I love my church but...

We moved here about 2 years ago. It tooks us a while but we finally found a church we loved. I love people, the services are great but....... The more I hang out with these ladies I can tell that I am a minority. The all spank their kids(all of them) the even discuss spanking their kids with joy. I am disgusted, I was even told that they hold seminars about spanking and discipline. I don't know whose method but I don't support this in anyway. I have even had a few of them talk to me about my choices.......... I am usually prepared to support my views but when you have a whole church of women who support this I am out numbered. HELP HELP

[Hilary316]

Yes, same here. I am in the South and I would say this is probably the spank capital of the world! I have never met another mama IRL that doesnt spank. I have a friend who lived in MD who doesnt spank, and we chat through FB, but that's it. Im almost afraid to mention that we dont spank because I can just see the weird looks I'd get and the lecturing and all that mess how Im not being a "good Christian" by not spanking... Plus, I just know they'd start watching my child that much more closely just waiting for her/me to mess up.. KWIM?

Ahh, the stress!

[Chaos Coordinator]

Originally Posted by Hilary316

Yes, same here. I am in the South and I would say this is probably the spank capital of the world! I have never met another mama IRL that doesnt spank. I have a friend who lived in MD who doesnt spank, and we chat through FB, but that's it. Im almost afraid to mention that we dont spank because I can just see the weird looks I'd get and the lecturing and all that mess how Im not being a "good Christian" by not spanking... Plus, I just know they'd start watching my child that much more closely just waiting for her/me to mess up.. KWIM?

Ahh, the stress!

we left the last church partly because after the AP and new nursery gal discovered i dont spank, they were EXTRA punitive to my son, and my sunday school class was pulled out from underneath me.

sorry just venting.

I really hate it. I really dont want to go looking again ( I hate church shopping). M children love the church, we had to leave early and they cried. It usually comes out in coversation at functions. Why must we discuss childrearing at every meeting?

[nanookmama]

Originally Posted by 3jays

Why must we discuss childrearing at every meeting?

Because that's what a GOOD Christian women does. She gets married, has a baby, spanks the baby, and talks (brags) about it at every.single.get together. It's a rite of passage.

I think there's something vaguely competitive about punitive discipline in churches too. When a church pushes the agenda, the moms seem to want to outdo each other by doing it 'best'. Maybe that's how the mom's keep up with the Jones' without being materialistic.

Or maybe I'm being extra cynical today. But that's exactly why I've quit spending time with women at church. Non-Christians (or at least the non-churched) are much more accepting of my religion than religious people are of my decision not to spank, CIO, etc.

[canadiyank]

I'm sorry. That's so frustrating.

Originally Posted by nanookmama

Because that's what a GOOD Christian women does. She gets married, has a baby, spanks the baby, and talks (brags) about it at every.single.get together. It's a rite of passage.

I think there's something vaguely competitive about punitive discipline in churches too. When a church pushes the agenda, the moms seem to want to outdo each other by doing it 'best'. Maybe that's how the mom's keep up with the Jones' without being materialistic.

Or maybe I'm being extra cynical today. But that's exactly why I've quit spending time with women at church. Non-Christians (or at least the non-churched) are much more accepting of my religion than religious people are of my decision not to spank, CIO, etc.

So much truth in this. This is why I say, and I am not the first to say it, I would rather be the only Christian in a group of gentle parents than the only gentle momma in a group of Christians.

It might be hard to find any church that has what you are looking for.
Maybe some of those other mommas are watching (and learning) how you are doing things and might want to change.

[katiekind]

What a disappointment, right when you would like to be forming bonds of friendship and support within a new church. And overall, you like the church! I can imagine how sad you must feel to discover the women don't share one of your core values, and in fact seem determined to promote an opposite core value.

It is easy for me to say, "change the subject" and "try to enjoy these new friends on other levels." That may not be possible if these ladies have chosen this as a very important core topic that they are bonding over.

Do you think God has you there for a reason, possibly? Or do you think it is wiser to avoid meetings where these topics tend to come up and minimize your exposure to that kind of thinking?

[chasingbutterflies]

Originally Posted by Karen

So much truth in this. This is why I say, and I am not the first to say it, I would rather be the only Christian in a group of gentle parents than the only gentle momma in a group of Christians.

this has, unfortunately, been my experience too.

I'm really sorry, 3jays. Do you think this is one of those topics that if you 'bean dip' enough on, they will finally decide to leave you alone? or do you think it runs deeper than that?

[Victorious]

I think there's something vaguely competitive about punitive discipline in churches too. When a church pushes the agenda, the moms seem to want to outdo each other by doing it 'best'. Maybe that's how the mom's keep up with the Jones' without being materialistic.

This is a really good point. I once ran into a friend at the park who was with her church's playgroup. The oddest thing happened; there was like a time-out/spanking competition going on I probably would have never noticed had I not been a member of a secular playgroup and had never seen the same dynamic there at all.

[raining_kisses]

i didnt read the pp's but i wanted to say i couldnt go to a church like that. well, i could if God told me too i guess. but it would be very hard. sounds tough

[Desert Rose]

This is why I say, and I am not the first to say it, I would rather be the only Christian in a group of gentle parents than the only gentle momma in a group of Christians.

You know, I used to feel that way...and then I realized I have more in common with my sisters in Christ than with unbelievers.

[CelticJourney]

First, know that you are not alone. I can't think of many here who have not visited or fellowshipped in a church where they were 'the only ones'.

The best advice I can give you is that you have to make a decision. Sit down with your dh and pray about the overall situation. Do you feel specifically called to stay in this church or do you stay because x, y, z (it's close, it has 'programs', whatever). If you are called to stay, are you called to stay and 'endure' or called to stay and 'fight'. There is no right answer to these questions, only you and your dh can know what is right for you. It is possible you were put there for a specific purpose. It is also possible the God is allowing you to see some pretty big issues with continuing fellowship there and you are called to seek a new church home.

Seeking God's will for this situation is the only way to have peace, whether He tells you to stay and fight, stay and be still or move on to something else He has prepared for you.

Thanks for the support and advice. I never realize how mentally taxing it was until I was pondering spanking my son for acting his age. We are praying!!!