wow--where did THAT come from??

[Nightingale]

So Kiandra (3 years old) has been doing a bit "better" in some areas lately. I see GBD working, and we're not having quite as hard of a time overall. PTL!

We've been having VBS at our church, which I'm sure contributes at least a little bit to what happened last nite. My soon-to-be SIL brought the girls home while I waited for everyone to leave. When I came home (probably just 10 min. or so later) R told Kiandra to tell me what she'd done. She said, "I hit and scratched." Apparently, she hadn't wanted to go to the bathroom, so my brother took her necklace. Yeah, not the best way to handle it, but that's my 19 year old brother I guess. So, she hit and scratched R.

I first of all had kiandra apoligize and ask for forgiveness. Then I got down on her level and was holding her hands, and told her "We don't hit, hitting hurts." And she said, "I'm gonna hit and scratch you." I was just kind of shocked, and then she tried, although I was holding her hands.

How do I respond to this? I for sure know that everyone I know would spank her for that, and I sure wanted to. Although, obviously that makes NO SENSE whatsoever, that was what I wanted to do.

[RubySlippers]

Maybe she feels an injustice was done (taking her necklace) and no one is addressing that.
My dd wants to be in charge of when she goes to the potty...forcing her is not a battle we wish to wage. Your dd may have been battling over that or just uncomfortable with your brother taking her to the bathroom.

You know, I agree with the PP that she might have wanted you to protect her against the injustice that was done.

Example from my dd: The other night, dh abruptly closed the refrigerator door that she was holding open. It was time to eat, she was in the way and not listening to him, so he just reached over and closed it. You would have thought something terrible was happening. She ran to the corner sobbing and then stood there pouting and angry with her arms crossed, told him off royally, and was being "defiant". He plopped her in her booster seat and told her it was time for dinner and of course she wouldn't calm down.

I picked her up and sat her on my lap and asked, "you seem a little mad. Are you angry that Daddy shut the door you had opened?" She nodded, "uh huh." Me: You seem a little sad, too. DD: yes, sad. (little tear rolls down her cheek at this point.) Me: Your feelings were hurt that Daddy didn't warn you he was closing it and you were looking at something?" DD: feelings hurt. I wanted the door open. I wanted green beans. Me: I don't think Daddy meant to hurt your feelings. He had asked you several times to close the door and come to the table to eat dinner and you were ignoring him. You can't hold the refrigerator door open and it was time to eat. DD: I sorry Daddy. Dh: I'm sorry, too. Nex time, I'll give you fair warning. And next time, you go to the table for dinner when I ask, okay? It's okay to ask me for green beans if you want them, but I couldn't know that's what you wanted if you weren't using your words. DD: Okay. Daddy? I want green beans. Please.

And we were all smiles again. Actually, she was all smiles as soon as I said, "you seem a little mad." She just wanted me to acknowledge that dh had, in her eyes, ignored her want (even though we had no idea why she was standing there with the door open singing).

Wow, that was a long explanation. But does it make sense? And, of course, I'm only addressing what she did to you, not the original incident with your brother!

[Nightingale]

that makes perfect sense, and I WAS more concerned about the incident with me than the one before.

To be clear, it was bedtime so they wanted her to go potty/get a pull up before going. My brother wasn't going to take her, future SIL was (and she lived with us for 9 months up until last week, so dd is comfortable with her). Also, the hitting future SIL has happened before--in the nursery at church several times (FSIL is the main nursery worker), and at home as well. It seems that she mostly hits R or me, I don't think she's ever hit DH (He says he'd never "allow" it, as if I do.).

It was a bit awkward because R was standing there as I was dealing with all of this. I wanted dd to apologize, and then I was talking to her and she was still there. After dd's "threat" I took her to her room and talked more.

Thanks for your input, I definitely need to try to reflect her feelings more.