom Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 133	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower Have you talked to him about the reason for not wanting to shower? In a collaborative problem solving course I did, we watched a video of a high school principal who had to talk to a student about his body odor... turns out the boy was horrified at the thought of sharing a bar of soap with the rest of his family. A wash cloth and liquid soap solved the problem immediately. Not that this is what is going on, but if you engage in the battle and try to meet force with force you won't ever find out what the real issue is and it could be something super easy to change.

11-19-2015, 11:49 PM	#19
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower I remember my last two years of high school I drove myself to school. I'd be just about ready to get out of bed in the morning and my dad would tell me to get up. That always made me stay in bed an extra 15 minutes.

11-20-2015, 01:47 PM	#20
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,952	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower There are 2 issues. One is not liking to actually get undressed and into the shower. The other is not wanting to put on jammies while still damp. Last night I gave him the choice to shower before bed, or strip his bed in the morning and shower today. He chose the 2nd option. Told him if he gave me grief about showering today I'd revoke that choice for a loooong time. So far, so good. __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

11-20-2015, 02:31 PM	#21
houseforjoy Rose Garden trying to live like olaf "this is the best day of my life!... and quite possibly the last!" Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: in the sunshine with my own personal flurry Posts: 9,563	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower Here i just implemented that he has to shower monday, wednesday, and saturday. no matter what. he can choose when he gets in but sometime that day he is in. it is working fairly well with smaller amounts of grief. __________________ Amanda, ENFJ Mommy to my bounty: ds 13 years, dd 12 years, dd 9 years , dd 6 and ds 4 Psalm 13 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?....because I am shaken. 5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

11-20-2015, 06:15 PM	#23
Mother of Sons Rose Garden My kid shoots laser beams from his hands Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 21,900	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower Those issues seem reasonably easy to solve. I hate putting clothes on while damp so o wear a robe and lounge about until I feel ready to get dressed. Can he do something like that? have you asked him to help problem solve?

11-20-2015, 06:48 PM	#24
The Tickle Momster Rose Garden previously mlrowley Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: NW WA Posts: 17,952	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower I'm usually pretty good at asking the kids to problem solve. I'm not sure he had any solutions. Need to ask again while we are both calm. As for lounging in a robe, probably not a good solution at this point. The issue is we get home from Kung Fu at bedtime. So it's showers and bed. __________________ Michelle wife to Tom ('95) Momma to: DD (A) 21 and her DH (YM) 21 DS (T) 19 DD (C) 17 '07 DS (N) 14 Save Save

11-20-2015, 07:31 PM	#25
houseforjoy Rose Garden trying to live like olaf "this is the best day of my life!... and quite possibly the last!" Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: in the sunshine with my own personal flurry Posts: 9,563	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower my girls love to dry with a towel and then blow dry their body __________________ Amanda, ENFJ Mommy to my bounty: ds 13 years, dd 12 years, dd 9 years , dd 6 and ds 4 Psalm 13 How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?How long will you hide your face from me? 2 How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day?....because I am shaken. 5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

11-20-2015, 08:22 PM	#26
rjy9343 Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 10,090	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower I hate getting dressed while damp as well. I can't always wear a robe until I am dry enough to not be uncomfortable so I use two towels and blow dry underarms and anywhere else that might be damp. I also like to turn on my celling fan so that my bed is cool and it's not so bad if I miss a spot. __________________ Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook

11-21-2015, 11:16 AM	#27
rjy9343 Rose Garden Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 10,090	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower Another thing that might help is if he doesn't dress in the bathroom after he is done. The humidity never really goes away. __________________ Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook

11-21-2015, 11:41 AM	#28
Quiteria Rose Garden Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 23,483	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower For not wanting to get undressed and into the shower, is he cold? I mean, he has to get undressed to change into pajamas anyway, right? Sometimes being allowed to run a space heater for a few minutes while brushing teeth and using the toilet, etc., might be enough to make the room more comfortable. Plus learning to run the water for a second to get warm before climbing in, so that it's not hitting him with a cold blast. Is there a good lock on the door so siblings don't barge in unintentionally? I'd ask him a little more to see what he needs to problem solve like that. __________________ Homeschooling mama to five: a young adult (graduated!), two high schoolers, a big kid, and a kindergartner And yes, they've all aged overnight since the last time you read my out-of-date sigg.

11-21-2015, 07:41 PM	#29
wildswede Rose Blossom Join Date: May 2013 Posts: 133	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower I'm curious as to whether this maybe his way of telling you he needs to slow down with sports? Since he knows that showering is a requirement when he does sports, could this be a way of telling you by forcing his hand at something related to activities? Just tossing possibilities into the wind here, but perhaps showering is just a small piece of what's going on for him?

11-23-2015, 01:00 AM	#30
FaithHopeLove Rose Garden Follow That Truck! Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 9,374	Re: HELP! 12 yo refusing to shower Would changing the kind of fabric his pajamas are made of help? If there's any synthetic fibers in my sleepwear at all, I can't bear to wear them on damp skin. With cotton, I'm good. PS - have you seen the number of views this has gotten? You must not be alone in this problem!

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