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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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06-05-2012, 11:39 AM | #1 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: May 2011
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 506
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Out of the closet on no spanking...
I am in choir at my church and as we were all waiting backstage on Sunday to come out, somehow the topic of parenting came up and a fellow mommy, who also happens to be the lead female worship leader and who is also very much pro-spanking, asked me in front of everyone if we spank. I think she was expecting me to say yes, but when I said no she played it off pretty well. I could feel the stares from around the room...and just wanted to disappear.
I've never been asked straight out before, nor have I offered that information to anyone except for some rare one-on-one cases where I felt it would be well-received. When we got home I told DH that now everyone is going to know and that we might be excommunicated *sarcasm* and his response was "Good! I'm glad they know now." I'm so thankful for a husband that is on the same page with how we raise our kids, but I don't know how he can NOT care what people think. I wish I could be more like that. Anyway, now DH wants us to make a list of our reasoning as to why we do not believe in spanking so he can have an answer ready if anyone brings it up.
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INxJ Type 4/2 Wife to DH since 2003 Homeschooling Mama to Munchkin #1 (M) - Sept/05, and Munchkin #2 (A) - Nov/10 |
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06-05-2012, 11:42 AM | #2 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Among the tall straight pines of the coastal plain.
Posts: 5,797
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
Your dh sounds great!
(I mean that in a non-creepy way) So, what are your reasons? |
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06-05-2012, 11:46 AM | #3 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Atlantic Canada
Posts: 713
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How awesome that your DH is so on board. Mine is as well. Doesn't it just make you shake your head though that *you* are the weird one because you don't hit your children? It's like we're living in some sort of backwards land or something. I just can't get over it.
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I'm Amy~ Wife to my geek, mama to my 2 boys, Sweet P & Me-meek & my brand new sweet girlie, Ruby |
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06-05-2012, 12:15 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
INFP...Don't mind me!
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,601
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
for your DH (and you )!
Really, I think having a list of reasons is a great idea. Are you looking for help compiling some, or are you just sharing (which is totally awesome BTW )? I have to say...that was a rather rude thing for that lady to come out and ask you in front of everyone. But I'm not a fan of being put on the spot at all...so that may be where that's coming from.
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Story "Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge the wounded.
What if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines, and loved like You did?" ~Casting Crowns |
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06-05-2012, 12:41 PM | #5 |
Rose Garden
That's not grey in my hair, it's glitter growing from my head. Duh. (formerly of the sstarcake variety)
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: The Northeast
Posts: 3,929
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
That's awesome! I'm jealous that your husband is in agreement w/ you on the no spanking thing.
I'd be interested in reading a list of reasons
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Sara, Duchess of New Awesomeville, married to my soul mate for 13 years now, and The Minions: Punky Peanut Stinker two we never got to hold and one due in May 2015 "I reject your reality, and substitute my own!". ~Mythbusters |
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06-05-2012, 12:53 PM | #6 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,673
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
After the fall out was finished, coming out of the no spanking closet was sooooo awesome. People say stuff to me now, and its so much easier to just disengage. I hope it goes smoothly for you. |
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06-05-2012, 01:18 PM | #7 |
Rose Garden
a little Attachment Parenting will fix that
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,981
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
yes..be so thankful ..
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Gently mothering 5 babes one day at a time, only by the help of my Lord - ages 11,6,5, 4, & 2 Nonviolence is not sterile passivity, but a powerful moral force which makes for social transformation.ISFP |
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06-05-2012, 01:55 PM | #8 | |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,857
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
Quote:
You might find this Letter to a Pastor About Spanking helpful.
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06-05-2012, 02:49 PM | #9 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 5,745
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
That seems really odd that she asked you outright . I think it's great that you and your hubby are united! You guys will be a great example to the other parents .
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06-05-2012, 02:59 PM | #10 |
Deactivated
Hi ! I'm Myrtle. I like to pretend I'm an R.O.U.S.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: under the cat
Posts: 17,112
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
Once I stepped up and admitted we don't spank , it became easier each time.
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06-05-2012, 04:47 PM | #11 |
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I am no man!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: KS
Posts: 26,727
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
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06-05-2012, 05:01 PM | #12 |
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
I haven't had this issue about spanking, but something very similar happened about TV a couple of years ago. I was at a playdate through a moms group, so I kind of knew the other moms but not really, and near the beginning another mom asked me directly if I ever let my son watch TV. I don't, so I said so, although I wouldn't bring it up because I know it can be so emotional.
Throughout the WHOLE rest of the playdate, the other moms kept bringing it up, and how useful they thought certain videos could be, or how they used to say "no TV" but then they realized that was unreasonable, or how I could only do it because I had one child, and as a mother of 3 there was no way..... on and on and on. If it had just been one conversation, I would have left, but it just kept being a sentence here or there peppered in. I felt very cornered. What helped me, and I hope could help you, is realizing that they are only so defensive about it because they had doubts that they were right. My being different brought up fears that they were wrong, so they had to reiterate their position over and over, and list all their reasons. It wasn't really for me, it was for themselves; I just happened to be the catalyst. |
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06-05-2012, 06:38 PM | #13 |
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Hi ! I'm Myrtle. I like to pretend I'm an R.O.U.S.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: under the cat
Posts: 17,112
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
I , too , have been the catalyst for several alternative things I do.
It helps when your kids grow to teenagers and a whole 'nother set of brand new parents find out you stopped/didn't spank(ing). "But your kids are so nice , so well behaved..." The proof really is in the pudding. |
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06-05-2012, 06:44 PM | #14 |
Rose Garden
Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: catching up on the laundry
Posts: 41,294
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
It's easier to be "outed" when you have older kids
I kept quiet when they were small, because you can't spank a 3yo out of being 3 no matter how much relatives ALL just KNOW you can.
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allisonintx Wife to Stephen Mother to Elizabeth 19, Andrew 17, Abigail 14 & Evelyn 12 Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home. . . . . . . . |
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06-05-2012, 07:17 PM | #15 | |
Rose Garden
"You are on the path...exactly where you are meant to be."
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seeking Simplicity
Posts: 12,684
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Re: Out of the closet on no spanking...
Quote:
It's nice to think that I'll probably be more comfortable being more vocal about our parenting as my children get older
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Barefooting through life with dh (2003), dd1 (11/05), dd2 (7/07), dd3 (11/09), and ds (8/13). Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any views or opinions presented in the above posts are solely those of BarefootBetsy, the GCM member, and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of anyone else in the entire world. |
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