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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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03-22-2010, 11:54 AM | #1 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 799
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"The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
DS pulled this book off the bookshelf today. I can't remember when I got it/why I have it and I don't know that I ever read it, but I glanced through it out of curiosity. This is supposed to be a book about marriage. Here is a quote from page 28:
"The mothers who employed me [as a babysitter] were firm about one thing: after you put the baby to bed, do not get her up again. If she cries, let her cry. After twenty minutes, if she was still crying, I could check that the baby was okay and pat her back. But I could not get her up out of bed. This was the best training I could have received. When Jay and I had our first child, I remembered this training...This process of allowing our baby to cry drove Jay crazy! He desperately wanted to go in and get Torrey out of bed, rock him, feed him, coddle him. I said no and was firm about it." First, , this book is going in the trash for that reason (and because prior to that they talked about the whole "marriage first, children second" twistedness). Second, this is the second time I've come across how the husband didn't want to let a baby CIO, but the wife did, and thought that was interesting. I suppose it's partly personality styles, where a mother overrides her mothering sensitivity and a father shows more compassion??
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Erin
Mama to E, 5.5 years and I, 3 years |
03-22-2010, 12:19 PM | #2 | |
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"Knitting is Mama's job"
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Where the wind blows, the snow flies and mere mortals can't breathe
Posts: 6,945
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
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I explained that there are times when you child will eat almost constantly because of a growth spurt and that really, if you are nursing it is not as much work as it may seem to be. No bottles to make, warm up, ect. I don't know where they stand on sleep training, but am praying for them as they start this journey. |
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03-23-2010, 09:45 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
They need freedom to just be fluffy mashed potatoes and feel their fluffy feelings.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Up to my earballs in little boys.
Posts: 20,259
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
maybe she is just curious as to what it's really like. my son had various "schedules" that he put himself on. so call them routines if you want, but he was pretty clock work until a growth spurt, illness, or tooth came along. he still does the same things at the same time nearly every single day. to me it's a schedule, but it's not one that i put him on - i think that's wherein the problem lies. there's nothing wrong with your kids being on a "schedule" per se, although as APers we tend to really dislike the word itself, as long as it's what works for your child and not something you came up with on your own with little to no regard for what your childs needs truly are. my mom talks obsessively about schedules. i know she's a baby trainer, but i've been working at gently converting her to the idea that a schedule can really just be a typical but flexible routine and THATS OK! lol my son is one that happens to really like knowing what comes next. he gets really upset when things dont go according to the typical routine ie. lunch before nap, or dinner at 5. some kids throw routines out the window and fly by the seat of their pants...and that's ok too! lol
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Joy Progressive Methodist Enfp mama to Sparrow, 10 Zion, 7.5 Baby Gus, 4.5 Preschool teacher. Musician. Timelord. Www.justicemercymayhem.wordpress.com "What you plant in the kingdom will surely grow, and what you grow with love will surely bloom, and the fruit of the spirit will come back to you." Last edited by Chaos Coordinator; 03-23-2010 at 09:50 PM. |
03-23-2010, 10:19 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Pacific South-West. You know, north of the Pacific North-West
Posts: 12,922
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
Bleah. I just googled for it, and if you look on their website the excerpt they have posted contains this section. It's got a bunch of arguments in it that can be countered pretty easily, too. What I did find odd, though, is that one of the reviews praising it on the splash page is from Kevin Leman. |
03-24-2010, 07:02 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Into the sky, all the way out.
Posts: 7,377
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
I'm not too surprised -- I've met some pretty callous women (I could have been counted one of them, had I not found GCM before kids).
Usually when one partner is one extreme the other will tend toward the opposite -- not always. Too bad the dh couldn't influence his wife in this situation.
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03-24-2010, 07:06 AM | #6 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Oklahoma City
Posts: 1,249
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
Interesting. Wonder what her view on WOS is? Because if she were truly practicing WOS, she would have submitted to her husband's desire in this . . . Just sayin.
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Megan - eNFp Advocate
Homemaking freelance writer & author passionate about gentle mothering, natural living, social justice and great coffee. Married to my college sweetheart and the SortaCrunchy mama to my big girls (8 and 5) and brand new (2/7/13) twin boys. Co-author of Spirit-Led Parenting: From Fear to Freedom in Baby's First Year |
03-24-2010, 02:21 PM | #7 | |
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"Knitting is Mama's job"
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Where the wind blows, the snow flies and mere mortals can't breathe
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
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03-24-2010, 04:13 PM | #8 | |
Rose Garden
Immerse your soul in love.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 17,609
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
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Mom wasn't sensitive. She let me CIO. She spanked and hit. She didn't tolerate negative feelings. If I was sad or depressed I had to stay in my room. When dad was home he'd get us out to the park, or play a game with me or something. I think it's personality
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Manda Mama to: Bear 16.75 Funny and Tender. Larger than life. ENFP Max 14 Affectionate and Spirited. Artist Chickadee 8! She's Sunshine and Song. Born in the caul We have a fur baby. A cat called Charlie |
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03-24-2010, 06:47 PM | #9 | |
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
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when she was a toddler he'd say, 'why can't she just lie in here with us and sleep?' and i'd be all, "OH NO A ROD FOR OUR BAAAACKS! " we're both much happier now. he also never smacked the children ever, even though he still has a more punitive mindset so far as consequences etc are concerned. |
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03-24-2010, 09:05 PM | #10 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
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Re: "The Spark" by Jay & Laura Laffoon
My dh is that way. Very nurturing! If I had wanted to do CIO, he would not have liked it at all I'm sure.
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~Emily INTJ, Type 4 Wife to D Mama to: E 12/05 L 7/08 Z 12/10 A 6/14 and J in heaven 2/10 Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights. |
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