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Old 08-29-2022, 05:33 AM   #16
HomeWithMyBabies
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
I think the general public is moving away from hitting and emotionally hurting children but a segment (not sure how big) of American Christianity is digging in, hard.
Based on interactions I've had I can understand why they're digging in. I don't believe I can get into it here but I can probably sum it up as reactive.

---------- Post added at 08:33 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:32 AM ----------

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Originally Posted by Singingmom View Post
My dh was not going to read parenting books. I read them and we talked about what I had learned and what we felt about it. But he didnít have the attitude that he didnít need to learn. He just wasnít a reader.
Same here.
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Old 08-31-2022, 07:48 AM   #17
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

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Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
It's a good question, what do people mean when they call Gentle Parenting ungodly. I will say there is a resurgence of neo-Calvinism (which is different in many ways from traditional Calvinism) and it's very strict and legalistic. Strict gender essentialism, strict parenting, strict views on many things. Matt Chander joked that when his kids were little family devotions often included the kids getting a beating (and his interviewer laughed).


I think the general public is moving away from hitting and emotionally hurting children but a segment (not sure how big) of American Christianity is digging in, hard.
This I have found very true. I'm Reformed, not sure I'm hardcore Calvinist, there seems to be a difference I'm trying to work out, but I'm the only gentle parent I know who holds this view of scripture etc. I was following a lot of the Calvinists on twitter, and I'm so disappointed. They first of all have a skewed Idea of gentle parenting and dig in their heels that their idea of it is the only right one therefore making GP always wrong, they also have high expectations of children that are developmentally inappropriate most of the time.
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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

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Old 08-31-2022, 01:42 PM   #18
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

People I know who are against gentle parenting have a very limited view of what it is and don't really understand the philosophy. They also tend to be people who believe 'the culture' (American culture, presumably) is going downhill and becoming ungodly, and this fits their preconceptions. They latch on to half an idea that sounds crazy to them and use it as a rhetorical device. For example, they will listen to a parenting expert trying to say that we should use positive instructions instead of negative (gentle hands rather than don't hit) because little children's brains can't process negatives as easily. Rather than being able or willing to try to comprehend, they'll rant about how crazy it is that now we are supposed to be positive all the time and never tell our kids no, and how it's a sign of the crazy, woke, ungodly times we're living in. I haven't found there's much point in trying to help them understand gentle parenting, since it's not really about parenting at all.

However, I have had some influence with some younger parents by encouraging them. I try to help them trust God more and be less anxious, angry, and reactive through gentle, loving, commiserative words of encouragement. They are mostly not ready to fully embrace gentle parenting, but they become more open to hearing about things like age-appropriate expectations.
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Old 09-06-2022, 11:20 AM   #19
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

This is an interesting thread!


What does it mean exactly when someone is "winging it"? It must be an idiom of some kind but I have not heard it before.
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Old 09-06-2022, 11:51 AM   #20
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

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Originally Posted by MariJo7 View Post
This is an interesting thread!


What does it mean exactly when someone is "winging it"? It must be an idiom of some kind but I have not heard it before.
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Old 09-07-2022, 11:48 AM   #21
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

I see. Thanks!
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Old 09-09-2022, 10:35 AM   #22
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

I remember realllly struggling with the concept of Gentle Parenting vs. what I had learned was Godly parenting. It took a lot for me to shift my mindset. I was raised in a very "spare the rod/spoil the child" background and everyone I knew was the same way. You spanked to save their souls! It never sat well with me and I found GCM by researching other options. I can't imagine this idea of "winging it" during parenting.
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Old 10-07-2022, 08:54 PM   #23
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

I thought gentle discipline was about as far from Godly as you could get because all I ever saw on it was taking children seriously and the natural child project. The stuff I read was so unreasonable that I thought it was satire at first. No one seriously thinks that adults should wear diapers to avoid taking their children into a public restroom since the children dislike the noises. No one really thought that you should avoid all meal preparation if your eighteen month old was upset because you weren't playing with him. (Now that I see that written out, I really missed a great excuse to not cook). Or never driving so that your infant didn't cry.
I also think there is a two fold reason for the push back in Christian circles that we see. The first I think is that it is seen as a referendum on them personally or at the very least their parents. Parenting and family of origin always has so much emotion wrapped up in it, it's really hard to see objectively.
I think the other reason is money. There is a lot of money to made writing books, speaking at conventions and teaching classes. Not to mention there is a lot of ego tied up in it as well. Gentle parenting really throws a wrench in the works by saying get to know your child and follow their lead. Listen to them when they speak and ask them questions that let you see where they are coming from. Your relationship will be the backbone of the way you discipline, so make it sure it's a positive one.
It doesn't look like you set limits when you give your children information and let them decide what to do, even if they don't make a good choice. It doesn't look like you have rules when you don't really punish them for breaking something. Or if you offer a pleasant alternative to bad behavior.
I can still remember when my niece assured her little brother that he could do pretty much anything at Aunt Rita's house because there are no rules here. Before I could say anything, my other nephew spoke up and said it's awesome here, no one ever gets in trouble. She just talks to you and helps you fix the problem. My daughter is still trying to figure out why they would think there aren't rules here. I think that for so many people the explanations of why we do things instead of saying this is the rule seems like we're trying to be friends or cool parents. Personally, I want my kids to understand the point of the rule, so I say we don't eat all over the house because we don't want to share our house with bugs or worse. It makes them a lot more careful of crumbs and spills because they know the why.
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Old 10-08-2022, 01:32 PM   #24
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Default Re: Parenting gently as Christians

May I share a few of your statements with my dd who is giving a speech on this topic? You phrased some things really well!


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