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11-27-2007, 09:16 PM | #1 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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List of family rules and consequences
I would like to make a list tomorrow of our rules and the subsequent consequences for breaking specific rules. That way when a rule is broken I don't have to flip through my already overworked foggy brain, I can just flip the rule chart out and say "Ds 1 you were running in the house, you need to take a break on the couch and cool off." I would really like some help with this, though.
Here are some of the common problems the kids run into... running in the house -- we have 2 staircases and they often just run a loop and run people over in the process. Do the above consequence sound okay? hitting, kicking, grabbing, screaming at another family member -- remove the child from the room/presence of victim to be alone, calm down (should there be an amount of time?) disobeying a specific request by me or dh or other authority figure (ie. grandma, aunt, etc.) -- this I am at a loss for a consequence. speaking disrespectfully --- ??? can you ladies give me some more ideas for rules I need to cover and consequences for those rules being broken? my brain is so gone right now!!!
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aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
11-28-2007, 04:32 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Back for Friendships
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 20,863
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
For speaking disrespectfully to me or Dh we usually just say something like: " I don't like it when you talk to me like that. I'm going to leave the room now until you can talk to me more nicely." If I cannot leave the room I ask them to leave until they can talk more nicely. I don't ever time a "cool down time". sometimes they need 5 minutes, sometimes they need 5 seconds. So if they are being mean to each other I remove them from the situation, have them talk to each other (the one being hurt tells the other one how s/he feels being treated that way) and then ask if they need some time apart. If so, they separate for whatever amount of time they need. This seems to work. Dr. Sears book also suggest that "Tommy" put on "Jimmy's" hat. Jimmy would then roll play and say the mean things Tommy was saying to him so Tommy could tell how he felt. Of course Mom is there to make sure it doesn't turn into a real fight and to talk about how it's not good to hear each other. The consequence for running sounds good to me. If they buck the couch, perhaps let them choose a 'cool down" place. DS2 will often choose his bed, whereas DS1 likes Dads chair and DD likes the couch. HTH a little. Sometimes it can be so hard to come up w/ family rules and consequences. I've been working on GBD for 2 years and still have a hard time w/ it.
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~ Becca ~ Wife to C., WFHM, Life long learner Living in "organized chaos" with 2 handfuls of kiddos. DS1(21), DS2(20), BD1(20), DD1(19), BS1(17), DS3(16), BS2(14), DD2(14), BD2(10), BD3 (8) (B = Bonus/Step) |
11-28-2007, 05:08 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25,657
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
I'd like to hear the answers as well
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Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5). |
11-28-2007, 05:21 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Finding the Good
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 12,816
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
We have to have house rules for our foster parenting paperwork, so I think I'm going to sub to this thread. Right now we don't have any hard and fast house rules beyond "you hit/you sit"
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11-28-2007, 05:24 PM | #5 |
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
I think it's really situation dependent. To address a toddler running in the house, I'd use redirection and offering other physical outlets. For an 8yo, it's going to be a reminder to stop and why (the potential natural consequences of people or things getting hurt or broken). Further activity by the toddler is more redirection, further activity by the 8yo is a choice to find a sitting activity inside or scoot out the door.
The same basic answers would apply to being violent with others. Disobeying would usually result in goyb/make it happen for any age. Speaking disrespectfully in a little guy would result in role play, modeling, and reminders. An older child would have a choice - speak respectfully or go away, basically. I hope that is a little bit helpful. |
11-28-2007, 06:02 PM | #6 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
You're still using the word "consequences" in a slightly punitive way What I would encourage you to do is consider each of those things a mess that your child needs to clean up and ask yourself how they can clean it up. For example, if a child runs in the house when it's a stated and known rule not to I'd have them go back to the start and walk the walk. Talking rudely is cleaned up by making amends and speaking respectfully.
What do you want to TEACH?
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11-28-2007, 07:37 PM | #7 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 5,404
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
You could ask them "Are you supposed to be doing that?" or "Why?" and put it back on them for the answers so you aren't talking at them but with them. |
11-28-2007, 07:55 PM | #8 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 24,062
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
For disrespectful speech I'll often have ds try again and I'll give him a script if he seems unsure of how to rephrase. We have a "gentle words" expectation that I will remind him of sometimes.
Hitting really bothers me. Ds 4 is doing this more lately. He has to make amends or apologize, whether he was mad or just acting crazy and accidentally smacked me. That's our "gentle hands" expectation. We still do a good deal of playful parenting and helping to make sure he does what he's asked, but we have seen improvements. He likes choices too, so we'll tell him he can do what needs to be done this way or that way (for example the toys can roll into the box or they can jump in--ds can pick). I guess the consequence for not doing something when asked is that he gets help to do it or the task gets done less quickly, etc but it still has to be done. I'm not sure how that looks at different at ages though.
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Mom of 3
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11-28-2007, 09:10 PM | #9 | ||
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
Quote:
Quote:
__________________
aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
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11-28-2007, 09:20 PM | #10 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 18,256
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
IRT your post right above mine, when mine are acting wild, I send them outside. I do not care how the weather is. They just need to go outdoors.
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A, Mother of Dancing Diva, 21 Boy Wonder 19, Mr. Cool 15, and Ninja 13 Sunshine, 11, and 8 year old Joy
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11-28-2007, 10:06 PM | #11 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
Quote:
__________________
aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
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11-28-2007, 10:24 PM | #12 | ||
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 18,256
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
Quote:
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A, Mother of Dancing Diva, 21 Boy Wonder 19, Mr. Cool 15, and Ninja 13 Sunshine, 11, and 8 year old Joy
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11-28-2007, 10:55 PM | #13 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Re: List of family rules and consequences
we did apartment living with children and, tbh, you just have to create opportunities. You can get little climbers that fit in a room; we insisted they jump on the bed ; wrestling with daddy when he got home was a daily event; and we went to the park whenever we could. It is definitely a tough situation, but they don't stop being children just because of where we live
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